We had a MFM but now wife getting too attached to the male - Page 3

smpdjd · 03-20-2007, 10:33 PM

Good God..stop with the cheap psycholgy already people..it's like a bad episode of Dr. Phil..seriously..we're okay... honestly

These comments about red flags etc are just plain silly..we had a great night, my wife got her feelings confused, we are both very sexual passionate people, this guys a nice guy, nobody got hurt, it's over and all very forgivable. If it was me in her shoes I'm sure I'd have felt the same. Next time we'll choose somebody different.. I promise. But i had to laugh out loud when Saint Mr lovinher confessed to never even having a thought in over 25 years of being with another women.. I'm calling the catholic church right now to submit his name

thanks folks...
s

Tybee Swing · 03-20-2007, 10:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smpdjd

But i had to laugh out loud when Saint Mr lovinher confessed to never even having a thought in over 25 years of being with another women.. I'm calling the catholic church right now to submit his name

thanks folks...
s

Just stepping in here briefly to point out that Lovinher's post wasn't about not having a "thought" about another woman in 20-something years. He said that he hasn't met them "on the sly" or stepped outside of the marriage (as in cheating) in all these years.

Two different animals.

lovinher · 03-21-2007, 12:51 AM

Now I'm a liar too. OK...you win. Sorry I wasted your time. It won't happen again.

cutecouple39 · 03-21-2007, 10:22 AM

guys we are pretty new to this board and fairly new to swinging but seems to us that there are many people on these boards that just try and cause conflict....I guess the term used is trolling

we have read many of the posts by luvinher and are pretty sure they have a good idea what the lifestyle is about. the individual whom started this post has thrown up a million red flags with this relationship...then as soon as soon as someone contradicted the normal response he got upset...I am sorry but if you can't handle the reality of recieving different oppinions on here then you may not be cut out for it after all. But from the red flags that we saw they all seemed to go one direction ...they all pointed south.

And if this was a trolling expedition it seemed to work to cause undue conflict on the boards.

intensity_too · 03-21-2007, 01:12 PM

I just wanted to say that I am glad you and your wife were able to talk and move past this little bump in the road. That is wonderful for you!! May you keep on the same track.

As far as red flags . . . everyone's marriage has at least one. Married swingers are not perfect examples of marriage at times. Give up the red flags already

cutecouple39 · 03-21-2007, 02:57 PM

As far as red flags . . . everyone's marriage has at least one. Married swingers are not perfect examples of marriage at times. Give up the red flags already[/QUOTE]

just wanted to clarify what we were saying...not saying the red flags were about there marriage but in regards to the single gentleman whom apparently does not understand boundaries.

jon0468 · 03-21-2007, 03:30 PM

I haven't read all the replies, but I read a lot. This is a new section to me, I read the poly forums mostly. You're situation sounds kind of like mine. My wife met a guy, well actually before she met him, she had feelings for him, just from talking to him. She struggled and fought and tortured herself over what's "right and wrong". She thougth she wanted a divorce, she didn't know what to feel about him, she struggled with A LOT of stuff. In the end, she decided she was in love with both of us. We're a triad at this point, a little over a year later, and not a few fights and struggles in between. Difference with us, it didn't start as swinging, we tried one 3 some down the line, but he's not with that, and like someone said back in here, the pace of the slowest member. She needs to do some real soul searching, as do you, it could be a passing fad, or she may really want him like she has you. I stayed open and flexible, my wife means too much to me to just blow her off and be done with it over some jealousy, especially if she still wants me. I learned to accept that she is in love with two guys, and we are both willing to be with her together. We like it, but it's not for everyone.

TTFN

intensity_too · 03-21-2007, 04:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cutecouple39

As far as red flags . . . everyone's marriage has at least one. Married swingers are not perfect examples of marriage at times. Give up the red flags already

just wanted to clarify what we were saying...not saying the red flags were about there marriage but in regards to the single gentleman whom apparently does not understand boundaries.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the clarification. I some how missed that!

bonesray · 03-22-2007, 09:37 AM

Lovenher got it right. Been there done that. It means much more....

bonesray · 03-22-2007, 10:37 AM

ok, read this again. It is simple for me. If my wife wants to spend time alone with another man she can file for divorce.

smpdjd · 03-22-2007, 01:32 PM

hi all, so I wanted to apologise to those folks who I blew up at.. sometimes I can be like an attack dog when I feel I'm cornered. in the cold light of day and after much soul searching i re-read all the posts..and my wife and I have acknowledged that maybe this is a sign of a major transition in our otherwise lovely marriage.
We talked and talked and talked and finally feel like we've crossed the bridge. I have given her my full support to go out and sleep with this guy! Mad I know but she can't stop thinking about him.It's all consuming and frankly, I'm done with it.Maybe maybe she really does need to be outside of the relationship for a while and maybe at the end of it all we are just going to be friends.
She knows full well what is involved and if she wants to continue the relationship after her first encounter. We go to plan B.. truth is i wouldn't mind some time away from the drudgery of kids and school and work and shopping, making dinner etc.
if this guy has real feelings for her as she seems to think he does and if her feelings are reciprocated then what can i do about it but wish them luck. I certainly don't want to stay with someone who'd rather be elsewhere and i ain't no cuckold either. I still think he wants a quick fuck but i just sound like a jealous hubby and the truth is they really did seem to have a real connection that night. I asked her why she'd want to be with a guy who although very hot, was such a crappy lover and she didn't know!!

But honestly deep down, i feel relief.. there have been a number of women over the years who i have turned away from because of loyalty and I admit I felt some resentment that i wasn't allowed to play with them..it's funny that this should all come full circle.. i feel calm right now..and oddly optimistic..
I'll keep you posted

jon0468 · 03-23-2007, 12:05 AM

Sounds much the way my life went. About 12 years ago, my wife had a similar experience where she thought she wanted a friend of ours. Lasted about a month maybe less, before she said "what was I thinking?" I had also told her to go on and try him, I will be here for you regardless. But that's what she means to me. This time around, she really has genuine feelings for our triad partner and their relationship has gone thru rocky stuff and has lasted a little over a year. She and I are still together, she and he are still together. Love is a funny thing. Some people may think I am stupid for allowing her to do the things she needs to do, but I quote(and bonus points to anyone that can tell me where it comes from)..........

"I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."

Additude · 03-23-2007, 07:45 AM

I say you need to get her into a few more different 3 sums, like with 2 or 3 other guys or take her to a swingers party and introduce her to several other guys / couples and you both participate, or find 3 or 4 guys to participate in a 5 or 6 sum.

I know this sounds risky, but it may be just what she needs to realize the nature of her feelings and her and yours position in all this. Right now she is stuck on this one guy, spread her feelings out if that's the way her mind thinks and her reasoning will tell her she can't feel that way about all these guys.

But if your wife is a nympho....you could be adding fuel...but can it get worse? Your looking at the same outcome if you two split up.

InNY · 03-23-2007, 09:43 AM

There is enough drama in this single post for a TV mini series. We still haven't taken the steps into swinging and as we've been following this thread we are beginning to wonder if we really want to. Geez.

Lovers4U · 03-23-2007, 02:49 PM

We know the feeling! It happened at the beginning of our openness. I could only suggest that as a man, do everything possible, all the time, to convey your love and devotion to her. Often this is forgotten in the every day activity of a relationship. We have been together for thirty plus years and we have worked to make our relationship something neither would want to separate from. One, I think, has to conclude that our spouse is a free person, to make decisions on his or her own. Before any activity happens it is an absolute requirement that there is complete communication between each person. No Surprises. When each is sure that a threesome or moresome can take without untoward feelings then I think it is OK.
Yes I have been involved in threesomes and my sweetie could have done the same but with communication between us the decision to go ahead with a one on one would be a mutual decision. BTW we firmly believe that if both know what the relationship situation with others is, we do not consider it cheating. Others might disagree but we have been very successful with dating others as long as there is total honesty between us The details aren't always necessary but knowing can be very erotic and enhance sex between us when we are together again.
Again, others might not desire our type of relationship but it eliminates the stress and frustration that so many go through when a "one on one" takes place after the threesome or moresome.

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03-20-2007, 10:33 PM	#31 (permalink)
smpdjd Awaiting Email Confirmation Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 12 Location: nowhere Status: single	Re: we had a 3 some. but now it's very complicated for my wife.. need advice please! Good God..stop with the cheap psycholgy already people..it's like a bad episode of Dr. Phil..seriously..we're okay... honestly These comments about red flags etc are just plain silly..we had a great night, my wife got her feelings confused, we are both very sexual passionate people, this guys a nice guy, nobody got hurt, it's over and all very forgivable. If it was me in her shoes I'm sure I'd have felt the same. Next time we'll choose somebody different.. I promise. But i had to laugh out loud when Saint Mr lovinher confessed to never even having a thought in over 25 years of being with another women.. I'm calling the catholic church right now to submit his name thanks folks... s

03-21-2007, 12:51 AM	#33 (permalink)
lovinher Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 1,009 Location: cleveland area Status: married to lovinhim	Re: we had a 3 some. but now it's very complicated for my wife.. need advice please! Now I'm a liar too. OK...you win. Sorry I wasted your time. It won't happen again.
	__________________ I know I was born. I know that I'll die. The in between is mine. (PJ)

03-21-2007, 10:22 AM	#34 (permalink)
cutecouple39 Here to Stay Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 15 Location: alexandria, ohio Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:cutecouple92	Re: we had a 3 some. but now it's very complicated for my wife.. need advice please! guys we are pretty new to this board and fairly new to swinging but seems to us that there are many people on these boards that just try and cause conflict....I guess the term used is trolling we have read many of the posts by luvinher and are pretty sure they have a good idea what the lifestyle is about. the individual whom started this post has thrown up a million red flags with this relationship...then as soon as soon as someone contradicted the normal response he got upset...I am sorry but if you can't handle the reality of recieving different oppinions on here then you may not be cut out for it after all. But from the red flags that we saw they all seemed to go one direction ...they all pointed south. And if this was a trolling expedition it seemed to work to cause undue conflict on the boards.

03-21-2007, 01:12 PM	#35 (permalink)
intensity_too Very, very intense! Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 70 Location: Iowa Status: a sorta married female who is "single" now.	Re: we had a 3 some. but now it's very complicated for my wife.. need advice please! I just wanted to say that I am glad you and your wife were able to talk and move past this little bump in the road. That is wonderful for you!! May you keep on the same track. As far as red flags . . . everyone's marriage has at least one. Married swingers are not perfect examples of marriage at times. Give up the red flags already

03-21-2007, 02:57 PM	#36 (permalink)
cutecouple39 Here to Stay Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 15 Location: alexandria, ohio Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:cutecouple92	Re: we had a 3 some. but now it's very complicated for my wife.. need advice please! As far as red flags . . . everyone's marriage has at least one. Married swingers are not perfect examples of marriage at times. Give up the red flags already[/QUOTE] just wanted to clarify what we were saying...not saying the red flags were about there marriage but in regards to the single gentleman whom apparently does not understand boundaries.

03-21-2007, 03:30 PM	#37 (permalink)
jon0468 Here to Stay Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 34 Location: Ft. Worth Status: M. Male	Re: we had a 3 some. but now it's very complicated for my wife.. need advice please! I haven't read all the replies, but I read a lot. This is a new section to me, I read the poly forums mostly. You're situation sounds kind of like mine. My wife met a guy, well actually before she met him, she had feelings for him, just from talking to him. She struggled and fought and tortured herself over what's "right and wrong". She thougth she wanted a divorce, she didn't know what to feel about him, she struggled with A LOT of stuff. In the end, she decided she was in love with both of us. We're a triad at this point, a little over a year later, and not a few fights and struggles in between. Difference with us, it didn't start as swinging, we tried one 3 some down the line, but he's not with that, and like someone said back in here, the pace of the slowest member. She needs to do some real soul searching, as do you, it could be a passing fad, or she may really want him like she has you. I stayed open and flexible, my wife means too much to me to just blow her off and be done with it over some jealousy, especially if she still wants me. I learned to accept that she is in love with two guys, and we are both willing to be with her together. We like it, but it's not for everyone. TTFN

03-22-2007, 09:37 AM	#39 (permalink)
bonesray Registered Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 5 Location: florida Status: couple	Re: we had a 3 some. but now it's very complicated for my wife.. need advice please! Lovenher got it right. Been there done that. It means much more....

03-22-2007, 10:37 AM	#40 (permalink)
bonesray Registered Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 5 Location: florida Status: couple	Re: we had a 3 some. but now it's very complicated for my wife.. need advice please! ok, read this again. It is simple for me. If my wife wants to spend time alone with another man she can file for divorce.

03-22-2007, 01:32 PM	#41 (permalink)
smpdjd Awaiting Email Confirmation Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 12 Location: nowhere Status: single	Re: we had a 3 some. but now it's very complicated for my wife.. need advice please! hi all, so I wanted to apologise to those folks who I blew up at.. sometimes I can be like an attack dog when I feel I'm cornered. in the cold light of day and after much soul searching i re-read all the posts..and my wife and I have acknowledged that maybe this is a sign of a major transition in our otherwise lovely marriage. We talked and talked and talked and finally feel like we've crossed the bridge. I have given her my full support to go out and sleep with this guy! Mad I know but she can't stop thinking about him.It's all consuming and frankly, I'm done with it.Maybe maybe she really does need to be outside of the relationship for a while and maybe at the end of it all we are just going to be friends. She knows full well what is involved and if she wants to continue the relationship after her first encounter. We go to plan B.. truth is i wouldn't mind some time away from the drudgery of kids and school and work and shopping, making dinner etc. if this guy has real feelings for her as she seems to think he does and if her feelings are reciprocated then what can i do about it but wish them luck. I certainly don't want to stay with someone who'd rather be elsewhere and i ain't no cuckold either. I still think he wants a quick fuck but i just sound like a jealous hubby and the truth is they really did seem to have a real connection that night. I asked her why she'd want to be with a guy who although very hot, was such a crappy lover and she didn't know!! But honestly deep down, i feel relief.. there have been a number of women over the years who i have turned away from because of loyalty and I admit I felt some resentment that i wasn't allowed to play with them..it's funny that this should all come full circle.. i feel calm right now..and oddly optimistic.. I'll keep you posted
	Last edited by smpdjd; 03-22-2007 at 01:47 PM.

03-23-2007, 12:05 AM	#42 (permalink)
jon0468 Here to Stay Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 34 Location: Ft. Worth Status: M. Male	Re: we had a 3 some. but now it's very complicated for my wife.. need advice please! Sounds much the way my life went. About 12 years ago, my wife had a similar experience where she thought she wanted a friend of ours. Lasted about a month maybe less, before she said "what was I thinking?" I had also told her to go on and try him, I will be here for you regardless. But that's what she means to me. This time around, she really has genuine feelings for our triad partner and their relationship has gone thru rocky stuff and has lasted a little over a year. She and I are still together, she and he are still together. Love is a funny thing. Some people may think I am stupid for allowing her to do the things she needs to do, but I quote(and bonus points to anyone that can tell me where it comes from).......... "I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."

03-23-2007, 07:45 AM	#43 (permalink)
Additude Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 623 Location: OBX-NC	Re: we had a 3 some. but now it's very complicated for my wife.. need advice please! I say you need to get her into a few more different 3 sums, like with 2 or 3 other guys or take her to a swingers party and introduce her to several other guys / couples and you both participate, or find 3 or 4 guys to participate in a 5 or 6 sum. I know this sounds risky, but it may be just what she needs to realize the nature of her feelings and her and yours position in all this. Right now she is stuck on this one guy, spread her feelings out if that's the way her mind thinks and her reasoning will tell her she can't feel that way about all these guys. But if your wife is a nympho....you could be adding fuel...but can it get worse? Your looking at the same outcome if you two split up.
	__________________ If you want something you have never had before, you must do something you have never done before.

03-23-2007, 09:43 AM	#44 (permalink)
InNY Here to Stay Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 22 Location: NY Status: Couple	Re: we had a 3 some. but now it's very complicated for my wife.. need advice please! There is enough drama in this single post for a TV mini series. We still haven't taken the steps into swinging and as we've been following this thread we are beginning to wonder if we really want to. Geez.

03-23-2007, 02:49 PM	#45 (permalink)
Lovers4U Here to Stay Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 39 Location: Sacramento/Chico, CA Status: couple/m/f Swing Lifestyle Name:lovers4u	Re: we had a 3 some. but now it's very complicated for my wife.. need advice please! We know the feeling! It happened at the beginning of our openness. I could only suggest that as a man, do everything possible, all the time, to convey your love and devotion to her. Often this is forgotten in the every day activity of a relationship. We have been together for thirty plus years and we have worked to make our relationship something neither would want to separate from. One, I think, has to conclude that our spouse is a free person, to make decisions on his or her own. Before any activity happens it is an absolute requirement that there is complete communication between each person. No Surprises. When each is sure that a threesome or moresome can take without untoward feelings then I think it is OK. Yes I have been involved in threesomes and my sweetie could have done the same but with communication between us the decision to go ahead with a one on one would be a mutual decision. BTW we firmly believe that if both know what the relationship situation with others is, we do not consider it cheating. Others might disagree but we have been very successful with dating others as long as there is total honesty between us The details aren't always necessary but knowing can be very erotic and enhance sex between us when we are together again. Again, others might not desire our type of relationship but it eliminates the stress and frustration that so many go through when a "one on one" takes place after the threesome or moresome.

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