Would you stop swinging if discovered?

[ALilOEverything]

Reading THIS thread got me thinking.

If you were "found out" and had to pay consequenses from others finding out you were a swinger, would you stop swinging?

Or would you feel your secret was out anyway so you might as well just continue as you had been?

Or would you just use more discretion?

[OhioCouple]

We have been 'found out', though not caught in the act. We did not disconinue swinging, however we do take more precautions now.

[Sean_n_Jen]

(Sean here). Actually I have thought about this somewhat. I'm not ashamed of the choices I've made, including being a swinger; in fact I'm proud that Jen and I have a relationship sophisticated enough to do this. We're careful who knows this about us because there's no reason to ask for trouble. I'm sure there are those whom would try to make our lives difficult if they knew, and more so if they knew I didn't care what they thought. But, no I don't believe we would stop if discovered.

As for my job, I don't work somewhere where I believe it would be in serious jeopardy; but I have avoided working anywhere that my personal life would be an issue. Its a small company, so I don't consider playing with co-workers (imagine that environment if something went wrong). Besides that, weirder things have happened between coworkers that wouldn't even make me being a swinger that interesting.

I don't see this as an issue in Jen's job either, although since I'm the primary earner, we could live without it if necessary.

I realize that many are in positions, in jobs or otherwise, where the oppinion of others has a much bigger influence on their life. I guess what I'm trying to say is that although we're still somewhat new to this, our future decisions (where we live, our jobs, etc) will be made with compatability of our lifestyle in mind. As long as we want to continue to swing, we'll make sure we're not in a position such that our jobs or other circumstances could force us to stop.

I feel truly sorry for anyone forced to stop because it didn't fit someone else's moral ideas.

[northindycpl]

Reading THIS thread got me thinking.

If you were "found out" and had to pay consequenses from others finding out you were a swinger, would you stop swinging?

Or would you feel your secret was out anyway so you might as well just continue as you had been?

Or would you just use more discretion?

I am not sure what you mean by found out? DO you mean like if my parents or my children found out, or if my husbands employer found out, or if we were asked to go on Oprah, or all of the above?

My opinion has always been that this is something we do, within our very stable, committed marriage, it is not who we are.

I can also say that although we do not talk about it, if my parents found out... I doubt it would shock them... My kids would be grossed out and my husbands boss would probably ask to watch!

But thats just us!

[DBL D]

NO! NO! NO!

We're not going to come out on our own, but if the words out then it's out. Expect us to recant?

Male D

[intuition897]

QUIT? Not on anybody else's account! I figure if we were 'outed' we'd just ride the fire and brimstone tidal wave until they got over it and go about our lives as usual (as best we could under the circumstances). Quitting after we'd been found out would only affirm in the minds of the naysayers that we felt ashamed of our choices and that we were admitting we were wrong. Nope, not on your life. We'd probably continue just to spite them.. lol This is something that's between my husband and I; if the opinions of others mattered to us at all, we probably wouldn't be in this in the first place.

[ALilOEverything]

I am not sure what you mean by found out? DO you mean like if my parents or my children found out, or if my husbands employer found out, or if we were asked to go on Oprah, or all of the above?

All of the above. If you suffered some kind of consequence for swinging. If you family found and disowned you, or your employer found out and you lost your job, neighbors discovering it and making your life a living hell while next door, if your childrend found out and became ashamed of you etc.....

[northindycpl]

All of the above. If you suffered some kind of consequence for swinging. If you family found and disowned you, or your employer found out and you lost your job, neighbors discovering it and making your life a living hell while next door, if your childrend found out and became ashamed of you etc.....

I guess if there was a consequence, like...lets say swinging became illegal and punishable by prison. I would stop.

Although we are discreet... I would expect if certain people found out, then I would be more careful, but I doubt I would quit. I think people would honestly expect me to be a little on the untamed side of the fence anyway.

But, the Indy's smoke tobacco and in this day and age in our little town... I am entirely more secretive about smoking than I am about swinging! If anyone knew we smoked I would have to quit chairing the PTA!

[DBL D]

What's the point of standing up for what you believe in and noone else has the right to tell you what you can do as long as it doesn't hurt anyone?

Sounds like a revolution's cumming to me!

Male D

[JustAskJulie]

Just ran across this old thread and after reading it, I can't help but wonder - WHY would someone quit after being discovered? What good would it really do? You've already been found out, so why give up what you were hiding. It's out there, now you should be able to just enjoy it more because you don't have to hide it anymore.

[Ed & Bunny]

Just ran across this old thread and after reading it, I can't help but wonder - WHY would someone quit after being discovered? What good would it really do? You've already been found out, so why give up what you were hiding. It's out there, now you should be able to just enjoy it more because you don't have to hide it anymore.

Julie, i was just looking through all the wonderful answers wodering which one to quote because I agree with so much said. The origional question is just to easy fo me, I dont care what others think. They can accept Bunny and I the way we are or go away.

Your question I think can be answered easily also. The person who quits will most likely have the main vanilla portion of life be involved heavily in community and church activity. In the wrong town being discovered could bring someones life crashing down around them. For those people it might be easier to try the old route of appologies and contrition to try to rebuild their place in the community. A good example is the ex minister Haggard from Colorado. He refuses to accept being Bi most likely in hopes of being able to establish another ministry.

[NCfuncouple98]

Your question I think can be answered easily also. The person who quits will most likely have the main vanilla portion of life be involved heavily in community and church activity. In the wrong town being discovered could bring someones life crashing down around them. For those people it might be easier to try the old route of appologies and contrition to try to rebuild their place in the community. A good example is the ex minister Haggard from Colorado. He refuses to accept being Bi most likely in hopes of being able to establish another ministry.

I am one that is heavily involved in both community and church. Just yesterday promoted to a "Volunteer Team Lead" at Church. If I was discovered by someone at that Church, yes, it would definitely cause a lot of issues. I wouldn't stop going, but I might have to step-down from that position.

My other community commitment is serving on the board of directors at an athletic association. Honestly that one worries me more - those are parents that trust I am making appropriate community decisions for children, and I think there would be fallout, against my own children as well.

Would we quit? Hard to say without actually facing it. I would think we would become more discreet, find out who "outed" us, and find a new circle to hang out with.

Mrs. NC

[Just Passing By]

Outside of the Military, there are a handfull of occupations whereby the employer does have legally upheld jurisdiction over the employees conduct off the job on grounds to the effect of : " due to unique nature of the job, etc, the necessity of the (employer) to maintain highest degree of public trust and confidence, blah blah, conduct unbecoming, blah, moral turpitude, blah, blah .
On the other hand those so affected generally already use higher than typical decression , and have more freedom to primarily play with outsiders.

[rpu3]

Just ran across this old thread and after reading it, I can't help but wonder - WHY would someone quit after being discovered? What good would it really do? You've already been found out, so why give up what you were hiding. It's out there, now you should be able to just enjoy it more because you don't have to hide it anymore.

There's a chance I would quit altogether if I were outed, but my employer didn't know.

There's a difference between being outed among friends, acquaintances and family than to my employer, especially in an "at-will" state and in this economy. And the way I could see it being outed to my employer is because we are in the middle of layoffs. If somehow my counterparts knew about swinging, it could be used against me in order for another to keep their job. If quitting somehow deflected attention or would serve my best interests or the household's best interest, then I'm going to do so.

I need my job more than I need swinging. At least for now.

This is all supposition, of course. But it would be a reason for me personally to quit... at least until it didn't matter or things blew over, re: work.

[fun4Ds]

No, I cant exactly say when we were "outed" anything changed drastically enough to stop swinging.

In fact, the only thing that did change was our understanding of others discretion. We found mutual feelings with those we know. There are very few who we would avoid in public because they are just to flamboyant. From them, we learned the most.

We never felt the need to put our lifestyle out there, in public. But if the cause should arise, we can handle it.