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  1. #16

    Default Re: Double standereds

    Ditto with everyone. Dump this couple fast, they are not worth it. We haven't been doing this long, but I gotta tell ya, that's shady ! I try to make a point of getting to know the female of the other couple first at least a little bit. If I am not at ease with the female, than it's a no go, and visa vera, if my husband is sceptical about the other male it's also a no go. There shouldn't be any anamosity at all. You are considering sharing your wife with this man, he should have respect for you as well as her. All parties involved should relate to one another on some level, and your wife should understand this and cut him off. No secrets !

  2. #17

    Default Re: Double standereds

    This guy is a pimp (and not in a good way). He collects women, then uses them for his sexual pleasure. Whether he makes money off of them or not is irrelevant. He has his wife conditioned to do anything he says and now she's no longer a challenge for him to control. He decided to get another woman under his thumb and chose your wife. He can't let you see the things he is saying to her, because you will see them for what they are: attempts to make her fall in love with him and want to submit to him. Once she does that, she will be with you in name only. Anytime you and your wife has sex, she will send him an IM telling him exactly what you to did. And he will get off on it. Soon he'll start telling her she should see him and his wife seperately for an FMF, and that his wife will return the favor. He might even get his wife to ask you to let your wife join them alone.

    That would not be a bad thing, but he's already exercising control over her by telling her the things you two have agreed on are wrong. You are a married couple. Your swinging activities are supposed to be for the enjoyment of the TWO OF YOU first, everyone you swing with a distant second. He's trying to get another wife, and part of the thrill for him is to take another man's wife or girlfriend.

    Tell your wife not to contact him anymore, and explain why. This man is not only out of line, but he is selfishly trying to break up your marriage to get sexual satisfaction. Swinging to him is just an avenue to that end.
    "Style is not lusting after somone because they are cool. Style is loving yourself till everyone else does too."


  3. #18

    Default Re: Double standereds

    This guy is over the line and he's trying to get your wife to go there with him...If he thinks honesty is the wrong thing to do what's left dishonesty? Tell your wife your concerns and drop him.

    Some good advice we received - Evaluate swing partners like this: Knowing what you know about them now, would you have pursued the relationship in the first place? If it is "yes" try to work thru it. If the answer is "no" it's solved, you're done with them. If you can't decide, good indication that one or the other of you have an emotional attachment cut it off.

    just my 2 cents

    D (male) M (Female)
    The problem with popular thinking is that it doesn't require you to think at all.

  4. #19

    Default Re: Double standereds

    Ditto to everything said above.

    In swinging, it's almost inevitable that 2 members of a 4-some will find themselves drawn more to each other than the other 2. That in itself is not a bad fact, it can be a little exciting. Like the occasional 3-some, it's a little "indulgence" we make for our S/O which is often repaid in kind at some other time. But when it gets to the point of one of them imploring the other to "keep secrets," hide IM's, and stuff like that, it's gone too far.

    Obviously, you're aware that this guy's trouble. I'd sever the relationship with him immediately.

    FWIW...As a general rule, if I wouldn't hunt with a guy, I probably wouldn't swing with him either. Would you hunt with this guy?

  5. #20

    Default Re: Double standereds

    Quote Originally Posted by good times
    Dito to what the others have said. We actually read our messages to each other. Of course it helps that we each have our own computers on desks that face each other.
    Hmmm, I'm beginning to think we should start a thread on this ...... how many couples sit at desks in the same room on separate computers and read emails to each other? We do.

    The said Dito Dito Dito to what everyone said. I like the way Jennandjamesinm said it best. Run Forrest Run!!!!

    Loose this guy. I wouldn't let anyone tell me what to do and definately not come between me and Mr Spoo

    Mrs Spoomonkey
    Love is friendship set aflame

  6. #21

    Default Re: Double standereds

    He would be history....
    All our im conversations are shared, mainly because of work schedules etc. there is no way I would hide one from him or vice versa.
    We actually had a couple pretty much stop talking to us because we mentioned we did that...why I have no idea, unless she thought it was trust issues, just the opposite...that made us leary of them...
    No way would I allow another man to tell me what to say or not to say..hell Mr. Midnight can't do that~!
    "Your mind is your only box, and only you hold the key to the locks."

  7. #22

    Default Re: Double standereds

    Quote Originally Posted by JnCC

    FWIW...As a general rule, if I wouldn't hunt with a guy, I probably wouldn't swing with him either. Would you hunt with this guy?
    This is some damn good advice right here. Those of us that hunt know exactly what JNCC means.

    Would you spend all day with a guy? Would you trust him to be safe with a loaded weapon when your back was turned? Would you have enough trust in his judgement that he wouldn't take a "sound shot" and maybe hit you? Would you trust his honesty enough that he didn't break any game laws and wind both of you up in jail with all of your gear and vehicles confiscated. If you get in a bad situation, will he hold up his end of the work?

    In other words, is he an honest, trustworthy, reasonably intelligent, likeable fellow? If not, stay away. It doesn't sound like this guy is any of these things.

    If your wife doesn't believe you, show her this thread, let her comment, whatever. It's looking pretty universal to me here what you should do.

    I thnk ES hit the nail on the head with his explantion/theory there.
    Last edited by curiousagain; 09-29-2005 at 07:11 PM.
    Why is it we can pleasure ourselves but not tickle ourselves?

  8. #23

    Default Re: Double standereds

    A BIG Thank you to all!!!!!!!

    I did bring wife in to read everyones post.

    We are/have worked it out between us.

    She still wants to remain friends n possable play with this couple, but we are now more in agreement on the limits n comforts.

    Again...thanks for everyones imput......
    Great have a place to go for a sounding board!!!!!!

  9. #24

    Default Re: Double standereds

    Quote Originally Posted by JnCC
    FWIW...As a general rule, if I wouldn't hunt with a guy, I probably wouldn't swing with him either. Would you hunt with this guy?

    I wouldn't have looked at it that way, but that's a very good point. In 30 yrs I can count my hunting partners on one hand.

    D (male) M (Female)
    The problem with popular thinking is that it doesn't require you to think at all.

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