Are we ready to swing?

[cupl4fun]

We were in much the same boat as you guys. Except we still need to lose more than just a few pounds (but a lot fewer than before). We just had our first experience in a club and I agree that it's a good place to start, but we started at a nudist camp before we went to the club. This helped us to be comfortable being nude and more comfortable with our bodies. Nobody looked badly at us because we were overweight at all. You might think about a nudist camp just to get used to the nudity. Plus, don't worry about your stretch marks they are a badge of honor. You could be like me. I'm a guy and have them, no badge of honor there. I'm just a big guy and I have them even when I'm thin.
Not everyone is in great shape at the clubs either. In fact I would say there's probably about the same percentage of fitness levels as at any party, club, store, or workplace. Don't wait just because of you weight. We had thought about it too, but the guys on the board here said to jump on in so we did. They were right

[SweetandSalty1]

Thanks so much for the comments, I really appreciate it and it is helping to ease my fears.

xoxo- wow your post really made sense to me. Thanks so much for sharing all of that.

[SweetandSalty1]

Cupl4fun - great advice, thanks so much!

[cupl4fun]

"Thanks so much for the comments, I really appreciate it and it is helping to ease my fears.

xoxo- wow your post really made sense to me. Thanks so much for sharing all of that."

You're welcome!

[theflamekasters]

Originally Posted by partyof2ormore

This is something I have suspected for a while, but have never actually seen verbalized. It makes a lot of sense actually (to me anyway).

Does anyone else agree with this viewpoint?

J & L

I dont. i am a big guy, 6ft 295, and am in good shape, but has a gut. I use to be so self conscience, but since enterering the life style, i have found alot of woman enjoy my size! Most woman say i make them feel small, or like they are with a "real man" I have agreat deal of confidence, and feel liek i could get any woman, and have never had a woman say no u r too big or fat!

[xoxo]

Originally Posted by cupl4fun

"Thanks so much for the comments, I really appreciate it and it is helping to ease my fears.

xoxo- wow your post really made sense to me. Thanks so much for sharing all of that."

You're welcome!

Thanks for the compliment. I'm really glad you got something out of the post. I'm taking in your advice as well.

I'm working out and trying to get into shape myself this summer. To me it has to be a life style (no pun intended) and not a "diet". But one of the things I like about this board is it reveals how much people come in with the insecurities about their appearances or body types but get to check those insecurities at the door when you realize that you are just the type of person someone was looking for.

Take care.

[iapr]

Originally Posted by arvcpl

I agree totally. Women are a million times less tolerant of any microflaws than men in general. It doesn't just have to be about being overweight. Women a so much more picky about everything. Bi women are a lot more tolerant of overweight women than they are of overweight men.

Yeah, this is what I probably should have said. I was not saying that all overweight men are living lives of celebacy or that no woman has ever been with an overweight man. However in the realm of recreational sex, men will overlook a lot and women will overlook very very little.

A perfect example is a total deal breaker for mrs iapr is a man chewing gum. It doesn't matter how good looking or how nice and charming he is, if he is chewing gum it is all over right then and there. (and as a side note, none of the men in question even knows that is why she rejected him because that would have required her speaking to him in the first place and if she sees someone chewing gum from across the room he will not even get close enough for a hello.) so in other words we are all probably rejected a thousand times a day and don't even realize it.

I would bet the farm there is not a man alive that would ever reject a woman for chewing gum but probably every woman on earth has some equally silly pet peeve that will be a deal breaker like that.

I really don't want this to be a hijack and to get things off the original course of the OP's questions and concerns but I do feel it is necessary to point out to new couples coming into the lifestyle that women's obcession with their own weight and body image issues is probably misplaced however it is important for men to be as sharp and fit and polished as they possibly can.

[2inSanDiego4u]

We tend to be more picky about faces rather than body type. We do not have perfect bodies and do not expect it from others we date. Hygiene is huge for us, it has to be 100% perfect or it's a deal breaker. The Mrs. has a thing about teeth, so bad teeth are a deal breaker too, lol. Personality is next on the list. We need to both click with the couple during the first meeting. We always meet for coffee or drinks first no matter how good the pics or profile looks. We feel this is absolutely essential, at least for us.

[SweetandSalty1]

xoxo- I couldn't agree more! I want to get in better shape for myself but I have always been one to view people of all shapes and sizes as beautiful. I truly need to connect with someone on a personal level and feel comfortable with them, that is a huge part of the attraction for me. Meeting like minded couples that my husband and I could also be friends with and hang out with would be wonderful. There is so much more to swinging than I ever thought there would be and I really think that friendships could and can be a part of it.

[SweetandSalty1]

Originally Posted by 2insandiego4u

We tend to be more picky about faces rather than body type. We do not have perfect bodies and do not expect it from others we date. Hygiene is huge for us, it has to be 100% perfect or it's a deal breaker. The Mrs. has a thing about teeth, so bad teeth are a deal breaker too, lol. Personality is next on the list. We need to both click with the couple during the first meeting. We always meet for coffee or drinks first no matter how good the pics or profile looks. We feel this is absolutely essential, at least for us.

I agree with a lot of what you said. We are much more into faces and personalities than bodies. We want to meet couples we click with and feel comfortable with. We are def. not looking for hot people with no personalities. I think for me anyway connecting with people will be a very important part of swinging.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by SweetandSalty1

I have also heard that problems (jealousy etc) usually occur because a marriage is not solid so we are making sure that we have a very strong and secure marriage before doing anything like this.

I'd like to comment a bit on this. Jealousy to some extent is perfectly normal, especially early in swinging. The issue is being able to handle it, not let it consume you, and over coming it.

The first time you see your partner with someone else it may well make you a bit jealous after the fact. Being able to see it what it is and moving past it is part of what swinging so great for a strong marriage.

[SweetandSalty1]

^great point! Thanks for that.

[realcplub2]

I am sorry I havent written before this, but I just found your post.

Perfection is in the eye of the beholder.. No one is perfect, and the concept of swingers being the beautiful people only is wrong.

We are just like anyone else, and the body types as well as the personalities run the full gammit of possiblities.

Lets do this, imagine a local store, grocery, clothing hell the local Wal Mart.. Is everyone there the same? Same thing applies to the lifestyle. Sure there are those out there that are looking for Ken and Barbie, Hence the term.. as well as the phrase "Not Ken and Barbie here" .. which applies more often than not..

Dont worry about what you look like, so long as those that you connect are stimulating to you, and are into you both, who cares.. If you are still self consciencious about it, darken the room, wear lingerie.. in the end it wont hurt and if it makes YOU feel better.. go with it.

[SweetandSalty1]

^thanks so much for that!!! xo.

[a_and_a]

Hi guys. My wife and I have been swinging for about six months. The biggest bit of advice I can give both is to be open. Talk about EVERYTHING. No surprises.

My wife and I point out people for each other wether it be male or female. You need to know what/who your mate finds attractive....and you as well.

Talk about your fantasies. It can be hard at first but it does get easier. More importantly talk about the experiance you just had. What was good, what was bad.

Remeber that the experiances you will have will be different.....not better. You married your spouse for a reason and don't ever forget that. If you are a moaner you will probably be louder at first then you ever were......remember different. There is no competition. Some one you meet may have a larger penis or a tighter vag. Just different.

As long as you and your spouse are on the same page everything should be ok. Enjoy your new lifestyle and the experiances that are to come. I know we are.