Is it possible for a single, older staright male to find interested couples or single

[irishbrian]

Thats a question, is there someone for everyone in the swing scene or are some profiles real hard to get started?
I am brand new to this whole scene, I am planning to go to my first swing party this Saturday, yikes. I am a single 55 year old male who had been sexually starved in a bad marriage and I am now determind to catch up on a missed life. However I see that it seems quite difficult for a single, older staright male to find interested couples or singles for that matter. Any advice on this and on what I should expect come Saturday would be much appreciated.

Brian

[Miss_Piggy]

well, let's just get this one out of the way right off the bat...

Is your sex starved marriage now over?

If yes, then let my start by apologising for even coming close to making such an assumption. (We tend to have a bit of a problem with married, single men.)

Of course there are people out there who are interested in single men. There are people out there interested in all sorts of much crazier things. That being said, there are some challeneges associated with your position. There is already a lot of good advise around here for single men trying to get into swinging.

Check out the singles forum.

[irishbrian]

Yes.

Brian

[Chicup]

If your problem is you are sex starved then swinging is not going to be a happy place for you.

Even as a couple you don't really get 'more' sex. Its different, its fun, but its not more.

Unless you are in great shape, are a great talker, or have no standards I think you are going to be disapointed.

I think you would be much better served spending your time and money at a upscale bar if you are looking for sex. They tend to be middle aged meat markets and I'd think you would have a much better chance of finding someone in that situation.

[Tia Vampire]

Irishbrian i see that you live in kissimmee, that is about a hour in a half from where i'm going to tell you about. The place where we frequent, it is mostly an older crowd. everone is very friendly and even as a new person there, you may get lucky.There are both single woman, single men, and couples there. i think you will fit right in. it is calle the fantacy house. e- mail me and i'll give you directions. i don't knowif you are allowed to do that on the board posts. Good luck and hope you have fun.

[irishbrian]

Just wondered if you were trying to be rude and crude or if that just comes naturally? I came here being honest and open about my current situation if I just wanted sex well I can always hire it can't I. So whoever you are got over yourself and learn some manners, you don't know me I do not frequent bars I don't drink as an ex 24 year military man I am in very good shape and I am also very very amusing and intelligent. Think I can do better than middle aged meat markets!!!

Brian

If your problem is you are sex starved then swinging is not going to be a happy place for you.

Even as a couple you don't really get 'more' sex. Its different, its fun, but its not more.

Unless you are in great shape, are a great talker, or have no standards I think you are going to be disapointed.

I think you would be much better served spending your time and money at a upscale bar if you are looking for sex. They tend to be middle aged meat markets and I'd think you would have a much better chance of finding someone in that situation.

[lovinher]

I think as you do more reading around here you will find Chicup was being neither rude or crude. Makes perfect sense to me.

[Chicup]

Just wondered if you were trying to be rude and crude or if that just comes naturally? I came here being honest and open about my current situation if I just wanted sex well I can always hire it can't I. So whoever you are got over yourself and learn some manners, you don't know me I do not frequent bars I don't drink as an ex 24 year military man I am in very good shape and I am also very very amusing and intelligent. Think I can do better than middle aged meat markets!!!

Brian

I don't think there is anything 'better' about a swing club than a bar if you are a single guy. At a swing club you are just a sex toy for the few couples that might be willing to let you join in.

I wasn't rude or crude, I'm telling you like it is and you will soon find out.

[Amanda69]

Just wondered if you were trying to be rude and crude or if that just comes naturally? I came here being honest and open about my current situation if I just wanted sex well I can always hire it can't I. So whoever you are got over yourself and learn some manners, you don't know me I do not frequent bars I don't drink as an ex 24 year military man I am in very good shape and I am also very very amusing and intelligent. Think I can do better than middle aged meat markets!!!

Brian

But why are you choosing a swinging event to obtain more sex? Maybe that is the part of this that is sticking in the throat of some of the posters. Chicup is right in that we don't get "more" sex it is just different. We involve others in our sex life which increases (if it is ideal) our attraction and our pleasure with our partners.

Hell if I (female) just wanted more sex I would go to a singles bar anyday.

The choice to involve yourself in swinging should not be about "more sex" once you realize this maybe you will make a great additional "toy" to the many couples in the lifestyle.

[prettylady]

I think IrishBrian, just happened to make the point that his former life was less then what he would have liked. Sex staved just happened to be one point of contension. (?spelling). This board is full of sex talk and open honest discussion. I think our new friend was looking for some friends to support him in his new life.
I too am new here Irish and I have misunderstood good advice for an attack. Chicup has great advice and pulls few punches while deliving them (that was ment to be a complimant). Honesty, however harsh, is the backbone of this group. Please take what you hear with a grain of salt and understand this. If you are insulted let it be know and like they did just before me they stated their point again with more cushion.
I am sorry your marriage did not work out. You never know were you will find your soul mate and swing partner. I found my in a fitness center, I didn't know anything about swinging and he was worried I would think of him as a freak.
There is another post somewhere here that says if you word an online dating ad the right way you could attrack the right woman for you. We "alternate" lifestylers seem to have a code way of talking and with the right wording you could find her.
I hope you stay on with us.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[Tia Vampire]

I took my friend to a swing house for the first time. She has now been dating this guy she met there for about a month. He was looking for a nice woman that was already in the life- style. So to answer your question irish, yes there is someone out there for everyone.

[Chicup]

I took my friend to a swing house for the first time. She has now been dating this guy she met there for about a month. He was looking for a nice woman that was already in the life- style. So to answer your question irish, yes there is someone out there for everyone.

I once hit an inside straight playing poker with my friends.

Its still not a good bet.

[good times]

I have to say that I agree with the others for the most part. As a regular club attendee I can tell you that most of the time single males come to the club, sit around at the bar for a while, and then go home. It is true that once in a while they get lucky and get invited to play but like Chicup said, they would get a lot more action at a singles bar than a swingers club. If you read a bit in the singles forum you will quickly find that the reason for this is that the supply of single males in the lifestyle is far greater than the demand for them. As an example, our regular club allows six single males per night. They each pay $50.00 per night to attend the club (couples pay $30.00 per week). In the last six months I have only seen two nights that more than two single males got invited to play with anyone. On the two nights when they all got to play it was when one woman came and did them all in a gang-bang type of setting. So, while I would never say that a single male shouldn't attend the clubs if that is what they want to do. I would recomend they go with no expectations, because, their isn't always someone for everybody even if you are a couple, but even less so if you are a single male.

[curiousagain]

Irish, as a single male in your age group, I have to back what chiccup said in his first post. It's supply and demand, simple as that. He wasn't being rude, just brutally honest and you need that right now.

Let me preface a comment with the warning that what I am about to say is not an attack, it's not rude, it's just plain advice coming from someone who has been a SM for about 5 years and about 3 of them in the lifestyle.

If you aren't the kind of guy for whatever reason that can walk in a bar and pick up someone on any given night, you're going to be very disappointed in the lifestyle. If you are that kind of guy, you're still going to find it 10 times more likely to "get lucky" on the singles scene than in the lifestyle, remember the supply and demand thing? After all of that, you still have to "get it" as far as the lifestyle and the role the single male plays in it to stay in the lifestyle and enjoy it.

My advice is to date, enjoy other parts of your life, and if you want pursue the lifestle as just a little something you enjoy doing occasionally. You may meet someone in the lifestyle and become part of a couple, but as has been stated, that's not the way to bet. Of course, you could meet someone outside of the lifestyle then become swingers together. I dare say most of the couples on here began that way.

Good luck

[Thrax]

I agree with a lot that has been posted in this thread, but depending on how mature you are -- and we all know that age does not necessarily indicate maturity -- you might be able to make your foray into swinging work as a supplement to your "regular" sex life.

So now I will bore you with a long post.

I decided to test the lifestyle about six years ago. I was 44 and just out of a long-term relationship that had sort of fizzled out. I thought my "vanilla" dating and relationships for the previous 20+ years had included a reasonable amount of freakiness here and there (role-playing, handcuffs and feathers, toys, food, etc. -- I'm gettin' a little excited about some of the memories now! ) but I had never been in an FMF, MFM, orgy, exhibitionistic and some other situations. Those scenarios intrigued me.

So, in addition to getting back into the regular one-on-one dating scene at that time, early 2000, I started reading what I could find about swinging. I thought that since I wasn't in a committed relationship, I could explore some wilder things. I did a LOT of searching on the Web. It would have been nice to have a resource like this Board available, but regardless I did find a lot of articles about the lifestyle. Lots of masturbation material ( yeah, so?), but also some good advice on what to expect and what a single male should and should not do.

I finally got up the nerve to attend some clubs in my area. I lucked out. My first visit I played with a couple and then a single female. Over the next year-and-a-half/two years I visited clubs about 10 times and played every time but one. Lots of firsts: First time screwing in front of other people, first MFM, first FMF (involving being tied up to a St. Andrews Cross at one point), first orgy situation, first DP, etc. Lots of stuff I couldn't do in my "vanilla" dating. So, I got to try a lot of interesting and fun things that I would not otherwise get to try, so I think it was a good choice to try the lifestyle, even as a single male.

In the last few years, I've joined some Yahoo Groups devoted to swinging and went to a lot of swinger meet-and-greets, picnics, and house parties. Frankly, I got to play only about 50% of the time at these events, but since I don't expect to get laid every time, I'm still having fun. I treat these events as parties and if something extra occurs, then bully for me. Besides, in most cases I reveal myself as an okay guy -- or at least that's what people think -- so even when I don't get to play at events I have couples, and in one case a single woman, contact me for a later meeting. So, I have some innocent, flirty fun. And it's advertising.

Most of it has been fun. However, like curiousagain, I view this activity as a supplement to my regular sex life. I really would still like to find the "one", but as long as I'm not in an exclusive relationship, I'll dabble in the lifestyle.

So, if you're going to pursue this, realize that, first of all, the odds are really against you. At the singles bar many of the available females are looking for an available male (or that's what they say ). In SwingWorld most couples are NOT looking for a single male, and damn few single females are. Since there are usually limits on single males in swing settings, if you get in you have a chance, but in that venue there are also fewer couples or single females looking to hook up with you. So the odds are against you. And unlike the vanilla world, where you can often move from one singles bar to another, there usually aren't that many swing clubs to visit...and the entry fees are higher.

The other thing is the dynamic of the singles bar vs. the swing club. In the singles bar a single male is expected to be reasonably aggressive: coming on to a woman, buying her drinks, chatting her up, etc. Your aim is to let her know that you are the Alpha male that she should want to leave with. So, you try to dress well, have good hygiene, show you can carry a conversation (if you can be heard above the music), and you are flush enough to buy drinks.

However, at the swing club, you should be trying to prove that you are NOT the Alpha male in the potential sex situation, but the male whom the Alpha female is interested in and the Alpha male is okay with. Consequently, you must spark some interest in the woman while engaging the hubby/male SO as a friend/ally. Basically, you're trying to tell this couple that you are socially capably, can deliver the goods sexually, but you're not interested in impinging on their relationship. They're looking for the that extra erection, and maybe you can provide it. So, you still have to dress well, be in good shape, follow good hygiene, be able to carry a conversation, etc. Yeah, it's a little different from the singles scene. More like tap dancing in a minefield. You're dealing with TWO people you have to woo (regardless of whether you want to have sex with just her or with both of them).

You say you are 55 y.o. Unless you are an arrogant S.O.B. you probably can have some fun in the lifestyle if you use your experience and stand back, evaluate the situation, and see how swinging differs from the vanilla lifestyle. And I feel that dabbling in the swinging world will most likely enhance your overall sex life. However, I caution against making it your target. A hobby, yes, but for a single male it isn't much of a true lifestyle.

I know this post is too long and I've probably forgotten many things I wanted to say, and said some things wrong, but feel free to ask questions if I haven't been clear on my experiences or thoughts.

Thrax