Wife Interested in Mfm?

[southernguy]

For years I have fantasized about ways to spice up our sex life. One of the fantasies that we have shared is her having a boyfriend, and occasionally we reference doing an MFM. My wife, for whatever reason, denies having fantasies, but the way we carry on sometimes during our role playing leads me to believe otherwise.
I'll keep it short and simple, but I would really like some replies and insight. First, a little background on the wife: 41, does not smoke/drink, conservative, but has, and has had, a wild side sexually. Especially in her late teen, very early 20's. The other night we had a hot session and she said a few things that makes me believe this fantasy is red hot, and she maybe willing to act it out. While I was rubbing her down, I told her I needed a second set of hands to help me out. She replied, " that would be really nice." No big deal so far. While we were having sex, she starts talking pretty dirty tells me I'm a great f*ck, but not as good as her husband. I tell her that maybe we need to invite her "husband" in have a little threesome. She asks me if I would like that. Of course, I respond, "Question is, would you?" And she blew my mind by saying "I think I would." So naturally my sex drive is off the charts and most of my fantasies revolve around seeing my cute little conservative wife being pleasured by another man and myself.
I know most of you guys and gals will say, "talk to her outside the bedroom." Right now, I just don't know how to bring up the topic. We're working our butts off this work at our jobs, and she's going through that " time of the month." So I've pretty much shelved that topic until things get better, and we have more time. The question is, how do I approach it? It's not like I can ask her if she's interested in a threesome while cooking dinner or outside milling around our garden?
Any ideas or insight? Also, just going by the conversation, how would you guys gauge her interest? I really look forward to the responses and insight.

[km34]

It's not like I can ask her if she's interested in a threesome while cooking dinner or outside milling around our garden?

Why not? If you two can't talk openly about the possibility of pursuing a threesome, how are you supposed to talk about the issues that need to be covered before getting into one (boundaries, what to look for in a guy, etc)?

Any ideas or insight? Also, just going by the conversation, how would you guys gauge her interest? I really look forward to the responses and insight.

I don't necessarily see any definitive sign that she wants to pursue it. It started off really role-play ish with her being a naughty wife with her boytoy. I don't doubt that she's thought about it, but whether she sees it as a fantasy purely for heightening her sex with you or something she actually wants to pursue... Who knows unless you ask her? Thinking something sounds exciting and actually wanting to do that thing are two very different ideas.

I would totally just bring it up some evening when you two have some time to talk. Just say something about how exciting you found talking about it and that you think you would really enjoy seeing her with someone else, and then ask her if she would seriously like to try to have a threesome. Waiting until life calms down a bit wouldn't be a bad thing to make sure she has the energy level to actually discuss the idea, but I wouldn't' wait too long since it has come up recently anyway.

[Lionheart72]

The question is, how do I approach it? It's not like I can ask her if she's interested in a threesome while cooking dinner or outside milling around our garden?
Any ideas or insight? Also, just going by the conversation, how would you guys gauge her interest? I really look forward to the responses and insight.

Not only can you ask her about a threesome while cooking dinner or milling around in the garden, I think you should. Really, you need to talk about it calmly and in a non-sexual format. If you actually can't talk to her about sex in a perfectly mundane setting, don't swing.

As for suggestions of what to say: I found - "So you know that threesome fantasy we've talked about... how would you feel about doing that for real?" - works well.

As for gauging her interest - do not guess! Listen to her words and accept them at face value. If she says no, accept the no. If she hems and haws, give her time to think about it. If she says yes she would be intersted, talk about it more. If you cannot listen to her words and accept them at face value, don't swing.

Honest, open communication is the key to swinging. No guesses, no impressions, no assumptions... just complete, honest and open communcation in a calm, mundane manner.

[LiveLoveHaveFun]

It's great that you're using the forum to get some help.

Why not start with a compliment about the fun you had? You could do this any time like while out for a walk.

I would agree that it might be best to wait until you knows she's relaxed and feeling a bit more normal as well.

Keep us posted!

Alicia

[southernguy]

It's great that you're using the forum to get some help.

Why not start with a compliment about the fun you had? You could do this any time like while out for a walk.

I would agree that it might be best to wait until you knows she's relaxed and feeling a bit more normal as well.

Keep us posted!

Alicia

This is why I really enjoy this board. First, it seems that most here are genuine, and it's not like fantasy thread, on the lines of a Penthouse letter. Also, most people here give advice that would be of benefit to vanilla couples and swing couples, and that advice centers around communication.
I have fantasized about this for years. And, based on our role playing and some of the things we say outside of the bedroom, I have long suspected that she, at the least, fantasizes about being shared. And so I plan on just coming out and telling her. Probably be next week when we have more time together during the holiday and work slows down for both of us. I think the best approach is to tell her that I want her heighten her sexual pleasure by doing this. In other words, make this about her, not me. I also want to assure her that I don't plan on this being a way of me getting a FFM or an open relatiionship with another woman. I truly want her to experience me and that "tall,dark stranger" together. Thoughts?

[mauijanedoe]

I have fantasized about this for years. And, based on our role playing and some of the things we say outside of the bedroom, I have long suspected that she, at the least, fantasizes about being shared. And so I plan on just coming out and telling her. Probably be next week when we have more time together during the holiday and work slows down for both of us. I think the best approach is to tell her that I want her heighten her sexual pleasure by doing this. In other words, make this about her, not me. I also want to assure her that I don't plan on this being a way of me getting a FFM or an open relatiionship with another woman. I truly want her to experience me and that "tall,dark stranger" together. Thoughts?

If you have fantasized about this for years, own it and tell her so. Don't disguise it with "I just wanna do this for you" if it's at least partly for you. That's a kind of deception that won't serve your cause. Nor will telling her what it isn't, unless she brings it up first, because it is the opposite of reassuring to address fears the other person may not even have.

[JustAskJulie]

It's great that you're using the forum to get some help.

Why not start with a compliment about the fun you had? You could do this any time like while out for a walk.

I would agree that it might be best to wait until you knows she's relaxed and feeling a bit more normal as well.

Keep us posted!

Alicia

Exactly!

Have you managed to approach her yet? How did it go?

[johnnysee2]

Hi, this is johnnysee2 a single male based outside of Nashville Tn. My queston would be to the Husband what do you think of another man taking your wife in front of you , either orally or vaginally or even anally, some women really do enjoy having a DP but don't know how to approach the idea or actually getting it started, and of course it would involve a lot of teasing and forplay to make her relax. just a question you should consider besides an oral and a vaginial pentertration.....John....

[southernguy]

Exactly!

Have you managed to approach her yet? How did it go?

The fantasy keeps getting hotter. I was telling her step by step how two men could explore her body (rubbing feet, both of us sucking her breasts). She kept asking more questions and was red hot while we were fucking. Later she asked me if I really wanted to pursue this. I said yes, but she said "I'm not sure I could do this." And so I've left it alone for awhile. But every time we have sex I'll make sure to suck her breast and mention that we need one more person to suck the other side or go down on her. To which she replies, "yes we do." And so I thnk the fantasy pretty much turns her on. I think that, in real life, she is having a hard time with "bucking" the rules and going forward.

[JonMeg2112]

I feel you just need to talk open and honestly about it OUTSIDE the bedroom with her. Tell her how much it excites you and that you would definitely like to pursue it IF she is comfortable doing so. We have found from talking to many couples in the lifestyle that sometimes the female is tentative, not just because she's worried for herself but she's worried about what YOUR reaction will truly be once it starts happening.

Reassure her and make her understand what you feel about it. For me it was all about letting my wife know that the excitement about it comes from me seeing her have fun and us sharing the experience together. Good luck and let us know how it goes!

[DigginIt]

Southernguy, first and foremost...if you can't bridge this conversation with her, it's going to be hard to swing. If you can't talk about things you want or think you want to do when you are not doing it then how are you going to talk about them after the fact especially if things don't go the way you two had thought they would. If one or both of you have issues, concerns, questions, etc. When you can talk openly and honestly without the fear of what each other will think then you are actually ready to take the first step in the lifestyle. Now, I'll stop the preaching and get on to a few suggestions.

Somewhere, you have to be able to squeeze out a nice dinner where you can decompress and let your stresses of the day melt away. That's a good point to say, I've been thinking a lot about our bedroom fantasies and I'm interested in exploring them. If you want to do them, then don't be wishy washy because you will send her mixed signals about your conviction. You want her to be honest, not trying to figure out what your intentions are. Say, these things sound so hot and I would like to do them. If you get a positive response, invite her here. Let her explore on her own what other people have said and done before you. Let her read the good with the bad and you will have lots more to talk about.

There are some things that should always be left as fantasy. Only you two talking about it can figure out what those things are and after that, the sky is the limit.

Good luck!

[bbarnsworth]

I concur with my esteemed colleagues above. I would like to add on this...

You're not there yet, but don't take that as a negative evaluation. This is a path, and it takes time to wander down that path. You are no more 'right' at the beginning of the path than you are at the end of it. Each step is part of the journey. You don't seem to be rushing things which is good. All you can do is open doors, and keep the lines of communication open.

Shifting the communication outside of the bedroom might seem daunting. But, it really can be very simple too. Trust your wife. Know that she trusts you. The two of you are together, one team. You can't direct her, or she you, but you can hold each other's hands on this journey. For my wife and I, part of the transition to talking about swinging outside of the bedroom was me doing some research online and sharing what I found with my wife. There's plenty of things to talk about vis-a-vis swinging, and once you get started you'll find yourselves talking about it a lot, and often repeating ground you've previously discussed. Nobody grows up learning the swinging lifestyle. You're instead expected to follow the Disney fairy tale. Well, the fairy tale doesn't include the prince, princess, and the guy down the street. Talking things through helps to grow and learn about swinging.

If in talking about it, you find the conversation is getting a little tense, make sure your wife knows you love her and only her, and that you're always on her side. Ease off, talk about it more some other day. Take your time. There's no race.