Are you "One Night Stand" swingers?

One off meetings is all we are interested in.

I don't understand this business of wanting to care about people and get entrenched in their lives just because you want recreational sex with them.

Sure if you enjoyed the sex and wanted another go, fair play. But I really don't get a lot of the posters who are against the one -off meetings on emotional grounds, unless you are poly. Afterall, it's just sex!

Frankly, I would be turned off by a couple or single wanting to be part of my life. That's what my friends and family are for. To us swinging is about pleasure not emotional attachement.

I don't know about getting involved in someones life but why exactly do you feel you can't be friends with someone you play with without feeling like it has become some kind of poly relationship?

Glad there's enough room in this swinging thing to allow everyone to be happy but that strikes me as you wanting to fuck and go which seems kind of demeaning and like you are using someone. I guess that's what you want and that's fine, but it wouldn't sit well with us.

DBL D said:

Glad there's enough room in this swinging thing to allow everyone to be happy but that strikes me as you wanting to fuck and go which seems kind of demeaning and like you are using someone. I guess that's what you want and that's fine, but it wouldn't sit well with us.

Couldn't agree more! Not that we look for life long ... stand by the beside while I die friends ... but for us it has to be a bit more then a lustful craving. Besides, what a rush when when you have that "vanilla/fudge" party and everyone gets along without expectations.

Besides, the better you know someone, the more intense the experience is and the more comfortable you are letting that person know exactly what it is you enjoy.

They may be great for the thrill, but not so great for safety.

I can turn two ways on this thread. I haven't read the whole thing, but I didn't vote either. I suppose that someday there might be a couple out there that will turn our crank enough that we'd love to spend vanilla time with them, but for right now, we just haven't met that couple.

This isn't to say that we didn't like the couples we've played with and I wouldn't mind playing with any of them again, but I don't want to feel I have to invite them over for a BBQ. I consider them all friends, but not close enough to invite away for a weekend. Well, I take that back. There is one couple that I'd invite away for a weekend.

Just as I wouldn't invite every vanilla friend of mine away for the weekend, I wouldn't do that with my swinger friends either. It all depends on chemistry. There may be some couples that are fun to play with, but I wouldnt want to spend more than just a few hours at a time with them outside of playing.

There are other couples we have met that we enjoy doing vanilla things with, like theatre, concerts, dinner out, etc.

To me swinging friendships are like any other friendships, except for the 'common bond'....

We've become more interested in becoming friends with benefits since we began swinging. Sure, one night stands can be fun and fulfilling but in the long-term it just wasn't satisfying. As has been said before here, they may be fun (but like any other type of one-night stand outside the lifestyle), it does drastically increase the risks. There are a lot of good honest people in the lifestyle but, just like the larger world, there are also a LOT of cheaters, creeps, and fakes. We want to get to know people - what they like, who they are, and what they don't like - and we hope that will lead to better (and freakier) sex.

We don't mind the one night stands with single guys, actually prefer it that way. But we want to be friends with the couples we meet. Luckily, it has worked out relatively will so far :-)

We voted doesn't matter, and to us it really doesn't. If you want to drop trou and get your freak on 10 minutes after we meet and we think your sexy, we are there.

But (I always love the but) Some of the best sex we have ever had in the lifestyle has been with our "friends" those that we can call up and say hey lets go have dinner and maybe go to the club after. They would be the same ones we invite with their kids to our lake place for the weekend for family time. The reason for the great sex is we do know what buttons to push to get them to explode and they know ours, in no way is this poly because we don't "Love" them in that way, we care for them in the same way we care for our vanilla friends.

Here is an example of why friends can be better.

We met a very nice couple at on our web site they were new to swinging and we generally shy away from new people (we figure that we will let someone else deal with any drama). We talked to them on the net, and the phone and they really wanted to meet us in person before they came to an event. When we did meet there was no immediate spark, however they did come to their first event a few weeks later and had a blast, they continued to talk to us online and at the parties for months. These are people that we got to know well over time, and that made us see that they were truly sexy underneath!

We did hook up with them and it was awesome to say the least, the energy that they put out during play is something to behold. We are still friends and we do vanilla stuff with them all the time.

I don't see why anyone would want to just limit themselves to one-nighters or friends with bennies. Why not have the best of both and not put limits on your play time.

As a swinging couple we have a great deal of experience, most have been wonderful, only a couple have been mediocre and luckily only 2 have been awful. We have become very close friends with three couples, a few single guys and a few single gals. I cherish those sexual friendships, but to be honest the great part of swinging is the next morning theyre gone. Whether you move on to the next and invite them back depends on a lot of factors. There's nothing wrong with one night stands in our opinion.

I'm not into looking for one night stands. I feel nervous about the amount of risk that's involved in it. How do you know they're trust-worthy and won't blab all over town? How do you know they're safe, smart, and clean? I'm not knocking people who ARE into one-night stands...it's just not for me. It makes me nervous just thinking about it.

Now...do we have to be bestest buddies? No. But I'd like to know a little about you, what you enjoy doing, and what "kind" of person you are.

The answer to the question of whether one prefers one night stands may be a bit misleading unless the answer is qualified somehow. I suspect that most disappointing dates, in the end, are one night stands, but many one night stands are not a disappointment.

This is an old thread, but it still seems pertinent. We have the best times with couples we met swinging and became friends with. Not to say we have not enjoyed ourselves with people that are not now ' good friends', it's just that for us once you have made friends with another lifestyle couple then all the guards come down and all involved can be completely open with each other. We voted it doesn't matter, but at the same time swingers that have become friends are okay with us.

My personality doesn't allow me to have a one-night stand. I didn't when I was single and dating. It just isn't in me.

The way we meet other couples is at an on-premises club. And if you want to "party" with us, you'll have to get to know us, and us you. Yeah, it takes time. We rarely hook up when we go, by our choice. We love to sit and chat, dance and just socialize and be crazy. Flirtatious kissing, suggestive hugs and touches is a great build up for me. I've been pressured by aggressive couples (especially the man) and I've learned to put it out there: NO! We're into the more low-key couples. I like to get to know them and have some chemistry. That is always a turn on for me.

Luckily where we go, we've developed some great friendships, that do stay at the club. I think because of it, we're always receiving invitations to go to the club owner's home on off nights for more intimate socializing, like games and watching sporting events and afternoon naked swims and various kinds of strip games. I'm much more inclined to hook up with these couples. We're in it for the sexually-charged atmosphere and the adult-themed comradery.

As a matter of fact, I've never seen the more aggressive couples get invited to these non-club casual events. Not putting the one-night standers down because we hang out with those couples too. They just know that it takes time for us. And an aggressive leering handsy man will dry me up in two seconds.

CLITFRIEND said:

You know folks--some people just put the most interesting TMI's on their profiles. I just read one from a single male from another site who put right into his profile "I am looking for couples and females who really don't mind the few and far in-betweens one night stands, since I dont have enough time to commit to any serious relationship!" His words. Not mine. I do have to admit, I have to admire his somewhat honesty.

 

But it made me think of something--there are probably plenty of people--ok--may at least some people--well maybe a few---all right, all right already!!! Maybe just the slim one or two person actually looking for the one night stand. Now here is my question though---How successful do you suppose these individuals are--and would this be something that u would be involved with?

 

And along with this question--maybe this could be a twist--if u attend a swingers party and end up playing with people right at that party--and that was it---would you consider that to be a one night stand you just experience, and in a strange sense--maybe even sought??????

The couple I play with "friends" has been long term...I have had one night stands before "I played with a female at a swing party and have not seen her since". Not that I would not play again but it has not worked out, she had not been to other parties I was at etc.

We don't seek out "one-night'ers", but we're not opposed either. We would much rather have the opportunity to become friends.

I've run into some couples who are looking for one-night stands with solo guys. They want things completely anonymous and don't care about names or anything else as long as you're ready to jump in the sack and please her.

I personally don't mind a one-night stand as long as I know a little something about them first. At least just enough to know that they aren't some sort of psychos who'll do me harm.

Interesting reading... We (my wife and I) always thought of the 'one night stand' as the rush to quantity over quality. While we never were looking for a 'love interest' and friendship wasn't important to a level of encumbrance, we really wanted to have a relationship with other people that met a certain level of mutual admiration. Friendship wasn't out of bounds for that fact either.

We wanted to know and socially really enjoy the people we were hooking up with, because we found that the sex was so much more exciting when we had time to build the anticipation. Having some level of knowledge of your patterns and yes even having a level of affection and interested in them brought greater insight in how to go about building that anticipation level and the heat that goes with it.

We, on more than one occasion, turned down play because we had not had the chance to know the other party well enough to move forward. In some cases we did move forward and did play later, in others we were glad that we didn't.

At the time we got into the lifestyle years ago the term utopian was associated with the style of swinging we participated in. It was parked right between the hit and run style and the 'let's all fall in love' crowd. That was our comfort zone... still is mine today.

I would say we enjoy having a longer term relationship with a couple; hanging at a swing club; going to dinner; spending the day at a winery; and of course the "play time". But if in a situation where we just met a couple and we are attracted to a couple and they us, we are not adverse to playing that evening.

Another thought on this is there's a number of threads on having schedules that match up. We find it difficult to meet up with our longer term friends. 1) If we find someone we would like to play with, we do so as we don't know how long it will be before we can meet again. 2) There are many times where we are free to go out, but none of our regular LS friends are available. It is still fun to find a new couple, either an arranged meeting or a chance meeting at a club.

That being said, we still take some time to get to know couples that we meet. Do we like them; are we compatible from a "rules" point of view. (our main rule is condoms for penetration); Are they looking for the same thing we are (full swap, not tons of FF interaction, if any at all)....

We define "one-night-stand" as having sex with a person or couple that is either planned or spontaneous that's for the sole purpose of having sex one time.

We have a couple about 90 miles from us that we get together with 3 times a year for a one-night-stand. We're not friends really, we like each other and just like having sex with one another and get together when we can. There's no contact between events until it's time to screw again. Neat, clean and VERY effective.

We don't really look for one-nighters but will have one if all agree. We think it adds variety to the variety of swinging.

Trace Ekies said:

We have a couple about 90 miles from us that we get together with 3 times a year for a one-night-stand. We're not friends really, we like each other and just like having sex with one another and get together when we can. There's no contact between events until it's time to screw again. Neat, clean and VERY effective.

Doesn't sound like a 'one' night stand to me... sounds like fairly regular encounter with someone you know.

Call it what you will, but don't see this as a one night stand.

I'll be quite honest, my wife Erin is a beautiful woman and as much as I enjoy watching her please other men, I would rather her not seeing the same men over and over lest she become too attracted to one man. Okay, I know i sound jealous - just don't want to lose her!

The chemistery seems to flow better when I am involved with a sex partner whom I have some knowledge of who she is and some knowledge of exactly how she likes to play. I am more relaxed when I know how to turn her on . Sure one night stands are great but to my liking I like it better the second time around.

BamaRide,

Your are correct that what we have now is technically not a one-night-stand but the original event was just that...gratuitous, no-strings-attached sex with a messy finish with no intent of getting together again.

The regular thing we have now with the couple north of us started as a one-nighter and evolved into something more. We, as a foursome, joke about our one-night-stands and keep it as close to a one-nighter as is possible when you know each other.

By all means... the potential for the first night being a one-nighter is always there! So I know where you're coming from.

Although we have some regular couples or singles that we play with, we have also found the occasional chance meeting followed by an evening of playtime with near strangers to be be a very exciting addition to our swinging lifestyle. We would consider a one night stand as being with a couple or single where you have no plans, or there may be no possibility of ever seeing or playing with them again in the future.

As far as NDN and I, we have a one hit rule. I don't play with anyone but him, but when he plays with another woman or a couple for mfm it's with the understanding that his time with the other person is a one time deal. No exchanging numbers, no dinner dates, no visiting each others homes. It's my way of feeling more secure in my relationship with him knowing that emotional attachments aren't likely to form with anyone else.

I prefer one-nighters but if it develops into more then that's ok too.

Can't say we enjoy or look for the one nighters but sometimes it works out better that way, Sometimes they look and act great until they get what they want and then well as I said it's just better they don't come back.

One night just had one, was are first time finally swinging, and when we set it up I knew it would be the only time we would do it with this man before we even met him, was very comfortable with it. It was a very good mild first time for us and I will swing again just not with same person. Maybe later will be some friends we can swing with more then once, either way dosnt' matter all is fun either way

I don't know. I have to feel a connection with someone before I do anything with them. I've never had a one night stand as a vanilla single lady nor do I intend to as a swinger.

Some friendships have developed. But, in general we prefer one-nighters. Part of the excitement of swinging for me, is meeting a new person to ... get to know

But then, there is also a lot to be said for the idea that you are better able to please someone you know a little bit too...

Mrs. H and I have come to prefer one night stands to making lots of "friends" in the lifestyle. We're not looking for shopping buddies or travel companions like a lot of couples seem to be. If we hit it off, then it's a good thing, and if we play, so much the better. Afterward we will go our separate ways, and hope you do the same. This is to keep the two "us-es" as separate as possible.

We've gotten to the point where we have plenty of friend couples, and I have a few male singles that I can depend on and trust. Bob recently found a sorta local lady that enjoys golf as much as he does and that looks like it will be more than just a two night stand. Our one and done is more if we travel, house parties or swinger resorts down in Palm Springs area.

Doesn't matter really..... Its swinging not marriage.... if liked by both parties then it will happen again most likely.... no expectations and NSA.... right? or do you expect to have more?//// great question :p

We have 2 couples that we play with on a normal basis, but, for the most part, we prefer the one time hookup. We aren't looking for the complications of relationships, and, being that we both have very quirky personalities, it can be hard to find people that we are compatible with on a personality level.

We are not interested in 1 night stands with other couples. We would much rather prefer to have 2 or 3 couples who we can swing with, but also get together with them without there being an expectation of sex every time we're together.

We are okay with one night stands, but prefer to find people interested in repeats/friendship.

We're okay with them in theory. In practice, our hook-ups persist until they are a regular thing.

We like one night stands, but we really like our one night stands that turn into more than that. We like to meet the occasional tourist couple, working on one this weekend. Kind of enjoy the finality of the evening. But we also like meeting others we already have played with, the sex can become quite good as you get to know someone.

So we are good either way.

We've had a couple one night stands, but it wasn't our intention; it just worked out that way. And while we don't feel the need to become best pals before getting naked with folks, it is nice when a good friendship develops. It sure makes getting naked with those folks again a whole lot easier.

That said, I have had a few fantasies about one night stands . . .

(For the record I voted "Doesn't matter.")

=)

We don't mind friendships, but we really enjoy the excitement of one night stands. We stay busy enough between work, kids, and other responsibilities that one night stands actually work best for us.

I believe we must be careful to distinguish a one-night stand from try-out:

One-night stand: You have hopes that this couple will prove to be good in bed and otherwise compatible so after some period, either long or brief, of becoming acquainted, you get together for sex. For some reason or another you never get together again.

Try-out: At the restaurant you look accross the table. They're flashing you bedroom eyes so you quickly invite them home for a try-out.

We voted no preference since we have had good experiences that were one night stands, but in general, I think the more you have been around someone the more comfortable you are and that plays a big role in how well things go.