Honesty & Fantasy Fulfillment

[JustAskJulie]

Based on stories you read you often find a couple using another person or couple to fulfill their fantasy. Many times when it is a single guy they are using and it's a fantasy of the guy watching his wife being taken by another man or just having it happen and hearing about it later, you find these couples not being honest to the guy. Many stories come off as the couple is honest with each other but as far as the single guy is concerned he just got an easy lay with a single woman and he's off for more fun elsewhere.

Do you feel that as a couple you have a responsibility to be honest with those you play with about what is going on and what everyone is getting out of this? If you were fulfilling the fantasy above would you feel that it was necessary to tell the single guy "oh I'm married and my hubby is at home waiting to hear the details" or better yet, "Oh yeah, I'm married hubby is in the closet watching everything!".

And single guys, do you feel that you have a right to know the real story that you are just a tool in their fantasy fulfillment, and that what you believe is going on (you picking up some hot single woman) isn't really the truth?

What are your thoughts on this?

We are absolutely up front with everyone we meet. We tell the single males thay are filling the role of "Stunt Cock". Thats it no more no less. When we tell them that they usualy say "I like the way that sounds."

If they are good at bringing Mrs naughty to orgasm they will be invited back but she is not looking for a boyfriend or a replacement for me. Just good hardcore sex!!


And since I like participating just as much as watching I will always be there.

[EternallySingle]

My first week in my new apartment in Tacoma, I hit on a teller my bank that was around the corner. I was just joking. She slipped her home phone number in with my reciept. I called her and we had dinner the next night. The next day she came to my apartment (she had the address and phone number...she worked at the bank) on her lunch break and we had sex. That went on every three days for a month. Then once I called and her husband picked up the phone. It took them another three months for me to trust them again, because I found out that the three times I went to her apartment that:
1...it was a friend's apartment
2...he was filming us with a video camera
3...she told me she was not living with her husband.

Well, she wasn't living with her husband...full time. He was gone three weeks out of every month and she picked up guys, had sex with them, then told him about it later. Sometimes she filmed it.

I've had that happen more often than not, and its one of the reason's I've been so cautious about getting involved in swinging again. I'm basically upfront about what I want, but when the couple wants to play some game and NOT let me know, I feel like the couples not looking for single men say they feel when they get bombarded with messages and come-ons at clubs:As if what I want doesn't matter and that I'm just going to fuck anything because I've put myself out there.

[PLZUREZONE]

I absolutely cannot imagian that senario and not being completely honest about everything. Even if it's a one night thing and he is completely into the female and having sex with her, as far as Im concerned that man has every right to know exactly what he is getting into, and choose from there out if it's somthing he really is wanting...

[jcbicouple]

Originally Posted by PLZUREZONE

I absolutely cannot imagian that senario and not being completely honest about everything. Even if it's a one night thing and he is completely into the female and having sex with her, as far as Im concerned that man has every right to know exactly what he is getting into, and choose from there out if it's somthing he really is wanting...

Dito

and the same in reverse for any single female.

[Spoomonkey]

It's hard to answer this question, since we only play together. I think it is assumed that I am going to watch/participate when I'm standing right there with my pants around my ankles.

Some guys don't get it though... :rollseyes

But - no - I don't think it is really important to tell a guy every detail of your life's kink. Trying to put myself in the mind of a single guy - if a woman walked up to me in a bar and said, "let's go." I wouldn't really need her to read me off the magna carta of her adventures.

In the vanilla world - if a single woman wants to go out, get drunk, get laid and forget the guy existed - all to make herself feel better about her asshole boyfriend - the "unwitting victim" wouldn't likely care. I would think, in the same way, a "stunt cock" doesn't really care about what's going on behind the curtain either.

Granted - if the husband is watching and you don't know - that strikes me as creepy, but I don't think you have to have all your cards lying face up to ante up.

ES's example is different. He was talking about a woman whom he thought he could contact again. But, in the typical Penthouse tale, the guys are "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" type scenarios. I would think all you would have to do is make it clear that this is a "hook up" - live out your fantasy and move on. He's a big boy - he'll get over it

Spoomonkey

[butterfly29]

Honesty is always the best policy..(mom always said that, and it makes so much sense in these situations). As a female myself, and my experience with single males before I was married, I find it hard to believe that any man would oppose to any of the above situations knowing all of the details..

I don't feel one can have great sex without honesty, no matter what the situation

[EternallySingle]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

It's hard to answer this question, since we only play together. I think it is assumed that I am going to watch/participate when I'm standing right there with my pants around my ankles.

Some guys don't get it though... :rollseyes

But - no - I don't think it is really important to tell a guy every detail of your life's kink. Trying to put myself in the mind of a single guy - if a woman walked up to me in a bar and said, "let's go." I wouldn't really need her to read me off the magna carta of her adventures.

In the vanilla world - if a single woman wants to go out, get drunk, get laid and forget the guy existed - all to make herself feel better about her asshole boyfriend - the "unwitting victim" wouldn't likely care. I would think, in the same way, a "stunt cock" doesn't really care about what's going on behind the curtain either.

Granted - if the husband is watching and you don't know - that strikes me as creepy, but I don't think you have to have all your cards lying face up to ante up.

ES's example is different. He was talking about a woman whom he thought he could contact again. But, in the typical Penthouse tale, the guys are "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" type scenarios. I would think all you would have to do is make it clear that this is a "hook up" - live out your fantasy and move on. He's a big boy - he'll get over it

Spoomonkey

I had fun with them once I made MY rules clear. I won't say I became friends with them, but I did get them to escort me to a few swing clubs. I met some friends through them and didn't really see that couple anymore after that, unless I went to the bank on a day that she worked. So, I guess I got over it. Still, its a funny story to my vanilla friends. They cannot believe it happened or that anyone would actually do that.

[JustAskJulie]

[screaminggood]

Whenever I've been with another man, my husband's been sitting right there so the guy has known he was going to watch or participate.

But I do have a lot of fantasies that we haven't done yet, and part of the reason is that I'm not certain how to approach another person with the idea and it still fulfill the fantasy, i.e. submissive situations.

But I'm not giving up on those fantasies so maybe I'll figure it out one night! And for being a very assertive woman in the vanilla world who can flirt with anyone, I still have a tough time SAYING exactly what I'd like.

[TemptressCarole]

I think it is hard to know the right answer because it is based on the situation and the couple. If I am going to bring the guy home and hubby is waiting to watch and/or join in, the single guy needs to know the details. If it is some other fantasy being lived out, then it may not work if you tell the single guy the whole truth. The big thing is to not do anything to hurt the guy emotionally like making him think that there is a future relationship possible. He needs to know it is just a "hook up".

[iapr]

What's the point of being in the lifestyle if you are going to be making up storys and pulling one over on people? We got into the lifestyle so we didn't have to hide our kinks or fantasys anymore. If you are going to lie and sneak my not just be a cheater?

The above scenario with the hidden camera is clearly wrong and anyone would have the right to be pissed about that. In fact I think anyone has the right to pissed if they were misled even if they did get a free piece of poontang out of the deal.

If you are going to be swinger why not just come out and state right up front what it is you want? If some guy objects to the thought of being a "stunt cock" there will be 7,386,730,439,867,300,567,034,703,976,259,305,132, 693 others that will gladly take his place.