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  1. #31

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    Quote Originally Posted by two4youinswva View Post
    NumbskullsX2: Remind me to never piss you off.
    Dave & Holly

  2. #32

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    I... mentioned it would have been more comfortable for me and my wife if I had a playmate too as I didn't want the two of us guys on my wife all the time. He kind of avoided a direct answer about bringing "Pat" or another of his 'swinging partners'
    Most of the responders haven't focused on this... sounds like you absolutely knew he was single, and knew he plays alone and as a "play-couple" with various partners? When he showed without a partner, if you had cut the meeting off, it would make sense. (For the majority of couples that would have been the end of it. He didn't bring his partner, and that would be that.)

    But you knew there was no one else with him, and yet you chose to invite him to your home for (soft?) sex. He doesn't get to come over unless you invite him. The kind of sex he was allowed to have was determined by you - and from what you write it sounds like he submitted to your limits willingly. Interesting you have characterized the situation as him working you. The only thing "working you" was when he showed without his date - in our opinion that was a deal breaker, but it was water under the bridge long before you invited him over to play. After you decided to warm up to the guy anyway, and ultimately invite him over for sex, it seems ironic you would out him here on SB and say he was working you.
    Tell the people you love how you feel, and do what your heart tells you.

  3. #33

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    Check here and SLS for clubs near you.

    Enjoy the journey!
    Evel Knievel died of natural causes.

  4. #34

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?


    I guess we are just too naive and trusting for our own good. All the correspondence and conversations with this person up to the point of meeting were portrayed by him as a 'couple'... he and "Pat".

    Only after we met did he actually clarify that he was actually not married and had several swinging buddies... one of which was "Pat".

    You are correct on the fact that we should not have let it go any further. Trusting people we are and were easily led by this person. As JustAskJulie stated, we were also worked up prior to the meeting and still had a bit of that 'high' I guess.

    Looking back on all this and reading all the responses, I guess only we are to blame for letting things go as far as they did. No excuses.

    Trust us... it will NOT happen again. We learn from our mistakes.

    Yes, I was out of place to post this person's SLS on here. As I had previously... I apologize for that. That's another thing that will NOT happen again.



    We will be doing just that now that we have returned from our three day 5th Anniversary getaway.
    My opinion is just that... take it or leave it.

    Enjoy the "Now" nothing else exists.

  5. #35

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    Quote Originally Posted by JustMrJ
    Trust us... it will NOT happen again. We learn from our mistakes.
    We've all been there. I feel for you.
    There are fish in the water that haven't been caught yet.

  6. #36

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    chicup had it right. If the plan was for the four of you, you should have known about the change before the dinner. We probably would have left before finishing the first drink.
    Homo sapiens are not meant to be monogamous

  7. #37

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?


    It happens to everybody sooner or later. In fact, I would even say that it happens to everybody every so often, no matter how long they've been doing this. We all meet somebody that turns out to be not what they say they are, but because of our positive initial impression, we go further with them than we should. Afterwords, we say "We'll never do THAT again!" but a few years later, we do.

    You enjoyed the experience while it was happening, you haven't contracted any vile diseases, and you'll have an interesting story to tell in the years to come. This was just a bump in the road, that's all.

    (I'd still try to lure his lyin' ass back into an expensive hotel room, but that's just me talking. It would give you another interesting story to tell, though)

  8. #38

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    One very good thing that came from this is you have found that you enjoy MFM threesomes. Follow your turn-ons, be in it for each other's fun, and make it all about your relationship with each other. Tricky part about playing is, of course, the same is true for your play partners. They have their own reasons and desires. The better you know and can relate your interests to potential playmates, the better time you will have.

    We tend to play with way more couples, but we like to play with singles, too. We certainly might have decided to do exactly as you did, and invite the guy over. (Especially since you liked him and were attracted.) The coming without his partner thing would almost certianly have put us off, but have to say we lean towards actually believing the guy's story - the odds of saying you are a couple but showing up stag, and still being invited to play, makes the idea a real loser.

    A single guy likely has no control and no way to know whether a particular female play partner will show or not. It seems plausible he found out she wasn't coming, but figured he may as well go stag and give it a shot. In fact, everything he told you could be entirely true. Best way we've found to cut to the chase is have the women chat on the phone before the meet. (Tends to clear everything up, and you'll get a lot less BS.)
    Tell the people you love how you feel, and do what your heart tells you.

  9. #39

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    Yeah, you've been had. It happens. You chose to play with the guy anyway, so it's not surprising (to me, anyway) that the guy tried pushing the envelope to see just what he could get away with. But the important thing is ya'll had a good time for the most part, and have learned more about what you want (and what you don't want).

    I'd rather go to hell for doing something I enjoyed than heaven wondering what it's like.

  10. #40

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    Mr.J , I know you are hoping for future good times ahead. And I know our good times far out number our bad adventures. If any thing I just have to wonder

    Would you and Mrs.J consider MFM play again if the good guy came along ?

    Ya know, our MFM playing came to light by means of serendipity. was totally against it when we started and then found out sometimes we do enjoy the playing with an extra male. Just curious

  11. #41
    Guest MrsVan's Avatar

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    Being new we all make mistakes and we learn from them. I think that you obviously have learned by this situation and there is no reason to state any different.

    MrVan and I had a couple that we have tried to hook up with on several occasions and had tried to do dinner with them one evening but the husband sent MrVan a text and said that the wife could not make it but wanted to know if it was okay if he came out and had drinks with us. We knew right there that something was up but just told him politely that we will just have to make it another night as we would prefer them both to be there.

    We then told this same couple that we would be at a local party and they were to be there, but we never did see them so again we leave suspicions that this is not a couple.

    I think for you, lesson learned is that if the male of the couple is the only one to show up, then it may be best just to end it there and say that you would prefer that you meet when the wife is available. It is always so hard to know whether or not the couple on the other end of emails or chats, are truely a couple or just a single playing you. Just be cautious!


  12. #42

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?


    After talking it over with Mrs.J again, she said she would definitely consider MFM if there was a nice guy who was on the up and up and she and I both 'clicked' with.

    I have no problem as long as everyone is trying to please everyone and not just satisfy one player.


    Thank you for the information... We will both take it to heart.

    I believe we will be trying out a meet-and-greet party or a club soon, so there shouldn't be as much of a risk of a replay.

    Thank you all for your kind words and your brutal honesty.

    I remember a phrase that applies... "A true friend will tell you what you NEED to hear, not what you want to hear."

    So, again, thank you my friends. *HUGS*
    My opinion is just that... take it or leave it.

    Enjoy the "Now" nothing else exists.

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