Thinking of entering swinging for my younger wife's enjoyment while I watch

[sinsinbad]

Hi Grey Wolf, I am in, or will be in your position soon. I am 59 and my Asian girlfriend is 18. Like you, I wasn't looking for someone her age, and I am not with her because of her age, but because our personalities, wants, and needs were most alike. We are very compatible and have been living together for 9 months.

Back to the topic, while I love sex and in good health and condition (I run and workout), I am not the man I used to be. My girlfriend on the other hand, also loves sex and can enjoy it much more often than I can give it to her. Example: I once asked her how often her and her ex-boyfriend had sex on any given day, and she told me 6 times. Talk about an ego buster. I wish that I could give her sex that many times a day.

Anyway, I have told her that I could use some "help" to keep her satisfied. We have talked a little about swinging, but she is not sure that "good" girls do that, and also isn't sure that she can have sex without love.

Grey Wolf keep me posted and even write to my email sinsinbad@excite.com if you want to. Good luck to both of us.

[Karmickiss]

Wow,everytime I come onto this site I find threads that I can relate with in some meaningful way...I love that, and responding is such a two way street, it helps to put things in writing if nothing else. I wanted to reply before reading anyone else's comments until after I post, b/c I can be long-winded enough, and want to respond with that gut reaction...
I've posted before, talking about the last long-term relationship I was in, for several years, to a man who is about23 years my senoir...and there are so many times I have to remind myself that this man had a very established self-identity before I was even conceived of in thought..lol...and the reason for having to remind myself is simple..I never had the problems with the age difference,not anywhere near the same way he did/does...and we are still in the process of working out our feelings,with plenty of distance, we were apart a year before even engaging as friends on this level...and I can honestly say that for me, not much has changed, while my whole life has...
He wasn't looking for someone so much younger, either, ...and according to his family that I'm still close with,I was also the longest relationship on record, including that of his marriage..either way....it really started bothering him,HE started feeling his age, and me, I admit, I'm a very sensual person, with an incredible drive, and to this day, he is so far the best sex I've ever had with a man..and not for lack of trying,or lack of "skilled" handsome, young partners with all the acrobatics you can imagine...but the difference,was that incredible chemistry that we have together, that kept us together for so long. I was always interested in swinging,(in general, before ever meeting him) and I am very bi-sexual as well, and...there's alot of misconception around that, too, at least for me...that dosen't mean I'm that much more prone to cheat, or that much harder to satisfy, it simply means that when I'm single, the person that I might stay with long-term, or become monogamous with, depending on person/situation...can be male or female, if the connection is there..well..to me I find men or women equally "satisfying" sexually.
long story short..there were different things leading to the break up, but mostly, the biggest was the way he is feeling about himself sexually and as a man...and I swear now it has alot to do with his generation, and up-bringing as well..and I also know no one can convince him about any of it until he is able to let in the information himself, and it started out as a concern about keeping up with me.This makes me sooo sad to this day.
However, I love your post, as far as what I feel from it, the concern, and esp.the way you are proud of and want to nurture her sexuality/sensuality.That is such a considerate place to be coming from,and I'm sure she is not unaware of it either..
I can certainly NOT say what will work for anyone else, and didn't get too much of a feel for how she's reacting or feeling about it herself... I can only share experience, and the idea of adding other people might have worked out better if he had the same feelings about the whole concept of swinging, but he wanted to do it almost strictly for ME. And the reason I even attemtpted this with him was almost strictly for HIM.(honestly, I really should have known better, but love is blind,and we are often,at least I am often the last one to see something in my own life, even if I can easily spot it in someone else's, typical...)
I so cannot speak for her..but I think it's great, to say the least, that you would roll over your thoughts and concerns, even come onto this site, age dosen't always imply maturity...lol..but it's a good thing to roll around all the possibilities in your heart's and minds' eye.
So, speaking for me only, I know that I tried so hard to understand..but I really love/loved this man... B/c of how I know he really is,I was confused that he'd truly want to start now...if he and I both felt the same way in the begining,about swinging, I would have felt it would take our relationship to a higher and closer level...but I knew it meant possible disaster, b/c I never wanted or needed that. Sexualtiy is SO much more than tab A into slot B...most people can see that..but then feel another way due to fear and societal pressures that we aren't even aware of..I consider myself pretty evolved when it comes to separating sex from love, but the fact remained I loved this man, truly, madly, deeply...and I would always tell him as far as my "needs" went,he could use his hand for about30 sec.to bring me to orgasm, and then many more to come by that method alone, b/c it was HIS hand I wanted, and he is the one who brought me to new erotic heights, and that would happen even if he had some kind of accident or thing that would cost him his penis..(I can be crude, and sarcastic-leaning in my humor, but there's seriousness in this statement) it wouldn't matter, b/c it is his energies, his passion and appreciation of me and vice versa that fulfilled me.
But he had trouble believing it,to the point where he started little by little pushing me away...and he thought he liberated me by leaving.I felt so slighted,mostly b/c he just couldn't believe what I was saying,and I thought by trying something with a third party, all do to his coercing, that he would finally SEE that...but actions to him spoke louder then words. We were so close, and I am very very open emotionally and mentally,and thought if he really knew me, he'd know that if I did have some kind of fulfillment problem, that I would talk about it, and figure it out in a way that didn't include any other person,my God, it still is the last thing that I'd worry about...and I can say that at least I learned something...
I have always believed with like-minded and people similar even spiritually, there should be only good things that could/would result from a swinging relationship. But I really finally get it that it's not for everybody, and as far as I go, I cannot help who I am ultimately going to fall for completely, and loving someone that way, I wouldn't ever ever even consider it again if I knew full well that this was not a part of that person's philosophy.What a terrible way to learn, by sacrificing a love like that.Don't get me wrong, I am healing, and now starting to really get back to who I am,as a person alone; and dating, and looking for the kinds of places/people I never found due to circumstance...etc...etc..
I know better than to give advice,but I personally would examine how she really feels, and knowing her like you only can know someone over time...I would at least listen seriously if she is saying that she's happy...and be careful if she says,,,well....for YOU,I'd do it...but if that isn't the case, I applaud you either way for being so open and sensitive to her possible feelings or needs, and if you decide that together,than I wish you all the best of luck....

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by sinsinbad

Example: I once asked her how often her and her ex-boyfriend had sex on any given day, and she told me 6 times. Talk about an ego buster. I wish that I could give her sex that many times a day.

Oh man, I am on my fourties and I wish I could give my wife sex that many times a week!

Talking about ego busters.