Two types of online swingers?

We have been enjoying lifestyle activities for almost a year. In that time I have come to the conclusion there are two types of “participants”. I use the word participant because I am finding this applies to couple and singles.

I would like to preface this by saying I only use SLS, other sites may be different.

The first type would be folks who seem to use SLS for finding parties and if they send messages it’s to meet others to say hello before a party. They rarely arrange first time meets through messaging.

The other type is those who use the site to meet others and arrange dinner and drinks then go from there. They also rarely attend parties.

We have become the first type. Having gotten fed up with the fakes and misleading profiles we find it easier to meet others by attending parties and have the most success making friends through friends. Meeting people through profiles has become so ridiculously useless my profile is now extremely sarcastic.

Am I way off base with my assumptions?

You're probably pretty close.

We are a bit of a hybrid of the two I suppose. We never completely get away from either type, but do move back and forth in our styles.

We know quite a few others that would be a combination of both types as well.

I think you are correct. We find it hard to get from meeting to playing. We have some flaws, as do we all, but we've had a lot of drinks and meals that went nowhere. At a party or event, at least there's multiple couples. I discussed this with a retired salesman at Caliente and he said you have to make a lot of calls to make a sale.

Though another type would be ones that arrange meets at a swing club. We go that way as well as parties. Long ago we gave up on the dinner/drinks approach. Too many "frogs".

We really like meeting people through SDC. However, we have pretty much given up on the meet for drinks or dinner option for a first date. Instead, we arrange to meet at our club or a large meet and greet. We also reach out ahead of time to couples on the guest list and look for them to say hello. If we see them great. If not, no loss. If we meet them and there is no chemistry, we move along. No hard feelings. As long as we keep moving, we almost always end up meeting a couple we like.

First meet is always club only for us too, no matter how good their pics look.

 

The first type would be folks who seem to use SLS for finding parties and if they send messages it’s to meet others to say hello before a party. They rarely arrange first time meets through messaging.

 

The other type is those who use the site to meet others and arrange diner and drinks then go from there. They also rarely attend parties.

 

We are on SLS (5+ months now) and have come to pretty much the same conclusion... We no longer put effort into initial 1x1 meetings (we had about a 50% no-show average when we were trying it). If a couple contacts us we first suggest a party or a meet and greet. If they are not up for that we suggest a night out with others - occasionally we will post a hot date on the calendar for a night out at a dance club (an unofficial small meet and greet). Most have said they like the idea and to please let them know the next time we plan a night out - normally they don't show and it ends up being people we have already met which is fine.

I think we may go back and try that route (meeting new people 1x1) when we get through the bulk of who is local.

Though another type would be ones that arrange meets at a swing club. We go that way as well as parties. Long ago we gave up on the dinner/drinks approach. Too many "frogs".

Frogs?

The thing I love most about this forum is the fact that everyone seems to truly be interested and honest. Maybe it's because there is no picture posting.

I'm glad to know I'm not alone in my perception of things.

Frogs?

"You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince."

We have been enjoying lifestyle activities for almost a year. In that time I have come to the conclusion there are two types of “participants”.

My wife and I, as others have said, employ multiple methods. But the only reason that the hook-up Web site method works at all is that we have learned to read the warning signs that a profile belongs to a prankster or belongs to somebody who is just fishing. It takes quite a while to learn that.

we use SLS primarily, but have given up on "couples". We (well I) got tired of trying to match up 4 personalities. WE do FMF and MFM and it works better for us. Much easier to find and much easier to play, just our opinion.

We have gone both directions on this... When we started out our profile on a swinging site was how me met people. Later on it turned into a massage board for us. We are on the party list and that is how we know what is going on... However on our last trip we did use our membership and aff to find people, and places to play.

I think you are correct, we would do the clubs parties or meet and greets more but unfortunately our area is small and the clubs are a minimum four hours away so that leaves us with web sites and one on one meets, very time consuming. :/

We have even thought about trying to start our own smaller meet and greet nights somewhere here but not sure if there are really that many real players in the area, we mostly come across pic collectors, talkers, and cammers.

Frogs?

From the expression you have to kiss a lot of frogs (to find your prince).

...I have come to the conclusion there are two types of “participants”.....

 

The first type would be folks who seem to use SLS for finding parties and if they send messages it’s to meet others to say hello before a party. They rarely arrange first time meets through messaging.

 

The other type is those who use the site to meet others and arrange diner and drinks then go from there. They also rarely attend parties.

 

We have become the first type. Having gotten fed up with the fakes and misleading profiles we find it easier to meet others by attending parties and have the most success making friends through friends. Meeting people through profiles has become so ridiculously useless my profile is now extremely sarcastic.

 

I think you're pretty correct about your assumption other than that there is one other group that does both. Even though I thoroughly enjoy couple-to-couple dates more than the party/club scene when it comes to pre-playtime (more intimate setting, can hear the other couple talking, more time to get to know the other couple), when it comes to actual playtime, I enjoy the party scene more because of the exhibitionism and potential for orgies/puppy piles. We also don't do the meeting one-on-one with another couple based on profiles because of the likelihood of fakes/flakes/etc. And since we don't go out often right now, the logistics of meeting multiple potential playmates at parties makes more sense for us than to meet one couple one night (with the possibility of it fizzling out) and then a couple of months later, meet a different couple.

I think the entire lifestyle site thing is changing. Several years ago, there seemed to be more people who would meet online and then proceed to meeting in person. Now I think that all the sites, from SLS to AFF and the others are so inundated with fakes, the just-curious crowd, and the bazillion single guys that people don't use them as often. I used to have pretty good luck meeting people from online because I try to send a well-written, polite introduction but now I feel most just automatically hit the ignore button.

I think house parties are the way to go, for those for whom that is an option. Certainly allows you to accomplish in a matter of hours what would take weeks online, in terms of seeing someone physically, making conversation, etc.

'Tis a sad thing that folks get burned out and fed up with the online meeting thing. Yes, there are rude ones and there are flakes. Worse, one has to meet several people before a 'hit' takes place (on average.) It truly is a numbers game. Not everyone is going to have chemistry with everyone they meet. That said, I suggest we not give up on any method of making friends/swing-buddies. Meeting at socials and parties gives more people to interact with, but one-on-one meetings allow more long-term and deeper friendships, if that is acceptable.

Even we Americans can learn that "instant" chemistry is not the norm. Patience, grasshopper, patience. The ones you meet that don't work out still allow you to broaden horizons.