Sneaky females, my boyfriend and boundaries

[sensuality]

DROP THIS COUPLE..PRONTO! It seems the other female in question here is trying to create problems between you two...not just to have sex with him...but to actually break you up.Why do I think this?Because she hasn't told her own man about it...and probably wants an affair of some sort to transpire between your man and herself.I agree that sometimes men can be a bit naive or at least play the role that they are...but deep down, he probably likes the attention...men are hams sometimes!! So, while he enjoys you getting all the attention and flriting and dancing and this is an agreement you share between you...this girl may make him feel like he's got some of that attention too and he may not even realize it.You need to sit down together and remind him of the time when you had a female trying to go with you behind his back and how it was cut off immediately.You also need to stress that this situation could cause serious harm to your relationship if it is not ended now.Once someone chooses to go behind their spouses back...it is no longer swinging,that is cheating.Take care and I wish you much luck!

[DeNastyOne]

I think you are right about him enjoying attention, he use to be a male stripper for 12 years (way before we met, he's 13 years older than I am) and I know he enjoys attention although he has no desire for others. I think in his being outgoing and flirting, he is very naive and can't see when others are trying to be sneaky and have hidden agendas.
Thanks to all of you who have responded, you have all been helpful and have made me realize that it's not me with an issue, it's the other woman.

[HotMoCpl]

The Koreans have a line for this one. "If there is horse poop in the middle of the road, walk around it."

In other words, don't let this little (/?.$%#^& make you day. Walk on past it, without stepping in it.

[DeNastyOne]

Well I wanted to thank everyone for their imput on this, it was very helpful. It has been a week since we have received any emails from this couple. Guess the last few responses Ms. Sneaky got from me and boyfriend must have let her know that we are not into spending time with she and her husband. I had "cc" my boyfriend on all messages from her and I think after him listening to what I had to say and then reading some off the walls comments of hers, he saw her for the true person she is..... Thanks so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! )

[curiousRI]

Ya know what? I have found over the years that woman in general suck...I don't want to piss anyone off but there are a lot of bad seeds out there..most of you here are sooooo cool and probably because you are into this lifestyle, are not at all on the same page...but....woman, in general, are rampent..scary people.....

[sensuality]

woman, in general, are rampent..scary people.....

I wrote about "vanilla" women a long while back and got blasted for it...but I completely agree with you!

[akbi]

Hi there,
Hubby and I are new to this board. I was browsing through the forums and when I came across your post I just had to post something.

I feel your pain for this situation. Hubby and I had a very similar situation. Hubby was communicting with a female (a married female) that lived out of state. They were both communicating behind my back. The reason for this is because earlier in the year I had made it plain and clear that I was uncomfortable with this woman and I wanted communications to end with her. He agreed with me but obviously he didn't because he went behind my back and for 6 months was chatting with this woman via email and over the phone and I only found out about it because he decided to come clean with me and that was only because he was acting weird and I started to question his mood swings.

Well any way to make a long story short I guess you could say, things are better between hubby and I now. When I threated to take the kids and leave because I couldn't handle the situation with this woman anymore he took a long hard look at life and realized that the grass wasn't greener on the other side and he was about to loose the most important people in his life and this relationship with this woman was not worth loosing his wife and kids so the interaction with this woman ended. It also helped that just like your b/f this woman's true colors started to shine through and hubby saw her for what she really was and he started to realize that he didn't want to be around someone like that. Ever.

I'm glad things are better between your b/f and you. Swinging is suppose to be fun not stressful.

[sensuality]

Unfortunately, when it comes to some women and even some men,you can just never trust them.And, it appears it's not just in vanilla society. :rollseyes Some people just have NO respect or regard for anyone's feelings but their own...and some find it a sick challenge to TRY and ruin someone's marriage.

[akbi]

You are soooo right on the money. Hubby would talk to her about problems that we may be having and she actually used our problems to her advantage so she could try and weasel her way in between hubby and I.

I think at times I was more frustrated at him than I was at her because I could see what she was doing and so could other people but he was so blinded by what ever spell she had over him that he wouldn't believe a word any of us said. It goes along one of those sayings "if it was a snake it would of bit him". In this case it would have bit him right between the eyes that is how obvious she was. She even told my good friend when she was talking to her on yahoo what her intentions where. My friend even showed hubby the conversation and he STILL woudn't believe what we said about her. She didn't care who's toes she stepped on. She was going to get what she wanted.

I guess I got the last laugh on that one.

[twobears]

well I am one of the newbies here and in the lifestyle and I agree with all of the above tell her hubby or SO that she is behaving this way and tell her why if you get the chase.

[24play]

As you can see from almost everyone here - this couple means trouble. If dissing them means a fight between you and your man, you have to sort it out pronto, cause then there's something wrong.

And don't let him tell you you're just being jealous, this other woman is trouble in capital letters.

I had a similar situation right in the beginning and was scared to complain as for sounding jealous, but luckily this trouble girl made life for herself hell by upsetting all our friends and my hubby could see her true colours.

[DeNastyOne]

Sorry I've not responded to the most recent posts, my computer has been acting up ............... gremlins in it I guess. I am so happy to hear that I'm not alone with the situation, I just hate to hear that others have had to experience this sort of behavior first hand. I'm happy to report we have not seen this couple in weeks nor heard from them - guess Ms.Sneaky got the hint or her husband found out about her actions. The relationship between you and your partner ALWAYS comes first and luckily my b/f realizes this. Like I've said before, I just think he can be very naive at times and doesn't understand that you can't trust everyone. Again, thank you to all that have replied; this forum is full of people who have lots to offer with those of us with questions or issues - THANKS!

[Vespertine]

I'm happy to hear that everything's worked out for the best.

-Ves