I think you're putting too much into the coffee type of meeting. You can specify that nothing will take place and set a time limit of say 30-45 minutes so you can walk away comfortably if you're not interested. If it looks good you can stay longer. Everyone we've done like that has turned into a 2 hour sessions and we/ve met some nice people even if we never played.
I would think the opposite of you. An impersonal hotel/club...meeting and making quick judgements and then playing or not seems like a lot more pressure.