Married but Single swingers

[LIZA]

What is up with this? every day I seem to get IM's from these guys, emails, etc that are married but are "swinging" on the side, behind the wives back


Often in chat here too, guys who are either trying to talk the wife into it or who say the "swing alone"


This just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. We have had to work hard to have a trustung, open relationship where being with another couple is something we can enjoy without jealousy. These guys who are basically lying to their wives and trying to force themselves on people like me just totally rub me the wrong way

If your wife aint into it, either dont do it , or if it;s a deal breaker for you, split up and join the legions of single men

Anyone else feel this way?

Dito

We even put that in our profile.

We do not play with involved males looking to play alone.

[lcjtsd]

Yes, I agree, the married men who are looking to cheat are not welcome. However, what about the men whose wife knows?

Take us for an example. Because of the kids, there are times that we both can't get away. We do play separately and love joining another couple so they can enjoy their MFM or FMF fun. I know there are some who would say that I (Mr. LCJTSD) am just looking to go out and have some fun. Honestly, the opposite is true. More often than not, it is my wife who is going out to have some fun. As everyone well knows, it is pretty hard to find that single woman to join in. Single men are everywhere.

So yes, we play separately and no, we're not cheating. She knows what I'm doing and with whom, and I know what she's doing. On the times we can goth get away together, we have fun together. This is probably not the norm in the swinging community but it works for us!

[Elusive BiFem]

I'm not certain what you are talking about when mentioning "often guys in chat here, too" but for what it's worth, we have several board members that are married and contribute to the board without their wives knowledge. These are really super, upfront guys and yes, they would like to talk their wives into it or learn how to talk to their wives about it, but they are not attempting to "swing" behind their wives backs. To me, that is something entirely different.

As for guys e-mailing you that they "swing" without their wives knowledge, that is not swinging. Pure and simple cheating...and how they think they can define it as anything other than that is beyond me. Quite frankly, I'd have more respect for a guy that approached me and flat said I want to screw around on my wife rather than the guy that thought I was so stupid that I wouldn't recognize his play on words as B]cheating[/B]. I mean come on...how stupid do they think we are?

- EBF

Yes, I agree, the married men who are looking to cheat are not welcome. However, what about the men whose wife knows?

For us that would still be a

Even if we talked to the woman personaly and she was cool with it. The answer would still be no.

Thats just us. There are plenty of SINGLE males out there to saisfy Mrs naughty so we figure why even expose ourselves to the possible drama.

[good times]

Dito what EBF said, Cheaters are not swingers.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by lcjtsd

Yes, I agree, the married men who are looking to cheat are not welcome. However, what about the men whose wife knows?

That is something you and your wife have worked out between the two of you and if ya'll are OK with it, fine. That isn't cheating. An open marriage, I guess, but I don't know that I would call it swinging. Different people have different reasons for the things they have worked out between the two of them in their marriage.

However, Liza's question and comments were specific to guys that are married but try to convince others they are "swinging" on the side - without wife's knowledge. Different ball of wax altogether, I do believe. No matter how you look at it, that is cheating.

- EBF

[Spoomonkey]

"Partnered singles" are everywhere.

We tend to agree with the Naughtys - real singles are out there, why go drama? For us - if it is a single guy we want, we'll find them. Married or, as we call them, "Partnered" singles are not something we are interested in. Have we - in our club adventures - ever played with a married guy pretending to be single? Not purposely, but I'll admit that our proceedures do have a margin for error. We actually suspect - after the fact - that one of our "friends" was married. But - we only thought of that after discussing some peculiarities...

Unfortunately, there are plenty of married men who think they qualify for the lifestyle simply because they can manage an erection. And I am sure that their persistence will pay off at some point. But not with us.

Spoomonkey

[LIZA]

Thats the thing............There are SO many willing single guys

There are not a lot of guys I would want to play with, I'm pretty picky. But definitely not a married, cheating one. Oh no. And the other thing that KILLS me is the " I have no choice but to do this because my wife stopped having sex with me"

Now, that's a hot come on. Your own wife wont , but for some reason I would want to?? Get a clue

As for the wife knowing................If a couple are seasoned swingers who occasionally play seperate, well thats one thing. But if the wife is just "letting" the husband do it, because of pressure, or to get him off her back, again, no thanks!

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by LIZA

Now, that's a hot come on. Your own wife wont , but for some reason I would want to?? Get a clue

Totally agree... Ever feel like responding, "well - since you put it that way we'd love to wade about in your dysfunction! We'll grab our boots and race on over!"

The thing is - sex is not some great transcendental mystery. It is either

a. very bad (usually because one partner doesn't understand that jumping on and "getting off" isn't exactly the pathway to both parties' pleasure)

b. pretty good (both partners are attentive to each other and the mechanics seemed to work out. This is the most common kind.)

or

c. "hold the handles, Martha! I think we just struck gold!" (honestly, pretty rare in swing experiences. It is the kind of mind-blowing, eye-popping sex I have with my wife. Because I'm incredible? Partially , but mostly because we are soulmate who are connected on a deeper level. With the right play partners, you can get something similar if the chemistry is right, but it is pretty rare.)

After typing this - I am wondering where I was going...

Oh - yeah!

What cracks me up is the pathetic, "try me out. I can make a woman squeal with pleasure all night long." As if that trumps all the rules we may or may not have. Even if it were true, it doesn't change the fact that married men who play behind their partners backs are cheaters, obvioulsy dishonest and therefore not trustworthy and very likely lacking something (be it compassion, kindness, gentleness, a wrap-it-around-your-waist size penis, whatever) that would make things at home at least a little better... In fairness, it could just be they lack the balls to get out of a bad situation...

However, chances are the "I'm am a master oralizer" line is probably not true and it is more likely that even with their very best "a" game they'll like only crack the "b" category above...

I do feel for single men out there. They have a lot to contend with already without all the jerks that give all singles a bad name... But what we have found is that while there are a ton of single guys out there, the good ones are as rare a single females. They are tough to find. There is a LOT of "catch and release" - but you gotta keep fishing... Trophy bass are out there...

Spoomonkey

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

However, chances are the "I'm am a master oralizer" line is probably not true and it is more likely that even with their very best "a" game they'll like only crack the "b" category above...

Spoomonkey

I just had to yank this one out of Spoos pants...I mean, post.

This is just another of those statements I keep running across in profiles sent to us by men, couples too. It never sells me on getting back in touch with them.

Now, those who have read my posts, you know I like to blow my horn about some of my sex-giving attritubes, but put those on my profile, never!!

On this board you can be a bit gawdy and shoot your mouth off. I mean, this board gets to feel like a backyard barbecue and we're all sitting around drinking a cold one giving each other a little sh*t. It's fun.

But when it comes to your swinger profile, it's a first impression, it's important.

These "single men," however they define that, are too often making a bad impression with their profiles, most certainly the cheating ones.

LM

[LadyCleo]

Originally Posted by lcjtsd

Yes, I agree, the married men who are looking to cheat are not welcome. However, what about the men whose wife knows?

Take us for an example. Because of the kids, there are times that we both can't get away. We do play separately and love joining another couple so they can enjoy their MFM or FMF fun. I know there are some who would say that I (Mr. LCJTSD) am just looking to go out and have some fun. Honestly, the opposite is true. More often than not, it is my wife who is going out to have some fun. As everyone well knows, it is pretty hard to find that single woman to join in. Single men are everywhere.

So yes, we play separately and no, we're not cheating. She knows what I'm doing and with whom, and I know what she's doing. On the times we can both get away together, we have fun together. This is probably not the norm in the swinging community but it works for us!

While it may not be the norm, that is how we'd like to operate too. There are just times that one of us cannot get away. We have children and sometimes finding a sitter is impossible. I'm very happy to send my husband along. I know that everyone involved will have a great time and I'm having one too fantasizing about what is happening. In fact, I think I've had a better time than him when he went and I stayed home. I had butterflies in my stomach the whole time. The sex after he came home was spectacular! (Not that it isn't usually! )
To make sure that he isn't treated like a "single guy" or a "cheating husband", it is well planned out and with longtime friends. They know that we are deeply committed and I am the one who keeps us in the "lifestyle". Plus, sometimes it's nice to fulfill those MFM or MMFM fantasies.

LC

[dragon01]

What about the men that are single or not in a relationship at the moment and love to swing ? I have done the swinging before, when I had a steady girl. However, now that I'm single and not in a relationship, what happens with the swinging ?

[LIZA]

Dragon,

You arent hurting anyone if you are single, you are free to whatever you want. There are some coouples looking for single men. But there are more couples who only want other couples and/or couples single women only.

SO you might have a harder time than you did when you were a part of a couple. Nobody is obligated to play with a single guy just because he wants for it to happen