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Thread: Phone call rules

  1. #1

    Default Phone call rules

    I have phone call rules: don't start talking on the phone regularly until AFTER you meet. Exchange digits the day you are supposed to meet or night before, then only call sparingly if needed to reschedule.

    I started this rule form online dating. So many times, guys would want to call, get to know me, make up an illusion of who I am and then get all mad at me when we meet because I'm different on the phone then in person. WTF? Basically people start forming a mental image of who you are and bond with that instead of who you really are, then once you meet in person they are let down. Very much like people who try to act out a fantasy are disappointed in reality. To counter this problem, I came up with the no phone relationships prior to in person relationships.

    What I was not aware of is some swingers have the two emails send a phone number to verify she is real rule which conflicts with my, don't talk on the phone too early rule. If you use this, do you ask for her to call, or do you just send out the phone number?

    Often after much prodding and people emailing that it was rude of us not to call when they sent their number I will call them. Often the phone calls are awkward or it goes into immediate sex talk. It's rude to assume that even though we've never met, I want to talk sex with you. Call a phone sex hotline instead please. If we meet, and we click, yes, then we can talk on the phone flirt and have some sex talk. Even then if we haven't played yet, I don't want to get into to many details (fantasy vs reality let down problems could occur) when it comes to talking sex on the phone. I've become quite disgusted with a few husbands that I've never met chatting on IM sex talk (graphic details) or talking about them on the phone. I feel like I'm chatting with a horny teenager who hasn't learned how to handle his sexuality.

    I find I'm battling peoples desire to have phone relationships prior to meeting with my desire to not start one prior to meeting. How do you handle the phone call rules when it comes to people you are interested and have only seen their online profile?

  2. #2

    Default Re: Phone call rules

    We look at a pre-date phone call as a way to chat on the phone, make sure there are two halves of a couple who actually want to talk to us, and to become a little acquainted with each other. If there is no lady available to talk on the phone when asked we will not meet a couple. It's a little different than one-on-one dating, because of the dynamics of couples, and the very real possibility of being stuck on a date with a guy whose wife "couldn't make it". The phone call is often a requirement for many couples in swinging. In our opinion it's not too much to ask. If someone forms an illusion of you and then is disappointed in person, then they haven't been swinging or even dating for long .

    If you don't want to talk about sex on the phone or IM, just say politely but directly that you would rather leave those discussions for after you all decide you want to play after meeting in person. The exceptions to this are questions and answers about rules and preferences that can be deal-breakers, like whether you (or they) use condoms, whether both halves of the couples play, desires for girl-on-girl and similar things. We like to ask those questions before meeting someone, to eliminate wasted time on both sides.
    Through every dead and living thing, Time runs, like a fuse. -- Jackson Browne

  3. #3

    Default Re: Phone call rules

    I like your rules... they work for me. I'm not a phone person and I'm with you that my personality on the phone (especially if I haven't met you or don't know you well) is different from my personality in person. I can be myself on the phone only with those who know me really well, even then I'm usually quieter on the phone than in person.

    You may need to state your rules up front in your profile (with perhaps a disclaimer that you will do a phone call pre-meet if required to prove you are an actual couple, but not to expect anything more than that from the phone call).

    That said, I think it's really rude of people to just send you their number and not express that they "require" a pre-meet phone call, then get an attitude with you for not calling.
    The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

  4. #4

    Default Re: Phone call rules

    We never have a phone relationship and we always have a phonecall prior to meeting.

    I in fact never even talk on the phone, I have the Mrs. do it, this makes them happy if they are real, and quickly determines if they are not.

    I think you are worrying about something that just isn't much of an issue in swinging.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Phone call rules

    Our rule is after interest is established...that might be 2 emails or it may be 10 emails but once pictures are open and everyone seems agreeable then at that moment that interest has been established...then we expect the women to get on the phone to make sure everyone is real.

    Almost 90% of the time, two emails each is all it takes.

    Email 1 - hey, you look cute, read our profile and see if you are interested.

    Email 2 - yes, you look cute, let's open pictures.

    Email 3 - Yep, still cute. You guys still interested?

    Email 4 - Yep, us too. Are you us at xxx-xxxx and lets let the ladies set a date and place.

    A final thought but I'm not looking to reach out to people and meet them months from now. If you are reaching out to us our thoughts is that you want to meet us not that you are pondering dates weeks and weeks away. If you reach out to us on Monday, we are thinking, hey we might have a date on Saturday.

  6. #6
    Swingers Board Addict Coupleerotic22's Avatar
    M. Male - MrsCoupleErotic's other half

    Default Re: Phone call rules

    We don't have a defined process, although we may have process. I am trying desperately to remember how things went we we first started. Lately we have been meeting people at socials, usually before we know them online. If we see someone online we like that is going to the same social, we generally drop them a line and tell them we would like to introduce ourselves there.

    We really have not had any problems with meeting fakes. My wife says its my "conversational interrogation" techniques, as she calls them, lol. But we usually uncover fakes pretty quickly.

    Maybe we do have a system come to think of it. She generally chats people up, she loves to chat. If it gets to a point that she is interested and they want to meet, she turns it over to me. Then I look at her prior chats with party in question before I chat with them.

    Fakes are usually inconsistent in some manner, it is difficult to maintain consistencies when you are lying your ass off. If I steer the conversation correctly, they expose themselves, usually without realizing it. Then it is just a matter of pinning things down to verify. We have exposed several that way. They either come clean or just disappear.

    What is so stupid on their part is that we may have been interested in them for a threesome if they had been honest, but once they have crossed the Rubicon, all bets are off.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Phone call rules

    We typically exchange phone numbers once we set up a date. Kinda hard with our life to go into a date blind with no number to call in case something comes up, such as snowstorms (two here already this season) or job/family related delays.

    And then we text back and forth a bit if we feel like it, all depends on how much we have chatted online or in person before the date.

  8. #8

    Default Re: Phone call rules

    We are not a phone couple... We don't like to talk on the phone. Yes we will if someone makes us. Most people know us or about us..and we usually send our # the day or night before a date if you have an issue. We do like to chat on im. We do have a list of questions.. Some sexual some not to make sure we will click and have some of the basics out of the way. How do we know we want to meet someone if we have not clicked. A few pics and a profile are not much to go on. When you are talking about a night out. A drive and perhaps a waste of time. Our phone policy has perhaps cost us a couple or two, but who cares there are plenty of fish in the sea. We view it as another preference.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Phone call rules

    Of the many years we've been playing, we've only had one "formal" telephone conversation with another couple that wanted to verify us. Neither of us are "phone" people -- though my wife is much better at it than I am. That being said, we do traditionally exchange numbers close to the date in case there are unexpected issues. I guess we've been lucky in that we've never had issues with a "fake" couple, and we've only had one issue with a no show but that was a meeting at the club so it was totally ok with us. We actually had their number but choose not to call them because it felt odd and needy to do that. I will say that given our busy lives with kids, jobs, etc...texting has made it much easier to communicate with potential couples. Doesn't necessarily weed out the fakes, but helps a bit to "get to know them".
    Find us on SLS, Kasidie, Love Vodoo & Super Secret Swinger. We're also SwingerCast Podcast Fans!

  10. #10

    Default Re: Phone call rules

    As an afterthought to this discussion I thought I would come back and add that earlier in the lifestyle we found ourselves getting stood up a lot.

    We lived in a very touristy area (outside Myrtle Beach) and so we would see people coming to town for the week and want to meet locals. It seems that the norm for couples that do this is they reach out to 10 couples, maybe three will reply and setup dates. They book a date, if you are date number two and date number one goes very, very well then date two and three ends up getting blown off as they spend the entire week with date number 1.

    we have not been blown off once after a couple has given us their phone number. I find that amazing.

  11. #11

    Default Re: Phone call rules

    We mostly give out a cell number when we make a date in case someone needs to cancel. Since this is such a small community, it's easy to know who's who. We don't chat on the phone with couples generally before we meet. We text, IM or PM. The only time we've chatted on the phone was to tell them we were on our way (at their request) or we've hit a glitch and might be a late.
    Dave & Holly

  12. #12

    Default Re: Phone call rules

    If both sides have access to their email on their phone, is it really necessary to exchange phone numbers? Even if only one person per couple has email on his/her phone, no call needed even if there is a glitch, no?
    Do you feel that talking on the phone really does give a good idea about the people you will meet and is worth giving out your number?

  13. #13

    Default Re: Phone call rules

    What does email have anything to do with it?

    The phonecall is basically to be sure a woman is actually involved on the other end.

  14. #14

    Default Re: Phone call rules

    Quote Originally Posted by omoplata View Post
    If both sides have access to their email on their phone, is it really necessary to exchange phone numbers? Even if only one person per couple has email on his/her phone, no call needed even if there is a glitch, no?
    Do you feel that talking on the phone really does give a good idea about the people you will meet and is worth giving out your number?
    As a single guy you don't run into the issues couples do so its probably not as big of a deal but there are lots of single guys and wanna be swingers who are not real couples that pose as couples so the phone number weeds them out before you have wasted lots of time and energy into trying to get to know them. When you ask for their phone number they go silent very closed.

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