A little help here before I cheat on my girlfriend

[Nightmare29445]

I wouldn't consider myself new to swinging, but I'm trying to learn as much as possible from people in the lifestyle. Currently I've meet a girl who fascinates me, however she's not into swinging and she's very jealous and conservative in nature. A part of me isn't satisfied and I would like to introduce her to swinging or a polyamorous lifestyle. I understand this lifestyle isn't for everyone, but its getting to the point were either she accepts it or I will start cheating on her and destroy the relationship. If anyone has any suggestions please feel free to comment... Thank you.

[here4thefun69]

Need to move on to someone who shares your interest. If you play with fire you will get burned eventually. If these are things that you can't let go of, and she is looking towards marriage and other things then you are setting yourself and her up for a bad marriage. Honesty and openess is the only way to have a great relationship. If there is a part of you that isn't satisfied as you stated. It would be better to move on than to cheat any day. just our humble opinion.

[Coupleerotic22]

Why stay with her if you don't lover her? If you love her then you need to accept the whole package, which means no swinging for you or she gets on-board, when and if she is EVER ready. It is not likely that she is going to change her mind, not in the short term anyway, and you already know that. But rather than except her position and live with it, you are already planning to cheat. Not much of a way to start a relationship.

If you are not new to swinging then you know a bedrock principal is honesty and cheaters are not very well received by most in the LS. So, either accept she won't swing and be happy with it or move on. Don't string her along and cause her pain by cheating on her.

[LFM2]

I wouldn't consider myself new to swinging, but I'm trying to learn as much as possible from people in the lifestyle.

OK, how long have you been swinging? Since last week or the last five years?

Currently I've meet a girl who fascinates me, however she's not into swinging and she's very jealous and conservative in nature. A part of me isn't satisfied and I would like to introduce her to swinging or a polyamorous lifestyle.

She sounds wonderful. Now, to get down to business, if she's not into swinging, you either accept her as she is and stay in that monogamous relationship, or move on to someone who is more accepting of the LS. There really isn't any in-between here.

I understand this lifestyle isn't for everyone, but its getting to the point were either she accepts it or I will start cheating on her and destroy the relationship. If anyone has any suggestions please feel free to comment... Thank you.

You're right, it isn't for everyone, including your gf. Why cheat? So you can have your cake and eat it too? Doesn't really work that way. If she isn't accepting of the LS, then it's time to tell her it won't work out and and break up with her and let her find someone who won't cheat on her for sex. That is only fair to her. It's funny that you say you'll cheat and ruin the relationship. Why in the world would anyone cheat knowing they are going to ruin a relationship than just standing up, and admitting that they aren't in a relationship for the same reasons and bug out? I have no idea why people do this. In fact, your post is a no-brainer. Break it off with her and then you go out and find someone to play with. At least, let her off the hook with a little dignity.

[Alex855]

First hello there fellow San Diegan

The answer is right in front of you. From what you say this is a fairly new relationship and IMO you should break it off. Since you are already thinking of cheating it's obvious that the lifestyle is very important to you and from that very brief description of her it looks like she would never come around. So by you staying in this relationship you are robbing her and you of happiness. The more that time passes the more that it will hurt when the relationship ends. That is unless you stop wanting to swing.

Conservative is one thing which over time and through exploration it can be overcomed. Well it also depends on the individual of course. But jealousy? Now unless you are doing things to make feel that way then she is inherently jealous. And there is nothing you can do to change that. Its who she is and its her insecurity so you are asking quite the impossible from her. As you already know the couples who are succesfull in the lifestyle have a huge amount of trust.

From a male's perspective: IMO its a bad idea to introduce the idea of swinging in a new relationship. That is unless the woman has been involved in the lifestyle before, or is a very sexually charged girl and thus the topic of swinging came natural. But to bring that up to your average woman without the test of time (love, trust, and of course a little boredom in the bedroom) you are just asking to be shot down. No way... I know if i would had brought this up to my gf when the relationship was still new it wouldn't have gone anywhere. We aren't swingers (yet) but we are close, very close. Funny but Im not sure we would meet the def since we are not interested in full swaps (we want mfm so im not sure if it meers the criteria) and let me tell you its taken years to get to this point. If you do a search on my name you will my thread and see how long of a road it has been. Granted I know Ive taken a long time but hey patience is a virtue

[VegasLee]

but its getting to the point were either she accepts it or I will start cheating on her and destroy the relationship. If anyone has any suggestions please feel free to comment... Thank you.

Why don't you just be a responsible person and grow up and tell her the truth.

Simple, if you can not be with her without considering cheating move on and let her be with someone that has respect for her.

Cheaters are not swingers. Swingers have more respect for relationships then to consider cheating for cheap thrills.

[MsGoneWild]

I'm just going to second everyone else.


WHY in the world would you even attempt to be in a relationship with someone who is sexually incompatible with yourself?

Edit: Feel free to discuss the possibility with her. You'll never know until you do, but don't expect her to be into the lifestyle if she's "jealous and conservative."

[fun4Ds]

You know, there is a certain catch twenty two in your desires. I hope you understand the price you'll pay for nothing at all.

There is an old saying that goes something like, " for those who do not need what they want, nor want what they need, I'll not waste my time with"

Your that man, and I can only hope something, someone says here, resonates with you.

Welcome to the Swingers Board ~

[JustAskJulie]

Find a new girlfriend, it doesn't sound like swinging is going to be an option for the two of you. And if you really care about her you won't cheat on her. If you really care about her, you'll let her go and give her the opportunity to find someone else who can handle her.

Jealousy and swinging don't mix well.

All that said, have you told her about your swinging past? Have you expressed your need for more?

[ClosetSwinger]

Don't cheat, JUST BE HONEST. Imagine that HONESTY!? WOW WHAT A CONCEPT.

Explain to her she facinates you, you enjoy her company BUT you are not a monogamous person and you ARE a swinger and need to be in the lifestyle. Explain that you do not want to destroy her OR lie to her so that is why you are telling her this. If she is unable to deal with the sort of relationship you are looking for then she will say no and move on.

Sometimes being honest is REALLY hard but if I were in her shoes I would appreciate your honesty much more than being cheated on and lied to.

[JsWife]

Don't cheat, JUST BE HONEST. Imagine that HONESTY!? WOW WHAT A CONCEPT.

Explain to her she facinates you, you enjoy her company BUT you are not a monogamous person and you ARE a swinger and need to be in the lifestyle. Explain that you do not want to destroy her OR lie to her so that is why you are telling her this. If she is unable to deal with the sort of relationship you are looking for then she will say no and move on.

Sometimes being honest is REALLY hard but if I were in her shoes I would appreciate your honesty much more than being cheated on and lied to.

Well said!

[MacNfries]

I have to agree with "being honest" with her, and parting ways as FRIENDS. Who knows, someday either you or she may change your minds ... wouldn't it be nice knowing you could hook up again. If you cheat, she's pissed at you for LIFE.

Think of it this way ... you're running for Mayor/Senate or whatever, the votes for you and your opponent are tied, and she's casting the last vote ... do you have regrets or rejoice? I live my life by the Golden Rule ... Honesty is always the best policy.

[Emmywammy]

Cheating should never even remotely be considered. It's nice that she fascinates you, however, sex is an extremely important aspect of a relationship. Not to sound like Freud, but it's sort of the entire point.

Sure, you might be friends. But in the long run, the entire reason you spend so much time together is because one of your chromosomes differ (Unless, of course, you're gay. Then you're attracted to the same sex...due to sexual orientation).

People like to give the same advice, "Don't base a relationship entirely around sex", which is advice I would advocate; but by the same token, a relationship without sexual interest isn't a romantic relationship. It's a friendship.

Long story short and semantics aside, you need to either divulge your sexual desires and proclivities to her and see how it pans out, or you need to severe the tie.

Just speaking for myself here, but if I were to ever contract an STD from my partner due to their sleeping with another person without my knowing, the repercussion would be dire; IE, you'd probably lose your penis.

[Learning]

Move on or fess up and see how she takes it. It's so unfair to you both.