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  1. #1
    Previously of MichiganCouple
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    Default Swinging single females

    Julie has experimented with changing the heading of this forum from single males to single swingers.

    I applaud this and would like to initiate some conversation concerning single swingers.

    If you are a single swinger please let us know how you are recieved.

    Almost every party I have gone to (hundreds anyhow), there were at least some single females.

    This board has what I percieve as a cross-section of swingers representing themselves.

    I remember when swinging meant a single guy that got laid a lot.

    Hey that guys a "real swinger".

    The stigma of single females being sluts and guys being sluts with dicks is changing.

    As usual Julie is ahead of the game.

    Single swingers are in fact finding a place in the swinging community.

    I see more single guys bitching about conditions than I do couples.

    It used to be that it was all couples complaining about the horrible single men.

    Now I see single men retalliating because they may be displaced swingers (like me, for instance, I have been in a partner swinging situation for most of my adult years), or they are genuine and resent the way they are treated.

    I see couples on this board more interested in single males that are truly single males.

    I see few clubs nowadays that exclude single males. They may charge them more and screen them more but I agree with that myself. How do you feel about that? I think the single male should pay more and be better screened because it will filter out the scum. Can you imagine if they let single guys in free like they do single females?? LOL....the club would be full of every pervert with a dick in the state!!

    The single swinging females now have a forum to talk too.

    We have heard from the couples, and the single males.

    I would like to hear from swinging single females, as well as single males and couples about the status and acceptance of the swinging single female.

    I know you are out there. Many have joined the board recently. Please tell us your prospective and anyone that has an opinion about swinging single females (besides I WANT ONE LOL), please comment on how the single swinging female can get into the lifestyle without feeling like she is a target with a big bulleseye.

    John, who is gratefully Julie's helper again.

  2. #2
    Here to Stay
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    They are walking bullseyes. Every once in a great while a single fem will come into the club we go to and is swarmed by every single guy, bi fem, and cpl in the place. On the internet swinger sites they get flooded with mail faster than anyone could be expected to read it. If we are ever going to get enough of them into the lifestyle to end this mad dash everytime one peeks in we are going to have to back off alittle and give them some room to breath. No one could expect to become comfortable in a new situation when they are put in the middle of a clasic fumble pile up on the 10 yard line. This is an adult lifestyle act like adults and give new people single or cpls some space and time to adjust. It's no wonder so many people report being scared to death on their first club visit when the regulars go into a feeding frenzy everytime new meat comes through the door. My 2 cents. What does everyone else think?

  3. #3
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    Default Single Males

    Hai

    I am a single male just got into the swinging scene. I t is hard being a single male. It seems so destressing to see that all single females want to swing with couples or other females. And all couples want to swing with other females!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, the single males are left out of evrything........... it is hard.

  4. #4
    Swingers Board Addict FlyBiNiter's Avatar
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    Default a couple's perspective on "swingles"

    Ok.. now let me tell ya the real story.. LOL

    I hear everyone go on and on and on about the search for the "elusive single female" and how hard they are to find. I also hear the single males griping about not being wanted. I don't get it. Where we are, single females are a dime a dozen, but a decent single male is next to impossible to find. Oh, don't get me wrong.. there are lots of guys, but I'm talking about the good ones. At our club, there are lots of single females, and frankly, they are havin a great time. So are the couples who are into the FMF scene. Our first experience (and only so far) was with a single female, because that was the most available option. Our club charges single males more than twice what a couple pays, and I don't blame them for not wanting to pay a huge amount of money for what will probably be a "fruitless" evening. We as a couple would actually prefer a single male for our next encounter, but the ones we've met so far are far too eager to tell me how "hung" they are, when what I really want them to tell me/show me is what a great person they can be, and how understanding/friendly/considerate they can be. As for the walking bullseyes thing, our club must be different, because I have never seen single females treated that way. Never. More often than not, I see the single females approaching the couples, and not the other way around. Sadly for some of us, the single guys are so intimidated that they seem afraid to speak to us unless we approach them first, while on the other hand, I've had to turn down several aggressive single females who were quite frankly TOO forward about wanting to play with a couple.

    <stepping off the soap box>

    Ok, so there's our response, from a couple's point of view. Just my experience/opinion

    :evil:

  5. #5
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    Smile

    We need to move to in next door to you. In our area (we go to clubs in Ohio) the single men often outnumber the cpls and the only single women we see are a cpl of over 40 over 250lbs ladies who sit back and take their pick of desperate cpls. The single men here will drive you crazy. Following you around the club, ask to join over and over, knocking on private room doors, Sitting 10 feet away staring at you without blinking and jacking off. Any time you would like to bring a bus down our way take all of them home you want. We have plenty to spare. Only one of the clubs we have been to has the single men on short leashes so they will behave themselves.

  6. #6
    Swingers Board Addict FlyBiNiter's Avatar
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    Originally posted by kycpl4bifem
    The single men here will drive you crazy. Following you around the club, ask to join over and over, knocking on private room doors, Sitting 10 feet away staring at you without blinking and jacking off.

    At our club, anyone... single or couple... would get thrown out on their ear for that sort of behavior !! Knock on a private room door that's shut, and end up on the street. Ask once to join, get told no, and then ask again, and end up with, at best, a warning that it better not happen again. Staring and jacking off ? Well, single men do not get to go into many areas of our club unless they are escorted there by a lady or a couple, so......

    I guess we're just blessed to have joined a really well run place.

    :evil:

  7. #7
    Previously of MichiganCouple
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    Default

    Clubs need to be run with strict guidelines. I have seen all of the above descriptions of swinging clubs. The ones that are run by true lifestyle members with good business and human instincts don't have the swarm problem.

    Oregon sounds like a very nice state. Very nice...lol.

    I haven't been to any clubs in Florida yet, but I notice that single men are welcome although as I said they are screened very carefully.

    Single females that may be interested in attending a club should find lots to chew on with this thread.

    A single female swinger that is inexperienced must really excersize caution in choosing a club. The good ones will pamper her and not harass her, which is the way any lady should be treated, especially if she is unaccompanied. It isn't like going to the local nightclub. If you are in a mismanaged club and have a sense of dignity you will probably hit the door within ten minutes.

    I would suggest single females really talk to the owners, read reviews (many of which are on Julie's swingers places), and if possible attend with someone on your first few visits.

    One thing that I have noticed with most clubs is that the crowd changes so much from one week to the next.

    One week will be a loud rawdy bunch of revelers, and the next seems to be the mild mannered laid back ex-hippies. One visit to any club can be misleading either way.

    John

  8. #8
    Swingers Board Addict fun_pairTX's Avatar
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    Default Clubs

    The on premise club we frequent is extremely well run, many single females attend for this reason. The guidelines are ironclad and no warnings are issued. Orientation is required for all new guests so there are no items left to question. There is no flocking and the atmosphere although sexually charged is very laid back.
    fun_pairTX

  9. #9
    Swingers Board Addict Brit_Pair's Avatar
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    Default

    Originally posted by kycpl4bifem
    The single men here will drive you crazy. Following you around the club, ask to join over and over, knocking on private room doors, Sitting 10 feet away staring at you without blinking and jacking off.
    It's the fear of encountering exactly that sort of behaviour that means we have no intention of visiting any club on anything but a couples-only night.

  10. #10
    Swingers Board Addict OhioCouple's Avatar
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    Default

    Originally posted by kycpl4bifem
    (we go to clubs in Ohio) the single men often outnumber the cpls and the only single women we see are a cpl of over 40 over 250lbs ladies who sit back and take their pick of desperate cpls. The single men here will drive you crazy. Following you around the club, ask to join over and over, knocking on private room doors, Sitting 10 feet away staring at you without blinking and jacking off.
    We have attended four clubs in Ohio (Dayton, and Columbus), not sure where you have been to, but I think I know of one you may be talking about. We would never attend it again on a night where singles are allowed as everything you described is what we encountered. Due to our experiences we are not club attendees by choice for either meeting people or socializing with friends. The only place we have been where we encountered both single males and females of any quality were at a house party. None of the clubs that we went to had any of quality of either gender on the nights that we went.

    Lori
    Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

  11. #11
    Previously of MichiganCouple
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    Default

    Lori,

    Clubs really vary in clientele. I'm not sure how many you have gone to, but I would check some more out. The ones in Mi varied wildly. There should be some upscale clubs somewhere.

    John.

  12. #12
    Swingers Board Addict OhioCouple's Avatar
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    Default Re: a couple's perspective on "swingles"

    Originally posted by FlyBiNiter
    More often than not, I see the single females approaching the couples, and not the other way around. Sadly for some of us, the single guys are so intimidated that they seem afraid to speak to us unless we approach them first, while on the other hand, I've had to turn down several aggressive single females who were quite frankly TOO forward about wanting to play with a couple.
    Our experiences haven't been exactly like yours, but I do have an incident that I would like to add regarding a single female. It has more to do with what my pereceptions and feelings were as opposed to her actions.

    While at a club one night a very young twenty something who was sitting with a group of couples that didn't seem to be having a good time, struck up a conversation with my husband and over the course of the evening it became a little more on the sexual side. Nothing out of line, not even for a mainstream type club, just some provocativeness and light flirting. Needless to say he was very flattered and in awe by her.

    The rest of this post is based on my perception and maybe it explains how others feel about single men, which is perhaps not any different than I felt about the single woman.

    I felt as though this young lady was #1...way to young to be flirting with my husband. She was very attractive and had the body that I could have only dreamed about at her age. She was intelligent and well spoken. There is no doubt in my mind that we or they could have gone to a room if someone just said the word. The end result of the evening was that I took my husband aside and told him to cool his jets. He didn't question me and we left soon afterwards. Now in actuality this gal did nothing wrong, or nothing that the female half of a "COUPLE" of a young twenty something could have done and been totally accepted without much reservation. Had it been the female half of a couple, I would have been less stressed by the situation as it unfolded, whether or not it led to something sexual with her husband for myself. It took me quite some time to work through what I felt about that evening. While I played upon the fact that she was young and made that my case, there was really a lot more involved.

    A.) She was attractive and intelligent
    B.) There was no opportunity for an equal playing field.
    C.) She was NOT part of a couple .

    The most important thing that I found out about my own feelings was the fact she was not part of a couple, therefore in a round about way it is a perceived threat, warranted or not. I haven't had those same emotions where a couple are concerned. Logically I do know that even couples can pose a threat, but the risks do not seem as great in my mind. I can sluff off certain behaviors from them, whereas the singles I cannot. For my own self, I would much rather for us to be the approacher than the ones being approached, be it male of female.

    Lori
    Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

  13. #13
    Swingers Board Addict fun_pairTX's Avatar
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    Default The described behavior.............

    " Following you around the club, ask to join over and over, knocking on private room doors, Sitting 10 feet away staring at you without blinking and jacking off. "

    I don't know what it is like where you live, but here, this first kind of behavior, "asking repeatedly", would get you permanently bounced from our club. "No Thank You", means never ask again in our lexicon. If a couple wanted to say "maybe later" then the invitation to ask again was left and the subject isn't closed. No always means NO.

    The rest of the antics mentioned would get someone, male or female, escorted out immediately.
    fun_pairTX

  14. #14
    Previously of MichiganCouple
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    Default Re: Re: a couple's perspective on "swingles"

    Originally posted by OhioCouple
    Our experiences haven't been exactly like yours, but I do have an incident that I would like to add regarding a single female. It has more to do with what my pereceptions and feelings were as opposed to her actions.

    While at a club one night a very young twenty something who was sitting with a group of couples that didn't seem to be having a good time, struck up a conversation with my husband and over the course of the evening it became a little more on the sexual side. Nothing out of line, not even for a mainstream type club, just some provocativeness and light flirting. Needless to say he was very flattered and in awe by her.

    The rest of this post is based on my perception and maybe it explains how others feel about single men, which is perhaps not any different than I felt about the single woman.

    I felt as though this young lady was #1...way to young to be flirting with my husband. She was very attractive and had the body that I could have only dreamed about at her age. She was intelligent and well spoken. There is no doubt in my mind that we or they could have gone to a room if someone just said the word. The end result of the evening was that I took my husband aside and told him to cool his jets. He didn't question me and we left soon afterwards. Now in actuality this gal did nothing wrong, or nothing that the female half of a "COUPLE" of a young twenty something could have done and been totally accepted without much reservation. Had it been the female half of a couple, I would have been less stressed by the situation as it unfolded, whether or not it led to something sexual with her husband for myself. It took me quite some time to work through what I felt about that evening. While I played upon the fact that she was young and made that my case, there was really a lot more involved.

    A.) She was attractive and intelligent
    B.) There was no opportunity for an equal playing field.
    C.) She was NOT part of a couple .

    The most important thing that I found out about my own feelings was the fact she was not part of a couple, therefore in a round about way it is a perceived threat, warranted or not. I haven't had those same emotions where a couple are concerned. Logically I do know that even couples can pose a threat, but the risks do not seem as great in my mind. I can sluff off certain behaviors from them, whereas the singles I cannot. For my own self, I would much rather for us to be the approacher than the ones being approached, be it male of female.

    Lori
    Lori,

    You have hit a bunch of nails on the head.

    The single swinger whether male or female needs to be very perceptive of the couple. Some couples are very open minded and seem to have no jealousy whatsoever. Even in the lifestyle these are in the minority.

    You are dealing with an issue that involves intimate involvement with your most important thing in the world (other than children of course), your signifigant other namely.

    Vibrations are not real, not some psuedo psychological extension of a rollings stones song....it was the stones that did good vibrations wasn't it?

    You can pick them up right away at any gathering. I have seen my S/O get real fidgety around some appliance salesperson that is flirtatious to get me to buy a clothes dryer as an example.

    Single swingers need to have an above average ability to sense when they may be threatening the partner of there ambitions.

    I am glad that you used the female swinger as an example because honestly, I have seen that happen more than with single males. Females, even married, sometimes get way too agressive with the male half of a couple, seemingly disregarding the wifes obvious signals. Every female knows the signals.

    Females have an invissible antennae that emits signals that ONLY other females have the frequency response to understand.

    Us poor men have an antennae also but, rather than pick up on important frequencies ours tends to just extend in length to pick up the ones we really want to hear....hehe.

    You and Gene learned a lot from this and maybe part of it is that you are not really ready to indulge in singles for a while.

    I have seen way too much tit for tat create problems with couples.

    When a similar thing happened with (oh who cares the name), my s/o got excited and moved things along. She enjoyed watching this gal give me oral, but when push was coming to shove....she just plain said UH UH. She was not going to watch me screw this chick NO WAY.

    Some of the conversation on this board suggests that the single swinger be outward and friendly and some others feel they should sit on the sidelines and wait to be called into action.

    One of the problems males have is that they think they have to be very flirtatious and outdo any other males that may be in the same territory.

    Female singles just assume that they will get what they want and may tune out the female half, even if unintentionally.

    This is where communication between the swinging couple is so paramount.

    You cannot just say "if the opportunity comes up will we do it?"

    You need to say "if the opportunity comes up will we consider it?"

    There is a huge difference between those two things.

    The latter allows for the fact that one partner may be uncomfortable due to "bad vibrations" for whatever reason.

    It so happens that the female I referred to that my S/O and I were with was extremely gorgeous, but she was gentle and subtly persuading. No where near agressive. I was pleasantly surprised that things went as far as they did under the circumstances. But it came to a point that I just knew deep down that my S/O was getting uncomfy with the whole thing.

    The foxy other said, "can I take him inside me?"...well the answer was a flat NO...but a friendly one.

    She did not have to take me aside though. I could feel that she wasn't gonna be comfortable with it.

    A lot of this is strictly being tuned in with your partner. Discussing the fact that you cannot predict anything. You need to draw boundries but you need to also take unexpected feelings or situations into consideration and watch your partners reactions like a hawk.

    I think I said what I meant to here. Thanks Lori,

    John

  15. #15
    Swingers Board Addict ATAK's Avatar
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    Default Re: Swinging single females

    Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN
    I see few clubs nowadays that exclude single males. They may charge them more and screen them more but I agree with that myself. How do you feel about that? I think the single male should pay more and be better screened because it will filter out the scum. Can you imagine if they let single guys in free like they do single females?? LOL....the club would be full of every pervert with a dick in the state!!
    I agree that everyone, male or female, should be screened very carefully, however, many of us (myself included) are not independantly wealthy and most clubs that do allow single men are now charging upwards of $75-$100 per night to get in. While this would have the effect of warding off most of the scum, it will also ward off people like me who don't have $100 to blow on a cover charge to get into a club where you "might" get noticed or not. I understand the world we live in and I also understand why it is the way it is, but I hate to be discriminated against simply because I swing low and to the left (just because I have a dick). While the ladies either get in free, or at a greatly reduced rate.

    Just my thoughts...
    If you love her, set her free...if she doesn't come back, she's probably with me.

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