Hubby's (Soon to be) Ex- boss

[Testdiva]

ok.. this is a little odd but have had a "thing" for hubby's boss for about a year and a half now...

and hubby is about to leave his job for another one......

Hubby is all ok with me being with other men.. (as long as it won't screw up his career and.. taking for granted he gets to have a little fun too.) So.. is it like.. OK after hubby quites and ilonger in a professional type relationship with this person??

BETTER question.. I don't even know if he's into this.... though.. I do catch him staring all lot....

How do you tell someone.. hey I just want to have a little fun with you?! if your not sure what their into or have no clue as to how to breech the subject....

Though part of me is afraid to pursue this at all... what if he were to react badly.. or something.. yeesh I don't know..

[Chicup]

I assume you have an open marriage based on your post.

Personaly I think it could be a bad idea to persue, at least without your husbands ok. Its one thing if the person involved had no relationship with your husband, but when that person knows him well AND was his boss it could lead to hard feelings I think.

[JustAskJulie]

On one hand I would say that as long as your hubby is ok with it go for it. On the other hand even if your hubby doesn't work FOR this guy anymore he is still acquainted with him business-wise. And if by chance this guy is a talker and it gets out into your husbands business circle it could be bad.

In regards to the second part of your question about letting the guy know that you are interested. I would say let your hubby do it in a round about way. I assume they talk about things besides business. If so, have your hubby let it slip that you have this open relationship and see where it goes. Once he is aware of that then you can talk to him yourself and see where it goes. Just be careful.

[Testdiva]

I think he *knows* I like him.. he just doesn't realize that its .. ok....

we flirt back and forth at parties a LOT.... (well, flirting in a way that would not be blatently obvious to anyone else there....)

at least.. I *think* we are flirting.. we are so careful I could be misreading everthing and seeing what I want to...

However.. I did get trunk and cop a fell one night... (he was drunk as well.. and never said a word .... so I wonder if he even rememebers.... not to mention he tries to pull me away from everyone else quite a bit... (show me new gym equptment in his gym... ) not to mention when he pulled his back last year.. he couldn't sit down.. but instead would stand up with his foot in a chair.. and.. (we were in a place with limited seating..) he made sure I sat in his chair and kept his foot between my thighs... THAT was .. probably a bit obvious.. but again nothing was ever said.. and by the time hubby and I got to the little get together <we will call him Fred to protect the guilty> Fred and the other 2 there had already wiped out a bottle of Jack... I would feel if he would ever flirt with me when he was NOT trashed

[OhioCouple]

quote:

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Originally posted by Testdiva:
I think he *knows* I like him.. he just doesn't realize that its .. ok....

we flirt back and forth at parties a LOT.... (well, flirting in a way that would not be blatently obvious to anyone else there....)

at least.. I *think* we are flirting.. we are so careful I could be misreading everthing and seeing what I want to...

However.. I did get trunk and cop a fell one night... (he was drunk as well.. and never said a word .... so I wonder if he even rememebers.... not to mention he tries to pull me away from everyone else quite a bit... (show me new gym equptment in his gym... ) not to mention when he pulled his back last year.. he couldn't sit down.. but instead would stand up with his foot in a chair.. and.. (we were in a place with limited seating..) he made sure I sat in his chair and kept his foot between my thighs... THAT was .. probably a bit obvious.. but again nothing was ever said.. and by the time hubby and I got to the little get together <we will call him Fred to protect the guilty> Fred and the other 2 there had already wiped out a bottle of Jack... I would feel if he would ever flirt with me when he was NOT trashed

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I am going to offer a married womans opinion based on what you have posted.

First, I do not see this as a swinging type situation. I see it as a lust for someone and the desire to "label" it as swinging in order to justify having sexual relations with someone other than your husband.

Secondly, all of your "flirting" encounters have been in an alcohol induced state.

Third and last of all, where is your husband when all of this is occurring? Where does he fit in?

I could be entirely wrong, but I see this as an application for a license to cheat.

Lori

[Quin]

quote:

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I am going to offer a married womans opinion based on what you have posted.

First, I do not see this as a swinging type situation. I see it as a lust for someone and the desire to "label" it as swinging in order to justify having sexual relations with someone other than your husband.

Secondly, all of your "flirting" encounters have been in an alcohol induced state.

Third and last of all, where is your husband when all of this is occurring? Where does he fit in?

I could be entirely wrong, but I see this as an application for a license to cheat.

---

From a single woman's point of view: Ditto.

Quin

[JustAskJulie]

If she has (as she said in the first post) the ok from her hubby, how is it cheating?

I do agree that since all of the "flirting" encounters have been alchohol induced that that is not a good sign under any circumstances. But at the same time, it could just mean that there is interest there and the only time he feels that he can "get away with" showing that interest is if he has the "I was drunk" excuse to fall back on later, if anyone were to confront him on it.

[ October 28, 2002, 03:46 PM: Message edited by: JustAskJulie ]

[L&K]

Hold the show here a minute , is this guy married ? your husband say's ok but does his boss have a wife who would feel differently .

Let me give you another thought , Are you swingers or is this a first time out side the marriage encounter ? Your husband could have a motive for allowing this . Who has he been looking at ?

If it appears to good to be true , IT IS to good to be true , S and i are beginners in the life style but we do know it take a serious amount of communication before any thing is going to go right , also time to find who you are in the life style , it dont all just come to you in your sleep .

Frankly i think your steping in a mud hole and are going to land chin deep . Now if you are in the life style , you have had the long talks that are required and know what each other hope to derive from your pleasures OK , but i dont get that out of your post .

M

[JustAskJulie]

M&S, you can read TestDiva's introduction here. It will fill you in more on who they are and their experience.
http://www.swingersboard.com/cgi-bin//ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=15;t=000404

[OhioCouple]

quote:

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Originally posted by JustAskJulie:
If she has (as she said in the first post) the ok from her hubby, how is it cheating?

I do agree that since all of the "flirting" encounters have been alchohol induced that that is not a good sign under any circumstances. But at the same time, it could just mean that there is interest there and the only time he feels that he can "get away with" showing that interest is if he has the "I was drunk" excuse to fall back on later, if anyone were to confront him on it.

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I am just going to have to flat out disagree with you on this one Julie. Having been single for many years and seeing how different women act in an environment which is sometimes led on by alcohol, sometimes not, there are just times when you know that something is not all right in the "happy valley".

Heck I for one have "shown an interest" in some people I wouldn't ordinarily give the time of day to when under the influence of a couple of vodka and tonics. That didn't make me a swinger then, it just made me easy and more likely to make bad decisions.

I dunno, going with the gut feeling here unless the original poster can convince me otherwise.

Lori

[JustAskJulie]

Which part are you disagreeing with me on?

The part where I said that it's not cheating if she has her hubby's ok. Or the part where I said

quote:

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I do agree that since all of the "flirting" encounters have been alchohol induced that that is not a good sign under any circumstances. But at the same time, it could just mean that there is interest there and the only time he feels that he can "get away with" showing that interest is if he has the "I was drunk" excuse to fall back on later, if anyone were to confront him on it.

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Unless I misread something she said that HE (the guy) had been under the influences during all of their encounters, she didn't say that she had. I'm guessing she's sober now and has been around him when she was sober. So she knows that HER interest isn't based on alchohol intake.

Of course, that doesn't mean that the interest he has shown her isn't. Since, from what I'm gathering from her posts HE is the one who has been under the influence during all of their "flirting sessions".

All that said, If he has shown no interest when he's sober, I'd say leave it alone. But I don't think that if she were to play with this guy it would be cheating or any less a swinging situation so long as she has her hubby's permission to do so.

[OhioCouple]

quote:

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Originally posted by JustAskJulie:
Which part are you disagreeing with me on?

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I just have a real bad feeling all the way around for this scenario. Can't really explain it other than been there, seen it before and I don't need it to slap me in the face again to recognize the intentions.

And yes, I did read the link for the profile.

Lori

[OhioCouple]

quote:

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Originally posted by JustAskJulie:
Unless I misread something she said that HE (the guy) had been under the influences during all of their encounters, she didn't say that she had.

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You must have missed this portion of the second post. I am going to hold firm on my opinion.

quote:

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However.. I did get trunk and cop a fell one night... (he was drunk as well.. and never said a word .... so I wonder if he even rememebers.... not to mention he tries to pull me away from everyone else quite a bit...

---

Lori

[Alura]

Well, I'm just a hick Okie, but it'd be my guess that any situation that has that much alcohol involved is not going to turn out to be a good experience. Avoid it as pure trouble.

Mr. Alura

[Quin]

quote:

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Hold the show here a minute , is this guy married ? your husband say's ok but does his boss have a wife who would feel differently .

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Or even just a girlfriend. That's my question and to be truthful, I was assuming that the boss was married. If there is a female within his life, it's a total act of disrespect to not only this man's relationship with his woman but to the woman who is involved in a long term relationship with this man.

Regardless, like Alura says:

quote:

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Well, I'm just a hick Okie, but it'd be my guess that any situation that has that much alcohol involved is not going to turn out to be a good experience. Avoid it as pure trouble

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Outside of my college years, I can safely say that anytime there were drunk people involved in a swinging situation where I was present, there was always some kind of trouble. That's why I avoid drunk swingers like the plague.

My position on the whole thing remains as I have posted above, specifically because of the alcohol involved, then throw in the possibility that there is a girlfriend/wife just makes it a bigger No-No.

Quin


[ October 29, 2002, 12:01 AM: Message edited by: Quin ]