Should we be swinging? Unmarried couple, male in process of divorce

[hiswhooore]

Please tell me Im not the only one! Everyone here seems to be in a committed relationship (marriage). My boyfriend and I are newbies to swinging...well we actually havent swapped yet, although we intend on doing so. We've been together for 2 years and love eachother dearly...but he's still married!! Anyone else in the same situation??

[Tatakai]

Is he getting divorced? If you have been together for two years seems odd to me but I don't know the whole story either. If you are comfortable going to that area and feel safe about it, then why not I guess.

Tatakai

[StacyCat]

OKay, so, he is married to someone else, and dating you. Are you polyamorus, and his wife knows about everything? Then yes, you can swing.

If he is cheating on his wife to date you, then he will be cheating on her while swinging with you as well. Most swingers I know look down upon cheaters.

[good times]

For many of the same reasons stated by the others I couldn't answer your poll because I don't have enough information to form an opinion. Could you elaborate a little bit more about your relationship, specifically why is he still married?

[Spoomonkey]

Is he married because divorce is expensive? Are they living seperately? Is he sneaking out to be with you?

Not a lot of detail to your question...

I'll make a bit of a leap and say that if he is stepping out on his wife - and now he wants you to swing with him - how can you be comfortable with his motivations for doing so? Or do you care? Is he as much a convenience to you as you are to him?

Spoomonkey

[havefuninsun]

Ditto to above. If he's not divorced yet but seperated, that's one thing. If you're his mistress, that's another. We'd play with a couple who found themselves in the "one of us is still married b/c the divorce isn't final yet" category, but I'd have a real hard time dealing with one of the people were downright cheating on their spouses. Just don't want no drama, ya know?

[Amanda69]

hmm still waiting for more details.....

[graygo98]

Setting all the questions about his marital status aside for a second, we would be inclined to pass on people who have only been together a short time. Its hard to form the basis of a really sound relationship in only two years. God, we spent our first two years enthralled with and learning everything we could about each other. (Come to think of it, we are still doing that.)

And a very solid relationship is, to us, an essential precondition to entering the lifestyle. We are just more comfortable with couples who are really secure and settled in their relationship than with people who are just dating.

So, I guess my vote would be "Can't say if there is hope or not. You have a lot of stuff to work out between the two of you before you can answer that question"

[discoandvyper]

Having been divorced twice, I'm under the inclination that he's still married solely because divorce is expensive and doens't always go easily even if you've got the money. My last divorce took three years to achieve simply because my ex wanted to disagree with everything. That drug the proceedings out immensely. If it took three years for mine, it's feasable that he's been with hiswhooore only after the divorce proceedings started and they're still in the works now.

However, everyone else is right. We don't have enough hard facts to make a judgement call.

[Concupiscence]

If he is in the process of gettings a divorce, and he is not legally seperated, then all these activities are putting him in danger of losing everything. Then again, perhaps he does deserve to lose everything...just saying.

[hiswhooore]

He's still married, 2 kids and in the process of divorce. So maybe my question should have been should I/We wait until the divorce is final to start living this kind of lifestyle?

[biblonde]

Wait until the divorce is final. Give yourselves time to get to know each other better as a couple. Going from a divorce to swinging that fast may screw things up for you two. Best of luck

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by hiswhooore

He's still married, 2 kids and in the process of divorce. So maybe my question should have been should I/We wait until the divorce is final to start living this kind of lifestyle?

How contentious is the divorce? Will any revelations about siwnging hurt his chances to see his kids in the future? Will it piss his future ex off enough that she drags more out of him than she otherwise might have?

Yeah - I'd say wait until the divorce unless things are really agreeable - and they are getting one of those "on-line dissolutions" that only invole a hand shake and a notary...

Spoomonkey

[Tatakai]

By all means WAIT IT OUT!!! It isn't worth screwing up your relationship with him and him loosing more and miss out on being with the kids. Enjoy your time together for now there will be plenty of time to swing later on when you both are free of any thing that might complicate things more. Set up play dates and role play or something yourselves to entertain you until then and you will be better off IMO.

Tatakai