I need help understanding my wifes, mixed signals.

[mfmyeahbaby]

Ok the wife and I have been to many heights during our 10 yrs playing together. Our play has mainly consisted of mfm play with one main character if you will. There has been a couple of fmf's and mfmf's but mfm is our chosen golden key. I simply love her pleasures as she seeks to enjoy them freely and fully. She enjoys my thrills about her sexual joyrides. Not to mention but our introduction into all of this came from her. She kind of half heartedly mentioned sex with one of her girlfriends. That never happened but we did venture into other things. Sounds good so far. Great! The problem isn't what happens, not even when it happens. Our problem is she is very reserved about her feelings about our play outside of actually playing. I'm afraid to mention any of it most of the time. I would love to be able to reflect back on a great play session and increase our moods. When we play its always behind a little artificial stimulation, then its on. As mentioned we play mainly within mfm only. I don't have a problem with that because I truly enjoy the sights and sounds of her pleasures, and she truly indulges herself fully in the whole for her pleasures zone. As a matter of fact I've been in contact with someone I met on sls and uncharacteristic to my nature I showed her his pics and our emails back and forth. I was very surprised by her reaction which was kinda big eyed and a nod, as if to say you did good when do we do it. Now yes I said I found this person because I am very turned on by her in that way, not a I love to see her fucking him way, but a she's very sexually stimulating the way she is so turned on and into it kind of way. So thats why I'm hooked. The new guy I just met promises to be everything we could possible want in a complete mfm situation, which makes it a good scenario for us, but still I have this problem. If we both enjoy the play we have and thats mainly mfm (on her side), why is it that she acts so on the fence about it until her mood is just right? How do I approach and get a possitive reaction without thinking all hell is going to break loose? :surrender Any help with this would be appreciated.

[Chicup]

This behavior is called, being a woman

[spectraschain]

100%

[spectraschain]

How do I approach and get a possitive reaction without thinking all hell is going to break loose?

Do what I do...always assume hell is gonna break loose. No surprises.

[mfmyeahbaby]

I so agree. She really sends me mixed signals. We really do enjoy our play and yes I do prefer the mfm because of her reactions. but damn it man why can't she just make it easier and say "honey lets invite so and so over and play tonight, I'm feeling horny". OOOooopppssssss did I say that. I mean I guess I can if you want to, oh my god that is good, I'm glad we did it tonight. wats that shhhheeeet

[spectraschain]

My next wife is gonna be a man.....

[Edison Carter]

Susan here--It's part of her ritual for sex play. Humans love their rituals. And, unless she's into self-actualization, it's not going to change.

[fun4Ds]

Come on, ya cant expect her to say what you want to hear, the way you want to hear it, can ya? She is talking to you, but maybe your not catching what she is saying. I miss things all the time, I'm a guy .

Sometimes when men and women talk, its almost like speaking different languages really.
We have known each other a very long time and communication is something that takes allot of practice.

Sometimes Mrs.fun can say something in a subtle way, that I totally miss. So I just ask again with "I'm sorry, but I don't understand, do you mean this? And usually I'm soooo wrong but I'm a guy, its o.k.

This is where on my part I've had to ..... listen, listen hard and listen more. Sometimes a small word or tone, can take on a whole new meaning to the conversation. Mrs fun says its my male gender defect but I believe we are just different creatures, speaking different languages that want each other.

I've said it before, I'm a guy I like things black and white. I don't do well in the Gray area but the thing is, if i pay attention and listen... Mrs.fun is not in the grey area at all.... its actually quite colorful.

An example: Mrs.fun is at work having to deal with people and being a take charge woman. I wonder sometimes how the hell she accomplishes that. But none the less, sexually, she likes to be submissive. She doesn't want to have to explain. To go with her flow, I need to know and understand....When where and how ..... not so much why.. I don't analize this but respond to her slight messages. Now this is just an example because through our communication I understand she may change her mood or feelings. She may want the attention of a being the center of a mfm experience.

Or, sometimes want to just be close, be heard and needs romance. Occasionally, even the company of another woman.

So I'm just saying listen and try to understand a different language, she might just be saying what you want to hear after all.

[Lovethenights]

It sounds like your wife may have grown to the point she is willing to live out her fantasies and pleasures and share them with you in a very mature way, however, she may retain a little bit of a previously ingrained "this is wrong" sort of engram. That may make her, apart from her wild times, simply compartmentalize her playtime into those periods when she's ready for it and into it. In between, she may prefer for it to stay a closed door. To some extent, that's not bad, unless it ruins it for you. In that case, you might engage her in a discussion of how she "feels" ( I know that word makes us guys sweat profusely) about the wonderful times you have together when you play and see if she expresses any notion of wanting to keep the playtimes separate from the rest of her life. If she answeres, "yes," then you can accomodateher or engage her in a long discussion of how you'd like to feel your lives are totally integrated and not compartmentalized, etc, etc, etc.... Basically, find your comfort level with her and negotiate to her comfort level and both of you enjoy what sounds like a wonderful situation.

[mfmyeahbaby]

That's why I love this board. who said swingers only think with certain parts. I think everyone's input is totally valuable and I think you all hit it right on the head. we speak different languages. its not that she doesn't want to play (all though I may feel like that) she just doesn't exhibit the same openness about it as I do. I can talk about it all day, and she can talk about it when were in the zone. I guess I got a little confused because we've talked very recently about playing (after taking a year off)and she was very built up about it practically wanting to suck and fuck any guy we mutual chose, but when I showed her the dialog from the emails and pics from this guy I found on sls (I picked him because I don't foresee any problems or jealousy and I know he has what would turn her on) she kinda sorta smiled in shock and didn't say anything. now I know deep down inside that when it came down to it and we were all together saying lets do it, she'll take it upon herself to indulge and enjoy, so why not just talk freely and lets have fun. Again I truly appreciate all the responses, they make good sense.