If he can fuck other women, why can't I fuck other men?

[Rascal]

I can completely understand the feeling he has.... not to say that I share those feelings... I just completely understand his not wanting to share you with other guys but completely willing to be shared with other females. That was the agreement in the beginning... wasn't it? Did he ever say that eventually we'd do 4sums? or a MFM 3sum?.... My impression is No! That he talked you into doing a FMF 3sum and you ... for whatever reason wanted to do it ..... either for him... or because you thought you'd like to explore your own sexuality in that regard? I have no way of knowing... but intuitively know that you've both lived up to the original agreements..... only now you want to hold it over his head and say that he should now do something that he doesn't want to do.... even though he had made it clear from the beginning that he didn't want to do it. Isn't this sort of a blackmail? In the swinging world we should all try to do what "we" want to do .... even if we're doing it for the other person... isn't it in reality for us? We derive pleasure from doing what we do.... if we don't derive pleasure from it.... we stop!
Ron the Rascal

[bbwcouple38]

When my husband and I first got into the LS we both agreed that he would have no contact with the other women. I couldn't handle seeing him with another woman ans he said he didn't want to. But yet he loved to watch me with another woman and do me while I pleasured her. And he loved to see me with another man. He said it was about me being pleasured.
The key is to talk about it before you start in he LS. If he is not ok with you being with another man then maybe you guys should take a break until he can be. But then again, he may never be ok with it.

Rascal said it all!!! I totally agree! Well said

[shes_in_parties]

You know, we had the same rule as OP for a while (and the inverse of bbwcouple38 above). I wasn't ready to see her with another guy and we only had 2 real 3somes where I fucked other women. She said she enjoyed watching me having fun, and didn't want other men. When I finally got over myself and watched her with another guy, it was exciting AND jealousy-inducing at first, but the second part quickly faded away. I realize now I wasn't being entirely fair and I'm glad she accommodated me, but it's so much better watching your wife in her own porno!

Here's what I suggest - play with some other couples on a girls-play-and-guys-watch-and-fuck-their-own-girl basis for a bit. At some point you'll find a couple you both feel ok enough with to move forward.

[lookingfornow]

I think the basic answer to your question is because that was not a part of the deal that you each made when you first decided to start playing with others.

I acknowledge that the rule seems one-sided and unfair. But, you apparently did not insist upon the option of playing with other men when you first started playing with other women (and allowed him to join in, too). It is unclear what he might have said if you had insisted upon the right to play with other men as a condition to bringing another woman into your bedroom. It seems likely that you were as interested in playing with other women as he was, else why would you agree to the one way rule. If you had insisted upon a two way arrangement, he might not have agreed.

How or why the unequal arrangement came about, I don't think it is fair to paint him as the bad guy. If you wanted equal participation rights, you should have insisted upon them from the beginning. If you don't like him playing with other women, then stop bringing them into your bedroom. If you enjoy women and don't mind sharing them with him, then continue with your current arrangement. But, don't think that your willingness to share women with him should necessarily mean that he must be willing to share you with other men.

[nhcpl1968]

Mmmm...this does not sound like swinging to me. It sounds like an unequal relationship where one party is having his fantasies fulfilled and the other is not. Please reevaluate your needs and how this imbalance is making you feel.

I agree

[magnum]

I would say that your huaband is being unreasonable...Plan and simple...

[Texasfuncouple]

What you describe does not sound like swinging at all!

[jimnjan]

You're right, it is unfair. You need to make him talk about it to you. Tell him no more other women until/unless he's going to be fair. Otherwise, this could lead to a breakdown of your marriage. Your marriage should be more important to him than the other women, if not, you have your answer.

[Rascal]

yes, what they described wasn't really what you'd call swinging... it could have been a nice start to a swinging lifestyle but it never made it all the way. Swinging isn't for everyone.... and if she managed to force the issue and found out later that he just couldn't take the knowledge that she would like having sex with other guys. Then their marriage would suffer! I would suggest that they spend a little time talking between themselves.... and try to understand each others motivations and desires.

[fun4Ds]

Just courious, who sets up thes playdates with the other women ?

[LikeMinds321]

This thread was started 6 months ago by an unregistered person and they haven't come back into their thread as a registered member (you have to register to come back on and post) and I hope she will.

It is a good discussion for those in a similar situation.

LM

[sexkitten1203]

At the beginning, were threesomes with other women the only thing brought up?
Ok, PLEASE don't flame me or think I am an insensitive, selfish ass, BUT...
Just because she is OK with him playing with other women does NOT obligate him to be OK with her playing with other men, no matter what the situation is. If her fantasy is to play with other men, that's great. Even better she is open about it. But again, just because she is OK with him and other women, why should he be expected to be OK with the reverse?
I agree maybe they should have talked in depth before anything ever happened. Maybe they did, I don't know. Maybe she is just recently having these desires, I don't know.
In my opinion, if this is a problem for her, they just need to quit this lifestyle all together. If she can not come to terms with him not being OK with something, and he is not OK with her doing said activity, who is to say who is right? Sex is sex, yes. But they ARE different situations. I can't sit here and basically call the guy selfish, like it seems so many other people have, and not the the same about the original poster, because NEITHER are OK with each other's wishes. One of them needs to give. And it can either be the girl, who won't get another guy, or the guy, who very well may believe that serious damage may be done if they do invite another guy. Personally, between fantasy and relationship, I'd say pick the relationship. And if you believe that you LETTING him play with other women basically means that you expect him to be OK with you and other men... that's not what it's all about.
R (the guy)

[thedreamyone]

Okay why are you unable to talk to him unless your having sex with him? I don't understand why your letting him bring other woman in to your bed when he don't want to even consider you having another man..What's good for the Goose is good for the Gander..If he don't see it that way then you two deffently need to take a break from the hole situations then..Then set down and talk to each other without the promise of sex or sex involed..If either one of you cannot come to an agreement of what you want out of the Lifestyle then just step out until you both can..

[jackanddianetn]

I totally agree with all of the posts....we started out with fmf..it was great...but then we decided to go to couples...he is totally ok with having me with another man...he said it turned him on to see me enjoy myself with another man..he didnt think he would at first but he said just the look on my face was enough to convince him...if you two are totally in love with each other and know nothing will break that up then there is no problem...just sounds like he wants to be with other women and that way you cant say he is cheating on you cause you are sharing them...I would have a quick talk with him...

[willyoats]

My wife had an affair quite early in the marriage. That was actually OK with me because we had agreed quite early on that if we had a good opportunity to fool around, we should go for it. She was successful and I wasn't. Her affair really turned me on, and sex between us actually improved a lot because of that. However, she said that she would never do it again because the sneaking around was too stressful.

Many years later, I wanted to start fooling around, and swinging was a good way to avoid the "sneaking around" problem. She didn't care much about having other guys because, as far as she was concerned, our sex life was just fine. So, she seemed quite indifferent to the idea, but said it was OK for me to go fuck as many other women as I wanted. I thought that meant we might go to clubs where I could get the girl and she would sit around flirting, dancing and such while waiting for me. One night while we were talking about getting started she said, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander."

From then on it was clear that she was going to screw as much as I was. It's not that she particularly wanted other guys, but as long as I was getting laid, she was going to enjoy some attention, too. Fair enough.

The moral: she has always had the backbone to say what she wants and stick to it. That is part of the reason that she is such a delightful partner; there is never any doubt about where she stands on a subject. No waffling, no holding back.

I strongly recommend that any woman whose husband is screwing around and who, herself, wants to fuck other men should stand up and tell the old man to suck it up. Playing the part of the victim is not pretty, is not healthy, and will not have a good outcome. If you don't stand up for what you need or want, you won't get it.