My name is Trina. My husband Tom and I have been swinging for the last 5 years. We typically play together although he is a pilot so he's gone a lot and sometimes we play seperately as well. We've both agreed this is ok, so long as everything is open and honest.
Recently, he was transferred to an overseas flight that keeps him away from home for days at a time. This is something that neither of us are used to as he hasn't been on an overseas flight since we first got together. We actually met when I was on his crew on an overseas flight. At the time he was in a relationship with someone else, but all the time we spent together in the air and overseas we developed feelings for each other and ended up getting together. I know it wasn't the best start for our relationship but we've worked through it and agreed that open and honest is the only way to be, so that those past errors don't get repeated. Or so I thought.
Just after he took this new flight we talked and I thought we had agreed that he wasn't going to play with anymore crew. This has kinda already gotten him in trouble once and it's what got him transferred off of his last flight (even though the transfer was a bit of a promotion really). I thought he understood that I was really worried about where this might lead, especially on the overseas flight, since that's where we started.
This week, when he was overseas I called his room and a stewardess answered. I have to admit I was a bit worried already as this wasn't the first time since he's taken this new route that something odd happened when I called. When he got home it was like there was a space between us and to make matters worse before I even got to greet him he had invited the entire crew over for a pool party without even asking me. I had no choice but to confront him, so I asked him point blank, "Did you sleep with her". He admitted that he had "slipped". He pointed out that we had played with her together in the past and she had been on our list of people it was ok for him to play with alone. He just didn't get it.
I was so mad that I wanted to just hurt him back and I told him I was going to go sleep with his co-pilot and quickly went to find him and make out with him. I know it was childish, but I was hurt and he just didn't seem to understand why. In the end I didn't sleep with his co-pilot because I realize that two wrongs don't make a right. But, I really don't know what to do. I don't know if I can trust him when he's away. We've agreed to stop swinging for a while, but I'm just not sure he will. He admitted to me that he wouldn't have even told me what happened if I hadn't asked. I'm scared and hurt. Any advice would be appreciated.