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  1. #1
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    Default Was it ok for us not to "finish" the evening without condoms?

    Long time lurker, have learned so much reading the posts here. We have been around swinging IE; clubs, resorts and such for about 8 years. We really enjoy the atmosphere, nudity, sex, no judgeing what so ever. Having stated all of that, I will say we have never fully swapped, just oral, also we enjoy giving a show as well as watching. So we do bring a little to the party.
    We are high school sweethearts married almost 30 years. So our full sexual experience is only with each other. ( trying to give our long history in a short letter, not easy) We absolutely love going to Menages, and wife dressing so sexy just knocks my socks off!
    So to the meat of the post so to speak. We invited another couple back to our hotel to further our fun. When they arrived we were willing to go all the way, but only with condoms. It is the rules we set for now. ( having read this board knowing rules may change) It seams no one had any condoms, so we just did oral all around and sex only with own spouse. During the course of playing other male tried to insert into my wife a couple of different times, she felt bad about pushing him out, but that was the rules we set.
    I told her she did great, not to feel bad at all. We had a great time with them. Our rules are just that our rules.
    We did learn a lesson here, now that we feel ready to take the next step we will have supplies on hand, after all we said condoms required we should have provided.
    Since we are still newbies so to speak. How would more experienced swingers feel about what happened. Was it ok for us not to "finish" the evening without condoms? We really enjoyed the other couple ( hope they also enjoyed us) and we would be willing to play again with them.
    Having read this board a long time I feel like I know how it will be answered, but life is full of surprises.
    Sorry for such a long post.

    H

  2. #2
    Awesome Person TNT's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules we set.

    Quote Originally Posted by hedoguy View Post
    We did learn a lesson here, now that we feel ready to take the next step we will have supplies on hand, after all we said condoms required we should have provided.
    Exactly...if it's your rule, make sure you have the right supplies on hand.


    Since we are still newbies so to speak. How would more experienced swingers feel about what happened. Was it ok for us not to "finish" the evening without condoms?
    You did fine, you stuck to your rules so finishing the evening like you did was just right.

    I do feel the other male should have controlled himself better. You had told them your rules so he should have respected them and not tried to take advantage of the situation. If he/they weren't okay with following the evenings guidelines, they should have said so to begin with.


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  3. #3
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    Default Re: Rules we set.

    Absolutely nothing wrong with having a condoms only rule and whoever you play with has to respect that, even if it means no full swap that night. We played with a couple early on in our swinging experience (early on, thats a funny thing to say since it's only been less than a year) with the intention of doing a fullswap, but in the moment when it was imminent I just didn't feel right about it. So I spoke up, said I wasn't comfortable with that right now and we all went back to what we had been doing. No one tried to make me feel bad and no one tried to bend/break my request. Those are the kind of people we want to swing with.

    Two comments: if someone was willing to do fullswap without condoms on the very first time we met I would walk away. That is a bit too much risk for me to accept (and not a judgment on them). And if we set a rule of condoms only, agreed there would be no fullswap that night because we had no condoms and the guy tried to have sex with my wife anyway I would have ended things right there. Not only that, I would never swing with them again whether we had been having fun and were getting along great or not. If he can't respect my/our boundaries and rules then he can't swing with us. I expect my rules to be respected even in the heat of the moment.

  4. #4
    Founder JustAskJulie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules we set.

    The problem as I see it is that you put it out there that you would go all the way and that condoms were required to do so, so you should have had condoms on hand... even if it meant making a stop at the conveinence store on the way back to the hotel room.

    I'm assuming you let them know before they left the club that you were ok to go all the way, if so, you totally mislead them and if they got upset they kinda had a right to be. While no always means NO, no matter how far things have gone. Misleading is still misleading. SO next time be prepared.

    Was it ok to continue to play as you did without condoms and without "finishing" as was planned, so long as everyone agreed, then yeah all is good. The problem is that by telling them upfront you were ok to go all the way then not having the appropriate supplies to do so, you set them up with certain expectations.

    In the future, I would suggest that you always have condoms on hand JUST IN CASE, but that you not set up the expectation that you intend to go all the way either. Just put it out there that you are soft-swap and if/when you both feel comfortable to proceed further it will happen. That way they know the door may be opened, but they don't go into it expecting it to be.
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  5. #5
    Luv seeing friends quiver two42lovers's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules we set.

    The problem as I see it is that you put it out there that you would go all the way and that condoms were required to do so, so you should have had condoms on hand...
    Have to disagree just a little bit. It's a two way street. People need to supply their own condoms - each guy needs his own. Both guys dropped the ball by not having them, and both are equally responsible.
    Tell the people you love how you feel, and do what your heart tells you.

  6. #6
    Founder JustAskJulie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules we set.

    Quote Originally Posted by two42lovers View Post
    Have to disagree just a little bit. It's a two way street. People need to supply their own condoms - each guy needs his own. Both guys dropped the ball by not having them, and both are equally responsible.
    Agree with you on one hand... if both couples have a condom rule... but from the sounds of it this other couple was ok with playing without condoms... therefore, if you are going to play with other couples who do not require condoms then it is that much more YOUR responsibility to bring the party favors.

    In the end, never assume that someone else will have them (even if the other couple says they ONLY play with condoms too). Personally, I think it's as much the female's responsiblity to have them as it is the guys (if you require them - whoever you are - you should bring them).
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  7. #7
    Laura's Male VegasLee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules we set.

    We have this same discussion going on one of our boards right now.

    I thoughts are, guys bring condoms if they expect to be playing. Even if they think they MIGHT play.

    Those that show up to a sex party without condoms are the same guys that must go play golf and don't bring any balls.
    You all laugh at me because I am different. I laugh at all of you because you are all the same.

  8. #8
    Being good is overrated sweet_tna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules we set.

    First of all, Hi and

    Second, I think you handled the situation okay for the most part. You figured out your boundaries and laid them out before playtime began. And stuck to them. Now you've already learned the important lesson here--that if you're a condoms-only couple, you need to bring them.

    I am a little concerned that the other guy kept trying to work around the rule. Even if you neglected to bring condoms, I still think he was in the wrong for trying to go bareback with your wife. I can see him asking again, since there weren't condoms available, but upon getting a negative response, he should have stopped. Period.

    If you play with this couple again, you should definitely remind them of your rule and point out that you brought condoms with you.

    Best of luck to ya'll,

    =)
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  9. #9
    Luv seeing friends quiver two42lovers's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules we set.

    Hmmm - I require them to shower and brush their teeth, too, but I don't supply the soap or toothpaste... we DO keep a supply of condoms on hand (but just saying.)

    Only guys we've ever played with who "forgot" condoms were solo guys. Regardless if you prefer bareback, condoms are widely expected. If you want to play, best to be prepared.

    Guys who forget their golf balls can't be terribly serious about their game, can they?
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  10. #10
    Mmmmm...tasty! Pepper & Drew's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules we set.

    Quote Originally Posted by VegasLee View Post
    Those that show up to a sex party without condoms are the same guys that must go play golf and don't bring any balls.
    Now, that there's funny, I don't care WHO you are .

    I can tell you that we probably wouldn't play with the other couple again. Yes, while I do think it's important that if you play with condoms that you actually have condoms on-hand if there's a possibility of playing, if anyone should feel bad about anything, it should be the other guy. What part of no full swap without a condom didn't he understand?

    Don't let others dictate what you do or don't do. People that don't care about your rules and try to push you past them will eventually lead to drama.

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  11. #11
    Swingers Board Addict MIbbwcpl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules we set.

    You should always have condoms on you if playing is possible. We tend not to forget because I have a latex allergy and I have to have my own condoms since latex is so prevalent.

    Honestly though, I wouldn't have been as upset about that as I would the other guy trying to go BB. That is not cool at all.
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  12. #12
    Swingers Board Addict SnowwwWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules we set.

    That's the worst! I wouldn't play with them again if it was me.

    I'm surprised fights don't break out between men when one tries to pull a stunt like that. Not to mention your wife had to push him away multiple times? This man sounds way too selfish and pushy, especially to be playing with a couple who is primarily soft swap.

    Get rid of this jerk. Fast.

  13. #13
    Swingers Board Addict Playful1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules we set.

    It was completely ok to not do full intercourse without condoms. Mistakes happen, no one had condoms, ok, you learned from it, no harm done.

    If anything, the other guy was wrong in trying to push with your wife.

    It sounds like you handled things very well, and i wish you luck with your continued experiences.

  14. #14
    Founder JustAskJulie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules we set.

    Just reread my earlier responses... I did not mean to imply that what the other guy did was ok in any way. It was not ok for him to push to have sex without a condom. Unfortunately, it does happen. In the end the only ones who can enforce your boundaries are YOU. I definately wouldn't play with them again, as he's already proven that he can't be trusted to stay within boundaries if given any opportunity to leave them.

  15. #15
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    Default Re: Rules we set.

    Rules, rules, rules. Yes, we have them and it bothers me that sometimes, people almost break them. THey are in place for a reason. We recently had an issue that I still am very angry about.

    We had swung with a couple, and both guys got the wigglies. I am not patient with that anymore and pretty much discontinue and just graciously leave the room......Keep in mind I was already doing one for the team.

    We got together with this couple again at a party, fine and dandy things go better, both had hard ones this time around. I look over and I see the other chic on top of my husband and thats funny, she was going up and down. Funny, we have a condom always rule. I said something and they got up and put one on. Needless to say, I was pretty much done and the other guy was getting wiggly so out I go, after getting him going with the other two.

    My husband has the excuse that only the "tip" was in. Ok, a tip was a tip and besides it was more than the tip. So needless to say, I am very pissed off.

    It amazing me people can't follow simple little rules, what is the point, if it isn't fun anymore and you have NO trust its time to stop.

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