Question for other women only please!

[jnbsmokin]

Ok Ladies, I have a very odd problem. Between September 05- July 06, I had six invasive surgeries on my right breast. They took a lot of tissue out during each, and I had to spend over a month after each one, packing a huge hole with gauze. They took all of the milk ducts and my nipple no longer will get hard. In fact, there is a major size difference now. I had a partial masectomy spread out, to make it short. It wasn't cancer, although I am high risk, but it came close to killing me. I do have pics from the first, least severe surgery, after that, it just got too depressing. My concern comes from being uncomfortable displaying all of my chest during play. I am a mom, and I gained 65-70lbs when I was pregnant, my only option to fix the truely loose skin is a tummy tuck, the consultation with the laser expert explained all of that.

How can I find appealing outfits that will allow me to still feel sexy without having to show my battle scars? I kept a low-cut shirt on during all 3, 3-somes and J has already told me that he would prefer for me not to wear so much during play.
I want to have fun without constantly thinking about it! I can get reconstructive surgery, but we have had to wait because it wasn't supposed to come back after the first surgery, so we can't be certain it won't come back. I had one of the greatest doctors though, DR Macon, the director of breast surgery for John Hopkins.

[jnbsmokin]

I guess I shouldn't have put all of this out there.......
B-t-w, it was nothing contagious! And the doc thought it stemed from my milk drying up.

[tribbles]

If you were faced with this situation....

It takes time to come up with the right way to say it. I think the thread above will help......

Tell any playmates and then just go have fun with the ones who can cope.

[screaminggood]

We all have some part of us that we don't particularly like, you just have extra reasons to be hyper-conscious of yours. I really don't think men notice the individual scars...they look at the entire package through rose-colored glasses; it's we women who notice the individual faults!

That being said, how about some sexy shirts with the sheer material? You're showing stuff but it's under wraps at the same time. I'd also start highlighting a different area...your legs, butt, whichever part you do feel good about right now. Put the attention-getting clothing on (or off) the area that you want noticed.

And please let us know how you're doing medically. Our hearts are with you.

[jnbsmokin]

Thanks Tribbles!!!!!! That was very helpful, and I'm like the other poster, I'm more afraid of people saying something degrading or just plain mean. And I would willing give up the rest of it, if it would mean never being faced with emergency admissions and surgeries again!

Thank you too screaminggood! That's another problem.... I have a very flat bottom....lol. The girls were always best best feature... So I guess I had better pick out some cute minis.
Medically, I am good now, the only real issue I have is the endomertriosis. Everything kind of hit me at once.
Oh, wow, I truely didn't mean to sound impatient, I just thought I had scared/freaked out everyone...

[sweet_tna]

I'm sorry to hear you've been through so much lately. We're all a little self-conscious of certain areas of our bodies, but I've found most men don't notice scars, stretch marks, or a few extra pounds. It's all in the attitude.

That said, I can understand how you'd feel about this, so I'd recommend what screamingood did--sheer tops, and perhaps shorter skirts. This way, you're still dressing sexy, without revealing the areas you're uncomfortable with. Hopefully in time, you'll find playmates you become comfortable enough with that you'll be able to lose the top altogether.

In the meantime, please understand that your hubby loves you and thinks you're beautiful as you are. That's why he sees no reason for you to cover up.

Hugs,

=)

[TNT]

Everyone has given you some great advice...I'd just like to add, do a search for sexy lingerie. There are so many different styles available that no matter what flaw you're wanting to cover up, you should be able to find something to fit the bill.

Wearing sexy lingerie during play time can be as sexy, if not more so sometimes, than wearing nothing at all.


Teresa

[kittyscave]

I don't have much to add, but wanted to lend support. This is nothing compared to what you have undergone, but in college I actually went out with a guy who had the nerve to "pinch an inch" on my waist while making out with me. I am still emotionally scarred from that and a bit self-conscious. That was over 20 years ago.

Some of us wear our scars on the outside, some on the inside.

You are obviously a strong woman who should be proud to have made it through all you have. I hope time and further validation by the important people in your life who love you so, will help heal your wounds.

Do you think you could allow your husband to massage Vit E or scar cream into your scars to keep the tissue loose and help desensitize you to them being touched and seen?

Good luck to you!

[havefuninsun]

First, I so admire you. You Rock, girl!

I'm a "typical" woman, I am self-conscience about my non-perfect body parts. I feel shy right at first when I get naked, but then I get over it (thankfully).

We were at a house party in February, and the women were in lingerie. One of the girls there never got totally naked; she looked great in the negligee she had on, and it made her feel sexy, look sexy, and most importantly feel good.

Maybe you feel more comfortable with your husband, but with playmates prefer to feel and look sexy in other ways.

What I know is this: I'm MUCH more critical of myself than anyone else is. I see more wrinkles, gray hair, fat cells, than anyone else. And I know your playmates will think you are just as awesome as you are

[gatorvol64]

I have to agree with the lingerie idea. Gator would so be proud of me for that. I tend to forget to wear it for him. If a playmate did, he'd absolutely love it. But Gator wouldn't have a problem with anything you mentioned. He truthfully thinks women are the most beautiful thing around.

Vol

[jnbsmokin]

All of you are so fracking awesome.... I just don't know how else to say it!!! It's something that I try to keep hidden, but a couple we have been talking to are about ready to meet, and I know I have to approach this somehow. It was easier when we were just doing mfm 3-somes, but adding a female.... well we all know us girls pay attention to the details. I told Jon I should put a note about it in caps on both, the sls and aff profiles, this way, those that are easily disgusted or want perfect boobies, can skip over us, and I won't have to keep explaining to people.


TNT: I want your corset!!! Is it special custom ordered?

Havefuninsun: I am going gray too, seriously, I had to dye it again about a month ago. I get that from my genes though.....or maybe it's from raising a very stubborn 3 yr old boy....lol
kittyscave: Jon sometimes does that, it drives me crazy, but I just pinch back and it reminds him.
Sweet Tna: Jon forgets it's like that sometimes, he goes to suck on my nipple (most of the areola skin is there, at least on the left side) and then gets confused when it doesn't get hard or I make no reaction. Most of the nerves are dead/cut.


I want to go on Extreme Makeover!!!!!! lol Keep dreaming I know...

[TNT]

Originally Posted by jnbsmokin

TNT: I want your corset!!! Is it special custom ordered?

Nope, it was off the shelve at one of the local sex/lingerie shops. Not that expensive either as I recall.


Teresa

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by jnbsmokin

All of you are so fracking awesome.... I just don't know how else to say it!!! It's something that I try to keep hidden, but a couple we have been talking to are about ready to meet, and I know I have to approach this somehow. It was easier when we were just doing mfm 3-somes, but adding a female.... well we all know us girls pay attention to the details. I told Jon I should put a note about it in caps on both, the sls and aff profiles, this way, those that are easily disgusted or want perfect boobies, can skip over us, and I won't have to keep explaining to people.


TNT: I want your corset!!! Is it special custom ordered?

Havefuninsun: I am going gray too, seriously, I had to dye it again about a month ago. I get that from my genes though.....or maybe it's from raising a very stubborn 3 yr old boy....lol
kittyscave: Jon sometimes does that, it drives me crazy, but I just pinch back and it reminds him.
Sweet Tna: Jon forgets it's like that sometimes, he goes to suck on my nipple (most of the areola skin is there, at least on the left side) and then gets confused when it doesn't get hard or I make no reaction. Most of the nerves are dead/cut.


I want to go on Extreme Makeover!!!!!! lol Keep dreaming I know...

I don't think a note in all caps is necessary. I think simply giving a quick heads-up to anyone you're actually considering playing with is enough. I gotta' tell you, though, that neither Mr. Sweet nor I would give it a second thought--other than to note that we might not get a reaction from nipple play. (At which point we'd ask what DOES work for you). Most considerate couples would be that way, too.

Kudos to you for being brave enough to give this a try in the first place!

=)

[jnbsmokin]

I get all fired up ready to set a playtime, like the couple we have been talking to wants to see us Friday night. Oh crap! I just realised tomorrow is Friday... Wednesday snuck by me.. lol I have to deal with this issue, but I just hate having to explain it to people....
Nobody likes rejection. Although, the male half is in a medical professional, so perhaps he would be a little more understanding than most. Would it be rude to request the first playdate with a couple be lights very dim or just a few candles???

[screaminggood]

I don't think it's rude at all to request lights dim, etc. Just say, "I like to set the mood," and then proceed to dim the lights if you're at your house or a hotel, or add, "can we dim the lights?" if you're at their house. This is not a biggie---you won't frighten a couple away with lighting requests!