told you so and frustrated

[corynlaine]

RANT ON

We've been playing with the idea for a long time. Visting this site, reading and talking about what we want, limits etc. We've taken this long so that we don't waist others time and as sure as we can be that we're ready.


So we get a response on our add. After we read their profile we politely respond to make sure they read ours and what we are looking for. They respond bac with a possitive. Explain that while we've been here for a while we are newbies and while we're ready to meet we don't know where our limits are. Are they still interested? pick a time and place
We're nervous, but ready to go. So, long story short, it's the 3rd time we've been blown off after they asked to set up a meet.

One of her concerns have always been that the "people" on here are not real and now she's pretty much saying "told you so"

people always talking about newbies and how much drama comes with them etc. Yet here is a couple who contact us and now blowing us off.

RANT OFF

So is this common, are we over reacting? I mean I know stuff comes up, but we sent a message hey we're available 1 - 2 weeks you pick the time and place and get nothing back

[Coupleerotic22]

You said your ad "here." Are you talking about your profile on SwingersBoard or another site?

This is not a knock on SB, but if you are talking about this site, it is not really a site designed for making connections per se. I suppose it is certainly possible, but I would imagine you would have much better luck on a site that is specifically set up to make connections, like swinglifestyle.com or kasidie, it is just a numbers issue.

As for being stood up, unless they had an excellent reason (and had let us know via cell or a damn good reason they couldn't do that either) there would not have been a second opportunity. If they had a really good reason, we might have made a second attempt, but certainly not a third.

As for being stood up in general, don't let one bad experience ruin things for you. There will always be unreliable people in every part of life.

[ViSexual]

I think your ad is well written. And I can certainly understand your wife's attitude becoming more and more skeptical, but I also feel your fear that she's going to simply lose interest.

It could be that the couple who never responded hadn't read your entire profile when they first contacted you. Some will go through and respond to every couple who looks good, and is near them, without really reading the complete profile. Then, when they get a response back, they'll read it more thoroughly and find something that they didn't see at first. I saw several things in yours that might cause them to change their minds.

But, don't let this deter you if this is something you really want. And, have you thought of contacting someone yourself from their ads? You seem the type who is thorough in revealing what your looking for so look for someone else who has written as thorough an ad as yours.

Anyway, your wife isn't right about there not being any real couples. And, I just hope you can keep her believing that. This sounds like something she wants too but is now apprehensive it can happen.

[exploringRM]

The bi-curious/bi-curious aspect of your interest puts you in a smaller subset of people, especially since your profile states you are looking for the same.

There are many real people on SLS and unfortunately fakes or people that just are not ready. Do you have any clubs nearby? Some clubs host bi/bi-curious nights where you might be able to meet some other couples there. Many times the parties are posted on SLS and you can view people who have signed up for the event and send emails asking if they would like to meet. Of course that does not imply anything more, but at least you would have a chance to interact with some people at some level.

[funcoupledayton]

That does happen pretty often actually, but you just have to roll with the punches and be persistent. You will meet a couple who are a match and have a ton of fun. For us, the flakes are outweighed by the real, sexy, fun people we meet.

You may find that there is a better website for your local area. In our area swingerzonecentral is very active. While swinglifestyle seems to be a big site across the country, there are tons of smaller websites that have local followings.

Now, for some unsolicited advise. Your profile is a downer. If you keep it like that you will probably attract people who like negativity and drama. Talking about removing your pics sounds spiteful and doesn't really make sense. If I were you I'd go back, take out all the negative statements and try to sound like a fun, happy, sexy couple.

[Dont.Stop]

They haven't been on Swing Lifestyle for almost two years. Would like to know what ad they are referring to.

Seeing bi or bi-curious male unfortunately scares off a lot of potential mates. It's curious how on some profiles you see "HE IS DEFINITELY NOT BI, AND NOT EVEN CURIOUS"... anyhow, I'm drifting off topic.

Perhaps there is a site that caters more to Bi couples?

[Chicup]

Happens all the time, welcome to swinging.

[corynlaine]

.

Seeing bi or bi-curious male unfortunately scares off a lot of potential mates. It's curious how on some profiles you see "HE IS DEFINITELY NOT BI, AND NOT EVEN CURIOUS"... anyhow, I'm drifting off topic.

Perhaps there is a site that caters more to Bi couples?

Yes, we know this! On the other hand we find it INCREDIBLY hypocritical and a turn off that dozens of couple on this board whose public profile lists bi girl and STRAIGHT guy only to tell us in private e-mails that the guy is actually really interested etc.

We list this way because we take the be honest and upfront about what you want seriously apperantly the pressure to do the same by a lot of men on here is too much to do the same. This also leads to one of her continued sort of red flags - just how many women are being pushed in to being bi/bicurious???

[Dont.Stop]

Yes, we know this! On the other hand we find it INCREDIBLY hypocritical and a turn off that dozens of couple on this board whose public profile lists bi girl and STRAIGHT guy only to tell us in private e-mails that the guy is actually really interested etc.

We list this way because we take the be honest and upfront about what you want seriously apperantly the pressure to do the same by a lot of men on here is too much to do the same. This also leads to one of her continued sort of red flags - just how many women are being pushed in to being bi/bicurious???

Where is your ad btw? The one on SLS hasn't been used in almost two years.

[MN Tom]

Well, have to say that people still have a fear about bi males. Society hasnt helped, and the people in the lifestyle are part of that society. Some people see anything bi near a male and they run. Just ignore them, and do what you want. If you want to have bi listed for the male half, do it. If you dont want it listed and instead want to mention it in person, do it. Either way works.

As for the same couple blowing you off several times, I would hope they had good reasons the first time. We are like others, we wont set up a 2nd meeting with someone unless they had some good reason for blowing the first. To be honest we rarely meet new couples outside of open invitations/party setups anyway. How we usually do it is plan on going out one night to a club, and set up an open invite for several couples to meet there. We tell them all it's open that way, and if they dont all show (they never do), some still show and it's all good.
Until we have met in person, we do not set up private couple 2v2 meetings unless we have backup plans for that night.

Plenty of others do set up initial meets with couples and do just fine, so dont take our method as gospel either. We just find that it works for us.

[Powerglide]

There's no excuse for their blowing you off like that. But you can't get hung up on a single couple, and you can't generalize from one inconsiderate couple. Our experience has been that very few folks are that rude. But you have to be active, reply to a lot of ads, and don't expect to get more than say a 20% reply rate. Of those, you may successfully hook up with one or two.

[JustAskJulie]

IMO, the bi couple part has nothing to do with this. If you are listing yourselves this way up front, then they should know up front and this is no excuse or reason to change your mind about meeting.

That said, this does happen a lot. What I've found is that the more you throw the ball back and forth and the more time you spend trying to set up a meet, the higher the likelihood that the ball will get dropped. For us, if we want to meet a couple and they have also shown interest, we put out a date and location and see if they accept. If that date doesn't work it is up to them to suggest an alternate. Alternately, you could suggest a couple of options "we are open this weekend on Friday, or next weekend on Saturday, which one works best for you?".

In these cases were you were blown off, had you actually set up any kind of meeting plan? Or was the ball just dropped?