Thinking of entering swinging for my younger wife's enjoyment while I watch

[GrayWolf]

I am a senior married to an Asian woman half my age. I joined this board with reservations. I was married once before and my first wife and I had a few swinging encounters, largely positive, but our marriage was in trouble for unrelated reasons and we eventually agreed to go our separate ways. Now I have been married to a much younger woman for about 10 years, and I can say, without reservation, that we still love and care for each other. However, I am past 65, and though I'm in reasonably good health, I worry that I may not be able to satisfy my wife in the years ahead. We have a young daughter but will not have any more. My wife, a virgin when we married, has blossomed into a really insatiable sensualist. I do not wish to see her deprived in any way, so I think about us entering the "lifestyle," as it is now known, but probably just to have my wife physically gratified by other men, as I watch, since at this stage of my life I can hardly consider myself a sex stud looking for other sexual encounters. I seek input from other members. Are there other members in my circumstances, that is, of being an older man with a younger wife, etc.,? I know that some people are biased against marriages with such large age gaps, but we have had a good relationship and I don't wish to hear from judgmental people who wish to burden me with their narrow views. I did not truly seek marriage with a younger wife, but that is the way it eventually turned out. And my wife was not from an impoverished background, so she did not marry me for money or security. Perhaps we are both unique in our reasons for marrying, but I love her deeply and wonder if I can really accept her being with another man. Strange thing is, I don't feel very threatened by the idea of her having sex with another man, but I suffer with the fear that she might someday have a secret affair, which would hurt me deeply. It is a matter of trust, and openness. Anyway, that is the crux of my introduction. I am retired, and was lastly employed as a state government worker, and though I have no fear of starving or being deprived, our retirement income is modest, though adequate for our needs. If indeed we embrace this lifestyle, it will be mostly because I am proud of her sexuality and her capacity for pleasure, and don't wish to see her deprived. Right now, I am merely putting out feelers and seeking input from people who can speak from experience.

[sexyshelby]

Hi and Welcome
Hope you enjoy the board.

~SS

[Alura]

Welcome from Oklahoma, Gray Wolf! We're glad you've joined us.

Don't give up on enjoying swinging yourself. You may be surprised how energetic you might feel in the right circumstances.

Good luck to both of you!

Alura

[Snake 'n Bunny]

Hi Graywolf - My SO and I have not yet taken the *plunge* into the lifestyle and are only testing the waters at this point. However, from what we've seen so far, there seems to be someone for everyone and most folks here seem to be very open minded. I would not let your age influence you too much and certainly do not rule out swinging yourself if this is the route your wife ends up taking. My sister was married to a man the same age as my parents for thirty years and while my parents were never too happy about it, he and my sister were. The most important thing you can do for your wife is to take care of yourself, health wise, which will not only lengthen your life but improve your sex life.

Good luck to you.

[twohots4u2]

We are not married but we fit the catagory of older Caucasian man with a younger Asian girlfriend. You raise a real consideration. First came the relationship, where we feel like soulmates. We found joy in each other that we never found before. Then, while traveling in New York City, we passed by La Trapeze and she asked what that was. I told her that it was an on-premises swing club. To make a (great) long story short, starting there we got into the swinging life style, first with soft swap, then full swing with other couples, and most recently MFM.

What has it done for us? We find that it really provides an unending stimulation to our sex life, our daily life, our travel, and our conversations. If we ever have a dull moment, one of us will say, Remember that time...?", and off we go. We both feel that it has really strengthened our relationship and will continue to do so. We agree that it helps reduce the impulse to stray, as we can have fun with others in a setting where we are supportive of each other. We know the difference between playing with someone and living our lives with someone, and we do not think that one will ever cross the other.

In a previous relationship, her long term boyfriend played around on her, hurting her immensely. A previous wife did the same to me. We agree that swinging should prevent that from happening while sating the sexual urges to have sex with others. Plus, swinging make this a together thing, as in the MFM where he and I worked to give her maximum pleasure. She wants to do the same for me.

Bottom line is that we feel that swinging is a very positive thing for us. Hope you find the same results.

[prettylady]

Welcome Greywolf
I have to agree with the others, please don't count yourself out.
I may not be half Dogs years but he is 15 years older then me. there are women like yours who prefere older men. I find older men to be dead sexy. I could go into exaclly what they do for me but that is best left for another thread.
I think it is wonderful how much you care for your wife.
Goodluck with your choices.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[LOL_OMG]

Greetings and welcome to the board! First let me say that sometimes it does take courage to make a first time post...good for you! Secondly you will find that the people here are typically not big on judging others, with the exception of cheaters

Your post doesn't mention what your wife thinks about swinging...have you two discussed it? One thing to remember is that it's a journey you make together. I would be interested in knowing what she thinks

Lastly, in my opinion, swinging doesn't prevent people from having an affair. Swinging is about sex, cheating is about emotions. When people cheat they are having problems in their relationship somewhere. When people swing they hand over their trust and fantasies to their SO...creating a bond and closeness that enhances their relationship. When you have that closeness, there's no need to cheat...if that makes any sense.

Mrs

[sereneiders]

LOL_OMG, really well said!!!

Back to the OP, as someone pointed out, you didn't gave us a clue about your wife toughts or feelings about swinging. As far as I understood, you came here wanting to collect oppinions before bringing up the subject with her, am I wrong?

However, I'd say it isn't advisable to try to figure out yourself everything about this, and the issues and fears you mentioned. My guts tells me the sooner you bring them up to your wife, the better.

In any case, at least with the way you put it, it doesn't seem to me the fear of your wife having an afair because of your age to be a valid motivation to swing.

This sounds to me like the structure of a tragedy theater piece, like the Greek's ones or Sakespeare's ones: at the begining some character tells the audience the tragedy outcome, and the play goes around the many things the main characters does, attempting to avoid such an outcome, while the tragic outcome becomes the direct consecuence of those attempts.

So, to trace the analogy with your words, I wonder if you're not being the first character anouncing an outcome: that because of your age and the associated lack of stamina, it's seems reasonable that your wife will end up looking for someone able to stisfy her needs behind your back. You claim what'd be hurtfull would be the fact that this would be done behind your back, the how this would be done, instead of what would be done, even when knowing that whidout the what, there would be no how to worry about. Then, you may be planning a play where you'd be the one facilitating the what to happen to change the how... but since you didn't give us a clue about what your wife thinks about this, we may suppose you're planning this behind her back, and should she finds out later about this, she may feel you didn't trust her enough as to talk with her about your fears, and once feeling emotionally betrayed, this would give her reasons to betray you emotionally even with the lovers you facilitated to her, thus, accomplishing the tragic outcome.

Moreover, it seems you're giving for granted that she will have an affair and there's nothing you can do to avoid this from happening. And somehow this reminds me of Aesops' "The Fox and the Grapes" fable, where the Fox, who loves the grapes, claims he doesn't like them just beacuse they're to high to be reached, just here it could be happening the opposite: the Fox, hating the grapes, knows he will have to eat them no matter of what, then he claims he love them.

Of course, this actually is an interpretation from the way your phrased your post, and there's no other motivation as to suppose this reflects the truth, so this have to be taken just as food for thought.

In the other hand, if you managed to marry such a younger woman, develop a family, and feel happy and fulfilled, you're underestimating yourself and your assests when supposing your age is the only factor a woman would take into account to tell if you're a good lover. As I said, the brain is the main sexual organ, and not the vagina or the penis. Your wife was virgin when you meet her and she "has blossomed into a really insatiable sensualist". I believe you (and not just your penis) deserve some credit for that. That seems to be more than enough to make you a desirable playmate for other women as a swinger, as to assure your role would be limited to watch. So my guts tells me that you may like the idea of watching your wife with other guys, and the remaining arduments related to your age could be providing you an excuse to do what you want to do. Or that you may like the idea of watching because that would reasure those arguments, adding some thrill from feeling humillating.

So this is another interpretation from the way you phrased your post, as to reasure you that I still didn't buy any interpretation as the truth reflection.

In any case, I believe you'd start by talking to your wife about your fears. Things may evolve and fall in it place in a way that may, or may not, involve swinging.

You may find out that your wife actually feels satisfied with you as her lover, that you amuse her brain (the most important sexual organ in the body) in a way no one else could, that she may preffer to introduce sex toys to "imporve" your lovemaking as your stamina dacay. She deserve the chance to have a word about all of this, BEFORE even thinking of swinging as a way out, beacuse otherwise, you'd be the one acting behind her back in the first place, entitling her to do the same, to do what you fear the most.


I hope this makes sense.

[nikki77]

you are really in trouble good wishes for you have you ever use viagra try it with doctor permission bye=GrayWolf]I am a senior married to an Asian woman half my age. I joined this board with reservations. I was married once before and my first wife and I had a few swinging encounters, largely positive, but our marriage was in trouble for unrelated reasons and we eventually agreed to go our separate ways. Now I have been married to a much younger woman for about 10 years, and I can say, without reservation, that we still love and care for each other. However, I am past 65, and though I'm in reasonably good health, I worry that I may not be able to satisfy my wife in the years ahead. We have a young daughter but will not have any more. My wife, a virgin when we married, has blossomed into a really insatiable sensualist. I do not wish to see her deprived in any way, so I think about us entering the "lifestyle," as it is now known, but probably just to have my wife physically gratified by other men, as I watch, since at this stage of my life I can hardly consider myself a sex stud looking for other sexual encounters. I seek input from other members. Are there other members in my circumstances, that is, of being an older man with a younger wife, etc.,? I know that some people are biased against marriages with such large age gaps, but we have had a good relationship and I don't wish to hear from judgmental people who wish to burden me with their narrow views. I did not truly seek marriage with a younger wife, but that is the way it eventually turned out. And my wife was not from an impoverished background, so she did not marry me for money or security. Perhaps we are both unique in our reasons for marrying, but I love her deeply and wonder if I can really accept her being with another man. Strange thing is, I don't feel very threatened by the idea of her having sex with another man, but I suffer with the fear that she might someday have a secret affair, which would hurt me deeply. It is a matter of trust, and openness. Anyway, that is the crux of my introduction. I am retired, and was lastly employed as a state government worker, and though I have no fear of starving or being deprived, our retirement income is modest, though adequate for our needs. If indeed we embrace this lifestyle, it will be mostly because I am proud of her sexuality and her capacity for pleasure, and don't wish to see her deprived. Right now, I am merely putting out feelers and seeking input from people who can speak from experience.[/QUOTE]

[sereneiders]

nikki77,

From the posts you made so far, it seems to me your participation in the forum have less to do with the lifestyle and more to general sex related matters, that you trend to impose your tastes by ensuring you share the taste from the majority, and coincidentaly, that you stick to stereotypes and moral standards that are questionable inside this community (like callenging people to tell you why anyone would like to use sex toys in a pool asking how many toys people have).

You just answered treads related to the "size matters" topic, to tell it does matter in such a way that everyone who doesn't fit your tastes should commit suicide. Following your standards, you came here just to bash the OP because of his age, when he asked to be gentle about that, and against the general oppinion about the way age correlates with swinging.

You'd be wishing to not grow older enough as to loose the benefits from your youth, but (I believe) you also wish to have a longer life. I wouldn't like to be in your shoes when you reach that age, because you won't be able to bear with your depression.

In any case, so far, you're behaving like a troll.

[LOL_OMG]

Well, I was just gonna say...WTF (but you said it more better)

Mrs

[GrayWolf]

I just wanted to thank those who took the time and trouble to post some positive feedback to my tentative introduction. I was confused by the post of the sereneiders, however, but it seems this post was addressed to Nikki77 or whoever.

Of course it's germane what my wife thinks about swinging. I have no intention of forcing her into anything. I do feel quite certain she would go along with the idea, since we discussed such things in the past, but never took any action about it. Yes, I guess I wanted to test the waters, so to speak, before bringing it up again with my wife. You see, I want to make certain how I feel about it before I reintroduce the subject.

I am not impotent, but I am certainly not the man I used to be, and cannot promptly have an erection, to get to the nitty-gritty, and yes, I have used Viagra and have found it useful, though not absolutely necessary. But I would certainly feel awkward to be involved in swinging with a couple if I found I could not have an erection on demand. When I first tried swinging I was in my early 40s and randy as a billy goat, but nowadays, I must accept the fact that sometimes "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Besides, I think one of the main attractions of the lifestyle is the possibility of sexual variety, and to be perfectly honest, I feel no compelling need for it nowadays. Indeed, my sexuality, as that of many senior gentlemen, is more like a woman's in that it is dependent on mood and general well-being in a way it was not before.

I was once a nudist for some time, but I saw the damage the sun did to the human skin and I eventually decided I could not be a social nudist outdoors again, and after an operation that split me from my breastbone to my pelvis, I have a scar that is outstanding, and indeed, no longer have a navel. The bottom line is that I don't feel comfortable being nude anymore.

Yes, my health is paramount, and I am a semi-vegetarian of some years standing, and still work out with free weights and an exercise bike, though I'm not the dedicated fitness enthusiast I once was.

Anyway, thanks again to all of you for the non-judgmental feedback. I mention this because I find that some men and women seem to look upon me as a "DOM" for marrying an attractive woman half my age. I find there really is a strong and persistent bias against such relationships, even though I feel it's really no one else's business to judge me or tell me how to live my life, since I am not dishonest, did not marry my wife under false pretenses, and treat her well at all times. And as I said, I did not actively seek a woman with that age difference. I sought a more mature woman, no more than 10-15 years my junior, but alas, all the women I encountered among my foreign contacts were with heavy emotional baggage, or a child or two, or even wanting to have a child at 45, even 50. So it was only as a last resort that I considered a woman so much younger than myself.

Well, I wish all of you well, since most of you seem to have it together pretty well.

[LOL_OMG]

Graywolf,

Yep Sereneiders reply was to Nikky77, as was my second post. We also wish you well, you seem very sincere and I'm sure your wife appreciates that.

A guy who uses the word "germane" has a notch up on the hot meter

Mrs

[sereneiders]

GrayWolf,

Indeed, my second post was addressed to Nikky77, the first one was the one addressed to you.

But, back to the subject... it'd be nice to know how those things evolve for you. Please, keep us posted.

[athena2910]

Originally Posted by GrayWolf

And as I said, I did not actively seek a woman with that age difference. I sought a more mature woman, no more than 10-15 years my junior, but alas, all the women I encountered among my foreign contacts were with heavy emotional baggage, or a child or two, or even wanting to have a child at 45, even 50. So it was only as a last resort that I considered a woman so much younger than myself.

But Gray Wolf, I find it interesting that you were apparently seeking women among "foreign contacts?" Does that mean you were looking for a mail order bride?

And then you state that the women near your age (but still considerably younger -- "no more than 10-15 years younger" as you stated) had "emotional baggage" and "even wanted to have a child or two at 45 or even 50".

But isn't that what you did? Didn't your first post mention that you and your half-your-age Asian wife have a young child together? So why would the fact that a woman closer to your age who wanted to have a child be a deal breaker?

Athena