Can you really share the woman you love?

[topdog6]

Have been reading a lot and trying to discover where I want to go with this. Several problems coming up. How do I look at my partner again after knowing she has serviced virtual strangers? If you have children how do you think they would feel knowing Mommy and Daddy get it on with other partners.? That their mother has had 3 cocks in her at the same time? I know that their is a lot of justification for this and I do say to each their own...but can you honestly say you are "In Love" with your partner and then watch a strange man do her? I guess I have realized that I can fantasize but love my partner too much to share her. She has also decided that as much as she can fool herself in to thinking that it is something else...in reality any 3rd male (especially male) will stick it in any willing hole. She is just the one opening it up to them. It is basically prostitution without money to show for it. Granted you can pick and choose more than if you were a hooker but still...some lucky guy just scored a woman who will blow him..fuck him and he never has to see her again. I think we can dress this up anyway we want but it still just means that your partner is not enough...and you are looking for guilt free cheating.
I believe consenting adults can do anything they want but when they are finished they have to realize...I am a piece of ass for strangers. Like the girl at the frat house with guys lined up outside the room. A few orgasms and a cum bath later she realizes...I have no self respect.
Topdog6..Devil's advocate

[sexypairca]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by topdog6
How do I look at my partner again after knowing she has serviced virtual strangers?
--If you are not comfortable interacting with others that you do not know then don't. That is why we create boundaries within the lifestyle.


If you have children how do you think they would feel knowing Mommy and Daddy get it on with other partners.? That their mother has had 3 cocks in her at the same time?
--My children would never know any details of our marital relations, why would any type of sexual activity be their business?

I know that their is a lot of justification for this and I do say to each their own...but can you honestly say you are "In Love" with your partner and then watch a strange man do her?
--Yes, I can love my partner yet acknowledge that he can receive pleasure from many sources other than sex with his wife. Allowing one another to openly receive pleasure does not take away love.

I guess I have realized that I can fantasize but love my partner too much to share her.
--For many the lifestyle should remain a fantasy.

She has also decided that as much as she can fool herself in to thinking that it is something else...in reality any 3rd male (especially male) will stick it in any willing hole.
--This is not the mind set of any male that I would be caught dead with. If she thinks of being with another man in the sense of being used, that is not swinging. Swinging is sharing pleasures, not providing opportunity for some guy to get off as he pleases.

She is just the one opening it up to them. It is basically prostitution without money to show for it. Granted you can pick and choose more than if you were a hooker but still...some lucky guy just scored a woman who will blow him..fuck him and he never has to see her again.
--Prostitution is selling sexual acts. Swinging is sharing sexual acts, mutually gratifying and consenting sex.

I think we can dress this up anyway we want but it still just means that your partner is not enough...and you are looking for guilt free cheating.
--Please don't mistake your insecurities for inadequacy in our relationship.

I believe consenting adults can do anything they want but when they are finished they have to realize...I am a piece of ass for strangers. Like the girl at the frat house with guys lined up outside the room. A few orgasms and a cum bath later she realizes...I have no self respect.
--I'll bite. Who is to say that these frat house boys aren't just a piece of ass for her?... just to play devil's advocate of course. At what point in time is a group of frat kids the same as a married couple? And for the record, my definition of self respect is saying "no" to something that you do not want to do and allowing yourself to enjoy the things that you want to do.

Annette

[naughty A]

I don't think you have a very positive attitude about swinging

or women in the lifestyle. period.

I have read some of your other comments and we are more than a piece of ass for strangers or frat house girls or willing holes

I think that is your attitude not ours...

If you and your wife don't want to get involved in it no one is forcing you to ... neither are we forcing you to return to this site. It seems to me that you are just trying to make the fence sitters feel bad about their choices...

****

[C@YWMI]

--I'll bite. Who is to say that these frat house boys aren't just a piece of ass for her?...

This is one of the many revalations in my sexual awakening. That women enjoy sex. When I was growing up I thought women only thought of marriage, long term realtionships,love and sex was just the way to get a partner and to have kids. Boy was I full of BS. And this is one of the the things I enjoy about sex with my wife watching her enjoy herself and seeing her completely satisfied. And this is why the thought of a mfm with her is so appealing to me. Topdog justify it any way you want to but it sounds like you are the one with insecurities. not the people that enjoy the lifestyle. But I appluad you on first asking those hard questions and to research those feelings before jumping in it was a smart move for you and your wife. My wife have thinking about this for two years now And if the opportunity arose for us to share sex with another person or couple I am 90% sure we would do it and to enjoy it. But we will never until that day comes. Good luck with your ventures but please be mature enough to relize just because you don't agree with something it doesnt always mean that the people that do enjoy something is the one's that are out of step.

[OhioCouple]

As you said that you have been reading around, you will have probably read many times that 'swinging is not for everyone'. It appears that you fit into the 'not' catagory.

Your posting tends to lead one to believe that you think 'women' are being used for the selfishness of men that just want a hole to stick it in. That couldn't be further from the truth when it comes to swinging or life in general. Women use men for sex as much as men use women for it.

My husband and I have a solid and open enough relationship that we can discuss and share fantisies and should we meet those that we feel could help us attain those, then we are going to act on it. For us, there is nothing like the thrill of seeing your significant other in the throes of passion right, beside you, with another person or persons.

Swinging takes nothing away from our love and respect for each other. It isn't even questioned.

[M&B]

You can ride a horse. You can make him take you where you want to go. You can admire its grace and beauty. You can feel its strength. You can use the horse for all these reasons.

The horse uses you, too. It's a mutual thing.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by topdog6
Have been reading a lot and trying to discover where I want to go with this. Several problems coming up. How do I look at my partner again after knowing she has serviced virtual strangers? If you have children how do you think they would feel knowing Mommy and Daddy get it on with other partners.? That their mother has had 3 cocks in her at the same time? I know that their is a lot of justification for this and I do say to each their own...but can you honestly say you are "In Love" with your partner and then watch a strange man do her? I guess I have realized that I can fantasize but love my partner too much to share her. She has also decided that as much as she can fool herself in to thinking that it is something else...in reality any 3rd male (especially male) will stick it in any willing hole. She is just the one opening it up to them. It is basically prostitution without money to show for it. Granted you can pick and choose more than if you were a hooker but still...some lucky guy just scored a woman who will blow him..fuck him and he never has to see her again. I think we can dress this up anyway we want but it still just means that your partner is not enough...and you are looking for guilt free cheating.
I believe consenting adults can do anything they want but when they are finished they have to realize...I am a piece of ass for strangers. Like the girl at the frat house with guys lined up outside the room. A few orgasms and a cum bath later she realizes...I have no self respect.
Topdog6..Devil's advocate

And Happy 4th to you, too Topdog!

In the beginning of your posts, you use the word "serviced," and I've looked back at some of your other posts and that word has popped up before. Therein lies the initial problem. If your perception is one that your wife is being "serviced" by others or you are "servicing" other women, I don't believe you will ever find enjoyment in this lifestyle. I think there is a gargantuan difference in being "serviced" by others as opposed to "sharing" sexual pleasures and stimulation. And as for other couples? Why would they even need others to "service" them? If that is all they were looking for, they have each other.

As for the children thing...there are lots and lots of things people keep from their children and rightfully so. Just as you don't divulge certain aspects of your sexual life as a couple to your kids, you don't divulge certain aspects of the lifestyle to your kids. And if you read Playboy (look at the pictures), do you put your 6-year old on your lap and say, "Son, I must confess..."

Loving your partner and watching a strange man "do" her? First...again, maybe a case of simple semantics, but most of us don't "do" another person. We "share" ourselves with others and that includes purely physical pleasures. Love is an emotion that is different for each person that experiences it. Can you watch your wife receive a professional massage and experience the absolutely wonderful sensations of relaxation and peacefulness and calmness that follows and still say you love her? Much the same. Maybe that is the difference in you and swingers. They understand that the emotion of love has nothing to do with the physical boundaries of sex. You may not understand this comment, but my husband died 25+ years ago. I recall nothing of the physical aspect of our relationship this many years later, but everyday, I think of him and recall the emotion of genuine love.

Prostitution? Ahhhh, my friend, but we prostitute ourselves daily. You give me dollars, I do work. I baby-sit for you, you pick up my groceries. And even in strictly monogamous relationships between couples, "prostitution" occurs. Most of us do things for others, including our spouses/SO's, hoping we get our needs/desires met as a result. But if you want to flip that around why not say that I can go out and have a male "do" me, meet my needs and desires, and deliver nothing in return. No feeling, no emotion - nothing. Have I prostituted myself? I think not. I got exactly what I wanted and that male? Who cares?

Cheating? Totally disagree on this point. Cheating is being deceitful. Dishonest. Swingers are being neither. By your definition, you would be more guilty of "cheating" if, while walking down the street holding your wife's hand, you look over and see another woman and think, "Man! She's hot! Wonder what she would be like in bed?" Or maybe even looking at those pictures in Playboy. Kind of like the Jimmy Carter thing - lusting. For Swingers those thoughts are shared. Far cry from cheating.

As for "dressing this up anyway we want?" Yep, you're right. Just like we do every other thing in our lives. We gather facts, information. We contemplate. We discuss. We study. We read. And then we put our own twist on whatever situation we are facing and "dress it" so that it meets our needs, goals, desires and aspirations.

And you are right - as consenting adults, to each his own. So I ask you. If you are so vehemently opposed to swinging, why are you here? Does your wife know? Are you receiving some type of vicarious pleasure reading about others sex lives? And could that be a form of cheating? -EBF

[topdog6]

Let me discuss why I have posted the questions I have. First off, I must admit i have been playing Devil's Advocate. I am really posting questions posed to me when I have discussed "swinging" innocently with others. Conversations that circle around to the definition of openminded etc.
I find the whole swinging thing fascinating. Also, if you knew me you would know that I am one of the few people I know who is insulted by the double-standard applied to women. The answer that matches my true feelings most was where the person stated 'who's to say she was using the man to get off!'. Exactly, why shouldn't she? It is like men have cornered the market on the right to multiple partners. As I did mention, on porn sites a woman with 3 cocks is a slut. The man with three women is the "lucky " guy!!
I felt that with some of your responses it was time to put your minds at ease. I have no problem with swinging. I was curious to see how you would answer. I also wonder if there were a few fence sitters who jumped ship after reading an opposing viewpoint.
One point I would like to make...in regards to the kids. I mentioned it because an acquaintance of mine knew a couple in to swinging. That, however, went bad and lead to the wife taking quite a beating. All of the dirty laundry aired in front of the kids while the beating was taking place. Kids had to testify in court etc. So, while the "lifestyle" would never be voluntarily exposed to the kids,,,in this case it was.

[OhioCouple]

topdog6. May I ask why you are wasting our time? Are you looking into swinging at some point in the future or are you just looking to divert us with the 'devil's advocate'?

There are many people that arrive to this site and seek advice and assistance from other swingers. You have detracted from this as most people only have 'x' amount of time per day that they are on the site. Given the fact that six different members have responded to your thread, don't you think that time could have been better spent responding to those that were seeking answers or advice that involved their personal relationships or swinging in general?

While I applaud your 'coming clean' so to speak, it really ticks me off, that I have been misled.

[jen]

[QUOTE]You can ride a horse. You can make him take you where you want to go. You can admire its grace and beauty. You can feel its strength. You can use the horse for all these reasons.

The horse uses you, too. It's a mutual thing.

M&B,

This must be one of those parabals thingies I don't ever get. If you could please splain?

You are so squeezably adorable!

:p

[alabamafuntonig]

wow what a post. I'm sure you cant love your wife! but i can love mine! its a mutual thing. im not forcing my wife nor is she forcing me to have sex. sounds like you need to reavaluate your self before you judge others on something they can deal with!
and what the hell is guilt free cheating! sounds like you need to take you jerry springer devils avocate crap somewear else!

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by topdog6
One point I would like to make...in regards to the kids. I mentioned it because an acquaintance of mine knew a couple in to swinging. That, however, went bad and lead to the wife taking quite a beating. All of the dirty laundry aired in front of the kids while the beating was taking place. Kids had to testify in court etc. So, while the "lifestyle" would never be voluntarily exposed to the kids,,,in this case it was.

I had to think a while before I decided if I really wanted to respond to this portion of your post. I've thought about it and I will.

Having been the female half of an abusive relationship, in my first marriage, (I didn't even know what swinging was or that there was a name for it, I was totally monogamous and never would have considered allowing another man to play with me. ) I am living proof to tell you that swinging DOES NOT CAUSE ABUSE. Abuse stems from relationship problems and internal mental problems. This couple that you speak of, had problems that needed to be addressed long before swinging ever became an issue, and it sounds like they ended up addressed in a divorce proceeding, based on your posting. All I can say is, WTG girl and high fives for getting yourself and your children out of a bad situation, even if it did mean exposing an alternative lifestyle.

Any man that strikes a woman, had better not be in my view. I am not opposed to and have been known to stepping in and rendering not only aid, but justice due to the offender. I've many years to make up for not speaking out when I coulda, woulda, shoulda, but didn't.

The other thing I would like to add, is that unhealthy relationships become detectable fairly quickly. I am somewhat peeved that I got duped (given my history) for a bit of time with another swinging couple. Ten years of being with a man in which the absolute worst thing he would ever do is give me a *frown*, softened my edges and broke down some of my awareness. The best thing is that it put me back on my toes again. In my Grandaddy's words... "I guarandamnteeya that it won't happen again."()()

[jsnps]

You said: "I guess I have realized that I can fantasize but love my partner too much to share her"

I say: I love my husband enough to share him. It takes a great amount of love, respect and trust to be involved in this lifestyle and only those people who truly have the most solid foundations can partake in these types of activies, without adverse consequences. It takes honest communication and mutual love and respect to be in the lifestyle. To us, it isn't about "servicing" or "getting serviced" - it is about adding another element to our sexual relationship and it is about sharing another type of experience together. We are good friends with a lady that we are involved with sexually. We met her during normal activities we are involved in - not on a website or at a club - over time our friendship progressed into a sexual relationship. My husband and I both get something out of it - I get to play with a female (which he obviously couldn't provide by himself) and he gets to have two women who's company he can enjoy (and as good as I am, I can't be in two places at once). Our friend gets the benefit of a man and a woman pleasuring her at the same time. It is a mutually beneficial relationship for everyone involved and no one is being "used" or "serviced" or "prostituted". The whole experience has brought my husband and I closer together and we are communicating better than we ever have.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by jsnps
It takes a great amount of love, respect and trust to be involved in this lifestyle and only those people who truly have the most solid foundations can partake in these types of activies, without adverse consequences. It takes honest communication and mutual love and respect to be in the lifestyle.

I couldn't agree with this more. So very well said, jsnps!

[windsor4fun2]

Yes, very well said jsnps. You put it much better than I could have.

Jesse