Worried that the male is trying to make my wife fall in love with him

[funseeking]

Okay, I have been a dink. I have been manipulative, immature and stupid!!!
I am ashamed of myself I have told her everything about how I manipulated her and even how I asked for this kind of advice on this board. There ARE NO SECRETS

Please direct your replies to my wife as well as to me. I will ask her to read this thread.


I encouraged my wife to do as she wished with a male friend that was very attracted to her, mainly to satisfy my own fantasies of her with another man, and of her learning to like sex more in general. Now I am very worried!

This man is married . He has also told my wife that he does not love his wife and is just waiting for the right time to leave.
My wife thinks that his wifes knows about his affair and isn't that pissed because of the lack of love between them. I think they stay together because they have a profitable business.

My wife has now been intimate with him. She likes being with him. She likes his caressing touch, him holding her and kissing her. They have "necked" but that is as far as they have gone. She said that if she feels more comfortable with him, and feels like it is the right time, then she will have sex with him.



She said that he has personality qualities that she really likes and wishes I had.

She said that she has "feelings" for him but does not love him.

She has told him that she loves me very much.

It is clear to my wife and I that he has fallen in love, which we both agree is not true love but "romantic love". Never the less this love is a powerful force and it worries me.
He has now told her that he will not stop until he makes her fall in love with him. He wants her to go away with him. He says that she is the complete package. It is clear to both of us that he wants to take her away from me.


I told my wife that I would like it if she stopped seeing him because I have come to realize that my fantasies are not worth the risk of her falling in love and getting hurt, and especially not worth the risk of loosing her. She told me that she wants to continue on with this relationship because she is having fun and is enjoying herself .

She was a little upset with me that I told her that I wanted her to stop when all along I have encourged her. I told her that I will not force her to stop since I started this whole thing in the first place, and because she wants to continue on. I want her to stop because she wants to and not because I insist.
She is happy with me allowing her to continue on even though I want her to stop. She does appreciates this and has thanked me. She says that she appreciates the opportunity I have given her to be with him.

She said that she thinks he will end the relationship when he figures out that he is wasting his time trying to get her to leave me.

She said that she will not trade me for him. I feel comforted with that statement because I know she loves me deeply and we have a good marriage. BUT I am still very worried and afraid of loosing her because she has "feelings" for him that might grow. I don't want her hurt and if she falls into romantic love with her she WILL get hurt and she knows it.

Is there any way that one can PREVENT oneself from "falling in love"...this blind romantic love of the "in love experience"? Is it possible to keep some emotional distance so this does not happen and if so how do you accomplish that?

She does admit that she would be a fool to think that she could never fall in love with him even though she loves me.
She also admits that she would be a fool to think that he had ZERO chance of winning her from me in the end and feels that she is "playig with fire" to some degree.

I NEED HELP!

Now what do I do?

As I mentioned I will ask my wife to read this thread to hear your replies.....so direct some to her as well as to me please.



Thank you

[Chicup]

Well after reading all your posts about this, dude you just fucked up big time and may lose your wife for it.

You encouraged her to play with a married man for your own jollies despite her reservations and now the obvious has happened. People told you not to do this with a married man (not that a single would have been much better imho), but you did and now you might have broken up two marriages, his and yours.

This may be harsh, but its time for harsh. You sir are close to losing your wife and its time to do something about it.

You don't want her to screw the guy, you don't want her to keep seeing him, yet she is doing both but at the same time you think you have a strong marriage? What you have is a wife doing what she wants, the fact that you will 'allow' her to keep seeing him is big of you, and also stupid. If she cared about YOU and your feelings she wouldn't do this anymore. You are not her #1 priority.

Maybe it would work out and you can have the hot wife type fantasy (not swinging of course) but I'd say you are far more likely to blow it all.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by funseeking

I encouraged my wife to do as she wished with a male friend that was very attracted to her, mainly to satisfy my own fantasies of her with another man, and of her learning to like sex more in general...I told her that I will not force her to stop, [and] she told me that she wants to continue on with this relationship

You encouraged your wife to "do as she wished" with another man, and she did.

You wanted to "satisfy your fantasies" of her having sex with him, and she did.

You wanted her to "learn to like sex more" and it's apparent that she's done that, too.

You told her she didn't have to stop, and she basically said "OK, I won't"

In short, she's doing everything you've asked her to do to please you.

Where, exactly, is the problem?

Why do you take such pleasure in hurting yourself?

How do you expect anybody in here to help you?

[EvilMJ]

Fine you screwed up big time.

I guess your wife has to determine what she feels is most important to her.

Personally I would very hurt if my husband told me that he wished i had some of the personality or qualities of another women.

I think you are both totally and utterly wrong. But if I had to be honest I am more surprised that she would put her marriage before this relationship.

In my opion there isn't one single swinger in your story, just selfishness (and cheating by the other hubby).

Swinging is about loving, trusting and respecting your partner/SO. So far I don't think I have seen that displayed by anyone.

You should not have encouraged her to play with a married man but guess what you didn't sign some binding legal document that says you can't change your mind. You are no longer comfortable with the situation (even if you made the mess in the first place). She may be enjoying the game she is playing but she is now messing with your emotions and your marriage. Speaking from experience here, I do play separately with a married man from time to time BUT - All four of us (my hubby and his wife) are in agreement with it, we have very firm and clear rules about what is or is not acceptable. We respect each other's marriage, no one feels threatened, and if they did it would end immedately. There is no chance i am going to fall in love with him becuase I just won't allow it, I would break things off first, but at the same time he is never going to try to take me away from my husband.

Here's the only thing I can tell you. My husband is ALWAYS number one, if he is uncomfortable, he doesn't even have to give me a reason, we just stop doing what ever it was that made him uncomfortable. Why, because I love and respect him, we have a family and there is no playtime activity that is going to come before them. - You both need to end what you are doing and put some ground rules in place or chances are things are not going to end nicely.

SOrry if this comes off as harsh but sometimes you have to be a little harsh with yourself.

[funseeking]

Thank you for the replies and advice.

I don't want to be "balled out" as I already feel terrible and admit my mistakes.

I just want some help...some advice....and I want some of this advice to not only be directed to me but to my wife. I will ask her to read this thread.

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by funseeking

Thank you for the replies and advice.

I don't want to be "balled out" as I already feel terrible and admit my mistakes.

Like I said, I probably came off harsh. But I think you both need to be very honest with each other. You did not force her to do anything with this man, you did not hold a gun to her head and say "do it now", so it is not fair for her to say that you started it and you made her do it. Lets face it Mrs. Funseeker, you are a grown woman capable of making your own decisions.

I know it is very exciting and fun to have this sort of relationship where you are allowed to be with another man. But the great thing is there are lots of other men who are not married or pose no threat to your marriage.

You both have to determine if your marriage is the most important thing here, if so, then work together to find a better solution, if you are unwilling to do this, then there is nothing anyone here at the board can do to help you becuase it woudl mean that your marriage has some problems that we can't fix.

I wish you both the best of luck.

[funseeking]

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

Like I said, I probably came off harsh. But I think you both need to be very honest with each other. You did not force her to do anything with this man, you did not hold a gun to her head and say "do it now", so it is not fair for her to say that you started it and you made her do it. Lets face it Mrs. Funseeker, you are a grown woman capable of making your own decisions.

I know it is very exciting and fun to have this sort of relationship where you are allowed to be with another man. But the great thing is there are lots of other men who are not married or pose no threat to your marriage.

You both have to determine if your marriage is the most important thing here, if so, then work together to find a better solution, if you are unwilling to do this, then there is nothing anyone here at the board can do to help you becuase it woudl mean that your marriage has some problems that we can't fix.

I wish you both the best of luck.

Thank you.

Trouble is she just told me that she is sure that she will not fall in love with this man or leave me because of the intimacy.
We need to talk about that more because I am not sure this is possible since she admits that she has "feelings" for him and he said that he wants to make her fall in love with him.

[sereneiders]

Ok, since you asked us to address this answer to your wife, and after wasting so much time addressing answers to you, that you ignored, I will address this answer to YOUR WIFE. Please, don't answer back and let her talk for herself.

I am pretty sure she will read this, even if you regret the idea of bringing her here to read it. And I will do something I didn't before in the forum, risking to be banned from it.

Dear Mrs Funseeking,

Please, take the time to read this thread, andthis thread (in fact, your loving hubbie repeated the later trhee times to trick the members into helping him push you), and in particular I'd like you to read this post I made (among many others), where I told your hubby this WILL happen.

Your husband is a moron, I endorse what youre doing today. Moreover, I advice you to divorce from this guy. He's in pain, may be, but if so, he deserve to be in pain. I don't care and you shouldn't care either, because he ASKED for this to happen, it is HIS SOLE FAULT.

Even worst. I told your husband he was playing with YOUR assets, that you will be risking your friendship with this guy, and now that thigs are screwed up the way we told him they will, he want you to forgive about this guy, to lose your friendship, to lose YOUR ASSETS. No way!

I am pretty sure your friendship worth way more than your marriage for you. No matter how twisted, selfish, lewd or careless about you your friend may be, I hadrly believe someone else in the world would be able, not even close, to beat your husband records.

Don't let your husband talk you into blame on you or your friend for what happend, not even a bit.

The Master Pupetter wanted to put on a show even when EVERYONE here adviced him against doing so. He ignored us all, wasted out time, and now that he finally broke the puppet, is back here seeking for advice on how to fix it. Let me tell you, his sole intention is to fix the pupet as to be able to keep playing with it, he gives it a shit about the puppet. He gives it a shit about you.

The world is full of caring people looking for soulmates to treat as their peers. Believe me. Your husband doesn't worth it, he doesn't worth not even an explanation, it' well proven here that he will ignore it, for as long as he were able to attach again the strings to your wrists and ankles.

Go to the toy store, buy a Barbie doll, and give it to him to use it in your place. Then take your clothes, bag them, and leave him right now. You will thank me later for this advice.

------

Now back to Mr. Funseeking: SCREW YOURSELF!

[funseeking]

Originally Posted by sereneiders

Ok, since you asked us to address this answer to your wife, and after wasting so much time addressing answers to you, that you ignored, I will address this answer to YOUR WIFE. Please, don't answer back and let her talk for herself.

I am pretty sure she will read this, even if you regret the idea of bringing her here to read it. And I will do something I didn't before in the forum, risking to be banned from it.

Dear Mrs Funseeking,

Please, take the time to read this thread, andthis thread (in fact, your loving hubbie repeated the later trhee times to trick the members into helping him push you), and in particular I'd like you to read this post I made (among many others), where I told your hubby this WILL happen.

Your husband is a moron, I endorse what youre doing today. Moreover, I advice you to divorce from this guy. He's in pain, may be, but if so, he deserve to be in pain. I don't care and you shouldn't care either, because he ASKED for this to happen, it is HIS SOLE FAULT.

Even worst. I told your husband he was playing with YOUR assets, that you will be risking your friendship with this guy, and now that thigs are screwed up the way we told him they will, he want you to forgive about this guy, to lose your friendship, to lose YOUR ASSETS. No way!

I am pretty sure your friendship worth way more than your marriage for you. No matter how twisted, selfish, lewd or careless about you your friend may be, I hadrly believe someone else in the world would be able, not even close, to beat your husband records.

Don't let your husband talk you into blame on you or your friend for what happend, not even a bit.

The Master Pupetter wanted to put on a show even when EVERYONE here adviced him against doing so. He ignored us all, wasted out time, and now that he finally broke the puppet, is back here seeking for advice on how to fix it. Let me tell you, his sole intention is to fix the pupet as to be able to keep playing with it, he gives it a shit about the puppet. He gives it a shit about you.

The world is full of caring people looking for soulmates to treat as their peers. Believe me. Your husband doesn't worth it, he doesn't worth not even an explanation, it' well proven here that he will ignore it, for as long as he were able to attach again the strings to your wrists and ankles.

Go to the toy store, buy a Barbie doll, and give it to him to use it in your place. Then take your clothes, bag them, and leave him right now. You will thank me later for this advice.

------

Now back to Mr. Funseeking: SCREW YOURSELF!

Why such anger towards me? My wife knows all about all my manipulations...I have told her everything buddy

I admit my manipulation and I am sorry....we all make mistakes you know but I guess that doesn't include you. I fucked up....I guess I am a sick bastard for having such fantasies and manipulating as I did but I do love my wife.

My wife and I love each other very much and have a good marrige.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by funseeking

I don't want to be "balled out" as I already feel terrible and admit my mistakes. I just want some help...some advice....and I want some of this advice to not only be directed to me but to my wife. I will ask her to read this thread.

So there's this guy, see? He goes into his doctor and says, "Hey Doc, every time I do this"...and pokes himself in the eye with his finger..."Every time I do this, it hurts!"

Doc looks at him for a second, and says, "Stop doing that"

Daa-Dumph! (Cymbal crash!)

This whole scenario that you've described, if true, is EXACTLY what you wanted. Moreover, despite your saying that you don't want to be "balled out," I think that that too, is exactly what you want us to do. You've crafted this little game in far too much detail to have miscalculated how your wife would react. In fact, I'll even go one step further, and tell you that I suspect this is something that you and she have become quite skilled at. You want us to join you in your little "Poor me, I'm being cuckolded by my wife" fantasy.

If I am wrong, and you really don't know how fucked-up your logic and judgement processes are, I apologize. Get some help. But if you're not, you're wasting my time, and the time of anybody else who answers your post.

[Chip_n_Muffy]

Is this a really elaborate troll?
Just kind of strikes me that way.

Chip

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Chip_n_Muffy

Is this a really elaborate troll?
Just kind of strikes me that way.

Chip

If so its masterful as its taken a long time to come to the troll part.

No I think this one is real.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by JnCC

You've crafted this little game in far too much detail to have miscalculated how your wife would react. In fact, I'll even go one step further, and tell you that I suspect this is something that you and she have become quite skilled at. You want us to join you in your little "Poor me, I'm being cuckolded by my wife" fantasy.

There are few people on this board as astute at calling a spade a spade as JnCC... Like him or not - it is one of those things one has to admit...

I think he is hitting the nail right on the head - and while I don't think everything you've posted has been "trollish" it does seem that this comes WAY too soon after this to be believable*... If it is - it definitely falls under the umbrella of "be careful what you wish for."

Listen - you want your wife to swing - she doesn't want to. And if you DID push her into it and she has developed feelings for this guy all we can say is what was said to you in the beginning - swinging isn't for everyone (or something VERY similar here).

One way or the other - it simply proves that you and your wife are simply not cut out for swinging...

Spoomonkey

*Good eye, Chip

[intuition897]

Well, funseeking...I have no advice left to offer. I tried before to urge you away from doing exactly what you did, and it fell on deaf ears. I have no reason to believe my advice would be heeded now. I'm afraid now I have one thing left to say: Ye reap what ye sow.

[sexyshelby]

Hate to say it, but...We told ya so!

~SS