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Thread: Is swinging really worth the drama that comes with it?

  1. #1
    Guest everlast's Avatar

    Post Is swinging really worth the drama that comes with it?

    This is a question for the experienced swingers here.

    My wife and I have been looking into swinging for awhile now, and trying to educate ourselves on the lifestyle. Which I'd have to say has been made much, much easier thanks to this site

    But our question is: Is it all worth it?

    Look at the issues at hand on this site:

    We met with another couple and they broke the rules, this guy didn't use a condom, my wife/husband is jealous, what if our friends/family find out, this guy shagged us and won't call, how do you find a good match etc.. etc..

    In the movies it's all very straight forward; there's a party everybody's happy, a big swap fest takes place and then they do it again.

    But in real life it really seems like swinging is not just a lot of work, but it causes so many people more problems and issues then they had before they started, and its all about sex...

    is it really worth it?

  2. #2


    We haven't done a lot with 'swingers' yet, we have just had a lot of fun with our existing friends. We have had some frustrating drama just like everybody else but we can definitely say that it's worth it. We love exploring and experiencing new people sexually, and we *always* come out of every exprience feeling closer as a couple and feeling proud of our relationship. Sometimes it's the times when there is frustrating drama that we feel the most like our relationship is growing, because normally it's other peoples' drama that we deal with. We haven't created any new problems for ourselves, if anything we are better off now because we intimately see the issues that some couples deal with and we go, "Hmph, wow, glad that we're past THAT kind of crap..."

    Part of our reasoning is that we're both very sexual people. We know that if we tried to have a traditional monogamous relationship that we would both end up cheating. It's not even hypothetical, we know for certain that it would happen. We would rather put the work in up front into dealing with some of the hassles and frustrations of the swinging world, rather than try to put the energy into repairing the fallout of one of us getting caught cheating. We want to truly share our sexuality with each other, and that takes some work, but we do think that it's worth it and we continue to seek out new experiences even though it sometimes leads to trouble.
    i love everybody. you're next.

  3. #3


    It really depends on how you approach swinging. If you want to avoid drama you can for the most part by skipping out on attempting to develop friendships with people and just going to on-premise parties and getting your freak on and leaving.

    There's nothing wrong with that option. Obviously the more people you get involved with and the deeper that involvement goes the more likelihood there is of drama.

    As for personal issues between you and your spouse again that depends on you. The best way to avoid these is to work out in advance what exactly you want and are willing/ready to do and go from there. You may still experience some guilt and/or jealousy as that is normal intially. However, the extreme cases of guilt and jealousy are usually because jumped head first into swinging without asking the questions you are asking now.
    The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

  4. #4


    Originally posted by JustAskJulie:
    It really depends on how you approach swinging. If you want to avoid drama you can for the most part by skipping out on attempting to develop friendships with people and just going to on-premise parties and getting your freak on and leaving.
    This is a great observation.

    Our approach to swinging has been with a series of partners, never forming a deep relationship with any of them, and we have never had a problem worth talking about, in five-plus years. I think we have been pretty good about sensing and avoiding potential trouble, and there has probably been an element of luck involved as well. But I do think that a lot of it is due to the fact that we swing only in situations where nobody has any expectations beyond the moment.

    Anyway, to answer the original question, it has definitely been all positive for us. We got into swinging mainly to open up our relationship, to rid ourselves of jealousy, and to have some memorable thrills along the way, and it has paid off for us on all counts.

    Two big thumbs up here.
    Last edited by JustAskJulie; 06-22-2004 at 08:14 PM. Reason: To fix quotes

  5. #5


    Originally posted by everlast:
    This is a question for the experienced swingers here.

    But our question is: Is it all worth it?
    is it really worth it?
    Damn Right it IS.
    After 22 years of swinging and 33 years of marrage we are still on our honeymoon
    Last edited by JustAskJulie; 06-22-2004 at 08:14 PM. Reason: to fix quote tags

  6. #6


    Is swinging really worth it? For us the answer is a resounding yes. We got into swinging many years ago after a period in our lives where we were cheating on each other to find the sexual variety we were both looking for. After we tested the swinging lifestyle we found that it was exactly what we had been seeking. We could both enjoy other partners together quite openly and without any of the secrecy and furtiveness that came with our separate affairs. Over the years we have made many good friends out of the couples we have met, have discovered many new and different ways to enhance the sexual side of our own relationship, all the while while enjoying a wide range of seuxual partners and experiences.

  7. #7


    Is swinging really worth it? For us it has been more than we ever imagined it would be, and we haven't really gotten up to speed yet.

    A little more than a year ago our sex life had bottomed out. Not that it was ever that great, but after 30+ years together we were obviously bored with each other and had difficulty even discussing s-e-x. Then she got up the courage to suggest that we needed to add a little spark to our sex life. Nothing more definite than that.

    After a search of the web for information about swinging, including this invaluable web site, we decided to give it a try. The result was amazing!!! We immediately started communicating about what we liked and disliked. We both became more passionate and sensual. Sex with others has so far been so-so, but sex with each other has EXPLODED! She found out she was multi-orgasmic and I found out that sex is more fun when it lasts more than 30 seconds. <img border="0" alt="[Smiley_sex]" title="" src="graemlins/smilysex.gif" />

    She still gets jealous whenever a cute younger girl shows interest in me, but she is beginning to realize that she winds up with the young stud that way. It does wonders for our egos, but playing with others never measures up to the "apres swing" sex with each other. <img border="0" alt="[Kissing]" title="" src="graemlins/kissing.gif" />

    Swinging has made us appreciate each other more. It has definitely been worth it -- and continues to be.
    Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy. (Eagles)

  8. #8


    Is it worth it? Yeah. Is it for everyone? No.

    Not every couple is cut out for swinging. IMHO, as a couple, you have to be to a point within your relationship where jealousy isn't an issue, where you both feel good about your bodies, have gotten past the guilt that society and upbringing can instill within you, and you both have to be on the same wave lengths. There are several other lesser issues but those are the main ones that I see within the couples that I know of. Boundries have to bet set and respected. If they can't, it ain't gonna work. Communication is the very most important thing before entering swinging and throughout your and your spouses swinging life (and should be through out a normal couple life, but sadly that isn't always the case). Someone shuts down the communication lines, problems will begin to crop up.

    It takes very special couples to be involved in swinging. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />
    One thing about me is that I'm consistant in my behavior, my thoughts, and my posting. I don't sell out or change for any reason outside of my own self wanting to. What you see is what you get: today, tomorrow and every day after that.

  9. #9


    new at this also but just the short time we have been involved i can say YES this is very much worth it, We are closer then we have been in years. After time a couple becomes in a life style of doing what is confortable to each of them and putting what they think is right for the other person. We have discovered now that we did not know each other as well as we thought and are able to open up to each other better in and out of the bed room. As Far as finding another couple to share our Friendship with we are just starting and sure it will take a while to find a couple that is as Open as we are.


    Stop and smell the roses!

  10. #10
    Guest everlast's Avatar


    Thanks for some insight, it seems like a positive response all around...

    Maybe I should have asked if anyone has had any major regrets with the lifestyle so far?

    (Since your all on a swinging site of course it must be worth it)

  11. #11


    At best it is a crap shoot.

    I feel most women are fairly content in a secure relationship knowing that their husband/boyfriend loves them and that is enough. Women for the most part (In my humble opinion) are happy just thinking about fantasies while men are more prone to act on their fantasies.

    Men also have the 'urge to procreate' gene (which is like a little Devil sitting on our shoulder) and if they love and respect their partner would never in a million years cheat on her. So, it seems to me that Swinging is an honest way for men to get laid and not have to feel guilty.

    Is it all about men getting laid? I think most of it is. A certain percentage of swinging couples are in the lifestyle because of the woman taking the intiative, but not that much. 10% or less?

    So here comes the crap shoot. Husband/Boyfriend needs some different nookie. He suggests swinging to his partner. She say's "Nah" and then he bugs her until she gives in. Now he is ready to get his 'freak on' as Julie would say. LOL

    She is going along to make him happy, but she knows she has a 'get out of jail free card' since she originally said "Nah." She is off the hook if anything goes wrong.

    Now, at this point many things can happen. However I would say generally 2 things happen.

    1. They swing once, feel guilty as hell, have a lousy experience and never do it again. For the rest of thier lives she has ammunition to gun down the husband/boyfriend. You and I both know women never forget nuttin'. Men have to think for a second just to remember if we put underwear on this morning. Hell, we can't even remember our wives birthdays.

    2. They swing once and have a great time. Now they have a new hobby. Whole new avenues of hedonistic pleasure are available and the relationship goes to a new level.

    So, to answer the posters original question, everybody is different and if you go into swinging knowing the consequences then more power to you.

  12. #12


    Originally posted by K2:


    Is it all about men getting laid? I think most of it is. A certain percentage of swinging couples are in the lifestyle because of the woman taking the intiative, but not that much. 10% or less?

    Well count us in the minority then We're doing this because of J's fantasy and desire to be with more than one man. And my desire to see her enjoy herself. She deserves it, plain and simple, for reasons I won't go into here. Certainly, it was me who first took the initiative, but she's right there with me and in the driver's seat.

    It's funny, right now we're starting to get to know another couple via chat (our first.) It's only just now, as the possibilities become more real, that I'm even starting to think about myself.
    Last edited by JustAskJulie; 06-22-2004 at 08:15 PM. Reason: to fix quote tags
    "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain
    All about us...

  13. #13


    We are with Brad & Janet (Rocky Horror ?)on this.
    Fantasy to have 2 men was Jen's. We have had 2 threesomes thus far and I have not "played" with any of the wives (just mine). Of course this was understood up front, as that was our agreement. And that's just fine with me.
    Was it worth it ? Oh yes. Nothing like watching my wife in bliss.

  14. #14


    We are with Brad & Janet (Rocky Horror ?)on this.
    Yep, RHPS, you got it. Just like them, we're newbies (but we learn more every day.)

    Give yourself over, to absolute pleasure...
    Last edited by JustAskJulie; 06-22-2004 at 08:16 PM.
    "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain
    All about us...

  15. #15


    Almost everyone has a hobbie or two AND almost everyone enjoys sex. If we take that as a given, let's look at possibilities.

    1-Husband golfs on Saturdays/wife goes to lunch with girlfriends.

    2-Husband plays poker on Wednesday night/wife plays bunko.

    3-Husband goes fishing all weekend/wife cleans house.

    4-Husband surfs the internet/wife tends flower beds.

    5-Husband & wife go out together to movies. Find place to park, wait in line to buy ticket, sit for two hours next to people they don't know, pay top dollar to eat or drink while listening to wierd interupting conversations around them. Drive home.

    6-Husband & wife go shopping. (maybe fun 'til credit card bill comes next month)

    7-Husband & wife find a fun couple to play with. Husband & wife enjoy anticipation of first meeting. Husband & wife live out fantasies most only dream of. Husband & wife relive best parts of "living fantasy" through memories and conversations later.

    Gee Wally? I will have to think about whether swinging is worth it or not???? Let me get back to you on this after more research...
    M is the male half. J is the lady.

    Invictus means unconquered

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