New & Curious

[Blackrainforest]

Hello everyone!

So I am new to this completely. I have been interested in swinging for awhile now. I have no idea where to even begin.
So I have been with my partner/wife for almost 2 years now. We talked about swinging at the very beginning of our dating relationship, as I told her I would one day be interested in exploring this avenue. Her response at that time was "people sometimes change their minds." Well, we were still getting to know each other and I had not brought it up since and frankly hadn't even thought about it....UNTIL now...again.

A friend of mine is curious to explore her own sexuality and sharing me with herself and her boyfriend. While I explained to her my boundaries (meaning I don't have sex with men), I eventually thought it best for just the two of us to explore together and leave our partners out of it. She agreed and now it is up to me to make further decisions in my relationship if I am going to be the only one playing.

Ok so, I am curious about the best way to approach the topic again to my wife who I know will be passive or passively aggressive within her initial reactions/response. She has a tendency to bottle up her emotions no matter how much I encourage her to express herself. She is mainly open to anything I want to try and has been from the start....sometimes willingly excited and sometimes passively to please me. Her main motto in our relationship is "I just want to make you happy and whatever that means, I'll just go along with." So to no avail, that has been the most frustrating part in our relationship, but to compound everything, my wife is mentally challenged with Bipolar disorder. So the stress she encounters can be challenging for her if she doesn't express how she truly feels. She currently is on prescribed anti-psychotic medication. So my worry comes from potentially having to deal with her passive or passive aggressive initial reaction/response and then worry if she will have a manic episode down the line.


I would like any advice one could give to my situation.

[Alura]

from Oklahoma, Blackrainforest! We're glad you and your wife have joined us. Is there a reason your status is "M.female" instead of "couple?"

Bipolar disorders can be very dangerous to both the sufferer and those around. I think y'all should stay away from swinging regardless of your wife's willingness to "just go along." It's the sudden changes that are the most threatening.

Alura

[Blackrainforest]

lol Alura, I had no idea what M.Female meant, I assumed it mean married female! HA I will change it! Thanks

I have given staying that some thought too about not even going there, Bipolar disorder is pretty disruptive....but then I wonder about my own curiosities with swinging and exploration

[cplnuswing]

Thanks for telling us a little bit about yourself and where you are coming from. I can't answer whether swinging is a good thing or not for you, only you can answer that, but I would say I think it is always safer to error on the side of caution.

Should you decide to move forward, one comment I would make is that you really don't have to know where to begin, there are a lot of paths that lead to the same place as long as you start the journey, even with the smallest of steps. Sure, there are some typical ways many people have used to get into swinging once they decided it was right for them, but there are also plenty of very individual ways that worked well for others. Just keep learning and communication with each other, and if it is meant to be, a promising pathway will probably soon reveal itself.

[Blackrainforest]

Thanks cplunswing!

[slevin]

My concern here is that you had this whole conversation with someone else about the potential of swinging, but your wife wasn't a part of any of that. So you have been making plans, exploring potential and deciding what you want to do. You've done that alone with no input or discussion with your wife.

That stands out as a red flag to me. Whether to swing or not is the kind of thing you need to talk about with your wife before you talk about it with anyone else. You and she need to discuss it, make decisions and come to conclusions together.

All of that is aside from the bipolar discussion.

[Spikeritz]

You need to make sure you and your wife are a team. Otherwise you are cheating. Approach your wife in a delicate and direct manner. None of us knows her like you. If she is not interested you need to drop the idea. Additionally, she needs to be on board not just to please you but because this is something she wants to do. Otherwise you are forcing her to do something she may not want to do.....Then you will have problems.

[JustAskJulie]

I have to agree that swinging is a BAD idea for several reasons (even if the bipolar issue wasn't there)

1. You've not been honest with her up to this point about the discussions between you and your friend. That's a really bad start and makes me really question whether or not your communication level is there. When/if you were to broach this subject with her now it will be obvious that you've been doing some serious planning behind her back, which gives her MUCH reason to not trust you or your intentions.

2. The Bipolar issue is likely to increase the possibility of a really bad outcome.

3. (This relates back to 1) You were basically on the road to cheating on her. I commend you for realizing that was a bad idea and deciding that you did need to bring this up to her, but overall I think this is going to end badly.

I know quite a few swingers who are bipolar. Actually many find their way into swinging because of the high sex drive that the manic side of bipolar often brings.

I would suggest that now that the idea is back in your head that you let this particular couple go and move on from them. But, instead use this is a springboard to open up discussion with your wife about the possibility of swinging together. Tell her this couple approached you and it brought back those old desires you had. Tell her why you wanted to do it and that (if it's true) she was more important to you than going behind her back to get your kicks.

That said, if swinging is more important to you than your relationship with her or her emotional well-being, then you probably just need to divorce her and move on (and allow her to do so as well).

[Blackrainforest]

Thanks everyone for your concern and advice!