Rules for Single Males

[EternallySingle]

I actually think I'm going to ONCE AGAIN try and get an invitation to the club in Fort Wayne. I had received two in the past, but was turned away at the door both times. The second time, while I was on my cell phone trying to find a regular club to go to (I don't know why I didn't go back to the motel and call from there) I saw the 'security guy' high five three college age guys and lead them into the club. This after he said they were at their limit and the owner said not to let anymore singles in. I didn't want to make a scene on my first visit so I left. I found out later they had no such rule and said no such thing to him. They said if I had an invite, I was supposed to get in. Still, that was four years ago, and I just didn't feel it was worth my time, especially since I was having a lot more fun hanging out with single women than driving 3 hours to a club and would have to rent a motel room if I was going to stay long enough to really enjoy myself and not worry about falling asleep on the way home.

That would suck, and not in a good way.

[curious24]

Hmmmmm.....the club we attend has no such rules, and if it did, we wouldn't go. The singles that have approached us, and other couples that we know, have been polite and well mannered. Not one has walked up and said "hey, lets have sex", or "hey, can I do your wife?". Every one of them has introduced themselves, and spent a little time trying to get to know us. Honestly, if some of the single guys didn't make an effort to talk to us, we would never know they were interested. Just doesn't make sense to us to treat single males as second class citizens. How many couples would go to the clubs if they had to sit at the bar and wait until a single guy escorted them into other areas? Seems ludicrous to us. Oh well, Guess we're just wierd. This is certainly not the first time we're the minority!

I guess I just look at the club (granted I've never been to one and I'll probably never go because I just can't convince myself to pay the $50 to $100 cover) the same as the online world. Probably not a good idea however I wonder why it's so much different?

[curiousagain]

I have been intending for sometime to post something aimed toward those single males on websites and in clubs (although I have no experience with swing clubs) with the intention of giving some "a clue" as to how to act. But, looking back at so many excellent post from both couples and singles on the board, I really am not sure how I could add to what has already been said without repeating it. And, probably in much less eoloquence and brevity than the original posters.

Also, it seems that most who post here pretty well have a handle on the situation, so telling Noah about the flood would seem like such a waste of time. I doubt most of the troublemakers read, much less post here. Anyone wanting to pick up pointers, advice, or direction would do well to read through the posts on this board. And, I have never seen someone ask for advice without receiving lots of good advice from couples and singles. However, I would like to restate a few points. And also I thought it might be a good time to restate some of the advice to couples.

To single males AND females seeking couples

#1 NO means NO
#2 No sometimes means not right now. Don't keep going back and asking, though, when they are ready they will contact you. Sometimes you are tested to see if you maintain your manners and pride in the face of rejection.
#3 Couples are not two people, they are a couple. If this is a difficult concept for you to grasp, you have never been part of a couple. It doesn't matter if they full swap in separate rooms with you and another single. They are a couple. Treat them as such.
#4 The women of these couples are normal, everyday women who swing. They are not whores, sluts, sex starved housewives, nymphomaniacs, loose women, who have never really had it put to'm like you do it etc. etc. etc.
#5 The Men of these couples are normal, everyday men who swing. They are not sex starved, brainless, moraless, fall in love with every female who drops her pants, idiots who don't know how to satisfy their wives and have never had a BJ like you give it etc. etc. etc.
#6 Trying to get either to leave the other or play behind their back will usually place both partners boot so far up your ass it will take a team of proctologist, abdominal surgeons, and chest surgeons to surgically remove it.
#7 MOST don't give a rat's ass if you have an 8 inch penis or 40DD breast or both. There are more important things to be decided before they play with you.
#8 Be flexible but adhere to your boundries/rules/obligations. Don't be a prima donna, but don't be a doormat either. Unless you are into BDSM and the roles are decided, I guess, I don't know, I don't go there.
#9 When you speak or email to one, know it will be repeated or shown to the other.
#10 These people are sexually liberated and pretty forward. If they want you to walk up and stick your hand in their pants or fondle a boob. They will tell you. Until that time assume they don't.
#11 Different couples want different things at different times. You know how to figure out what it is? ASK then LISTEN.
#12 Act like you were raised to have manners.
#13 smile, be friendly not lecherous or egotistical. When emailing a couple be aware, the husband usually screens the email. You have to get by the gatekeeper before the keymaster even knows you exist.
#14 Not everybody wants singles, understand and respect this. What if a couple thought you should let them tie you up and whip you even though you're not into that. Doesn't mean you have anything against couples, you just don't like being tied up and whipped. Then again maybe you do, but you know what I am getting at here.
#15 discretion means keep your mouth shut. It means if you see them out in the Vanilla world you act like you don't know them unless you have developed a friendship with them outside of playing.
#16 Make sure everybody is clear on everything before getting started.
#17 Do not change your own rules or ask someone else to change theirs during play.
#18 No matter how hot for you one of the couple is, the other has veto power at any time, and you are being watched constantly as to how you treat the most important person in the universe to them. Don't ever ever ever forget that. How long would you tolerate someone being rude and disrespectful to the most important person in your life? That's what I thought, about a new york second.
#19 If you want to keep getting what you've gotten, keep doing what you've been doing.
#20 Couples talk. Stand one up or try something shady and see how quick you are shunned. Act responsible, polite, etc. and be a competent lover and your main problem will be how to maintain a job and a house and still see half the couples contacting you.

For the couples wanting to play with the singles.

#1 No means NO
#2 not right now means later when I have time or I am finished with my childs football season, or after I see if this present girlfriend is going to work out, etc. etc. Don't call me a stupid loser cause I decline. Don't tell me I will only get laid if I do as you say. You have to find someone that both of you agree on. I only have to meet someone that I want, I have more time to look, I'm getting laid more than you are.
#3 We are single, but we are a person. We are not a breathing sex toy. We are not someone who is sex starved, couldn't get laid in a whorehouse with a fist full of twenties, socially misfit, brainless, do anything to get laid, fall in love with everything of the opposite sex, etc. etc. If we were, you wouldn't give us the time of day.
#4 We have rules and boundries. They are there for a reason. Respect them.
#5 Treat me as a guest and I will act as a guest. Treat me as a friend, and I will act as a friend.
#6 If you only want to watch me with your wife, tell me ahead of time you are not going to participate but just watch. And don't stand behind me, it makes me nervous. :-)
#7 If you want me to answer your questions, answer mine. Don't expect me to go through the third degree while you take the fifth.
#8 don't act like you are doing me a favor and I won't act like I am doing you a favor. We are all here because we want to be. We are all giving and receiving, or at least that's the way we planned it.
#9 If you see me out in the vanilla world with someone you would give your left arm to be with, do not expect me to "convert them" and bring them to you on a silver platter. I am probably working on converting them or given up on it already. Please do not expect me to work miracles just because I am your third in a threesome sometimes. I don't "owe you" you don't "owe me". see #8 above.
#10 If I can't be free when you are right now, doesn't mean I can help it. And it doesn't mean I am not trying, life just gets in the way sometimes. This is ONE of the things I do and it isn't the MOST IMPORTANT. Family and job comes first. Can't be helped.
#11 Trying to get me to meet you behind your partners back will make me do my roadrunner imitation and leave in a cloud of dust. I am not looking for that. If I was, your spouse would have picked up on it and exercised their veto power.!!!!!! Love may blind them to your actions, but not mine, they are suspicious anyway. And, who needs that drama????
#12 Discretion means the same both ways.
#13 Make sure everybody is clear on everything before getting started.
#14 We watch how you interact as a couple. If it appears there is something amiss in the relationship, we will be outta there. If you have a disagreement, please do not have it with us there, makes us very uncomfortable. However, if one of you is about to break a rule, please feel free to call a timeout or something. I don't want to feel responsible for any problems.
#15 Singles talk. If you mistreat one, there may be another to take their place, but the quality ones will suddenly be hard to find.

I am sure I have mispelled something, or left something out, etc. anyone feel free to add any good advice to this or repeat any that someone has given in the past.

[hmr]

Wonderful!!!!!

[DnHtxCPL]

Dang Curiousagain Im gonna print that out! Too bad your in Tenn and were in Tx. To us you sound like the holy grail in a world of single men who are just full of crap!

D

[Mature Lover]

Very good job Curiousagain

If I may expand on one point, that being couples wanting to play #14. We are not blind and do see when there is strife between a couple. To approach us at that time is disrespectful of your husband, and can be dangers for us, or me, as the case could have been last Saturday night.

Perhaps I was lucky and did notice the tension. I therefore said “No thanks” while smiling. She looked surprised, busting her image of “the horny old dude that will jump anything” single man. The down side is that now she will probably tell all the other couples that I don’t want to play and am just a “honey old dude that likes to watch anything” single man. Can't win for lossin.

As was stated, we may say NO and it is also our right to do so. Just as we single males must take NO with no explanation, so should the couples. Like wise, we are not to pass judgment when on the ‘turned down’ receiving end, nor should they.

[Russ]

Well, Maybe I've been doing things wrong but..usually when a couple are interested in visiting with me, I approach them set and talk about ANYTHING except sex with the lady...I just smile at her ...hope she smiles back ...ask her questions about her clothes talk alot to the husband for a couple minutes then excuse myself to the men's room regardless of if I need to go or not...then act socialable back toward the bar stool hoping I will be invited to set with another couple or the husband of the first will have tracked me down by then...anything is better than the bar stool for the single men( you know they put ass-fault adhesive on them ...at some clubs

[curiousagain]

The down side is that now she will probably tell all the other couples that I don’t want to play and am just a “honey old dude that likes to watch anything” single man. Can't win for lossin.
:

It can be a catch 22 situation.

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Dang Curiousagain Im gonna print that out! Too bad your in Tenn and were in Tx. To us you sound like the holy grail in a world of single men who are just full of crap!

D

I have to agree with DnHtxCPL those are pretty impressives lists!! I just may have to print them out too.

Oh, and BTW Tennessee is only 472 miles from Ohio I think that's close enough for a road trip to find the holy grail of single men!!!!

Mrs Spoomomkey

[curious24]

I have been intending for sometime to post something aimed toward those single males on websites and in clubs (although I have no experience with swing clubs) with the intention of giving some "a clue" as to how to act.

...

To single males AND females seeking couples

#1 NO means NO

I've been wanting to write something like this up for a long time. I'm glad someone finally did. Now it just needs to be published somewhere so that everyone can read it. Instead of being buried here in the forums where it's hard to find. hmm

Great job!

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

I've been wanting to write something like this up for a long time. I'm glad someone finally did. Now it just needs to be published somewhere so that everyone can read it. Instead of being buried here in the forums where it's hard to find. hmm

Great job!

Your right it is a shame that it will end up hidden here on the board only to be brought out when someone clicks the tread to see what it is about.

Almost makes me want to take it to our club and have them post it on the bulletin board.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[curious24]

Your right it is a shame that it will end up hidden here on the board only to be brought out when someone clicks the tread to see what it is about.

Almost makes me want to take it to our club and have them post it on the bulletin board.

Mrs Spoomonkey

Well it's in my sig now so hopefully it won't be too hidden!

[dirtwr04]

Curious Again Strikes Again. Bravo Brother. Now if you could just get those rules followed.

Some how, I think the crappy people won't be reading this post.

[CABob]

It's a shame that 99% of the single men out there give the rest of us a bad name.
Words to live by ca

[JnCC]

It's a shame that 99% of the single men out there give the rest of us a bad name.

The real shame is that 100% of the single men out there think that it's the "other 99%" that are responsible for the reception they receive from most couples.

It's that way of thinking that tends to make a guy one of the "99%'ers"