Have your rules changed over time?

[bigjoehd]

What rules have gone,all of em except 2,safe sex & have fun,we both now believe that as long as everybody is ok with whats going on then were happy.

[SandJinVT]

We've been in the lifestyle almost seven years now. Our rules have evolved, but none have really changed. We went into this knowing that the more rules we loaded ourselves down with, the less fun we were going to have.

The big "two" for us have always been: EVERYONE must be having a good time and Kissing is required. No Kissy no nookie as far as we're concerned. We both love the PASSION. And to us, passion can't be acheived without the kiss. S&J

[blondie77]

In the beginning we had a million rules and most of them seem unneccesary now. When hubby and I had our first threesome, we both went into it not really knowing what to expect. We thought that with all these rules in place, nothing could go wrong. But we quickly realized that so many rules did nothing but keep us uptight and unable to let loose and have fun. I was so preoccupied with jealousy in the beginning that I thought I couldn't have fun. (Not that I was jealous...it was the the fear of being jealous that brought on the rules) The craziest rule I had was the kissing rule. Yes, he could kiss her, but not passionately...and so on and so forth. OKAY...I realize that's pretty dumb now. After many more talks and experiences, we've realized that the only rules we need are these two: Total honesty and absolute respect. Beyond that, what else do you need?

[JustAskJulie]

I don't think we ever sat down and made RULES so much as discussed what we were comfortable with and came to a conclusion that we would move foward together as a couple as we decided we were BOTH ready.

[Hot Raleigh Cpl]

Since we'd just started dating when we started swinging, L and I hadn't yet developed a relationship to protect, and we didn't have predefined roles we needed to break out of. Therefore, no formal rules. Mainly, as long as we were both enjoying things, we were happy with the situation.

L and I have a keen sense for what each other will enjoy and be comfortable with, so we rely on that. Over the years, as we've come to know one another better, we're more comfortable with more situations, so we're receptive to more. In addition, we know MUCH better what turns each other on, so we steer more to those flavors.

If the adventure will end with us coming home and tearing each other up, it's good for us. And they all end that way ;-)

S and L, Hot Raleigh Cpl

[sweet_tna]

We didn't have that many rules to begin with, but we have . . . refined them a bit, as needed.

=)

[Tia Vampire]

We have changed alot of our rule, but there are a few that must stay in place. Such as.....
1.) a condom must always be used.
2.) no bi play, no fisting, anal sex, bondage, or water sports.
3.) first meet up must be in a public place.
That's about all that we stick by.

[Sir Dude]

We kind of rushed into the swinging scene. We set some ground rules. One of the rules was strickly no anal. Therefore no DP. She was worried we might want to try it during a threesome and she isn't into anal.

When we are alone, she enjoys licking and some shallow stimulation with my fingers but that is it.

That has recently changed. We have beome more comfortable with our friend and the sex has become more relaxed and fun.

The other night while we were in the middle of a MFM with our friend we swapped positions so that she was in a 69 with him while I knelt beside them. She was on top. At times , I like to sit back and watch, maybe lend a helping hand.

I started to caress her ass and spread her cheeks while he was under her giving her oral. My intense lust came over me and I started to play with her ass hole. She seemed to like it so I kept going further until my finger was inside her. Then, to my suprise he started the same. I spread her apart while he slid his middle finger all the way in. She started bucking like crazy and loved every minute of it.

After talking to her about it, she said that it felt good at the time and for the first time, she truly enjoyed anal penetration. So then I suggested anal sex thinking there might be a chance but no. She is still 100% against that. She even said she might not enjoy a finger in ever again.

I can only assume that her intense mood helped her enjoy something she wouldn't normally consider.

[Bama0468]

Rules don't really change, they evolve, so while she enjoyed it this time, it doesn't mean she won't like it next time. It is a process, My wife and i started out with me fingering around the area and mild penatration. over time she grew to enjoy it more, added more fingers to get her used to something larger ( always with plenty of lube!) lets face a penis will likely be a wee bit bigger than "a" finger.

My wife now enjoys anal once in a while, but it was a process, it took time and it was something she wanted when it happened. So don't Push, just give her what she enjoys add a bit more as thing move on, don't rush.
After all "good things come to those who wait"

[JustAskJulie]

I can definately understand where your wife is coming from. I get in the mood for anal like once a year. That doesn't mean I don't like having my ass played with more often, a finger or a vibe in there but it does take some work. The idea of anal sex IS NOT something that anyone could just suggest to me and I'd be all for. I have to be IN THE MOOD for it (and that typically means I'm craving it). Just because you got your fingers in her ass and she enjoyed it doesn't even mean she would have enjoyed it if it had been your cock. Anal can be VERY painful for me, and it's always either one extreme or the other (very painful or it feels very good) and sometimes even when I think I want it, it ends up being painful and that just kills the whole night.

Don't push.

[SnowwwWhite]

I'm curious how the more experienced couples have changed their rules over the course of time. What rules did you start out with and which ones did you do away with or change over time? (Why?)

What was the evolution for you and your partner? (ie. what are your current rules and how long did it take to get to the rules you're at now?)

And did it seem to be mutual agreement or was there some debate on which rules to keep and which ones to let go of?

Thanks!

[toycple]

We have changed our rules on occasion. Sometimes we have even bent them, but only after disscussing it first. I think it is just a natural progression as you get more and more comfortable in the lifestyle.

[Hot Raleigh Cpl]

We didn't have many rules when we started. Basically, it was only do stuff we felt good about with folks we felt good about, and enjoy it as much as we could. If anything, we're more relaxed about it nowadays.

S and L, Hot Raleigh Cpl

[MN hotdish]

Good question! I've been wondering the same.
Especially when you're really new, how do you set rules when you have nothing to go by? We've discussed everything so much & gotten nowhere as far as makeing any rules. We've just come to the realization that we'll need to go in with no rules & go from there. I mean we both agree that safe sex is a must, but that's really it. If / when there needs to be a rule set, we'll handle it from there.

[SnowwwWhite]

Any examples of rules you started out with and what you've whittled them down to?