Swinging kink, a bridge too far that scared you off from playing with a couple?

[cplnuswing 4,711]

I think nearly everyone has their own little kink of one sort or another, but are sometimes hesitant to share it with others for fear of scaring them off. Have you ever run into a kink in swinging that was a bridge too far for you and did in fact scare you off?

[Guest]

That is one of the things that has surprises me since we started "swinging" 5 or so years ago, there seems to be very little kink. Even in our profiles, we have listed for me interest in BDSM, spanking, bondage, submissiveness, etc., but no one ever brings it up or attempts it. In MFM's, hubby has smacked my ass and guys have commented the increased vigor, for example if I'm performing oral sex on them, but haven't smacked it themselves. Even with anal sex, I've never invited it verbally but no other guy has ever attempted it.

[sunbuckus 3,565]

That is one of the things that has surprises me since we started "swinging" 5 or so years ago, there seems to be very little kink. Even in our profiles, we have listed for me interest in BDSM, spanking, bondage, submissiveness, etc., but no one ever brings it up or attempts it. In MFM's, hubby has smacked my ass and guys have commented the increased vigor, for example if I'm performing oral sex on them, but haven't smacked it themselves. Even with anal sex, I've never invited it verbally but no other guy has ever attempted it.

 

I think they need some verbal invitation because I think it's common to assume that just because a swing partner's spouse can do something with to them, it doesn't necessarily mean that anyone else can. For example, when we go to swing parties, Mr. Sun always plays bareback with me but our rule is everyone else has to wear a condom with me. It would actually be impolite and imprudent for other men to assume that we play bareback with everyone just by observing Mr. Sun's bareback status with me (unfortunately, it has happened with some single men...or they didn't want to wear a condom).

 

It can also be a level of comfort, too, that plays a part. With new partners, we aren't sure what is okay and what isn't. Sometimes it takes multiple play sessions to become comfortable and gain further knowledge of what swing partners like and don't like. So...if you like to be spanked and tied up, tell them that it turns you on and ask if they would be interested in engaging in those acts.

[Lionheart72 2,186]

In my local swinging community there seems to be a lot of overlap between swinging and kink. In fact, my favorite klub is (was) either a swingers klub with kink or a kink klub with swingers, depending on the night and who you asked. So, I'm used to a fair bit of kink with my swinging. I can usually tell the serious kinksters because they are the ones who negotiate the sex ahead of time, which I really rather like. They are always very open about saying things like: "I'm into biting. Is it OK if I bite you? How hard is too hard?" or "I like oral. Can I go down on you?" etc. The kind of open communication about sexual desires and preferences really makes for a better experience for all concerned, and can avoid potential issues which might crop up due to do differences in preference.

 

To the original posters question, I have run into a few kinks which scared me off. I also frequent the kink site FetLife, mostly to network with the kinky folks in my area (as I said, there is a lot of overlap). I've encountered a handful of local folks on there who turned out to be too far down the kink road for me. In one case, the subject of needles and blood play pretty well ended an otherwise promising conversation.

[Guest]

Mr. Sun always plays bareback with me but our rule is everyone else has to wear a condom with me. It would actually be impolite and imprudent for other men to assume that we play bareback with everyone just by observing Mr. Sun's bareback status with me (unfortunately, it has happened with some single men...or they didn't want to wear a condom).

 

 

I guess we operate under the exact opposite set of assumptions. If we are at a club, even is we start with just he and me, he uses a condom just to set the stage in case someone else joins us; i.e., there is one set of rules for everyone and it includes condoms. But, I'm sure you are correct in terms of needing to invite someone to join us in kink. Of course, if I am truly submissive, it makes it very difficult for me to take charge and tell someone what to do to me? Ah, there's my dilemma.

[couplers 4,140]

In one case, the subject of needles and blood play pretty well ended an otherwise promising conversation.

 

Holy shit! I would think that would be illegal even between consenting adults.

[Lionheart72 2,186]

Holy shit! I would think that would be illegal even between consenting adults.

 

Technically, a lot of kink play is illegal, actually. Many things done in kink are considered assault under the law.

[CandyCane 33]

We have actually scared a few people with our kinks!!!! I am what some would consider a pain slut!!!! If you're doing me doggie style you better be pulling my hair and beating my ass!!! I have a love of floggers and chains too...

[SW_PA_Couple 4,019]

Swing and kink are like two intersecting circles. But there is a much larger intersecting area than what some people might think.

 

Just this past weekend we were guests at a house party to which some people had come for the swing aspect, others in anticipation of the BDSM action, a few in anticipation of both. I learned from a person with whom I was sharing a hot tub that it was typical for the swingers to socialize in the tub and in the kitchen; the kinksters in the dining room and front sitting room. She added that the BDSM people would typically wait for the swingers to leave for home then start the BDSM activity.

 

My wife and I know other people who have a dungeon so that their kinky friends do not have to be distracted by the sights and sounds of people fucking. But even there, some of the kinky people also spend time upstairs.

 

For the record, my wife and I are decidedly upstairs people.

[couplers 4,140]

Technically, a lot of kink play is illegal, actually. Many things done in kink are considered assault under the law.

 

Or considered practicing medicine without a license, which I believe is categorized as the same thing (assault), even with consent.

[lovefest04 685]

We have actually scared a few people with our kinks!!!! I am what some would consider a pain slut!!!! If you're doing me doggie style you better be pulling my hair and beating my ass!!! I have a love of floggers and chains too...

 

That is one of the hottest things I've read. WOW!

[GoNatural 104]

I know there's a little bit of overlap of the two communities here in Austin, but less than what I would have first guessed. There's actually more of an overlap with polyamory in this city when going to kink parties. This means there's less sex at the kink parties and I also miss swinger couples from my past more.

 

I'm typically the one that's too kinky when I'm communicating with swinging couples. I'm only slightly into bondage actually, and spanking/hitting isn't my thing. I'm a big fan of fisting and large dildos though. I also have watersports fantasies and would love for a fine wife to ask (or tell) me to rim her after she just finished her exercise routine or working outside and sweating. So, basically.... I'm not optimistic that many swingers will like my collection of big artistic dragon cock dildos, etc...

[frecklesandSIR 15]

We love to combine kink with swinging. Some couples are scared and we have to assure them that we play sans kink as well. We've also encountered curious couples who think they want to add BDSM to their swinging menu---- but really don't.

[81lizard69 469]

I let my wife tie me up once back in the day.. I am not into that now would I do that again. It seems in our home state there is alot of bdsm that goes on behind the scenes of most swinger play.. My wife likes to be in control when we swing and she is not ready to give that up. She wanted me to play slave to her during a master slave intro thing at a larger party we attended.. and well.. It just was not for me.. Maybe just maybe if I did it it would set me free... I am just not ready to take that step yet.

 

There is another group that does a completly dark room.. its just bodies in a hot room where it is so dark you can not tell who or what is happening to you.. We passed on that...

 

Then there is a group that is bareback.. Anal you name it.. We passed there.

 

I dont know if roll playing is kink.. but maybe role playing is the way to go..

[msgemily 30]

I enjoy being restrained but my preference is to be held down by human force; I like the feeling of hands squeezing my wrists. Something about being used by my master makes me feel really hot and confident and empowered. Feeling out of control when there is trust and desire involved takes me to a transcendent place that I don’t get to on my own or during non-BDSM sex. BDSM and pain can actually move me to tears, but they are good tears. each piece of rope gets laid across me, my focus changes. I get calmer and breathe deeper, and I can feel each fiber of the rope against my skin. With each layer my master controls more of my body. I bend as he wants me to, my flesh manipulated by his hands and the rope. It is no longer about voluntary compliance. As he taps my inner thigh to indicate I should move it, I hesitate. I know the moment I do move, he will know just how turned on I am from the scent between my legs. For FFFM sessions i do the same to the couple. With master in control it is very freeing to know that my only obligation is to please someone else either through dom or sub. Usually I am the one in charge of everything. It’s great to have someone doing that for me.

[JandKinBoise 851]

Adding some kink is probably fine as long as everyone is on board. We showed up in a hotel room to meet a guy for the second time. He had asked earlier for us to bring our toy collection so we did. We dumped the bag out on the bed. He grabbed his bulging duffel bag and dumped out about 75 pounds of rope, cuffs, clips and whatever else you can hold someone still with. Had he mentioned this earlier, we would have told him that we have tried bondage, and neither of us liked it. I actually fell asleep during my attempt. He insisted we would love it. He couldn't tie up J because she was in a cast for a broken wrist (bully for her to not let some lame injury slow her down lol) So he tied me up. When I was all bound up, J asked me what I thought. I told her I'd really like to be able to touch her. He untied me, hating the fact that we didn't give it the old college try. Whatever. He disappeared, never to be heard from again.

[Tia Vampire 167]

Not into men cumming on my face or swallowing. The female half of a couple we were with wanted it. We all did our thing, but when it came to the men cumming on her and her swallowing her man's cum, I had to leave the room.

[libertymoon 25]

Great question! One time, we were playing with a couple and the female half was playing with my husband's rectum. I know it can be pleasurable but I was watching her and it just looked like she was using her index finger to "scoop" inside Mr. Moon's ass, lick her finger, and then repeat the sequence. I couldn't stop thinking about how she probably had excrement on her finger and mouth so when it came time to say our goodbyes, I did not kiss her mouth. Even though they were a very fun and friendly couple, we haven't played with them since.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,019]

. . . I did not kiss her mouth.

A funny coincidence. This was the subject of a 2008 short-subject movie called "Butthole Lickin" that my wife and I saw at the Dan Savage Hump Tour film festival this evening.

[limitless78 21]

Kink takes so many forms, from BDSM to role play, to taboo fantasies, to sex acts that some would feel are normal but others find quite kinky. I definitely gravitate to the more kinky folks and have been surprised at how straight laced some swingers are but for them swinging is an extension of their romantic lives and if it works, all the better. For me it's about the excitement and adventure of pushing limits and trying new things but admittedly, I'm a total pervert

 

One interesting thing I've found over the years is that the wives I've spoken with about my kinks seem to be more open to them even if it's not something they're into. They tend to accept more than the men.

[kikonkrome 843]

I think my wife and I get offered stuff all the time that we turn down. We watch our friends in the lifestyle do it too.

 

As far as BDSM, kink. You need a lot of trust for that. I was only building up to it with one other couple. We have had woman and men that want us to e master, etc. So far we have always just not really been into it.

 

We switch roles at home, regarding who is going to be dom and sub. This I hear is unusual in and of itself. So our parameters for play of this kind we rocognize as not being the same.

 

We have also taken a pass on any kind of anal. Both, just not high on the list right now of things we are interested in.

 

We'll see though. As time goes on we may be trying new things. That would be a really tough area to define one way or the other.