Ladies: What do you want to hear when I cannot get it up?

[Playful1]

ok...

a) viagra/cialis will not make you have an erection if you are nt aroused. it simply keeps those fun little brain "holy shit" stress/new situation/etc chemicals from interfering.

b) if a guy im with cant get it up, i dont need to talk about it. we both it happened, move on. maybe we can go back to other things till he gets up again. if he can't, i nicely say it happens, no worries, and we move on.

c)seriously, get over the concept that it's not "genuine" if you take a little blue pill.

[HappyCpl]

Also lay off the booze before playtime...


Jose Cuervo has ruined more than one moment for me during playtime......

[NCnewbies]

Don't try to be a hero....I have no toubles with my wife but sometimes at a party I may feel some pressure. I started using a supplement or some prescription for the positive results. Since then I don't go to a party without it......still don't use it at home, but when the time is upon you at a party why not have a little turbo boost. After all it's not just about you, it's also about making your partner have a good time too....

[Just Passing By]

Ah Steve , you are mixing up the symptom and the problem.

The problem is that you are not enjoying what you are (usually) doing. Your natural inclinations are (seemingly) more inline with a slower , more natural gradual seduction theme and pacing. Kind of like a kinky , multipartner vanilla hot date. You're trying to force yourself into a situation outside of your inclinations.

*Sometimes* pushing beyond usual boundries revs things up. *Sometimes* it just leaves you feeling out of bounds. But trying to press on when it is clearly not your cup of tea , just sets up self reinforcing frustration.

There is no right or wrong ways of ( having fun , that also includes other people and often sex) . The spectrum in endless. Emphasis is on Fun , not how *everybody else* goes about it.

Take a break. Wait until you really really want to try somthing new. Then instead of trying the same things you guys were trying before , do things differently. *Probably this means more focused on fewer people, going slower , aand building more of a rapport , and graduly getting physical. That's probably not the typical Club or party scene, but so what. Do you nd your wife enjoy , don't obsess over fitting into preconcieved niches.

[drinnt]

Ah Steve , you are mixing up the symptom and the problem.

The problem is that you are not enjoying what you are (usually) doing. Your natural inclinations are (seemingly) more inline with a slower , more natural gradual seduction theme and pacing. Kind of like a kinky , multipartner vanilla hot date. You're trying to force yourself into a situation outside of your inclinations.

*Sometimes* pushing beyond usual boundries revs things up. *Sometimes* it just leaves you feeling out of bounds. But trying to press on when it is clearly not your cup of tea , just sets up self reinforcing frustration.

There is no right or wrong ways of ( having fun , that also includes other people and often sex) . The spectrum in endless. Emphasis is on Fun , not how *everybody else* goes about it.

Take a break. Wait until you really really want to try somthing new. Then instead of trying the same things you guys were trying before , do things differently. *Probably this means more focused on fewer people, going slower , aand building more of a rapport , and graduly getting physical. That's probably not the typical Club or party scene, but so what. Do you nd your wife enjoy , don't obsess over fitting into preconcieved niches.

Hi Just Passing By,

Thank you so much for what you wrote. My wife and I have grown in leaps and bounds since first posting this thread not too long ago. We have been experimenting in the bedroom with me taking control and saying / doing what I want and like. It has been nothing short of amazing and the place we've ended up is just short of full blown BDSM.

How does this relate?

Well I never have erection problems with my wife. However I noticed my erections were virtually instantaneous when I would express myself assertively and passionately. This shocked me. It's like I knew I always WANTED to be THAT GUY but I never thought I had it in me. It was with this self-expression and the results that came from it that led to a huge breakthrough in my extramarital rationale.

One other thing I have never been is FULLY SELF EXPRESSED. Just as you say I KNEW I was out of my element but I didn't WANT to be. So instead of sharing that with my wife and play buddies I just went along for the ride all the while trying to "work it out" for myself. It even went so far as to me not saying the vanilla things I wanted to say - I would express myself to them in a way that would leave them seeing me as the person I wanted them to see me as...NOT THE REAL ME. So when it came time to have sex it's no doubt I had a hard time relating to them because they were not even seeing me as me so no way they are going to be able to relate to the REAL ME!

So since my last post I have had conversations with them and told them that to be myself I have to say things my way and without thinking about what they will think. If they have something to say in return good or bad, we talk and at least everyone is on the same page and being REAL. With that comes a powerful surge of connection for me with those people. The more connected I feel the easier it is to explore the physical - the more "desirable" those people become.

So this new way of being fully SELF EXPRESSED will give me the confidence to go into any situation and BE ME. That might mean saying "I'm not comfortable having sex right now - I want to know you better." Or whatever I need to say based on how I'm feeling in the moment WITHOUT FEAR OF REPRISAL. With that I will have the confidence to only go into situations that I choose. Confidence in being able to be myself is exactly what I've been in need of.

You guys have all been such a great help in offering great points of view as I work this out. THANK YOU!