If They Only Knew

Actually, the theatre "If only..." has become only more fun with every passing year, especially as twice I've played roles which are more suited to my secret identity- one a nympho who gets excited to find 3 men in her bed, and the other a married woman who is willing to run away with her best friend's husband, while her husband stays home with best friend- and yes, the phrase "wife swap" is in the script, and yes, in both shows many were the rehearsal and backstage jokes about how out of character these roles were for me. Right...

Hubby and I take off a weekend each month to go to our local club and have a few days kids free. When putting in my latest request offs with manager, he looked at me and said "I don't know anybody who takes a couple's weekend every month, you guys are probably going to some swingers club." I just looked at him and replied, "So can I have the weekend or no?"

We have had similar experiences with the kinky comments when leaving the kids at grandmas and doing hotels after meet/greets. We were at dinner with vanilla friends a few ago and the vanilla wife is a teacher and started talking about how she has a lesbian set of parents in her class. I had a few drinks and just say..dont knock it till u try it.

The funniest one of all times for us is when we had a super religious conservative couple (who no longer even have sex) staying with us for a month. We'd planned on going to the Halloween party at the local swinger's club, which fell in the middle of the visit. Both of us agreed to bail for the night.

We got a hotel room, made excuses that it was an invite only party, said we were concerned about coming home drunk and stocked up the house with goodies for them. I snuck the 'costumes' out to the car.

As we were saying our good byes the wife said to me "I bet you're going to one of those wife swapping places." Then gave me a strange leer.

I managed to look horrified and said "Oh My! How could you possibly think That??" Then I high tailed it for the door!

An encounter during a previous employment not too long ago reinforced how careful one must sometimes be not to accidently out oneself without thinking.

There was a customer of mine known for employing flirty older women I serviced (no pun intended as much as I thought about the concept ) and a manager in particular I secretly wished was in the LS. I guess that was in the back of my mind the day I went there and she was at the register with another employee of hers and the first thing she said after acknowledging me was "We're gonna swap", before adding "and I'll be right with you". Now I realized afterwards she was simply telling me her employee was going to trade places with her so she could wait on me, but all I know is after hearing her first words all that came reflexively out was "I'd love to". She give me a funny look and quickly realizing what I said and the way I said it, I added take your time and I'd wait for her in the back. We conducted our transaction and I tried very hard to maintain my professionalism after that.

The second wammy was afterwards when my co-worker that day mentioned the women that worked in that particular business and after I mentioned the manager and how I would like to take her home but only if my wife could share. He looked at me and said "So you're one of those?" For the second time I realized I might have said off-the-cuff and without asking him who "one of those" was, I laughed and said that we both know my wife would kill me if I ever did. Since he had once met my wife and was successfully lured into her false sense of "innocence" she projects to vanillas, he agreed and laughed it off as just male fantasy banter. If only he knew how close he was to the truth .

One of my favorite quotes is from an older movie with John Cusack called Grosse Pointe Blank and he's talking to Debi about what he does and Debi responds:

"You were joking! People joke all the time about the horrible things they do, they don't *do* them! It's absurd!"

And it's so true. You can make a joke out of anything you do and if sounds absurd then people will laugh it up. Telling your boss you "would like to take her home but only if my wife could share" is a perfect example of it. Very funny.

Ditto. Love this thread too!

Our is when coworkers and family tell us to take lots of pictures on our vacation. Um... suuuure. Zoom in of the beach. Zoom in of the margarita. If they only knew what was outside the frame.

I recently went to a biker rally (my first) with a family member who has attended many of them. Between the wet t-shirt contest (t-shirts?) and the ladies coming by the camp site and flashing, he remarked that I had probably seen more tits that day than I had in 10 years.

Umm, yeah, right.