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JustAskJulie

Swinging Without Oral

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Add me to the list that wouldn't mind a bit if I couldn't receive oral.

I guess I'd actually be more upset if I were in your shoes Julie; not being able to give oral.

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There are times when even sex is not a good thing (I never realized how much you tense your entire body just before you orgasm - and to make it worse when I feel my body tensing up at that point I fight it which just makes it worse).....

 

.... If we didn't choose to take a break from action altogether. How important do you feel that oral sex is in swinging?

 

Awww, how frustrating.

 

My partner had a bout with TMJ, hers was caused by "bruxism", she unconciously ground her teeth in her sleep, so the dentist gave her an insert to keep that from happening, eventually she "unlearned" doing that. I got TMJ too at one point, but mine was from an impacted molar. (TMJ is so complicated.) We were both so oral, it was vexing, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

 

First, oral is not the only tool in the toolbag. Yeah, it is an important tool, but the TMJ forced us into doing other things, in fact it lead to us inventing a game where we would put certain acts "off limits" (no oral, or no hands, or no ...well, name something. lol!) and we would have to invent substitutes! That game outlasted the TMJ, and we were even able to incorporate that, and what we learned from that, into swinging!!!

 

Yes, tensed orgasms really affected her TMJ too, even when she was not doing any oral at all! Like your case, it really affected her the next day and sometimes for a few days. Ouch. We also quit swinging for a while, even sex. But it became all too much, and so not us.

 

She had a few experiences with a playmate of ours, doing mutual massage and "sensual indulgences" (she and her were both LMP's) -when she had these suprising "relaxed" orgasms... and they were so powerful! Remembering that gave her ideas, so we experimented with that. As a starting point for making relaxed orgasms more concious and not so accidental, we used various combinations of breathing, imagery and touch. Roberta DeLong Miller wrote a book called "Psychic Massage"... and she used that book as a way of getting me on the same page ( I was clueless at first) and exploring that phenom.

 

To make a long story short -in the first chapter of that book, Miller has an exercise...and she basically talks about moving breath energy within your body while relaxing your body. If you take breath "energy" to mean "sexual energy" (which it is) ... we were able to "learn" how to get ourselves so turned on, how to exchange that energy and yet also get so relaxed that the orgasms just happened seemingly out the blue and were amazing. There was no resisting them! You just get so hot you just sort of explode. These orgasms also have a characteristic of having no post orgasmic "let down" and just made us even hotter. We were able to apply what we had learned with our swinging partners using word play and guiding touch...to everyones fun! So when all was said and done, we ended up with another "tool" in our toolkit, one maybe even more powerful than oral.

 

Some people seem to have an easier time learning to do these relaxed orgasms than others, but its worth a try. Hope some of this helps. Where there is a will, there is away!

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interesting thread...

 

As a man....I love, LOVE, LOVE getting head, nothing better than a nice sloppy wet BJ. A women that knows what she's doing down there is a real keeper. I'm convinced that if there were more BJ's in the world, there'd be less war. Think I kidding? Wives try this out: Next time the hubby is fussing or upset about something...just reach in pull the dick out a give him a great BJ. I bet whatever the problem was will be gone in 2 seconds. LOL

 

In all seriousness though...I do think oral sex is an important aspect of sex. It's like the appetizer before dinner. Can you have a great meal without an appetizer? Of course you can. But the best meals have all three courses.

 

But...we are men, so if the guy is going to get laid, I'm pretty sure he can go without the oral.

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If you are open and honest with potential playmates, and it turns them away --------they were not a great choice in the first place, and take exposing their selfishness as a blessing.

 

Focus on getting better -- the hand-job, and finding a way to orgasm without clenching (teeth).

 

Be well and enjoy

 

Tom

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First of all, we certainly wish you the best and hope for a speedy recovery. Though we are not familiar with the ins and outs of TMJ it sounds painful.

Mrs spvcouple does NOT enjoy giving oral. It just plainly is not something that she enjoys and she gets offended when someone expects it as a part of routine play. Most partners understand and continue to play in other ways with her. A few back off completely (their loss). We have even had a few older men who are unable to perform without first getting some head.

Name anything else that is done playing with others and you will find that it is not an expected part of playing. Vaginal intercourse (soft swappers don't). Anal (many ladies won't). Bi-play (some don't swing that way).

It is simply one of the few things Mrs spv doesn't do.

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interesting thread...

 

As a man....I love, LOVE, LOVE getting head, nothing better than a nice sloppy wet BJ.]

 

 

I will have to go with that DE BBC.

 

but do i have to have it every time I'm in bad or I'm going to get me some? NO.. If it happens GREAT but its no the end of the world if it don't.

 

BUT if a lovely lady cant give oral. that don't stop me from going down town,, if you get my drift. :) I have had it both ways ... Its all good

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Add me to the list of those that would say no oral isn't a deal breaker. Yes, Mr. Sweet and I both enjoy it, but if our playmates were upfront with us and explained things to us, we'd understand and adjust accordingly.

 

=)

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If full-swap intercourse were still on the table, I could probably manage to survive swinging without oral. BUT (and it's a bit BUT), I'd rather give up kissing than give up GIVING oral sex when it comes to swinging. I could give up receiving oral sex without a problem, but it is one of my favorite things to give it and watch/feel the pleasure on someone else's face/body.

 

Unfortunately, as I said, due to the way intercourse causes my entire body to tense up, it's even being limited between the two of us. As it was we were barely on the border of full swap. We'd worked out way there before our break last year and lost a huge amount of our comfort level due to that break. So now we were in the process of working out way back with a couple of couples that we are comfortable with. So basically for us it would be/had become an issue of trying to soft-swing without oral sex (at least without me giving it) and somehow for me that just doesn't seem to leave anything. Since giving oral is probably my greatest pleasure within swinging, anyway.

 

Which leaves me not able to do much of anything when it comes to swinging. It sucks big donkey balls! That's why we've basically opted to more or less take a break from actually playing and just enjoy the social aspects at this point. It's not to say that if something came up that neither of us could resist and we didn't know if there'd easily be another chance at them later, I'd probably risk the pain I'd feel the next day for the fun I'd have that night.

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Since giving oral is probably my greatest pleasure within swinging, anyway.

 

Yes, there are many people, typically women, who derive as much pleasure from providing pleasure as receiving. It took me a while to catch on to this.

 

~Michael

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Add me to the list that wouldn't mind a bit if I couldn't receive oral.

 

Add me too. If receiving oral sex happens, then fine, but it isn't an integral part of the experience for me and whether or not it happens doesn't make it a good or bad experience overall.

 

How important do you feel that oral sex is in swinging? IMO, it's pretty important (which is part of why we are backing off). I just can't imagine swinging without it.

 

From the range of the responses, like many things to do with swinging, it appears this is one of those "depends who you ask" type questions. For some, it's important, for others, not so much.

 

I think your last statement pretty much sums it up - if it is an important part of the experience for you, but you know up front it is not an option right now, then you go into any potential experience with two strikes against you from the start in terms of it being a good one that you would enjoy. If you know up front you won't enjoy it since oral is off the table, then why set yourself up against such long odds?

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To me it's not required by any means, but it's nice to have some attention paid to me beforehand or between rounds. :rolleyes: There is plenty more that can be done with my penis besides just sucked, though. So it's by no means a requirement. Besides, for me chemistry, and what makes for good sex, goes waaaaay beyond what sex acts are performed.

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Julie: I'd have to say that swinging would be quite the challenge from my point of view, if I could neither give oral nor have full-on intercourse. I like your attitude toward your situation though (I definitely laughed at your comment that "It sucks big donkey balls!") and I wish you the best as far as beating whatever the problems are that are keeping you from enjoying yourself. TMJ really sounds pretty hard to deal with.

 

I know that when I ignore my limitations I generally pay for it afterward. I have a chronic problem that I ignored on Saturday night, and now I am in a decent amount of pain. It does stink when your body doesn't cooperate. I'm sending good thoughts your way.

 

That said I have had a few long-term partners who don't really give much oral. It's fine with me if I like the guys otherwise, because I get lots of it from Mr. Fuse, so it's not missing in my sex life. Like you, if I couldn't give it that would take away more of the enjoyment for me.

 

We've been seeing a couple for about six months where the lady has jaw problems too, and Mr. Fuse is okay with that because he gets lots of oral from me. Coincidentally, giving oral isn't one of her husband's main appeals either. He does it, but doesn't really relish it. I like him for other reasons :). I imagine they both like us in part because we both have a thing for giving it, and neither of us cares too much in their case if we get it. Of course we are a full-swap couple, so our situation is different.

 

Maybe your solution is to find soft swap couples where the other lady gives her husband lots of oral and so he may not care too much if you can't.

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I have to agree. I love giving and receiving oral and it is a big factor in my personal sex life. I do not think my wife would be very happy though because she has a very hard time cumming without having oral done to her.

 

I agree with this poster and love a great hand job done with a lubricant

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Julie,

 

I'm sorry to hear that your TMJ is interfering in your life and loving so much. In such a situation I would be pleased to just curl up and cuddle with you for a while and talk until you are back up to health. Our best wishes to you and a speedy recovery!!

 

S

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Playing without all of the foreplay huh :rolleyes: Sure it can be done.....would it be as enjoyable? Nope, not for me :( It would tend to feel rushed as we'd get to the fucking part too quick. And the whole play session would be shortened as half the fun would be lost :sad: It's pretty effin sexy watching a playmate go down on you and have her look up in your eyes...... and see as the corners of her eyes and then her lips curl up to form a smile around your cock :kissface:

 

I'm sure swinging without oral is done here and there, but it sure would take alot of fun out of playing.

 

Brett

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Playing without all of the foreplay huh :rolleyes: Sure it can be done.....would it be as enjoyable? Nope, not for me :( It would tend to feel rushed as we'd get to the fucking part too quick. And the whole play session would be shortened as half the fun would be lost :sad: It's pretty effin sexy watching a playmate go down on you and have her look up in your eyes...... and see as the corners of her eyes and then her lips curl up to form a smile around your cock :kissface:

 

I'm sure swinging without oral is done here and there, but it sure would take alot of fun out of playing.

 

Brett

 

 

That's pretty much my feeling as well. And I can't even imagine what soft-swinging is without oral sex... it just doesn't leave much. Here let me make out with this other guy then jump over to my hubby for sex (I like a little something in between) and I like the something in between even moreso when it comes to swinging. If that's all it's gonna be I'll stick with what we have... go to the socials and flirt and socialize and then go home and screw each other.

 

It's not a big deal to put the rest on hold for a little while, it's not like it's never gonna happen, it's just gotta wait.

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Damn, I would think this condition sucks. (pun intended)

 

I have to wonder about how you say anything to potential playmates at the socials you guys go to or even people on line, through the websites.

 

Swinging without oral ? We could adapt..... :D

 

My first question would be, how do you relate this to couples/men you might be interested in locally ?

 

Although I have never been with a woman with this condition. Now I wounder if there might have been one who said nothing about it :confused: That kinda bums me out thinking about it.

 

Most female playmates I have been with, with "special needs", have been open about how they feel. At our ages, we can relate to aches and pains or conditions that might interfere with things. I have personally been with females with varying conditions and stages of recovery. From a hysterectomy, to one playmate with a broken arm. One woman had back surgery, and I can say she was very appreciative of my concern. Heck, One woman and I even compared scars with, and got kinda hot doing it. :hahaha:

 

I know this is an anonymous forum, but do you feel uncomfortable just mentioning this to potential playmates ? Or, is the discomfort just not worth the pleasure ?

 

As far as saying we can adapt. Do you feel a prosthetic device could be used like a brace or something ? Perhaps some pillows placed in various places ?

 

Am I sounding weird here or something, I cant imagine a man not understanding.....

 

What about Pet playing with a woman/ couple in a MFM scenario and you taking things a little bit easier on yourself. I would think... No actually I know, Mrsfun can take care of two men orally. What kind of options have you considered ?

 

Do you encounter potential playmates who decline if you mention this ?

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Oral sex is a huge part of our sex lives, both as a couple and as swingers. But if a potential playmate told me she couldn't go down on me for any reason I would agree.

 

I would then tell her to get on her back, pull her knees up to her chest and enjoy the best I have to offer...for as long as she wants. :D

 

Trace

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Obviously , if YOU feel you wouldn't enjoy, then don't.

But that said, yes head is good. But an excellent hand job can be better than an average BJ . The really limiting factor would be not being able to get you off ( if I read correctly its the orgasm , and not intercourse per se that is the problem) Once upon a time when avoiding intercourse, between the breasts, and between closed thighs from behind were still very enjoyable for me. But of course there were at least one orgasm for her with tounge, finger, G spot, toys, etc first. ( the point being no head/ no intercourse can still be a blast).

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I think it would bother me more if I couldn't give oral than it would not to be able to receive it. I absolutely LOVE giving oral. Sometimes though, through either allergies or whatever, my sinuses won't allow oral for long periods of time. In between, I've found that either my hands or tongue work just as well.

 

Now, I'm going to speak for Dave, not only because we share a brain, but just because he isn't here ~~ I don't think he'd mind at all if his partner didn't/couldn't/wouldn't/won't give head. I know for a fact that he loves hands, or whatever else you might like to use. He's not difficult to please.

 

I'd HATE to have TMJ. There are so many problems that arise from that. Migraines usually being the worst. (I hate migraines.) Sending good vibes for a quick recovery.

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Without going into any more detail than I already have about my affliction and the problems it causes. Basically, we decided that overall it's best if we just take a break. We do tell people that the reason for our self-imposed break, as to why we aren't swinging. We just go to the social and have a good time. Our regular social is like a group of old friends and we are also very social with any new people, we just don't put ourselves in a situation where play is an option. If someone suggests is we tell them that we are on a break due to my issues. We still flirt and we still have a good time, we just don't let it get carried away and if there is any doubt, we explain the situation. What we have learned from doing so is that we've actually made some real friends out of some of the local swingers - people who actually want to just enjoy our company and spend time with us without expecting more.

 

If sex itself wasn't out as well as oral sex, it wouldn't be an issue and I'd just suffer with not being able to give oral. But cutting out both oral and regular sex... just doesn't leave enough to make it worth bothering (IMO). If someone came to me and said all we are open to is having you go down on us and all I will do is use fingers on you... I'd say no, so our decision is based on that.

 

It is interesting to read that more people (myself included) could more easily live without receiving oral sex than they could without giving it.

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There is a problem when the best BJ you had was your first BJ. It really spoils all later ones. That happened to me. The first was absolutely the best I ever had. It wasn't till 20 years alter when I lucked into having a swing with the self confessed BJ Queen of Texas that I had anything even close to being as good.

 

All the ones in between were fun but not earth shaking. That's not to suggest that all the encounters over the years included oral nor that the encounters that did include oral were in any way unsatisfactory.

 

I give it to probably twice as many women as I get it back from. I always love to give it, but if I don't get it back, that's really OK.

 

I guess the bottom line is that oral either giving or receiving, is usually fun but not vital.

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It's not a big deal to put the rest on hold for a little while, it's not like it's never gonna happen, it's just gotta wait.

Julie.....have you ever thought about inlisting the help of another girl to help you with your hubby and give him the BJ he's been missing :facelick: That way you could let your helper do the oral for you and no jaw problems :D But.......ya might wanna remind her you can't do oral so she doesn't pass him back to you to share in the fun :hahaha: I'm betting those neckaches area a bitch. Ever try one of those heat/cold packs :EG:

 

Just trying to help Julie :lol:

 

Brett

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Julie.....have you ever thought about inlisting the help of another girl to help you with your hubby and give him the BJ he's been missing :facelick: That way you could let your helper do the oral for you and no jaw problems :D But.......ya might wanna remind her you can't do oral so she doesn't pass him back to you to share in the fun :hahaha: I'm betting those neckaches area a bitch. Ever try one of those heat/cold packs

 

Just trying to help Julie

 

Brett

 

Bengay Icy-Hot is my good friend these days. And luckily, hubby is not complaining about missing out on the BJ's he totally understands... it just kinda gets in the way when we want to play with others :(

 

I'll just start offering up 68s -

 

We were considering an on-going situation with a couple we see pretty regularly in which she's practically been ready to throw him down if she could just get him back to her room...the problem is on our end with not wanting the other guy to feel left out, but we're thinking we may have worked a way around that - we'll find out if it will work for them in another week, hopefully.

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