View Poll Results: How much have your rules changed now that you are active in the lifestyle?

132. You may not vote on this poll
  • They haven't. We follow the exact same rules as always.

    11 8.33%
  • They have been modified slightly, but the principle is still there.

    37 28.03%
  • We have eliminated all, but just a few, standard rules.

    33 25.00%
  • Rules? What rules? Ready, willing and able for anything, anytime.

    11 8.33%
  • Wife Changed the rules when she started to get into playing with others.

    6 4.55%
  • Husband changed the rules when he started to really play with others.

    1 0.76%
  • We changed our rules together.

    56 42.42%
Multiple Choice Poll.
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Results 16 to 30 of 69
  1. #16

    Default Re: Rules gone by the wayside

    Our "standards" may be evolving (I didn't think I could get much "pickier", but I have), but the rules haven't changed. We really just had a couple: condoms required, I don't do anal, and be honest if it isn't working.
    I'll give up my bad habits as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available. A. Brilliant

  2. #17

    Default Re: Rules gone by the wayside

    All rules are still in tact. Sometimes we both get out of hand, but is reminded of the rules from the other spouse;NO tongue, safe sex, same room, no sleeping around seperately and no slepping with the other person ALL night. We also own a swingers club. Other people think that is a call to be more forward with us than other. But we are still people and in the lifestlye the same as some others are: GOOD CLEAN FUN! No strings attached, Honesty and up front, no DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. #18
    Chimpin' Ain't Easy Spoomonkey's Avatar
    Married Monkeys - will you be our vine?
    SLS Handle

    Default Re: Rules gone by the wayside

    Well - when we started we were soft swing only with very limited touching and "hands off!" zones. We also we "no kissing" and Mrs Spoo was completely straight (she'd kiss a woman - maybe - but see the above "no kissing" rule :rollseyes ).

    I will say that these are fine rules and actually work quite well for people - but they lasted a very, very short time for us. Now we are full swap with the only limits being anal (not our thing on either side of the fence).

    We laugh at how much our first "friends" probably saw us like a swinging crime scene - completely taped with yellow "DO NOT CROSS" flare.

    I always say this, but rules are excellent and important, but you find that the further you explore this, rules are replaced with simple respect. If you know what would hurt your spouse, don't do it. I could tell you how we play now, but I don't think we really have any "rules" as such anymore.

    "Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities." - C. S. Lewis

  4. #19

    Default Re: Rules gone by the wayside

    There aren't many rules that have been laid down infront of me that I have not bent or broken. I guess, no anal for sure, but just simple respect towards Dog and myself, that should be enough to keep me feeling safe and happy.
    Your friend,
    To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

  5. #20

    Default Re: Rules gone by the wayside

    I think you said what I feel PrettyLady. If our rule says no anal and my wife in another room wants it, I expect her to break the rule. No kissing seems to take away the passion. That and same room seems sometimes like a possesion, or not without me or I am jealous of you alone with another man kind of thing but some just want to be together, share all and watch the other while reserving something ONLY for the two of them in their marriage. My thing is, I dont expect my wife to be restricted by rules I, or we, make when she suddenly has the desire. I dont need to be asked or obeyed in her performing sexual acts she desires. We want to trust our partner enough that no condom is required. We want our partner to be sexually desirable enough and sexually competant in being able to please and pleasure that we really lose ourselves, our inhibitions and become emotionally and sexually "into" that partner in the most intimate of relations. That leaves little room for "rules" other than common sense. The big rule is go home with me and still love me, maybe a little more for providing such a fun evening. And think of me when you want me to provide it again.
    As PrettyLady said, it is about respect for yourself in your desire and respect for how your mate would feel if you do it in frontt of him or with his knowlede you are in another room doing something he would be hurt by.
    What goes on in the bed, stays in the bed. Maybe not knowing what REALLY is happening has something to do with the thrill of seperate room swingers, you can really, really let go of all inhibitions and fill your desires and needs without hurting your S.O. when you are with a partner you are "into" when in seperate rooms.

  6. #21

    Default Re: Rules gone by the wayside

    We never had a lot of rules compared to some people we have met since, but the ones we did have are pretty much gone now. We take the approach now that others have stated above, we respect each others feelings.
    R (He is R, she is P)

  7. #22

    Default Re: Rules gone by the wayside

    Cant say that any "rules" have changed......we never had any to speek of, never felt we needed any....were both adults......

    I do think however we may have added one, when most people as they progress take away "rules" as they become comfortable.....what we added so to speek is that we shy away from those with too many rules........ we both feel they take away from the experience and everything feels scripted.

  8. #23

    Default Re: Rules gone by the wayside

    We've decided not to use the word "rules" -- we operate under "guidelines" --

  9. #24

    Default Re: Rules gone by the wayside

    Seems to be a trend in this thread. When we first started we dicussed alot of rules but in the end we decided to only have a few. If for no other reason than I knew for sure that if we had alot of them, I would screw something up. I am a guy after all and well I can't think about a rulebook while I am supposed to be paying attention to my playmate.

    One rule we did have at first was a no swallowing rule. MrsVan was the first woman that would swallow for me and the very first time she did it, I can still remember to this day. So I wanted to keep that to myself. Then I realized just how much she really enjoys that and I just could not take away something that she enjoyed so much. So that one went by the wayside fairly quickly.

    Now we have some simple ones, condoms, no anal, we don't play alone and as most have already stated, basically we just don't do anything that we know would cause the other to be hurt. We pretty much know what is ok and what isn't ok and we just kind of go with it now.

    Now with all of the above "rules" if you will, all of them could easily go by the wayside with the right couple(s). These are where we begin, but we have played with couples seperately at times and if MrsVan really wanted anal, we might consider it, but to be really just isn't our thing, so it doesn't normally come up.


  10. #25

    Default Re: Rules gone by the wayside

    Hmmm... Let me think. Rules that have gone by the wayside:
    • No seperate rooms
    • No anal
    • No single males
    • No cumming on Mrs. face

    There has to be several others, too.

    After getting more experience and having the trust level in having sex with others go way up, we realized that most of our rules were restricting our fun. We were always worried about upsetting the other if we crossed a line in one way or another.

    So now there are no sex acts that are off limits with our play partners. It's whatever we feel comfortable doing with them.

    So we've kept to just the most important ones, like:

    • Safe sex always
    • We always ASK if we can play with someone solo, we don't just disappear or TELL each other we're doing this or that.
    • No secrets. We always tell each other everything about everything. If we have IM's, phone calls, or text messages with others we fill each other in on them.
    • No coworkers (tried it once, didn't work out)
    • No family, no matter how far extended.
    • Respect for each other and each other's feelings first and foremost.

    Mr. WS
    "Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are." ~ Anna Freud
    Blog: Bigger Love

  11. #26

    Default Re: Rules gone by the wayside

    We follow the main trend this thread shows. We started out with more than we have now. Mainly now it's go with the flow, respect each other, and communicate.

    We've pretty much just said 'no rules anymore' but it's because we understand each other so well. We still stay 'same room' but if the desire came to go to seperate rooms we'd know it - just by a look or nod of the head. We don't restrict each other, but we truly enjoy the same room so we can experience pleasure together.

    We also say 'condoms only', but we've broken (no pun intended) that rule too, with people we know and trust.


  12. #27

    Default Re: Rules gone by the wayside

    all the rules were gone after the first nite, we realized we didnt need them.

  13. #28

    Default Re: Rules gone by the wayside

    Can't say very many rules have fallen by the wayside but they have been streamlined and trimmed up a lot. In the beginning we tried to cover every single base and every possible scenario with a rule to pertain to that. We have kind of left it with a global anyone can say no or change their mind at any time...period. We see the whole lifestyle as about free choice and part of that free choice is the choice to say no or to walk.

    There are a number of things we aren't into to begin with under any circumstances like anal or BDSM etc but as far as rules with others it's pretty much don't do what you don't want to and neither will we.

  14. #29

    Default Re: Rules gone by the wayside

    We had a plethora of rules at first. They all flew out the window the first night we played with another couple.

    The more we played, the nods, eye signals and hand signals Mr. LFM and I gave each other as an OK, let's try this worked.

    We do keep a couple of rules and probably always will...

    1. same room pleasure only
    2. condoms -- no matter if we're surgically safe or not. We haven't met the "trusted couple" yet.
    3. respect for each other
    4. communication
    5. I love anal with Mr. LFM, but it's not allowed in swinging -- at least not with me.
    Dave & Holly

  15. #30

    Default Re: Rules gone by the wayside

    As a single female, I find that making couples aware of my rules is a very important thing. After being with them for a while and developing a level of trust then sometimes the rules can be broken. However any rules that you have, you should follow until you feel that they are no longer necessary.

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