Broaching the Subject on a serious level

[Curious&scared]

Ok...here goes..I'm not even sure if I'm posting in the right topic as we really aren't "newbies" yet, but just a couple talking and thinking about it.

We've talked for several years about a threesome with another female. We say it's my fantasy (which it is) but I believe it's also my husbands.

We've batted around the idea of a foursome. We always get into this "You wouldn't want to do that, would you?" "I don't know, would you?" thing. Then we say "Nah." But in truth, I find the idea interesting. I'm thinking that we are both rather interested, but may be afraid to tell the other thinking that they may get mad.

My thing is, how to breach the subject. And how to set boundaries. Is there such thing as hooking up with another couple for maybe just foreplay but no actual swapping, at least to begin with? Or maybe each staying with their own? I think that would be plenty of turn on for us for a while.

I'm not sure if I'm putting this the right way. LOL I think my big fear is that the experience will cause jealously and ultimately ruin our marriage. We've been together 6 years. Married for 4 and we're as close as I imagine a couple could get. I DO have a jealous bone in my body. My husband has never been overly so. I have had several very good male friend online in the past and it hasn't been a problem.

My other problem is my body image. I'm an overweight female who simply doesn't like her body and would prefer to hid in the dark during sex.

Ok..I have a million questions, but will let this suffice for now as I can't think of anymore at this moment!

[hmr]

Lisa,

First of all let me welcome you to the board.

Second, at the bottom of you post here is a list of other threads that may help you through your quandary. One thing my wife and I have found(and most couples I've read on this board) is that rather than causing jealosy, swinging tends to make people closer. The main reason why is the one thing you discussed above, In this lifestyle, most people tend to open up more about their feelings and let the other know what they are thinking. We've tended to find out that regardless of what we are thinking the other tends to have an idea that is your feelings.

Explore this board. Especially the archives. I'm sure you will find most questions you have have been discussed here at one time or another. Plus, read them together or at least discuss them with one another. My wife and I do this all the time and find we agree more and more with each other.

Mr hmr

[Miss_Piggy]

Here's my advice, for what it's worth.

How do you breach the subject?
I'm assuming you mean with your husband. You have this conversation when you feel like you have a bit of time to talk. I know Kermit and I sometimes stay up late at night chattering away about this and that. Such a time would be ideal. If you mean, how do you breach the subject with another couple, that is a bigger issue that you may want to look around on the board for.
Is there a possibility of just fooling around an not actually swapping?
Of course, this is often referred to as "soft swap" or maybe "soft swing." The point is that everyone enters swinging with different reasons and expectations. It is up to you to create the situation that works best for you. There is no right or wrong kind of swinging as long as it's what you are comfortable with.

I agree with hmr that many people do find swinging brings them closer together as a couple. Jealousy does come up but I think it's imporatnt this this is something that you do together. Kermit and I think of it as another one of our hobbies - something fun that we do together.

Last comment regarding body image. You will find that there are all types of people out there. Just work on loving the body you have and not worrying about people who may not find it attractive. No one is attractive to everyone. Everyone is attractive to someone. Truth be told there are probably a number of people out there who find you attractive. You will also find that for most people weight is not a big concern. Personality is.
As for keeping the lights off. I wouldn't complain. I don't mind playing in the dark. There's a lot of mystery to that. "Who's hand is that??.... oh! who cares.... "

Take care and have fun reading the board

~Piggy

[yawanna]

Is there such thing as hooking up with another couple for maybe just foreplay but no actual swapping, at least to begin with? Or maybe each staying with their own? I think that would be plenty of turn on for us for a while.

Bingo! Start with this and see where it takes you It's generally referred to as 'soft swinging' but be specific with couples you're considering meeting with. Soft swinging is subjective. Be clear.

Sounds like you have a good starting point...take baby steps and talk talk talk as you go along

Don't worry for one second about weight....sexy is as sexy does. Sexy isn't Barbie.

Have some fun!

[Mr&Mrs-naughty]

We started talking out talking then slowly moved into reality. We started off with soft MFM but I must admit I felt kind of awkward watching the MRS get pleasured while I kinda sat back and watched.

Then we moved on to couples so we both could play.

We havent done a full blown MFM where Mrs naughty gets both males at once but we have one on the books.

As far as where to start.......

Start where you both feel comfortable. Anyone who is decent that the two of you hook up with is only going to go as far as your comfort level without pushing.
If they do push for more then they are not people that you want to swing with anyway because they do not respect your boundaries or comfort level.

I think you will find most in the swinger community remember what it was like starting out and will treat you the same way they wanted to be treated when they were new.

[Alura]

Welcome from Oklahoma, Curious & Scared! We're glad you have started out sharing your feelings with us and look forward to learning more about y'all.

Early in our relationship, Mrs. Alura and I agreed that we would never get angry because of any question one of us asked the other and that we would always answer that question as truthfully and completely as possible. You might suggest a similar agreement with your husband. It's worked for us for about twenty-four years.

Read this board together. Learn to do searches. You'll find that most questions have been answered many times in many ways by many different people.

The Meet Up! Forum offers a way to meet people in the lifestyle without your having to feel obligated in any way. Generally, a group of couples meet in a restaurant for dinner and conversation. While I can't say that noone has ever played after dinner, the forum is not intended as a way of "hooking up." There is a Meet Up! scheduled for Indianapolis. There have been others held in Dayton.

Please visit the SwingersBoard's "Introductions" Forum and introduce yourself. The more information you are willing to share, the better folks will get to know you.

Good luck! Y'all stand on the threshold of an exciting and fun way of being married. It's not for all couples, but those who enjoy it, really love it and each other.

Mr. Alura

[b_and_sc]

Soft Swing is where we started to...of course it didn't take long to move up the ladder to full swing

You have to be comfortable or it isn't going to be a good experience. If you are upfront and honest and tell people that you want to start slow with soft swing and see where that leads to, most are happy to go along.

And don't worry about your body (ya ya I know, I'm a woman too lol), but really, the whole 'barbie image' with swinging is soooo far stretched...swingers are normal people with jobs, mortgages, car troubles, kids, inlaws, etc...

b

[Mich149]

Dito to everything said already.

We were "supposed" to start off with soft swap. It took us about five mintes of that to decide that wasn't what we wanted.

That was just us, though. Make sure you move along at a pace that's right for you and set your ground rules far in advance. They can always be amended on the fly, but having them in place will save a LOT of heartache.

[fun_pairTX]

Set your own pace, talk, talk, talk, don't prejudge yourselves, others, or situations.

Swingers are a real cross section of America, you are no different than most. I think you will find as you get used to the people in the lifestyle that most of the men prefer women that are soft and possess real curves. Barbie isn't attractive to most here.

Sexy is a big smile, a laugh, a warm personality, and a knowing twinkle in your eye.

[Spoomonkey]

First of all - you are in the right state for swinging...

Okay - we are biased - but Ohio seems to be full of great people. Of course, so does Texas, Oklahoma, Michigan, Canada (which isn't a state, because it is too damn cold). But being am immigrant buckeye, I am partial to the swinging atmosphere here.

Okay - I have never "swung" anywhere else - so scratch that...

We started soft - but once we started, we moved quickly - as others have said. BUT - I am well aware of some "soft" couples out there who started that way and will probably finish that way. Nothing wrong with that - in fact, I still have times I'd like to just play with Mrs Spoomonkey and watch a couple do what couples do. That is highly erotic... I mean - so is watching Mrs Spoomonkey climb another man like he is a mighty-tall-timber while I spank the ass of Mr Timber's wifey... But I digress...

This is a great place to get to know people and the lifestyle without the pressure of "doing anything" - and the meet ups hold the same appeal. Never been to one but going to Indy.

Welcome to the board!

We look forward to getting to know you! But - also looking forward to you guys changing "curious&scared" to "satisfied&grinning".



Spoomonkey

[Miss_Piggy]

Canada? Too cold to be a state? We'd be a pretty damn big state too.

[Spoomonkey]

Yes - a really big state... Okay - since you're there - we'll take ya

Spoomonkey

[Curious&scared]

Thanks for all the replies. I'm finding that when we're trying to talk about it, we get rather silly and a little embarrassed. I guess that will change as we talk more? For the talk of the last couple of days, I think that we would both be more comfortable with a threesome with another lady. My husband has said that he doesn't think he could watch me with another guy. I think I'd be ok with him with another lady..long as I'm getting plenty of attention too! I have found that two women in porn has always turned me on more than man/woman, so we'll see.

We aren't ruling out couples. The thought of watching another couple turns me on. But I think we will need to take the whole thing rather slowly. We've got two kids still in the house and the oldest has a lot of problems and thus, is impossible to find a sitter for, even family most of the time. He's 15 and will be moving to a group home in no more than 3 years. My youngest is no problem to find a sitter for. Anyway...our first encounters may be few and far between, but that will give us time to think and talk about how far we are comfortable going with this.

Thanks again for all the replies. The hubby is lurking around a little on the board, maybe kind of wandering what I really want. He told me today that he thinks that if we find someone that we'll set it up and then I won't want to do it. I guess he don't know me very well. I should probably tell him my board name so he can see what I wrote.

[yawanna]

. I should probably tell him my board name so he can see what I wrote.

atta girl!!!!!!

[BradAndJanet]

Originally posted by Curious&scared
... I'm finding that when we're trying to talk about it, we get rather silly and a little embarrassed. I guess that will change as we talk more? ...

It will.

One thing that really helped us was attending some Meet Up events where we could talk with other people with no pressure. It's helped us get over some of our shyness.

We're having one in Indy on May 22nd and you're welcome to attend.

-B