Will wife's sexual needs be met through swinging?

[ccwstc]

My wife had been engaged in some heavy flirting with a married guy at work, which eventually culminated in the two of them having sex over the course of a 3-week period. She was honest with me the whole time, and I told her that if she wanted to go for it, that it was okay with me. I was my wife’s first and only sexual partner, and after 25 years of marriage I felt that if she wanted to experience sex with another man then I wouldn’t object. The guy really turned her on, and I was the beneficiary of some great sex when she returned home each evening.

My wife knew that a sexual relationship with a co-worker is a recipe for disaster, and so has told the guy “no more.” However, because of the experience she is now interested in swinging.

Here is the issue. I am willing to experiment with swinging, but I actually have little interest in having sex with others. My wife is very hot, and the only excitement for me would be to observe her being pleasured. My wife may be in the minority of women on this board, since the above-average size of the co-worker’s penis ended up being of great importance to her. She said she could consistently orgasm with this guy in a variety of positions, while with me she has to work really hard to cum in missionary. I would like to think that I am of average length and width, but if not, then just below average. But my wife told me that when she would give the co-worker a hand job, that she could use both hands, one on the top of the other, while she only needs one hand to completely cover my penis.

So now my wife wants what she can't get at home--a bigger dick. She said that the extra size was thrilling. Strangely enough, I am not really that insecure over all of this, though maybe I should be. But I do wonder how realistic it is that she will find through the swinging lifestyle what she is looking for (i.e., larger than average dicks which can easily make her cum). I have read where there is a lot of fraud and deception when it comes to the advertised size of the potential partner.She’s not necessarily looking for hugely freakish dicks, but something significantly larger than me (more along the lines of a fat 8 incher).

I can’t imagine that my situation is all that unusual, so any feedback would be appreciated.

[Dooode]

Well first of all, people swing for a variety of reasons. "What they can't get at home" is not uncommon. The bisexual wife in particular is in a pickle where she can't convince her husband to get a boob job and wax his legs (then there's the issue of dress sizes!).

You sound to be off to a great start, having security, communication and longevity in your marriage.

Now this thing with big cocks. I hear of it once in a while and that kinda throws me off. The scale for the average American male goes like this: 5" = low average, 6" = average, 7" = high average ... then it drops down significantly from there. She'd have better luck finding a high average than 8" or better. But I know of a few locally so it certainly is possible.

It's the hunt for that perfect 8" that will be a challenge. You'll end up finding out that a lot of guys can't seem to use a measuring tape to save their lives. Others who do "measure up" may attempt to interfere with the marriage (ie. degrade the husband). Or they have a big ego.

I would suggest a lot of dating to get a feel for who the individuals are before bedding them. Not only will a comfort zone be built, but at least if she's faced with the disapointment of a true 6" rather than an 8, you'll know at least that they'll be easy to let go with minimal damage.

[SouthBond]

Before we starting swinging, we watched porno movies. I would tell my wife that I would like to find a big cocked guy like John Holmes and have him do her. She would say no she didn't know what she would do with all that and was not really interested. I really think that she was being nice to me and stroking my ego. When we started swinging, the first other husband had a cock that was about the same length as mine but at least 3/4 of an inch thicker. When my wife saw it, she perked up, like a dog in heat, and couldn't keep her hands off of his tool. She laid him on his back and processed to ride him like she was in the world championship bull rding contest. Lucky for me, the other wife seemed to be happy with my performance. What was really nice was that after the date, I ask my wife how she liked the new toy. She was cool. She just said, oh it was OK but I still like yours best. Wow, is she smart. From reading your post, you have got it made. She needed a new thrill and hopefully swinging will satisfy her need. Tell her that you will help her find a bigger dick, if she can help you find a tighter pussy.

[Tybee Swing]

Hi ccwstc,

Welcome to the board.

I can't quite tell what kind or how much feedback you'd like about your situation. It seemed like you are asking how to best go about making sure you find a man who is actually the size he claims to be?

The profiles we respond to don't ever advertise the size of the man's dick (we like it that way). However, we've seen lots and lots of them that do advertise it. I can't imagine how he'd go about proving his size to you, unless you both have webcams and he shows you "live" with a measuring tape before you meet, because pictures can be stolen and used. I guess otherwise, you'd have to exercise a little bit of trust on that matter.

If you're interested in watching your wife go 1-on-1, a single man is likely the best bet and there are tons of single male profiles to choose from. A woman can be as choosy as she wants to be, based on supply and demand.

If your wife has any bi-curiosity at all, and you'd like to be able to sit back and watch that too, many couples are looking for a female to play with, to have a FMF. There's a very high demand for women who will join a couple for this, so again she can be choosy and look for whatever features it is she seeks.

Another way to go about this, if you are interested in this, is to go to on-premise swing clubs together. There, you're meeting people in person and she can see for herself if a man has what she's looking for. You can be there with her through the whole evening, and when it's time to play, it happens right there in the club.

Originally Posted by ccwstc

Here is the issue. I am willing to experiment with swinging, but I actually have little interest in having sex with others. My wife is very hot, and the only excitement for me would be to observe her being pleasured.

I once knew a couple just like this, the husband only wanted to watch. While it's not the usual way things are in swinging, I don't think it's all that unusual, either. Best wishes to you.

[ShellyM]

Responding to the OP,
I am pleased to meet you. But I have to give you my honest opinion. If your wife slept with this man without the consent of his wife than that is WRONG. That is not swinging, its called cheating. I don't care that she wasn't the one cheating, she screwed him KNOWING he had a wife at home. Sorry, but thats just wrong. Having sex with married swingers or single men and women is one thing, but this is not okay in my book, plain and simple. Forgive me, but I will give my honest opinion on things, I don't buy into the PC stuff. I don't think that her "sexual needs" will necessarily be met. This is supposed to be an enhancement of an already great relationship. I'm sorry to appear harsh, but cheating with married men is a stickler of mine.

I don't know what to tell you, but warning signs are going off. She wants a "bigger dick"....I don't know. Its up to you, only you know your marriage. I for one think that she is not entering into swinging for the right reasons. Its almost like (in my opinion) she has given you an ultimatum so to speak.....let me have sex consentually...if you say no I'll do it anyways, just behind your back. I may be wrong, and I apologize if I am. But thats what I read into it.

And btw, how do YOU feel about all of this? I know what she wants, but you don't say what YOU want.

[oddcouple2841]

I kind of understand what he is talking about. No offense ladies but to be honest the "she" part of couples we have corrosponded with just don't excite me all that much. Perhaps it is because I already have one at home that will at least try anything I ask.

She was the one who suggested swinging and I suspect that I am not quite fulfilling the bill. Now I will admit that all too often I will say please roll over and go to sleep. My admitting to her that I had a real "bi" curiosity was hard to do. I won't lie to you, I am much more interested in seeing what it would be like and judge couples from that angle. I also consider her needs though and accept str8 couples or heavier, hairy men for that reason. Hey the body attraction was really not there for me but hell she likes him alot and he seemed like a really nice guy. (guess we may soon find out). Besides I am up for almost anything once and I might like it.

It also did come up with a couple we know and like suggested that they have seperate bedrooms just across the hall and both doors will be open and wondered if this is okay. Now I trust them but I would rather at least get a thrill watching S with another guy. I don't know about his endowment but he is quite a lot taller than I. Perhaps there is a voyeur inside me somewhere also

[sereneiders]

ccwstc,

I think you're looking for the "hot wife/cuckold" scenario. Wheter you may preffer to think of yourself as a "swinger" instead of a "cuckold", here I mean something that for some is a completelly different lifestyle and others see as a branch of this lifestyle (and I am among the formers, however I admit this lifestyle is a source of adventures for the cuckold that would be harder to find somewhere else).

There is a lot of information about this in the web, just google "cuckold" and take a look. You'll see how your story matches some of the common subjects from that lifestyle.

It calls my attention the way you portrayed yourself and your wife, that you're talking about her desires without expressing what you want, and, from the cuckold profile, I'd say this could be a way for you to relieve yourself from the responsibility of taking the place of the less endowed, poor lover husband who accepts your wife's needs for the pleasure you cannot provide to her, much like the common rape fantasy a lot of women have to allow themselves to enjoy the toughts of acts that they're forced to do, without being disturbed by the fact that it is their fantasy and their desire for those acts.

For example, you just jumped from "she was honest from the start, I said go for it", to her detailed comments on how and why her lover is better than yourself. The two hands vs. one hand handjob detail and how he make her cum in a way you wasn't and cannot be able to, is one comming from someone who either wants to humilliate you, or find out those comments arousing for you (and herself)... or both.

So, my problem here is, I find hard to swallow this pill. Either those comments didn't come from your wife mouth but are the ones you want to hear from her, or you didn't admit how much the whole idea turns you on (perhaps even more that your wife).

I'd like to hear your wife's point of view about all of this. If you two are in the same page, why don't you invite her to participate in the forum?

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by oddcouple2841

I kind of understand what he is talking about. No offense ladies but to be honest the "she" part of couples we have corrosponded with just don't excite me all that much. Perhaps it is because I already have one at home that will at least try anything I ask.

She was the one who suggested swinging and I suspect that I am not quite fulfilling the bill. Now I will admit that all too often I will say please roll over and go to sleep. My admitting to her that I had a real "bi" curiosity was hard to do. I won't lie to you, I am much more interested in seeing what it would be like and judge couples from that angle. I also consider her needs though and accept str8 couples or heavier, hairy men for that reason. Hey the body attraction was really not there for me but hell she likes him alot and he seemed like a really nice guy. (guess we may soon find out). Besides I am up for almost anything once and I might like it.

Have you talked with your wife about the bi-curious feelings you are having? She may be open to that, but you'll never know if you don't open up to her. I personally think you are cutting yourself down. It does seem like you are more bi than you are letting on, and thats okay. I think you need to talk with her. Number one, I stand by my words, getting into swinging because she needs a "bigger" dick, or different dick, or whatever isn't going to work. Perhaps it will, but from what I have seen most swingers who have been swingers for a long time made it that way through 2 things: communication and the ability to share the experience. I don't know man, maybe I'm wrong. I just sense some pain behind your words when you say you can't satisfy her, and she wants a bigger penis. To me that is just demeaning to you. Well, I wish you only the best. Remember to vocalize what YOU want and feel as well, you are 50% of the relationship.

[oddcouple2841]

This is K (the male)

ShellyM Wrote
Have you talked with your wife about the bi-curious feelings you are having?

Shelly, good post and you bring up some good issues, I do hope you are not confusing us with the guy who started this thread though.

To answer your questions, we do talk a lot about it. Neither of us has had the opportunity to explore our "bi" side but we do evaluate all prospects from that angle to some degree. I have been very suprised at how many more men out there (especially in couples) are willing to admit their desire to explore sex with other males because we have made it clear in our profiles that we are both "bi curious". I believe there are even more who would like to but are afraid of how they might be judged by their partner. We have been contacted by at least two couples who's male is open to a bisexual liason but away from the foursome because the wife doesnt' care if we do it but does not want to see it even if she intends to do the same thing with S . I believe this attitude has something to do with how women want to see their SO and more than anything else they don't want to admit to anything that might challenge this concept. It may have something to do with images we all have of gays as liking to talk and act like women and carry a purse. I assure you this is not the case with me or at least 90% of bi males out there. This steriotype does not apply to me or most men anymore than I believe you want to dress like a lumberjack and act like a man. I personally don't believe that a man lying with a man makes him less of a man anymore than I believe a woman lying with a woman makes her less of a woman. Please re read the post "Bi Bias" with what I have said in this post and it may give you a new perspective. Also please take a moment to read our profile on SN - Oddcouple6


As for my not being able to satisfy her I don't think there is any man in world who could completely satisfy a 27 -35 y.o. woman . I also was not really talking about a "bigger penis" as much as a heavier bodied males regardless of their package size or height. She is very short so there won't be many men who are not at least taller than her

We are very open and honest about things. She, like most women I believe do, tends to be more phyisically attracted to larger more masculine men just like men are usually more phyisically attracted to more petite women. For exploring "bi" I would much prefer someone nearer my own build with a smooth body like my own. Notice I put phyisically in there, much can change when personality is interjected into the mix.

Originally Posted by oddcouple2841
I kind of understand what he is talking about. No offense ladies but to be honest the "she" part of couples we have corrosponded with just don't excite me all that much. Perhaps it is because I already have one at home that will at least try anything I ask.

As for the above statement I made, I think part of it is my wanting to explore beyond what I already know and perhaps a bit of fear of what someone else's lady might think of me after a romp session. There is also always the fear factor that you may do something they find offensive or perceive as "out of line" and end up in a fight with their hubby or SO. In the end I hope I don't leave you with the wrong impression. It is not that I am so afraid of women or turned off by women as I am mistrustful of most them and well satisfied with the one I already have .

[JacobSky]

Originally Posted by sereneiders

ccwstc,

I think you're looking for the "hot wife/cuckold" scenario. Wheter you may preffer to think of yourself as a "swinger" instead of a "cuckold", here I mean something that for some is a completelly different lifestyle and others see as a branch of this lifestyle (and I am among the formers, however I admit this lifestyle is a source of adventures for the cuckold that would be harder to find somewhere else).

There is a lot of information about this in the web, just google "cuckold" and take a look. You'll see how your story matches some of the common subjects from that lifestyle.

It calls my attention the way you portrayed yourself and your wife, that you're talking about her desires without expressing what you want, and, from the cuckold profile, I'd say this could be a way for you to relieve yourself from the responsibility of taking the place of the less endowed, poor lover husband who accepts your wife's needs for the pleasure you cannot provide to her, much like the common rape fantasy a lot of women have to allow themselves to enjoy the toughts of acts that they're forced to do, without being disturbed by the fact that it is their fantasy and their desire for those acts.

For example, you just jumped from "she was honest from the start, I said go for it", to her detailed comments on how and why her lover is better than yourself. The two hands vs. one hand handjob detail and how he make her cum in a way you wasn't and cannot be able to, is one comming from someone who either wants to humilliate you, or find out those comments arousing for you (and herself)... or both.

So, my problem here is, I find hard to swallow this pill. Either those comments didn't come from your wife mouth but are the ones you want to hear from her, or you didn't admit how much the whole idea turns you on (perhaps even more that your wife).

I'd like to hear your wife's point of view about all of this. If you two are in the same page, why don't you invite her to participate in the forum?

sereneiders, this is exactly what I was thinking. You are very correct in suggesting the hotwife and/or cuckold lifestyle to this guy. These lifestyles can, and some times are mixed with swinging. Sometimes, the only connection that cuckolding couples have with swingers is the use of the same swinger's ad site, as well as the same pool of males. Although, some otherwise cuckold couples do sometimes full swap with certain couples.

Yes, do a google search for cuckolding. (I'm almost feeling that this guy is bolstering and enjoying his fantasy by posting here. The cuckold world is filled with these guys).

Generally, serious cuckolding involves humiliation and even domination of the husband by the wife and the bull. These relationship dynamics are certainly different from the dynamics of a purely swinging relationship where the spouses are treated as equals. That is how swinging differs from cuckolding. I have seen posts by swinging couples, that usually swing as equals, but occasionally do some "light" cuckolding for fantasy play. It is more like roleplaying to them than a lifestyle. Also, some couples are part of the HOTWIFE scene in that the wife has sex with other partners and the husband is somtimes present (this is also light cuckolding). This is as far as some couples choose to go. No domination of the husband occurs and his opinions and ideas are respected. The only humiliation in the light cuckolding or hotwife scenes is that the other lover is viewed as more satisfying to the wife. This turns some husbands on and may not be taken as humiliation.

Basically, there is more than one level of cuckolding/hotwifery, and the lighter play can be mixed in with swinging, but you'll have to find single males, or couples where the husband can be with your wife.

So yes, males to fit into your fantasy can be found within the swinging world, but it would be best for you to search in the cuckolding forums and ads also.

[JacobSky]

Originally Posted by ShellyM

Number one, I stand by my words, getting into swinging because she needs a "bigger" dick, or different dick, or whatever isn't going to work. Perhaps it will, but from what I have seen most swingers who have been swingers for a long time made it that way through 2 things: communication and the ability to share the experience.

I don't know man, maybe I'm wrong. I just sense some pain behind your words when you say you can't satisfy her, and she wants a bigger penis. To me that is just demeaning to you.

ShellyM, I can agree that entering into swinging just for large penises without communication and total commitment to ones mairrage is a recipe for pain, drama, and harm to the mairrage. Nevertheless, I believe that it is ok for a wife to admit that she has cravings for a larger penis, and that she'd like to experience one from time to time with another lover, or other lovers. All types of ingredients make up fantasies. We all have different types of arousal patterns and triggers. What arouses some does not necessarily arouse all others. So, entering into swinging with the desire to have some fantasies fullfilled is OK, but you are correct, loads of communication is necessary for the mairrage to continue lasting.

[JacobSky]

Originally Posted by oddcouple2841

This is K (the male)

As for my not being able to satisfy her I don't think there is any man in world who could completely satisfy a 27 -35 y.o. woman .

I also was not really talking about a "bigger penis" as much as a heavier bodied males regardless of their package size or height. She, like most women I believe do, tends to be more phyisically attracted to larger more masculine men just like men are usually more phyisically attracted to more petite women.

oddcouple2841, I like your sense of humor. Not one male alone may be able to totally keep a 27-35 year old woman satisfied. That may even be true in some cases.

Yes, I've have noticed that females are partial to masculine men, be it taller or stockier men, I've noticed it. I'm 5'7" tall, and I've seen many of my closest friends and my 6'2" brother have to fight women off. I've seen masculine guys with a potbelly get attention before me, and I've got a six pack and I'm somewhat athletic (somewhat thin still).

ShellyM, you say that you sense pain behind the words of a man admitting that he couldn't satisfy his wife like a skilled male with a larger penis could. You even find it demeaning.

I don't feel that way. I see it as woman is finally being honest with me. Yes, the word "satisfied" is relative, and satisfaction can be achieved in many ways, but some women still crave that "full feeling" that their husband may not be able to give them. While a woman may find sex with her husband physically satisfying in that she can still achieve orgasm from oral, manual stimulation, and sometimes penetration, she may feel as though "feeling completely penetrated" tops everything off.

I already feel this is how things work for some women, but not all. So having a woman admit this to me would not devistate me. I would feel as though she is being honest with me, and I'd thank her for that.

This, over my sexual lifetime, has ultimately become the root of many of my fantasies. Yes, I'm a single male now searching for married women generally 30's +, for the hubby to watch me with her or have threesomes together, but that is only becuase I feel like I fit into the young male fantasy that women may have.

You see, I'm actually very much into women's fantasies. They have become my own so to speak. The ones that have caught my eye the most are the "well endowed masculine male" the "girl/girl" or the "young male" fantasies. The only one that I fit is the young male fantasy that women have. So as a single swinging, I pursue to that part. Later, as I hope to find a wife someday, I'd like to sit back more and just watch. I'm actually a voyeur and get off very much by watching. Later in life, I'd prefer to watch my partner with endowed males, or other women (hopefully I can fall in love with a woman that desires the same). I'd only be interested in experiencing sex with other women less than half of the time. I admit that it would be nice to feel and experience sex with other women, but I'd get off mostly by watching my partner get pleasured.

I'm much more confident about performing orally on a woman or using my fingers and hands. So, that is something that turns me on now almost as much as just watching. Also, kinkier fantasies like, creampies, sloppy seconds, DP's, large toys, fisting, and others could make me want to join in whether I'd be single or not. Other than that, I get off by watching. More than likely this is a learned situation. I've felt inadequate penis long enough that it has affected my role in sex. Yes, my endowment is average (thankfully not below). I'm well aware of all studies, arguments, polls, and what have you about size. I understand all aspects and views. I've left no stone unturned on that subject.

Later in life, I'd like to be lightly involved in the hotwife scene, along with having another couple as friends with benefits for a bit more typical swinging.

I'm writing so much about myself in order to present myself as an example to oddcouple and ccwstc. I understand where you are coming from.

Getting back to the original topic, ccwstc could certainly find endowed males in swinging for his wife, but the dynamics of his relationship will probably differ from the dynamics of most swinging couples.

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by JacobSky

Generally, serious cuckolding involves humiliation and even domination of the husband by the wife and the bull. These relationship dynamics are certainly different from the dynamics of a purely swinging relationship where the spouses are treated as equals. That is how swinging differs from cuckolding. I have seen posts by swinging couples, that usually swing as equals, but occasionally do some "light" cuckolding for fantasy play. It is more like roleplaying to them than a lifestyle. Also, some couples are part of the HOTWIFE scene in that the wife has sex with other partners and the husband is somtimes present (this is also light cuckolding). This is as far as some couples choose to go. No domination of the husband occurs and his opinions and ideas are respected. The only humiliation in the light cuckolding or hotwife scenes is that the other lover is viewed as more satisfying to the wife. This turns some husbands on and may not be taken as humiliation.

I agree, however, the point where cuckolding may collide with the swingers brings up when those cuckolding fantasies are being hold privatelly for the cuck/hotwife couple, while making the other couple's male part of the roleplaying.

I've meet this sort of cuckolds/hotwifes. They want to play with you, you agree, and at some point, you suddenly find yourself portrayed as the bull who's being abusive with the other guy, after certain attitudes or comments they make to arouse each other while they use you to roleplay their fantasy.

This could become disgusting: you're forced to take a place you didn't intent to take, and moreover, one you may dislike for yourself. If you're beginners, even your wife may be lead into believe this is a facet of you that you never had the chance to show to her before in bed, and she may dislike that facet, with a very long and unconfortable conversation afterwards about why you want to swing.

As for those couples who play the cuckold/hotwife fantasy with plain swingers, the problem is, they fear to get their chances to play reduced if they're open about the role they want the other couple's male to take, and they trend to hide this expectation, or if they tell you, they may minimize to how extent they'd like you to get carried on with that role.

So, the whole thing is prone to drama, and they're in our list of "dangerous scenarios to avoid".

[ccwstc]

Wow, things have gone off in an unexpected direction. I am NOT into any humiliation fantasies. What I THINK I am into is watching my wife receive tremendous sexual pleasure. But who knows, it may turn out that I can't stomach witnessing my wife having sex with other men.

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by ccwstc

Wow, things have gone off in an unexpected direction. I am NOT into any humiliation fantasies. What I THINK I am into is watching my wife receive tremendous sexual pleasure. But who knows, it may turn out that I can't stomach witnessing my wife having sex with other men.

If you're not into humilliation fantasies, it's very likely that I was wrong with my suggestion. It seemed to me you was and just wanted to point it out, and tell why it'd be relevant.

You're right about the "having stomach" thing. Fantasies usually have very few to do with the reality, even when you attempt to bring to reality your sexual fantasies, the experience and the outcome turns out to be different than what you expected. In fantasyland you can dare to step over what would be hard limits in the reality, just because you control how your fantasies evolve up to the last detail, while in the reality you're lucky if you can control just a few details. The other people involved have the bad taste of following their own agenda to fulfill their own fantasies, so to some extent, there is a struggling involved.

Knowing this difference, and how far your stomach would allow you to go in reality beforehand is the millon dollar question here.

If you enjoy or humilliation or not, isn't that important. I'd say it'd be nice for you to devise exactly waht you want and pursuit your pleasure the way you want, whatever it is. And it would be great if it turns out that your wife share your same tastes.

The point is, whatever your preference is, by knowing what to ask, and who to ask, would minimize de chances for deception for you and for the people you engage to play with.