Wife wants me to swing

[supalf]

Dear friends

I am in my late 20's and have been married for almost 3 years, in the past year, my wife has been telling me that I should sleep with other women. At first I didn't really think too much of it, but she keeps insisting that I should do it. Currently I am in Hong Kong on business for 2 months, in her emails she has been telling me that I should go to bars and pick up women, and she is hoping that when I get home I would be a more experienced man with the ladies.

dear friends do you have this problem at home too, or is there something my wife is hiding behind my back?

[JandCMI]

I wonder if when you get home she will still be encouraging you in this way?

There can be many reasons why she would be saying these things to you via email. Have you actually had a conversation outside of email with her about it?

[WesternSwing]

Yeah, I have to agree with JandCMI: what are her real motives? Have you discussed in depth why she wants you to sleep with other women? Just to make you a better lover seems fishy to me.

Mr. WS

[supalf]

thanks guys
we first started talking about this in bed, so it's been awhile now. Since she is ok with it I might aswell try it right? I have never done swinging, do you guys recommend me trying it?

[KIKIsiMIKI]

Supalf,

If you don't mind me saying so, to me it sounds like you are trying to make up YOUR mind. If this would be the case, you're on the wrong track. This or other lifestyle is for each and every one to decide if it's fit for them. There's no such thing as recomended to swing. You may get into trouble just considering it.
If what you say it's absolutely acurate, than I agree with Mr WesternSwing that is fishy. Her signal towards you may be she loves you but wants more. You can't exclude she may have done it (not necessarily swinging) and needs to get you even or get you to be the lover she needs and this is how she thinks may do it.
My advice to you, or recomendation if you prefer this term, is talk everything. And talk does not mean you tell her your side and she tells you her side. Means, most important to listen. The key to understanding humans, is first understand yourself. Don't assume you know everithing. Nobody does.
Bottomline, talk, talk, talk. I know it's already redundant, you'll see this phrase every other two posts here, but who am I to be original?

Have a good life!

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by supalf

Dear friends

she is hoping that when I get home I would be a more experienced man with the ladies.

This is the line that sticks out when I read your post.

How is your sex life with your wife? Are you two very open about talking about your sex life together when you are NOT in bed in the heat of passion?

Have you two had real and serious talks about your sex life together? Is she looking for more out of you in your sex life and maybe is hoping someone else will teach you some new tricks?

Don't take this wrong. I am not saying you are boring in bed. Just that you added that line to your post so it is something that I had to bring up. There is a "reason" that she wants you to have more experience with with the ladies. What is it?

[lovefest04]

The question that comes to my mind and I would ask her directly is:

Are you interested in sleeping with other men while I am away in Hong Kong?

I'm not making a judgement, but you two need to communicate. For us we like to explore, learn and grow sexually together. We've become better lovers as a team.

Good Luck

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

We always "play" together never separate. This screams questions and lack of communication (not being mean just observing). Questions: Is she wanting to swing with men while your in Hong Kong? What is she wanting you to learn in the bed that you two can't explore and discover together?

I'd say wait till you get home and then like others have suggested, talk, talk, talk. The lifestyle isn't for everyone and you two need to decide together if it is for you and how you will proceed.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[supalf]

The overwhelming response has been greatly appreciated on a subject whom I could not overcome by me. To answer some of your questions our sex life has been pretty average, sometimes great sometimes average, we do talk about this outside our bedroom. Since my wife and I have really similar personality, we think very much the alike. We both get bored very easily hence she recommended that we have an “open marriage” like what Will Smith and his wife have. And because of that we will not get bored of each other and our marriage will last longer and become much stronger.

[xray678]

Originally Posted by lovefest04

The question that comes to my mind and I would ask her directly is:

Are you interested in sleeping with other men while I am away in Hong Kong?

Hmm, I wonder if she is not already sleeping with other men while you are away and is telling you to do the same to try and make it seem ok.

[Xx2]

If you decide that an open marriage is going to work positively for both of you, then you have every right to do that. However, remember one thing-jealousy is a monster that can pop its head up at any time. Are you prepared for dealing with jealousy on either side of your marriage? You may have no jealousy over her having sex with other men while you are away. But, will there be jealousy when you have sex with someone else when she is not there?

Even with open communication, jealousies can still occur. Case in point-our first couple of swinging experiences were separate rooms. We were both too interested in what the other was doing to fully enjoy ourselves. It wasn't until we were home, afterwards, and discussing the experiences that we realized we were both jealous of the other. This is when we determined that we should play together to see if it was better. It infinitely was! Not only do we both feel safer, we are more comfortable with the things we want to happen.

The key here is not whether you can handle the jealousy, but if y'all can openly deal with the honest communication that will follow. Jealousy is a natural human emotion that is bound to happen eventually. If you can accept it, then deal with it, you will be successful in whatever you and your wife decide.

Not trying to preach, just help. Its always good to try to be prepared for anything that could possibly happen. This way you can plan for your solution.

Mrs. Xx2

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by supalf

thanks guys
we first started talking about this in bed, so it's been awhile now. Since she is ok with it I might aswell try it right? I have never done swinging, do you guys recommend me trying it?

If you are going to try it, try it together, not solo. IMO, starting into swinging solo, from thousands of miles away, is a quick way to divorce mediation. Swinging is a couples activity. Many play solo occasionally, but most swingers play together most of the time. Other than that it becomes and "open relationship"

I wholey agree with lovefest04. Why is she so hot to get you into it? It sounds more like she wants to sleep with other men while you are away, and by giving you permission to sleep with other women she is making her actions okay.

You two need to really, really talk.

Mr. WS

[RNDNV]

I agree with all of the above posts that suggest that she wants to, or already is, sleeping with other men (or perhaps women, or both) behind your back. Frankly, I have NEVER known a woman to suggest to her man that he sleep with other women when they are apart who is not also indulging in extracurricular play as well. There are a variety of different reasons she makes this suggestion, but at the end of the day, it is a VERY STRANGE suggestion for her to make, and you are not clear on the motives. Hong Kong is way too far away for you to deal with this effectively.

What she suggests in NOT swinging. She is suggesting that the two of you engage in sexual non-monagamy, of which swinging is one of several ways of doing that. In other words, an open marriage doesn't have to involve swinging, but a couple who swings have a form of an open marriage. Swinging is typically done by couples together, as a couple activity, and not as a general rule by seperate activity such as she suggests, at least not with anyone she hasn't already met.

Couple of questions? What is her age? (You stated you are in your late 20's). Secondly, how often do you travel for extend periods such as you describe this Hong Kong situation to be?

[eroticsensation]

I agree I would not be suprised if she is sleeping with other men and wants you to sleep around in order to make it alright.

are you ok with her sleeping with other men?

[bm8]

We are a Chinese couple in Hong Kong. Next time if your wife is with you in hong Kong, do let us know and see if we can share some fun!!!

Bob and Linda