Single Female (frustrated)

[Sexygirltina]

OK here goes. I've been in and out of the lifestyle for the last two years. I came in with a couple and spent a year with them before things went downhill quickly. I've had some time to sit back and reflect and do the single female thing and have decided that while I enjoy being a single female I would still like to attend swing events. I have found that it is a bit of a challenge to attend swing events as a single because a few individuals assume that because I am single I am a walking buffet. To that end I have placed to personals looking for a swing partner or a swing couple to attend these events with and for fun before and after. After a month of doing the e-mail thing and a few meetings I seem to only meet or talk to people who are either afraid of the clubs or who say that they can't get babysitters long enough to go to the clubs. Can someone please tell me what I am doing wrong here? I am at a loss I always thought that a string free arrangement with a once or twice a month time committment would be ideal and that going to the clubs knowing that you were going have your cake and eat it to would be ideal. But it has been like looking for a needle in a haystack

[Dave_kat]

Not all couples are truly into the club scene. It takes a lot of nerve to go to one, not knowing people there and all. We know our first time was quite intimidating, and we're both a bit exhibitionistic.

Additionally, something we've noticed is that not all the couples online either are seriously interested in the lifestyle (for example, see how many post in here about the problems of meeting with people from online, we ourselves meet more at a gay nightclub than from online)

Perhaps your best bet is to perhaps go to a club and maybe find a couple you like and latch onto them? If things work out for you that way, then maybe suggesting the kind of relationship you desire and seeing where that goes?

In any event, if it still doesn't work, come down to Ga, we'll be more than happy to take you to a club in Atlanta or to one of the house parties around here

[jcbicouple]

Do you contact the couples or wait for them to contact you? The reason we ask is because we very, very, rarely contact single females on the internet. We figure they get bombarded enough by guys and other couples so we leave most of our female meetings to chance. Maybe if you are letting them contact you; You should consider making the first move on some profiles that sound promising.

[EternallySingle]

Well, I think your best bet is to make the six hour drive to meet me. We can share a cup of coffee... never mind

Really, I've read your profile and think you'd do better writing couples and a VERY FEW guys and try to get to know them. What you're looking for (like most single women in this lifestyle) is so specific most people are either going to pass you by or totally ignore what you've written and try to get you to see where you should meet them despite the fact they aren't what you want. I'm not saying to loosen up on your requirements, but you probably have to take a more proactive approach.

Either way, its only a six hour drive from Rochester to where I live. And I know where all the good stables are. LOL

[dancers]

mr. here
I must agree with EternallySingle. Consider this:

• he's very inteligent (read some of his posts)
• he has very positive attitude
• he seems to be english-style gentleman (with a "kink")
• he's smiling on his picture

...so if you want a a great swing partner - it's only 6 hours drive.

[CB_n_Red]

Originally Posted by dancers

titude[*]he seems to be english-style gentleman (with a "kink")

I think most of us English-style gentlemen have a kink... or three

CB

[SexhoundDog]

SexyGirlTina,
Although I can't qualify as a swinger, I'll offer my take on your profile anyway. First off, your picture is very nice and you appear to be quite a fox . . . so that ain't it. It certainly got Eternally Single's motor running, there's testosterone splattered all over his reply! And as a single female, you are no doubt the "holy grail" as some folks use that term.

As Eternally said, it appears your profile might be too specific, although to coin your phrase, you aren't interested in being a "walking buffet" which I totally understand. Your profile indicates you like petite blonde BBW's. (I thought BBW stood for Big Beautiful Women, am I wrong here??). I don't want to sound potentially racist, keep in mind I'm a white guy and I'd be seen with you anywhere, but your profile doesn't indicate if you're OK playing with non-black males or not. Since most marriages probably aren't interracial, in order to get to play with that petite blond, she'll have to be bi and hubby will probably want some play time with you both as well.

And it could just be that you've been out of the action for awhile and shortly you will be flooded with action. Judging from your picture, I'm betting on it! facelick And I'll also bet that the seasoned pros will soon be offering up their advice too.

[Michael 12]

and if you ever find yourself in Sacramento...

[JustAskJulie]

Hi Tina, Welcome to the board. I feel for you. When I went from couple to single status I spent some time trying to figure out where I fit in and tried swinging as a single female and I found the same thing you did.... but not always.

I'm not sure how you are approaching these couples, but if it's just with "hey wanna let me tag along to the clubs with you" then that might be the problem. There are so many couples looking for single females that I would think you'd be able to find more than a few that would be interested in you. I don't know if it's that they aren't interested or if it's just that the ones you are finding really don't do clubs.

What I would suggest is to contact the clubs directly and ask them if they can put you in touch with a sponsor couple or two that wouldn't mind letting you attend the club with them or meeting them there. Someone that can kinda be your security blanket at least until you've been going enough to feel comfortable on your own.

I can say that the one event I attended as a single female and had a fabulous time at was largely due to a two couples from this board that played babysitter for me for the whole weekend and made sure that I was having a good time and not sitting around lonely or getting unwantenly molested.

So you may find that if you make yourself comfy around here you might just meet the couples you are looking for.

[jcbicouple]

Sexygirltina, Did you just update your profile? We hadn't looked at it before, but just did, and it appeared to be very well written. Not overly specific, but still let others know your interests.
Too bad you're so far away! You sound like someone we would enjoy having join us at the club (although not your prefered BBW; there are several at the clubs that we're sure would be happy to entertain as well.). Hang in there! You're bound to find people you will enjoy.

[EternallySingle]

Thanks for all the good words, but I'm not the guy she's looking for. I don't like clubs anymore and it would take a free admission and an unsolicited hand written invitation (which probably won't happen anytime too soon) to get me to go to any of the clubs in my area. Maybe when I can travel again I'll try some of the clubs in New York, Canada, and out west in Oregon and California, but I'd rather go to a road house and shoot pool than go to a swing club here in the midwest. The ones I've tried to attend were too standoffish towards single men for me to feel comfortable, and I wasn't going to spend the money and time going back until they weren't so wary of me.

But thats just me. I like to feel welcome, not impose myself on others.

Well, the boards are different.

[Sexygirltina]

I think that you are all on to something here. I've reworked my profile to be a little less demanding as the items on it were more like a wish list. There was so much e-mail coming in that I had a time to just managing what was in the inbox. But after getting through all of that e-mail I would find that I was right back at the same point of still not having anyone who actually wanted to attend the clubs.
So I've taken EternallySingles advice and sent a few e-mails out to a couple of couples and singles. I am going to try to be proactive here and see if maybe things will work out a bit different. I am hoping that if I actually select people whose profiles do match what I am looking for instead of just replying to people who send me e-mail but who haven't read my profile that things will work out better. I think that as an African-American female I was a little hesistant to send send e-mail to other members as I realize that not everyone is into the multi-cultural kind of thing. But nothing ventured- nothing gained.

Now as to Eternally singles offer: If you lived within NY or PA I would be there with bells on. However six hour drives leave me with a numb derrier. It really is too bad that you don't live in this region because single guys with good attitudes are welcomed wholeheartedly at a couple of the local clubs. One of the clubs actually has a single guys night but while a ton of single guys usually sign up only one or two show up. And those two will gravitate towads each other and not really interact with the rest of the group despite everyone's attempt to engage them in conversation.
Thanks for all of the great advice and I will keep you all posted on how things work out.

Tina

[EternallySingle]

Originally Posted by Sexygirltina

It really is too bad that you dosingle guys night but while a ton of single guys usually sign up only one or two n't live in this region because single guys with good attitudes are welcomed wholeheartedly at a couple of the local clubs. One of the clubs actually has a show up. And those two will gravitate towads each other and not really interact with the rest of the group despite everyone's attempt to engage them in conversation.

Tina

There are clubs there that welcome single men and where the couples actually try to talk to the few single guys but the guys ignore them? hmm...makes me wonder if the guys are there to meet other guys and that the guys looking to meet women and couples don't show up because they think its a gay night. But thats another topic for another thread.

[Buck]

I agree with some of the others in that I've read Eternally Single's posts for a couple of years and I've found him to be sensitive, thoughtful and "brainy." At first glance Sexygirltina, I find you seem to have the same qualities. My idea is for each of you is to meet somewhere in the middle: a three hour drive for each of you and have dinner or something...no strings attached. If that's not possible, just hang in there Sexygirltina, you're a rare gem indeed and will be found!

[twohotblondes]

Sorry to hear..yes it is hard to find nice cpls or singles in your area all the time without doing a long road trip..we live in Toronto does that help?

facelick <EG> Surrender