Are we Ready to swing?

[Julie and Randie]

I'm sure this will be a long post, so grab your popcorn and get comfy...ha ha.

My husband and I have been married 4 years, but have been together for 8 going on 9. We have two young children...and are completely new to this whole scene.

Before I talk about why we are interested in swinging, let me give you a (hopefully) brief history on us..WE started dating at 16, broke up shortly when we were 18, and then got back together at 19/20..then surprise!! Along came my oldest son. We married when he was 10 months old...our second child was planned..and came along a few years later. When my youngest was about 6 months old...I started feeling our old "spark" drift away, to be replaced by familiarity and habit..neither of us was putting enough into our relationship. We were pretty much going through the motions as far as our marriage went..everything else felt like it needed more attention...jobs, home, kids, etc.

About Christmastime last year, I got back into contact with a few of my old single friends, and after the first of the year started going out with them on Saturday nights. Hubby was fine with this..he was glad that I was out with friends, since for the previous 4 years, I had just been "mommy", with not much of a social life. I began to lose weight...and dress sexier, feeling better about myself...and yet, feeling like my marriage was caught in a downward spiral. I mentioned this a few times, and even had all out confessions about how I felt...but neither of us knew what to do.

At the same time, when I was out with my friends I was remembering what it felt like to be young and free...and flirted and danced with men at the clubs and bars we went to...hubby still was in the loop about all of this. Another month went by, and the temptation grew stronger, I kept remembering all of the attention I got from the guys I slept with when I was younger, and unattached. I'm sure you have figured out by now what this is leading up to...I cheated on hubby.

About the same time, hubby sat up and took notice of what I was going through, and that we were not giving our relationship the TLC it needed. We talked and talked....hours at a time, and started to bridge that gap slowly..I found myself falling deeply in more love with him with each passing day. I regretted SO much that I had cheated on him, but could not bring myself to tell him.

Finally, one night, he was chatting with some of my friends on the internet, and discovered the truth. He confronted me with it that night when I got home. It was terrible-I hated myself for hurting him like that. We had a bad few days, and then started talking again. Hubby found that he could forgive me, and I have been doing my best to build his trust in me once again. I wish that I could take it back, but unfortunately, I cannot. I have definitely decided that it will NEVER happen again, for any reason. It hurts everyone too much...and I did it for selfish reasons.

So...now this brings me to the subject at hand. After finally sharing all of our fantasies and dreams with each other, we have discovered that we would both like to venture into the swinging experience. I have been bi-curious feelings for a long time, and am dying to find out if they are founded longings, or just what they are now - fantasies. Hubby cannot wait to watch me with another woman...and I would really like to see him with another woman as well. I am sure it will be quite a turn-on for us both.

However, the single bi-female being as elusive as she is, we have turned our attention to couples. We have met one for drinks and dancing, but there was no touching or kissing. Hubby "thinks" that he would like to see me with another man, but the whole cheating episode is still so fresh in our minds that he really isn't sure how he will feel.

We have corresponded with many couples online, and are going to visit one of the local clubs soon. We are both very excited about it.

We both feel like our relationship is better than it was - even better than it has ever been. We are open and honest with each other about EVERYTHING now...it is such a relief to have my devoted affectionate husband back...we are making every effort to NEVER let ourselves fall into that pit of quicksand again..by keeping the lines of communication open, and by carving out more time to spend together as a couple.

So, basically, I am open to any and all comments and suggestions that you may have...I don't have a specific question...rather, I would like to get a feel of what you all think.

Thanks for taking the time to read my life history...lol.

[Alura]

You're not crazy. Your marriage is more "together" than ever. You have love, compassion, communication and a healthy interest in sex. Sounds to us like y'all are excellent candidates for the lifestyle. Keep talking to each other and go for it! We think y'all will love it. Good luck!

Alura

[walrus0115]

Alura is right. You're in a great place. Stay! Stay....
The only other advice I could give is: don't try too hard to meet someone. This is just like Murphy's law in dating. When you really want to meet someone, you won't. When you're just out to have fun with each other, you'll get offers every five minutes.
You're on the right track. Just remember that you're swinging to have fun with each other. You two are the most important.
Good luck!

[JustAskJulie]

Nope not crazy. It's amazing how many people actually discover their fantasies through infidelity. One partner cheats the other partner learns about it and realizes they are kinda turned on by it and they go from there.

What happened is regrettable but at least it has worked for the good by kick-starting your relationship again and by getting you communicating about your desires.

[Julie and Randie]

Thank you for your responses...we are most likely meeting with our first couple next Friday...wish us luck!

[CanadianCouple]

Hello. Well, you made a mistake. Congratulations, you're human. It's nice to read that both you and hubby have gotten past it, and you're re-gaining his trust. One of the postive aspects about swinging is being able to indulge in our natural instinct to be sexually intimate with others, while being emotionally intimate only with our true soul mate. If you do take the plunge and have sex with other couples, you'll immediately discover how that act brings you both closer together than ever before, on a level you never thought possible. This isn't swinging PR, this is the God's truth.

Think of it in these terms -- when do two people feel closer and more bonded to each other than ever? When both feel secure there are NO secrets between them. Having sex together with others helps solidify that feeling of security, and it's a most unselfish demonstration of love to want and desire your mate to be taken to the heights of physical passion -- by someone other than you. And you'll soon discover your own lovemaking with each other will become even more intimate than before. Guaranteed.

Dan and Janette

[youngswingers]

Hey Guys, we'd suggest soft-swinging for awhile before making many serious explorations. From our experience, admittedly secondhand, latent issues often come up... give yourselves plenty of time to work them out!