Anyone thought to get pregnant on purpose during swinging if the husband is unable?

[peabody 7]

Anyone ever use swinging to get pregnant if the male half is unable to do the job? Would you tell the person or just go ahead and do it?

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

Here's a poll on getting pregnant through swinging that you might want to check out.

[peabody 7]

I was just wondering since this would be a real oportunity for a woman who has been trying to have a baby, but her husband can't do the job. Imagine having all that active sperm inside you and you don't ever have to see them again. It seem so easy.

[slevin 1,374]

Great thread linked there Julie. This is a subject that had never even crossed my mind before, we're so entrenched in trying NOT to get pregnant lol

 

I can say that if someone we were swinging with tried to use me to get pregnant without my knowledge I would be very upset. You might be married, but I'd always consider it to be my child as well. If someone brought this up to me to ask for my agreement, I know for sure that I would be incredibly flattered. I have no idea whether I would agree to it or not though. It's such a big question that I don't think I would know how I'd react until faced with the decision.

[ViSexual 1,006]

OK, not really that different from going to a sperm bank

 

The real difference is that the donor isn't aware, and that's a bit of an ethical issue.

 

But, if a couple really, realy wants a baby, they're already in the lifestyle, and they have a really great relatioship..., well?????

 

All the alternative methods are very expensive and each have some legal ramifications.

 

So, at the perfect time of the month, this couple goes to a club or party out of town, and with couples they don't know and won't likely see again, what's the harm?

 

Now it might be obvious when the wife is seeking out all the men with certain physical characteristics, which happen to mirror her husband!!!! LOL!

[IvoryTowers 380]

The real difference is that the donor isn't aware, and that's a bit of an ethical issue.

 

So, at the perfect time of the month, this couple goes to a club or party out of town, and with couples they don't know and won't likely see again, what's the harm?

 

A BIT of an ethical issue? Where's the harm? I hope most men would consider this scenario more than a bit ethically troubling.

 

First of all, there's the matter of consent. We're talking about using a man's sperm to create a living person. Don't you think the guy should have a say in that?

 

Second, do you know the medical histories of the men you play with? What if the child ends up with a genetic disease? There's a reason sperm banks take detailed medical histories and a reason that adoption agencies are moving towards revealing medical information even if the birth records remain anonymous. It isn't fair to the child to just randomly go off, have sex with a bunch of men, and hope the genetics work out.

 

Third, let's remember that a very large number of marriages don't work out. If a couple divorces after a few years, how do you think the man is going to react to paying child support for a kid that isn't his? Yes, yes, we're all in wonderful, stable relationships and that would never happen to me. Yes, yes, I'm a modern man and I know being a father isn't about genetics and I'd love any child as my own. Until the relationship is a tattered mess and she's trying to take 33% of your salary and you're pissed.

 

If you find a sperm donor among your playmates that's fine. You can do paperwork, get medical histories and talk things out. But to essentially steal a man's sperm is A LOT unethical!

[oncewere 84]

Many years ago, before in vitro and other alternatives, one of our club members did exactly that. She and her hubby made arrangements with several guys to play with her multiple times each over her most likely week. As I recall it took two or three months, one week per month before she finally conceived. Nobody knew whose baby it was, she selected only guys much like her husband. My wife and I documented it for our newsletter but I haven't found the story we wrote about it. It turned out very well. I'll look again through my old newsletters and if I find it I'll scan it in and submit it. Prior, she had tried a sperm bank but found artificial insemination cold, awkward, and uncomfortable. The real thing worked much better and was less expensive and a whole lot more fun.

 

No. I didn't look like her husband. :-(

[IvoryTowers 380]

Mr. Ivory here. This is the second recent thread that is very disturbing to me because of its assumptions about gender norms. Let's say we reversed the genders in this scenario:

 

Mrs. Ivory can't get pregnant, and what I really want more than anything in the world is to get a woman pregnant. I don't care about the baby, so I'm o.k. with impregnating a stranger and never seeing the child again. It's just the getting someone pregnant that is a thrill for me. And if I do this at a swinger's event, all the better. The woman I impregnate will never know it's my baby. After all, she's married. She'll think her hubby did the deed. And since all women *obviously* want babies, she'd want one eventually anyway. So where's the harm? I'll just tell them I've had a vasectomy and so bareback is safe with me. Then let the good times roll!

 

Would anyone on this board not react with horror if I'd actually posted that scenario? Would anyone not say I was essentially advocating a type of rape? How is what the OP suggested any different from what I'm "suggesting" here?

 

It's wrong to assume that men don't care about the consequences of their sexual decisions, or that men don't care if a bunch of children they accidentally fathered are roaming around the world unbeknownst to them. It's wrong to assume that consent doesn't apply in the case of men. Consent is the bedrock of mature, adult sexual behavior. What the OP is proposing is unethical in any meaningful system of ethics. Isn't it?

[bbarnsworth 2,533]

I wholeheartedly, EMPHATICALLY agree with several posts IvortyTowers has made on this.

 

I also agree with statements regarding genetic history of the child. A child's future medical health can be directly dictated by their family medical background. It is unfair to the child to put them in a situation where they have no access to that information. If I put a child up for adoption, I would definitely want that information to go with them. If I were a sperm donor to a registered sperm bank, I'd want that information to go with them. If I were to aid a woman in getting pregnant and never see her again, I'd want that information to go with her.

 

The notion that a person/couple would abuse the trust of someone else and effectively steal their DNA is repulsive in the least. That this would be done to create another human being without their knowledge is beyond the pale.

[Chicup 38]

This is one of those questions where I have to scratch my head and wonder what the hell people are thinking. I find this grossly unethical, almost unworthy of debate. It might be easier than finding a willing donor but its by no means right.

 

IvoryTowers said:

Mr. Ivory here. This is the second recent thread that is very disturbing to me because of its assumptions about gender norms. Let's say we reversed the genders in this scenario:

 

The difference would be that the woman in this case is making the choice and taking the care the baby, in your example the baby was left as the mother's problem. There is a difference, and it is the main difference between male and female mating strategies.

[Mr.Essex 264]

Anyone ever use swinging to get pregnant if the male half is unable to do the job? Would you tell the person or just go ahead and do it?

 

Personally speaking, I find that idea to be disgusting. But, if the couple in question was adult enough to put all of the cards on the table, I could see the benefits of doing something like that. Then again, who'd want to admit to doing something like that if things went pear-shaped? Too much risk, nowhere near enough benefits.

[jdavisauto 73]

We know a couple that is in the lifestyle and she became pregnant. They left the lifestyle until the baby was born then returned. About a year later she was talking to my lady half and she made a comment that she is not sure who the daddy is and really doesn't want blood tests done because of what she may find out. Then her husband came back and nothing else was said.

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

jdavisauto said:

We know a couple that is in the lifestyle and she became pregnant. They left the lifestyle until the baby was born then returned. About a year later she was talking to my lady half and she made a comment that she is not sure who the daddy is and really doesn't want blood tests done because of what she may find out. Then her husband came back and nothing else was said.

 

I know of a similar situation. The couple eventually divorced and I know there was some talk of having the blood tests done then, due to the custody battle. I don't know if it ever happened.

 

As far as the whole idea... there's a big difference in the scenario that OnceWere proposed and the idea of purposely getting pregnant while swinging without informed consent of the sperm donor.

 

As far as IvoryTowers debate comparing it to a guy who just wants to impregnate someone and then forget about it, that is so not the same thing. In one situation we are talking about a woman wanting to have a child, the unethical part is not telling the sperm donor. In the other scenario, the guy doesn't want a child he simply wants to get someone pregnant. There are many differences in that scenario. The first being that he has no interest in a child. The second being that the while a male sperm donor without knowledge has no say in what may happen to the child. The female sperm receiver has EVERY say in the possible outcomes, including whether or not there will be a child.

 

IMO, both situations are morally and ethically wrong... but other than that they are very different.

[peabody 7]

What's the difference of going to a sperm bank and using a man from a different city who will never see you again. Using a sperm bank is a cold procedure. Compare that with great sex with a man who puts his sperm inside you and then will never see you again. He is happy, and you are happy.

[IvoryTowers 380]

What's the difference of going to a sperm bank and using a man from a different city who will never see you again. Using a sperm bank is a cold procedure. Compare that with great sex with a man who puts his sperm inside you and then will never see you again. He is happy, and you are happy.

 

There are two differences. The first and most important is that when a man donates to a sperm bank he is making a conscious choice to allow his sperm to be used to create a baby. He may not know that baby, but he has deliberately made the choice to allow it to come into existence.

 

Now, if the other man is aware of what you are planning and agrees to it, he has made a conscious choice and this objection is moot. But several posts on this and the other thread have suggested that the woman just have unprotected sex without informing the man/men that she's fertile. That's taking away his choice.

 

Second is the issue of health. I've had friends who used a sperm bank (a lesbian couple). The amount of data collected on donors is amazing--including a full medical background for several generations. I doubt you can get that kind of information on a swinger friend! What if you had a recessive gene and your swinger choice did as well?

 

A sperm bank may be cold, but if you are bringing a child into the world, wouldn't you rather know you've given that child the best chance for a healthy life possible?

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

What's the difference of going to a sperm bank and using a man from a different city who will never see you again. Using a sperm bank is a cold procedure. Compare that with great sex with a man who puts his sperm inside you and then will never see you again. He is happy, and you are happy.

 

pretty much what IvoryTowers just said. When it comes to a sperm bank the guy has already given his consent. When you just go out and have sex with a guy and don't tell him up front that you are hoping to get pregnant via said sex.... then he is not given a chance to consent.

[erotic_wishes 15]

My husband and I have talked about this-but not quite how it is mentioned here. I don't think I would want to become pregnant with another man's child - but it would be fun to try to get pregnant with my husband while another couple was there. That could be erotic

[interested-05 135]

One item on this I haven't seen mentioned yet, is the possibility that a guy who personally donates his sperm as a consenting adult, has the possibility of being sued for child support. You agreed to father them you may be responsible.

 

Kind of like the guy who consented to adopt the children of another man. She then divorced him and remarried her first husband. The guy who adopted the kids now has to pay child support. For the guy that adopted the kids, it is now and until they finish college his financial and legal problem. For the woman and the kids father, it's free money.

[fun4Ds 1,097]

interested-05 said:

Kind of like the guy who consented to adopt the children of another man. She then divorced him and remarried her first husband. The guy who adopted the kids now has to pay child support. For the guy that adopted the kids, it is now and until they finish college his financial and legal problem. For the woman and the kids father, it's free money.

 

No way

 

Has this ever happened ?

 

I see the hypothetical, catch 22. But in real life, I would imagine a good lawyer would have the responsibilities reversed again.

[IvoryTowers 380]

Which is another reason for this to be done during established channels. A man who donates to a sperm bank cannot be hit up for child support (the bank takes care of that paperwork), whereas if you are 'helping out a swinging friend' that woman/couple can change her/their mind and sue you.

[retiredff 57]

My (gene) ex and I tried. I had a Vas. many years ago so we shopped for a long time until we found a couple that were willing to share his genetics. It was not much different than going to a sperm bank - but a lot more fun. Take your time and interview, check family history etc. prior to...

[2plus2fun 143]

this thread is disturbing on a million different levels... I have never even considered ejaculating inside of someone elses partner... and this thread makes that decision concrete.

[Baconheads 397]

pretty much what IvoryTowers just said. When it comes to a sperm bank the guy has already given his consent. When you just go out and have sex with a guy and don't tell him up front that you are hoping to get pregnant via said sex.... then he is not given a chance to consent.

 

I don't know... If you put it in without a rubber, you take your chances. Wouldn't a man be skeptical of he was asked *not* to use protection?

[interested-05 135]

Since I don't have a copy of the paper and I remember reading it in the early to mid-90's, and old timers may be kicking in here, I can't verify the reality of the story. It seems to me this particular case occurred in PA.

 

Once he legally adopted the children, he accepted financial responsibility for them. Hence the basis for awarding child support to the mother. Its similar to the situation, where a man has accepted financial responsibility for a child, then later discovers through DNA testing the child is not his. The courts don't relieve him of the financial responsibility, as the children still need financial support.

[Hotwallabies 90]

I'm tempted to get pregnant like every time I swing but I lack a uterus, or vagina, or ovaries, or boobs to breast feed, and yet I can still hear that damned biological clock "tick tock, tick tock, tick tock". Can someone help me?

 

Seriously though, sometimes the things I read on this sight make me question whether I really do want to swing. I think a vasectomy sounds better and better, that's what I think:nono:

[NCfuncouple98 367]

this thread is disturbing on a million different levels... I have never even considered ejaculating inside of someone elses partner... and this thread makes that decision concrete.

 

Good point. We all on some level are "trusting" another couple when they say they are safe, fixed, etc. But you really don't have a way of knowing. And I would think that most are telling the truth, but there are always some bad apples that have their own agendas and can lie with a smile. Kinda scary.

[interested-05 135]

regarding sperm banks, there have been legal challenges seeking to find the biological parent by some of the offspring. somebody here may have legal knowledge as to how those appeals have gone.

 

Just remember when it comes to legalities, what's legal today may not be tomorrow.

[bbarnsworth 2,533]

Good point. We all on some level are "trusting" another couple when they say they are safe, fixed, etc. But you really don't have a way of knowing. And I would think that most are telling the truth, but there are always some bad apples that have their own agendas and can lie with a smile. Kinda scary.

 

This is why for my wife and I we have a rule that we can cum or have anyone cum anywhere given there are two forms of birth control _we_ are in control of. If another couple isn't happy with that, it's no go. We're not risking having babies for a bit of fun.

[Cpl2share 147]

Kind of off topic here, but: There is a certain religious sect (in the U.S.) that does not believe in marrying outside the church. Due to other beliefs, they do not have much opportunity to see people outside of thier community but still of the same religion. So, they pay men to breed thier wives. This is to introduce new genes into the pool. They finally figured out that generation after generation of reproduction with a cousin causes big feet and sterility. During the deed the woman keeps her dress on and both the husband and father stand in the room to make sure that it is nothing more than insemination. No foreplay, no pleasure for the woman, you get the idea. In Wisconsin they pay $300 for this service.

[Chicup 38]

Kind of off topic here, but: There is a certain religious sect (in the U.S.) that does not believe in marrying outside the church. Due to other beliefs, they do not have much opportunity to see people outside of thier community but still of the same religion. So, they pay men to breed thier wives. This is to introduce new genes into the pool. They finally figured out that generation after generation of reproduction with a cousin causes big feet and sterility. During the deed the woman keeps her dress on and both the husband and father stand in the room to make sure that it is nothing more than insemination. No foreplay, no pleasure for the woman, you get the idea. In Wisconsin they pay $300 for this service.

 

While the logic is apparently, sexuality is rarely logical. Do you have any links on this, the anthropologist in me really would like to know more.

[peabody 7]

Anyone know of people that use swinging to purposely get pregnant?

[Coupleerotic22 1,417]

Unfortunately yes, and they were trying to do so on the sly.

 

After a pattern of odd behavior we figured it out and got as far away as possible.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,019]

Anyone know of people that use swinging to purposely get pregnant?

 

Your mind, Peabody, seems to be on a single track. You have brought this same question to us on at least three different occasions.

[AskMeOk 148]

Anyone ever use swinging to get pregnant if the male half is unable to do the job? Would you tell the person or just go ahead and do it?

 

Two stories:

 

1) There used to be a profile on one of the swinger sites with a profile name that was beckoning males to "breed" the female and the profile made it abundantly clear what they wanted. ( I think that is totally FUed, but that's just me... at least they were honest.) To NOT tell the unwitting sperm donor, IMHO, would be morally reprehensible. Everybody deserves the right to know they are a father.

 

2) We met a couple, many years ago, that we were afraid were looking for a sperm donor. They never said so, in so many words.... but a few slips of the tongue and I couldn't have gotten it up with a 100 Ton crane...

 

and we ran, not walked away from that situation.....

[Guest Ready2dewit]

I have seen this bandied about on forums mainly as a fantasy, but not heard about anyone actually coming right out and actually doing it. But with what fertility treatments and artificial insemination cost, it wouldn't surprise me if somebody decided to do things the old fashioned way.

[Lascivious L&L 865]

If you swing without being immune to the situation presented, why should we feel badly? As a man, I love to cum inside women, I'm not a fan of condoms. Yet assuming she's using protection is no good. Relying on her to use protection is abdicating responsibility. Taking anyone's word for protection is gambling. There is a simple way for men to be in control of their sperm while ejaculating inside women when the opportunity presents. It's called a vasectomy, it's not expensive, and anyone can insure it's fail safe. How? By checking your ejaculate under a microscope once a year or so. Simple to do. I think the ethical and safe course is making sure I can't impregnate anyone. Yet I can still have fun.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,019]

. . . I told her I would like to try this with and Asian guy so our baby would defiantly look like her, lol. We found a guy but a few days before we were suppose to meet him, she backed out.

 

I'm curious. Was this "Asian guy" clued in on the scheme?

[sunbuckus 3,565]

Anyone ever use swinging to get pregnant if the male half is unable to do the job? Would you tell the person or just go ahead and do it?

 

I thought this was a very interesting question. I know it's pretty easy to be abhorred at the "right/wrong" sides of the coin here but I can only imagine how it can be for a couple who wants children, might have tried for years, possibly even did rounds of IVF, or any other route and nothing. Desperate people do desperate, often illogical or questionable, things to get what they want.

 

I think if we were put in this type of situation, we would ask the third party if they wanted to be involved in that sort of situation and work out the details on their involvement in the child's life.

[cplnuswing 4,711]

I think the full disclosure part is the key to the right or wrong aspects of it. If that is there, and someone agrees to be involved, then I don't see anything wrong with that.

[yourluvrman 28]

Anyone ever use swinging to get pregnant if the male half is unable to do the job? Would you tell the person or just go ahead and do it?

 

Yes.

 

It was asked of me. Nothing secretive, or clandestine.

[sunbuckus 3,565]

It was asked of me. Nothing secretive, or clandestine.

 

How interesting. Do you mind if I ask if you were flattered or flabbergasted?

[couplers 4,136]

Even outside the context of swinging, having another man impregnate the wife of a couple is probably not unusual. Couples want children. Even more so in the past when children represented extra resources for the family and old-age security. When it isn't happening, people become desperate. If couples in the present time go through all the trouble and expense of artificial insemination and IVF, why wouldn't they go the simpler route of having the brother or neighbor have sex with the wife? Sometimes it's said that swinging is not love, it's just sex. In this case it's not really even sex, it's just reproduction.

[cplnuswing 4,711]

This conversation reminds me of the movie "The Big Chill" about a group of college friends who reunite in middle age for the funeral of one of their own. One of the story lines was that two of them had married, and another was single but wanted a child and knew that her biological clock was ticking away. In the end she has sex with the husband with the intent of getting pregnant and with the full knowledge and approval of the wife. As Couplers said above, there are many different ways to the same goal, and if every person has full knowledge and is consenting, then I don't see the issue.

[couplers 4,136]

... if every person has full knowledge and is consenting, then I don't see the issue.

 

That about sums it up, but what is "full knowledge and is consent?" Absent any other discussion and agreement, is a fellow ejaculating into a woman consent for her to use it to become pregnant?

[longun45 115]

The legal system is quite clear. If you had sex with them and father a child, you pay regardless if it was consensual with a written agreement or accidental. Use an intermediary like a Dr to perform the fertilization and you are off the hook.

[Lionheart72 2,186]

The legal system is quite clear. If you had sex with them and father a child, you pay regardless if it was consensual with a written agreement or accidental. Use an intermediary like a Dr to perform the fertilization and you are off the hook.

 

This being the heart of the issue to my mind... even if everyone involved is on board with things, the biological father has legal rights and responsibilities.

[kikonkrome 843]

The legal system is quite clear. If you had sex with them and father a child, you pay regardless if it was consensual with a written agreement or accidental. Use an intermediary like a Dr to perform the fertilization and you are off the hook.

 

I wouldn't say the legal system is clear. These kind of rights are deferred to the state level. This is not a federal issue. Therefore, your rights and responsibilities will vary considerably from state to state. What may be clear and case law in Illinois will be entirely different in Indiana.

 

There are plenty of women that want a rich man's baby for the cash prize. Some are just better at getting it than others.

 

This is why women that marry rich men want to move to California and stay 'married' to them for exactly the period needed to guarantee full rights. The guy is having a great time with her, and a few girlfriends. After she get's over the waiting period here come the divorce papers.

 

Really unless you are a lawyer in the field, you would have to examine the case law in all 50 states to determine the exact result.

 

I would tend to add that Indiana case law would probably give the guy the pass, but I couldn't tell you for sure. I do know they have some pretty loose case law in regard to parental rights.

 

My opinion on this, pretty stupid thing to do, especially with medicines available to day for men that will induce birth defects for the baby.

 

On the opposite hand, how about, as the guy you should take responsibility and play with a wrapper? Just sayin'

[cplnuswing 4,711]

That about sums it up, but what is "full knowledge and is consent?" Absent any other discussion and agreement, is a fellow ejaculating into a woman consent for her to use it to become pregnant?

 

No, not unless she has specifically told him before the clothes even come off that she is trying to get pregnant and by him ejaculating in her, he very well could be the father.