Don't want to share him, but ok for me to play

[MetroMike]

You haven't mentioned how Mr. Indy feels about all this. I suspect he is not happy, and I can't blame him. If you keep the MFM going without 100% buy-in from him, you might as well kiss your marital bliss goodbye.

Wow how closed minded of you....especially since she was asking for opionions. Marital bliss is gone? Cmon.

How is this close-minded? Isn't it clear that what I said was my opinion? Did I say her marital bliss was gone? What the heck are you talking about? Never mind, don't answer, I really don't care.

Single women? I proceed with great caution.

Shelly I would have to agree with you there.

Also, I don't understand why the other posters are warning you to watch out for single women. If you can't trust your husband to resist the Sirens, maybe you shouldn't swing.

Holy cow, you have turned this into a 1)I'm thinking I dont want to share my man...into 2) holy crap every woman wants to take my man from me!

Umm, no I haven't. I think it's more like I'm suggesting she not take the advice of people in this thread who seem to say "Watch out for single women, they will take your man away!" No one can take someone else's man/woman away. Those men/women make their own choices.

It may be the "you" in my sentence "If you can't trust your husband to resist the Sirens, maybe you shouldn't swing" that is confusing you. I meant it as the same kind of "you" you might find in a saying like "You can't take it with you."

Is it me, or does it seem like anyone who criticizes a "regular" like Mrs. Indy is ripped to shreds, but if they level that same criticism at a first time poster, the whole gang jumps on board. Seems like there was a thread about this a year or so ago.

[clutch]

Hullo Mrs. Indy,

Like all of these posts, the following are just my opinions. And if I were in your shoes and it were me asking the question, I'd take what I regarded as the "chicken" and throw the "bones" over my shoulder. (So if I'm just giving you a bunch of old bones, chunck 'em all over your shoulder.)

If I were you, I'd always trust my intuition as it's telling you something. Don't know exactly what, but definitely something.

1. I think some of the other writers have a point about being a little nervous about sharing your hubby with a single woman. You may be seeing something subconciously. Explore it with yourself and with him. If he's a typical guy, he'd probably say something like, "Ahh you have nothing to worry about."

Maybe that isn't true and maybe it is.


2. It could be you are worried about your own heart over craving for someone else and are transfering that to him.

3. Whatever it is, it's very possibly "fear based," and whether or not there's a foundation for fear, nonetheless, it's still a very real thing that needs to be defined and addressed.

4. Defining and addressing fear is 99.9% the solution.

5. Would you say that your strong-as-ever desire to continue to swing is equally weighted to your desire not to have your husband swing? How pertinent is that single girl thing. Would it be okay with other marrieds?

6. You both might consider taking a swinging sabatical of a month or six so that you could emotionally back off and look at things from a different light.

7. Try overlaying your wedding commitments to each other to what's going on in your life right now. (My wife and I had agreed that swinging would be an open topic in our dialog before we got married.) However, for reasons similar to yours, we have taken swinging sabaticals from time to time. I think a lot of couples do.

So, bottom line, I think you should take your feelings seriously, and I wish you all the love and luck in the world.

[ShellyM]

I think it's more like I'm suggesting she not take the advice of people in this thread who seem to say "Watch out for single women, they will take your man away!" No one can take someone else's man/woman away. Those men/women make their own choices.

Hey, leave me out of your argument! For the record! The question asked me who I am cautious about, and I answered it honestly. Don't pull me into you and Louie's argument man.

[ShellyM]

Also, for the record. I am not saying that every single female is a marriage predator, seeking whom she may have. Thats not what I meant. AND, also for the record, I know that married women and married men are capable of falling in love/lust and destroying marriages. I was merely giving my answer to the OP.

[northindycpl]

Thanks for the replies.

To clarify.... We aren't in double-standard land yet...nor do I want to be.

It simply boils down to me not wanting to share him at all with any woman...married or single.

And further, my desire to be with a woman is waning, too. I am not that into it anymore.

Honestly, we have been on a break for a bit, but looking for the break to be over.

It boils down to a sharing issue. I wondered if others felt, at times, if sharing was out of the question.

[sereneiders]

Recently, I have noticed that I have been feeling like I just don't want to share Mr. Indy with another woman-especially single women. I can't explain why or when this started, it just started happening.

Now on the other hand, as badly as this sounds, I would have no issue at all entering into double-standard land. In fact, I have really started to enjoy MFM's a lot more then I ever thought I would. Because of this reason, we haven't been as active as we have been. In fact, we are not active at all.

Do you guys think this is a phase or symptomatic of an underlying issue- or am I over analysizing it to death?

Well, not ncesarily a double standard. Perhaps it is BECAUSE you realize how much you like the MFM thing!

I guess this would be normal. You really enjoy being with guys, you know for sure this won't affect your feelings towards your husband, nor your relationship, thus you're in "control" in this scenario.

But you may feel a little insecure about the opposite scenario, much like "IF he were enjoying other females as much as I do with other guys, I don't know if this wouldn't or isn't affecting his feelings with a potential impact on our relationship", thus, you'd lose "control" in this other scenario.

It's just a tought.

[apraskov]

Does he still makes you feel the ONE and only one special person in his life? Perhaps it is not the sex that bothers you, but the fact that you are sharing his feelings and attention that otherwise would be received only by you?

My .02

Thanks for the replies.

To clarify.... We aren't in double-standard land yet...nor do I want to be.

It simply boils down to me not wanting to share him at all with any woman...married or single.

And further, my desire to be with a woman is waning, too. I am not that into it anymore.

Honestly, we have been on a break for a bit, but looking for the break to be over.

It boils down to a sharing issue. I wondered if others felt, at times, if sharing was out of the question.

[northindycpl]

Does he still makes you feel the ONE and only one special person in his life? Perhaps it is not the sex that bothers you, but the fact that you are sharing his feelings and attention that otherwise would be received only by you?

My .02

Good question... I will have to think about it and get back to you

[TwoLittleBirds]

Hey, this is an easy question!

Of course there are times I don't want to share my little bird! Not only sexually, but time-wise. Let's put it this way. I like when my wife and I have a friend or two over for dinner. But there's times I just want it me and her. Jeolous of a lover? Heck, there are times I'm jeaolous of the TV; Hey Oprah! Give me back my wife! Of course, there are times I'd love to see her laughing... or orgasming... with someone else.

I'm sure all the ladies already know some men can be like little boys, and there are times we want all your attention. And there are times we're just men, and want your to ourselves.

Now, as for double standards, I guess if one of us was feeling like not sharing, we'd have to behave ourselves, too. But that's just how I think we'd do it.

[telly2]

I know for us there are no more single females or males allowed. Couples only, that way there is a sence of both getting what they want, and no jelousy on any side. It cured all our problems where this is concened