We tried it now I'm having second thoughts

[Mr. Smith]

My wife and I are very new to all of this. We just had our first experiance 2 days ago. Everything was great. But now, I feel very strange. I am not mad at anyone but I don't know if I this is for me. Mybe I am not very good at sharing...? My wife really liked it but I am not sure about me. But now I cant stop thinking about it. I dont want to make her unhappy by telling her I dont know rather I want to do it again. Shoud I try again? I thought it would be nice to get advice from people who are more experienced than me. Any advice to the new guy is appreciated.

Thanks
Mr. Smith

[ohash01]

What kind of strange do you feel? Like...a little jealous? a little weirded out? a little "oh wow...can i ADMIT that was fun"?

I think at first, everyone feels a little tinge of jealousy. We're fairly new too. J. is almost completely unjealous. He admits that it turns him on to watch another man touch me. I have tinges of jealousy...it's new watching my SO openly admire a woman and having me be okay with it (and even NEWER having me admire the women too!)...but communication is the key to getting past it.

Be sure to talk through the situation. IN DEPTH. Don't be afraid to say "I liked seeing this...I didn't so much like seeing this and here's the reason why." It's important to talk about it afterwards.

I think the 2 most important issues here are "DURING did you enjoy yourself"? And did you talk it through afterwards. Lay out ground rules. Everyone here has a list of okays and a list of bads. Sit down with your wife and make out your list. Then stick to it until you BOTH decide the rules need to change.

[Mr. Smith]

I think it is a mix of a little Jealousy and weidered out. I dont know if I enjoyed it because I was a little pre-occupied with what my wife was doing. It was just a shock to see it I guess. You are right, we do need to talk about it more though. Thank you for your reply.

Mr. Smith

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by Mr. Smith

My wife and I are very new to all of this. We just had our first experiance 2 days ago. Everything was great. But now, I feel very strange. I am not mad at anyone but I don't know if I this is for me. Mybe I am not very good at sharing...? My wife really liked it but I am not sure about me. But now I cant stop thinking about it. I dont want to make her unhappy by telling her I dont know rather I want to do it again. Shoud I try again? I thought it would be nice to get advice from people who are more experienced than me. Any advice to the new guy is appreciated.

Thanks
Mr. Smith

Well, there are some couples where one partner likes it more than the other...you will see profiles where the man watches and the woman participates. But no, you can't do somehthing you just aren't comfortable with. You will learn the swingers mantra: communication, communication, communication!! but seriously, if you just aren't comfortable with it you just aren't going to be happy.

[lovinher]

It's not for everbody and there is nothing wrong with that all. Let us know how it goes.

[JustAskJulie]

It's not for everyone and the key here is that you do need to talk to her and tell her how you feel and felt and what you are experiencing, you also need to ask her and listen as she tells you how she feels. Without talking about it you assume you know what she is feeling and she assumes the same. Relationships have to be strong to swing and that requires good communication.

[Katze42]

My first experience was really a big leap, we had talked about it, we had gone over and over, but going through with it was something else all together. It's strange and weird. There's a new person in the mix and also a new person I had be comfortable with (especially being naked). So, after my first time, I took it easy. I let the experience soak in. Trust me, there's no rush. You'll know if you want more.

[JTcamp05]

You wouldnt be "normal" (as if were normal...right) if you didnt have feelings like this. We all have and most decided to continue, hope you find what your looking for!

Originally Posted by Katze42

... let the experience soak in ... there's no rush.

Dito Don't feel you have to decide right away .... or that even when you do "decide" that you CAN change your mind later. Like anything, it's often two steps forward, one step back.

[BigDave]

Well no matter whether you continue or not the deed has been done. It is etched in your memory for the rest of your cognizant life. You'll have to deal with it. Another man screwed your wife. They touched eachother in the most intimate ways possible meant according to our society and most religions to be only for you two.

Well? Wuddya ya gonna do? You can't un do it. So now what?

Originally Posted by Annaiis

Dito Don't feel you have to decide right away .... or that even when you do "decide" that you CAN change your mind later. Like anything, it's often two steps forward, one step back.

Oh, Jeez, it STILL looks funny ... I'll try again ...

Don't feel you have to decide right away .... or that even when you do "decide", you can't change your mind later ... you can. Often when we try something new, we vascillate on whether or not we like it ... one minute we think we do, and the next minute we think we don't. Just try to communicate to your wife that at this point your "yay" or "nay" is still rather tentative and you reserve the right to change your mind.

Like anything we learn, it's often two steps forward, one step back.

(I hope I've expressed it better this time )

[Mr. Smith]

Annaiis- you have expressed perfectly!! Its just good to hear that maybe I am not the only one to have some doubts. Everyones advice has been greatly appreciated.

Mr. Smith