Not sure if I am ready to swing

[Dynamar]

Originally Posted by hippiechick

I am open minded and willing to see how it goes, who knows later he might be wondering what kind of monster he created!

I'm sure there are more than quite a few husbands out in Swingerland, who probably feel the same way... even if they'd not admit it! Good for you for thinking it through and coming up with your own matrix... hope you've shared this with hubby and that all is well between the two of you. Continue your exploration, and whether you decide to swing or not, I'm sure you'll have a closer relationship for it.

[Vantabulous]

A couple of weeks ago, Mrs. Van and I were walking off one of the greens at the local golf course when a very attractive young lady drove up on a refreshment cart. Thinking that a nice, cold beer - or three - wasn't going to hurt the round I was having in the slightest, we walked over to her and I made some really suave comment about how my "second-favorite" lady on the course had dropped by at a most opportune time. Apparently my "delivery" was better than I thought because Mrs. Van actually had a good chuckle over it. (Of course, she had just parred the hole while I bogied it so she could afford to be in a good frame of mind. )

The point is that my wife laughed. There was a time that she might not have been quite so amused. In fact, there would have been a 50/50 chance that she'd have gotten pissed off at my "obvious flirtation" with the "beer-cart girl". Now, you - and everyone else - might say, "You've got to be joking." Let me say, for the record, I'm not. (Also, for the record, the young lady could've driven up naked and I still would have been more interested in that cold beer. It was a hot day and, yes, I'm just as disgusted with myself as the rest of you are. )

In a very roundabout fashion, I'm suggesting that by communicating we've liberated ourselves, and one another. My wife saw the quip for nothing more than what it was. She joined in without feeling slighted, ignored or in danger of being "thrown over" for another woman.

The "testimonials" aside, no one that you would trust on this Board will ever suggest that you should have sex with anyone but one another. That's up to the two of you to make that choice. And, it's not a choice made by one or the other but by both of you, for both of you.

Try first to enjoy the "openness" with one another. Let it progress from there.

Best of luck to you both...

Van

P.S. I beat Mrs. Van on two of the last three holes to win the coveted "I-Won-Two-Of-The-Last-Three-Holes" trophy. It's a little-known but highly coveted trophy... Wait a minute...

[hippiechick]

Congradulatons on your trophy!! But it is usually me that wins thoes prestigues awards. I do wonder was there ever a time that it would have been you ( the man) that would have gotten pissed? Just that sometimes it feel good to know some one is jelouse even for a second. Ya know. You guys are funny.

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by Vantabulous

...A Golf Story...

I LOVE golf stories!!! You should post more often.

Originally Posted by hippiechick

...I do wonder was there ever a time that it would have been you ( the man) that would have gotten pissed? Just that sometimes it feel good to know some one is jelouse even for a second. Ya know. You guys are funny.

Yeah H.chick...we're sooo funny!

I will tell you that Jealousy has never, ever been a positive in our relationship nor spawned anything positive in our relationship. These things that Vantabulous told of are things that should always be laughed about. Now, if he said his "...1st favorite lady had just dropped by..."; that surely should have a different outcome. 4-iron, hooked around...

the neck!!!

Male D

[hippiechick]

Sorry, I meant that you are all funny in the sense that you have a humerous personality. And as far as jelousy, I know it never spawns any thing good in any relationship, I was refering to that tiny spark rather it be small or what, just to let you know deep down they still care enough to worry. And also funny, meant the catagory of trophy refered to, I've won that one before, and those are the best ones.

[Vantabulous]

Male D,

Trust me, the last thing in the world that you want to get me started on is "golf stories". We'd be up all night...and the ladies would have to amuse themselves...

P.S. She'd have gone for a wedge. Heavier and, she can't hit a four-iron to save her...

hippiechick,

Would it ever have been me? My dear Lord, Woman! You're talking with the ex-King of "acting like a complete ass" where Mrs. Van is concerned. I nearly put a young man through the wall of a bar once and it turned out to be a "joke" on me. Pretty funny, huh? Not... (He wasn't amused either.)

I don't "put it away" but I keep it in check. There is no one more precious to me than my wife. It's hard to not feel "possesive". The trick is to keep it in its proper perspective. (Not sure I've got the "trick" right yet but, I'm trying. )

Van

[twobears]

Hi yes, you have to keep an open mind, and feeling a lot like yourself on some of the issues of the lifestyle I understand where you are coming from. I hope you will keep reading this board and books on the subject, I just want to let you know don't put it off because of your child, that is a comfortable way to hide from all the issues that this question your husband has brought up, when you are feeling uncomfortable I have found like for myself that gives me the issues I need to know more about. Keeping an open mind is not easy so I do hope you will read and talk more to your hubby about ALL of YOUR feeling, if you trust him and what he says to you, then as you learn about the way this lifestyle works you will fine that you and your husband are going to be so much more closer than before. Our world has shaped our minds and most of us do not realize it is not the way we feel in our being but only in the MIND. I wished that my hubby and I could have been in this lifestyle before now, we are in our late fifies and this is my second marriage and the only true love of my life. Good luck don't put off learning more about life and others it is a lot more than just fucking others!!!!! It is about being the real human being that the spirit made us to be I think!! Happiness to you both!!

[all4him]

Originally Posted by Alura

We think y'all are on the right track, HippieChick! You've made some good, solid decisions.

We're not clubbers, but there is one in Tulsa and I'm sure y'all could go there, watch and play with each other. I'd think you might find a bunch of couples doing the same thing.

Two couples making love with their spouses in the same room or bed is called "soft swinging." There are lots of folks who do only that, and some full-swappers who are willing to soft-swap from time to time.

Hang around on the board with us, though. We've come to like you.

Alura

Out of all the advice I've seen on the boards, I think this one did it for me. I didn't know that other's would be willing to do it this way. I thought it was an all or nothing kinda thing, always either a 3some or a swap. Thank you Alura. I think that's the way for my bf and I to start, because I have no trouble seeing and being seen. Maybe someday I'll lose some more of my inhibitions and be able to take the next step, but for now this seems perfect. :rollseyes Why didn't I think of that myself????

[Alura]

Thanks for the kind words, All4him. It's rewarding to know that you have really helped someone.

Alura