Women that don't cum quickly - Challenge or wasted time?

[hotblonde47 22]

If you males encounter a female that doesn't "cum" at the drop of a hat, that you actually have to work at to figure out what makes her tick - do you see that as a challenge or a waste of time? I'm obviously in this category, in over 18months only two males (apart from hubby) have given me an orgasm. I have a ball playing, am very active and the males always leave satisfied and hubby always makes sure I'm satisfied either during or afterwards, he almost always brings the visiting female to orgasm. The only successful males have been those that have been frequent playmates. I wonder if the others just saw it as a waste of time after the first attempt?

[DBL D 120]

Well...think about it. If you dated someone in college and they did not make you cum, would you still see that person for sex?

 

We look for people who turn us on not those we have to "figure out". Though I will have to admit that a decision as to whether to see someone again is predicated on the fact that they COULD bring you to orgasm. There is performance anxiety on the ladies behalf sometimes too (but the guy gets the blame?)

[Alura 2,766]

I always try to do my best, HotBlonde, but I'm not sure I'm always successful.

 

It does take some time to get to know people, not just ladies, and Mrs. Alura and I are always willing to invest the effort to find out what "makes them tick."

 

I remember one of our playmates telling me the first time we played, "I can only climax with my vibrator." Some months later, after a long slow body massage, I convinced her to relax and, lo and behold, she found out she could also come from oral sex. I think relaxation and trust are instrumental.

 

It seems to me you're just a lady who needs to "connect" with her partner and that's a GOOD THING! It would never be a waste of time. I'm just a hick Okie, but my guess is that anybody who thinks you're a waste of time, is a waste of yours.

[hotblonde47 22]

OK, readjustment here. Yes, I would agree that performance anxiety is very much on me too. I am not blaming the males cart blanche. I have thoroughly enjoyed most encounters even though i have not had an orgasm. My question was, put another way, does a lack of orgasm in the female make you males think twice about revisiting the situation? And by the way DBL D - I didn't go to college - but still if someone didn't make me cum doesn't mean i didn't have a good time and still want to try it again.

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

Proof once again that it's not just men who have performance anxiety. I am a lot like you with this. I've had some guys that I did have to fake with in a swinging setting because they just weren't going to quit until I came.... and I just wasn't going to cum. I don't think I've ever encountered a guy who acted like he felt that it was a waste of time... just frustrating.

[hotblonde47 22]

Thanks Julie - only once in my life have I faked and it was in the "lifestyle" because damn I was just worn out and he wouldn't quit! LOL

[Bella&Cooper 15]

Bella is also a slow to orgasm girl and it takes very specific attention to make her cum. I know what to do after spending an abundant amount of time with her but the reality is a man who is with her for the first time just isn't going to be successful at it. I think the reality is that unless there are multiple encounters with the same guy, the connection required to get to orgasm just won't happen.

 

I don't think you should hold it against these men who fail. If you really want to orgasm with them, you are probably going to have to give very specific instructions. Most men would be happy to be told exactly what works and not focus on something that just won't get you there.

[DBL D 120]

...My question was, put another way, does a lack of orgasm in the female make you males think twice about revisiting the situation? And by the way DBL D - I didn't go to college - but still if someone didn't make me cum doesn't mean I didn't have a good time and still want to try it again.

 

He He! That is why I said the other thing about whether you felt that person could eventually bring you to orgasm. Obviously, there's more to life than sex. I can appreciate having a relationship with someone that I've been intimate with only once or never and then being just good friends...

 

So to your original question: I guess it would depend on the chemistry you have. If you truly like to be with one another it probably isn't really important whether you orgasm. Intimacy in any way is to be cherished.

[Joelgn 15]

Hotblond writes...

 

If you males encounter a female that doesn't "cum" at the drop of a hat, that you actually have to work at to figure out what makes her tick - do you see that as a challenge or a waste of time? I'm obviously in this category,...

 

It can take some sweet attention to figure out what makes a partner tick, HB, but it can be worth it. Often it is just a thing about relaxing. It is not unusual for a woman to be so concerned that she is taking too much time/effort. And when that happens, her concern ends the relaxation need to cum.

 

We have found that when this happens, and it has, it's not so much WHAT you are doing, it is HOW you are doing it that is important. Every person has things that help to relax them, and hearing that your partner is enjoying you, that you look and feel good, likes doing you without time pressure, that there is no cum pressure, and that he/she is damn HAPPY is a pretty good start. And if all else fails, come back for more in a week or two - she will have less "new person anxiety".

[Guest theCHERRYSs]

During our break from the swing club we were members of, we met and played with a couple. The female was a "hot body" (complete eye candy). The guy was very fun, kinky, and freaky (the good freaky). My hubby was able to make the girl cum (many, many times) it was so erotic seeing her pleasure. Her mate, didn't make me cum. I am also one who likes to take her time to cum. I enjoy a slow climb to my orgasm then EXPLODE when I reach the top. I felt that he didn't really want to take that sort of time with me so I didn't even get into my "zone" to have an orgasm.

 

I would really like to have an explosive orgasm (the way I do with hubby all the time). But I am to afraid that the other guy won't allow me to take my time getting there....anxietyyyyy for sure!

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

I want to bring this topic back up because I seriously wonder about how people feel about this. As I said earlier in this thread I am one that takes a lot of time to come, even during sex I usually have to get involved with my hands. I'm not a patient person and it drives me nuts how longs it takes me to come at times. Throw in distractions of extra people and newness and it's going to take that much longer if I get off at all in a swinging setting. It's not that I don't enjoy the sex, I just might not get off.

 

So I wonder, if you encountered me (or someone like me) in a swinging setting, someone who took quite a while to get off or did not get off at all. How would that make you feel? Do you take it as a challenge and try harder? or do you get annoyed that it's taking so long?

 

I've encountered both of the above types in my time swinging. Usually I can read people pretty well and there have been times with the latter type that I've faked it because I know that they feel like I should have come by now and I'm not wanting to continue to watch their face look annoyed, so I'd rather move on to other things. I could just stop them (and have done that as well) and move on. Which I choose to do, really depends on the person and how I think they will take it.

[bbarnsworth 2,532]

So I wonder, if you encountered me (or someone like me) in a swinging setting, someone who took quite a while to get off or did not get off at all. How would that make you feel? Do you take it as a challenge and try harder? or do you get annoyed that it's taking so long?

 

I don't take it as a challenge per se. Each person is different. I've been with women that can cum very quickly. I've been with women that take a very long time to get close to cumming, much less actually doing so.

 

For me, I recognize that each person is different. I don't try harder to make her cum if she takes longer; sometimes trying harder yields just the wrong response. It's a matter of finding out just what makes her tick.

 

For example, I had a girlfriend a long time ago that the best way for her to cum was to get her close to cumming a few times, and then finally finish it off. Then she'd have a great orgasm. If instead I tried to finish her off the first time, she either wouldn't have had an orgasm or it would have been a weak one. So, trying 'harder' would have been the wrong response.

 

I'm not wrapped up in whether I'm good at what I'm doing or not. For some women, maybe what I do isn't the best. For others, it is. You can't be perfect for everyone every time. I am wrapped up in trying to please her as best I can.

[willyoats 324]

Almost all of the partners I have had who wanted to make love (as opposed to just fuck) got off eventually, some with manual, some with oral and some with a vibrator. Interestingly, the ones who need the vibrator are mainly the ones who are the most active swingers and who have a hundred or more partners a year.

 

I don't view helping any woman to have an orgasm as a challenge. Rather, since they were kind enough to invite me into their most intimate world, it is my desire, and maybe even obligation, to make them as happy as possible. I love to spend whatever time, and use whatever method, is needed to make them satisfied.

 

My wife gets off with ony two guys besides me. That is a trust and relaxation issue that comes with repeated encounters. Even the guy who gave her the absolute best fuck she ever had in her life didn't get her off. She didn't really care; the fucking was so terrific!

[Pensacolapair 394]

Our female half is a slow to no-cummer when playing with others. It's the other way around between us..she almost always gets off relatively quick. We've chalked it up to an emotional connection thing. For her, playing with others is more about the journey than the destination. She seriously enjoys the sensations and likes them prolonged as long as possible..even between ourselves. She also enjoys doing others for prolonged periods (especially oral) and is slightly disappointed when her talents bring about a finish too early - not because she didn't cum, but because she was enjoying what she was doing! We've found that a lot of playmates take it personally, and that's not what it's about.

 

So in answer to your question as to what I would do...as long as you were enjoying what I was doing, it wouldn't bother me at all. And if you wanted to add your fingers to the mix, I'd simply see it as you wanting to add an additional sensation that you controlled.

[Swing*8701 885]

I find the best thing is when I tell a man that we're going to have fun. I'm always sexually playful and find it really eliminates performance anxiety. I have only had two situations where the guy just kept going despite the fact I simply was not going to reach orgasm. Sometimes a girl can run out of them when they are on their third romp of the night. I simply gasp for air and exclaim, "I just, I just, I can't take any more!" Then I plead in a very fun and sexual way for them to stop. They do, I haven't faked an orgasm and they feel they've accomplished their sexual goals in an honest way. All I can say is that it works for me.

[sexcupid 809]

So far in our lifestyle experience, we have noticed/experienced what I would consider a disproportionate number of females that need very little stimulation to have an orgasm (like a minute, sometimes less before they hit their first orgasm).

 

Even with my SO, with direct clitoral stimulation (oral or manual)...it will take me an average of 15 min to get there.

 

So...for me, I don't want to tell the guy that I can't/won't cum...but if what they are used to is someone who barely needs to be breathed on to orgasm, boy am I going to frustrate the hell outta them. Don't get me wrong...I totally envy the women that do take less time...but rest assured, once I get there...the whole damn place is going to know it. (To date, only 1 playpartner has gotten me there...and his patience was rewarded quite loudly lol)

 

I am easily distracted by people wandering around or fucking near by (and not in a good way)...so unless it's people we've hung out or played with before, I may not be relaxed enough to get there.

 

But like Susan...I just try to let them know we are going to have fun and try to remove the pressure from the guy to get me there. I mean, it can be a bit of a turn off if the guy seems to be 'on a mission' to make you cum...I know at some point I will get off, I can't be the only woman out there that thinks sex can be enjoyable if I don't have an orgasm every single time (particularly in a play situation)?!

[slevin 1,374]

I don't mind taking a long time to make a woman cum. Katrina can take a long time to build up an orgasm, but once she builds up she has a very strong orgasm and will cum easily more than once while she is 'up'. It can be fun to take a long time to build up like that, to use different methods of building up that feeling. What is frustrating is when you're not sure if what you're doing is actually doing anything. I've been with a girl while we were swinging that it just didn't seem like what I was doing was having any effect at all. With no guidance from her, it just gets frustrating. If she seems to be enjoying it and there seems to be a slow progression in the right direction then I'll happily enjoy myself bringing her through that.

 

A question for you girls: how would you feel if a guy took an inordinate amount of time to cum while giving him a blowjob?

[cpl2doitwithu 15]

I was going to respond, but it seems Pensacolapair's lady and Mrs.C were cut out of the same stock...lol

 

But I did want to cut and paste our response to a similar thread on this board that applies.

 

Once after a having fun with a couple we had been friends with (but the first time we played), I (Mr. C) overheard the girl ask the guy how it was. His reply was "It was great for me, But I'm afraid I didn't do much for her". He said this as Mrs. C lay exhausted with a big smile on her face. Now that we are close friends, we laugh about this. He said this because he couldn't get her "over the top". The fact is that she can seldom orgasm with play partners (male or female). With a guy she will sometimes masturbate as they play and can SOMETIMES reach orgasm that way. It is pretty much the same when we play together, but I have learned her signals of what type of stimulation she is needing at the time. Sometimes this means for me to withdraw and insert two fingers. Now, imagine a guys thoughts if she would ask him to pull out and just finger her.

 

I know this is a lot of info (Maybe TMI) with no answers. But just to let you know what we do is if we all have a "what are y'all into" conversation, Mrs. C will say something playfully like "I don't always get there, but I sure enjoy the trip!!"

 

If we are in a group situation, like at a club with people that we probably will never run into again, she will wait till the guy is done and if she is ready to move on, she'll just fake it. She is so good at it that I even after watching her close have to ask her later...lol

 

There are probably some here that would say that this is the wrong approach, but that is how she likes to handle it.

[TravlParty 87]

If the lady is responsive and really into what we're doing, then it takes as long as it takes. Switching from oral to fucking and different positions is something I really enjoy.

 

If she just lays there and has the attitude of, "you'll never make me come", then it's not going to be fun.

 

If someone says they're a tough nut to crack, then ask what works for them. We're not mind readers, so a little input would be welcome.

 

It's perfectly fine to include vibrators while we're fucking, but try to find a small, powerful clit stimulator. Those huge plug in models really hurt the balls.

[VanHlebar 187]

I don't find ladies that either can't reach climax or have a difficult time reaching climax as a challenge or a waste of time either. I have been with some ladies that just simply could not get there for whatever reason, but they still seemed to enjoy the experience. I will do what I do and listen to the lady and read her body language. If she hasn't reached climax and doesn't appear that she is going to get there then we move on to other things, no big deal. If it is a lady that we get to play with again, I might try some other things or maybe in the course of flirting before the next play date try to gather more information, but in the end if I can't get her off, I can't get her off.

 

I take the view that I will do everything in my power to please and pleasure a woman, but if it isn't working she needs to speak up or help out if she wants to have as good of an experience as I do.

[it'sso 198]

I'm so grateful to get any lady willing to have sex with me that her having an orgasm is the number one priority, as far as I'm concerned. I have yet to find one I could ring the right bells with, before we even have intercourse.

As far as my getting off, it only takes a good steady wind to get me up and a little more to finsish the job.

[LFM2 1,481]

Dave says it's not a waste of time. He doesn't even think it's a challenge. He tries his best (and speaking from experience, he knows some tricks) If he can please, he will, if he can't, he can't. Is that simple enough?

[WesternSwing 504]

It doesn't annoy me nor do I see it as a challenge to make her cum. If I know up front that she takes awhile I'll stay with it until she says she done. And I certainly don't mind if she uses toys or hands or whatever else she needs to do to get off.

[sweet_tna 680]

I guess I'm one of those lucky gals who does come pretty easily . .. with the right stimulation, of course. There's really only one play situation where I didn't come at all, and that was due to a lack of chemistry and him not really paying any attention to my cues (physical and verbal). The latter was pretty much the deal breaker. And no, I didn't fake it.

 

If I were to encounter a guy who was taking forever to come, I'd continue to do my best to follow his cues and please him as best I could. Either he'd appreciate my efforts and give me another chance, or he wouldn't. But if the chemistry was there, I'd certainly be willing to give him another chance.