Hosts cancelled party because guests were intimidated by wealth

[SnSnLex]

Heres the story...

We were invited to a party not long ago, it was to be 20 couples or so aging in range from mid 20's to mid 40's. The hosts are early 30's. Sounded like our crowd, so we RSVP.
It gets to be a couple days before the party and we hear from the hosts (had been chatting regularly the 2 weeks prior also) that they decided to cancel the party because everyone who were invited had backed out except us and one other couple. We were shocked to say the least.
Being the person I am(MR.) I had to ask why. Well it turns out that when everyone asked about sleeping arrangements (we hadn't, since we only live 15 minutes away) they were told space wasn't a problem due to them having a 25 room house and 14 of those were bedrooms The whole time we had chatted, they never once led us to believe that they were that well to do. We thought of them as just another very nice couple, and still do.

After a bit of chatting we just figured that people felt intimidated or outclassed, or I'm sure someone here might have a better word to describe it.

What do you all think? Would you like to know ahead of time about these things? How would of you felt if you didn't know and showed up to see a 13,000 square foot house?

After me and the Mrs. talked about it, we decided that if we knew ahead of time that we might of declined the invitehead bang .....

Sam n Stormy

[Elusive BiFem]

Not me! I've never seen a 25 room house and would love to have the opportunity. WOW!

Right off the bat, I don't think they would have invited you had they not wanted you to come. Then...how many people could they list among their *friends* - lifestyle or otherwise - if the criteria was that the friends had to have similar or equal living arrangements? Not many, I suspect.

Class has nothing to do with money, IMHO. It has to do with attitude and demeanor. That's my take. If they invite you to another party later and you want to go...GO. And hold your head up just as high as you would if you had won the lottery.

- EBF

[leftcoastcouple]

While I do think "class" is the wrong term, because it obviously has nothing to do with income level, I do know how you feel, Sam n Stormy, and I suspect we'd have declined, too, if we were in your situation.

I agree with EBF's points, yet--call me cynical--I'm always suspicious about the motivations of those who can basically have whatever they want.

My wife and I enjoy a comfortable lifestyle and have a household income that's well above average. Yet, we aren't into traditional creature comforts, nor do we appreciate flashy displays of wealth--particularly not to the degree that you described. Part of the reason is that we're simple people. But it's also the fact that even at our level, we have assumptions made about us based on our income.

And while it's true that not all "rich" folks are snobs, they definitely (Warning: Generalization ahead!) look at life differently. It's inevitable. Having a lot changes your outlook on life.

Of course there are exceptions, but we've seen it in our own social circle among those with considerably less than the folks you encountered.

Others will argue, but we're in your court. We'd have no problem playing with folks who were dirt poor, but we'd be quite wary about those on the other end of the spectrum.

[LikeMinds321]

I posted awhile back on the subject of "Do rich folks swing" and wanted to know if anyone has swung with any.

There was alot of fun talk, but nothing came down to fact--as I recall.

Your situation proves to me that, indeed, there are some monied people into the lifestyle.

As for class to go along with it...I agree wholeheartedly with EBF, class has nothing to do with money.

I MOST DEFINITELY would accept an invite from someone who's got that many bedrooms...I'd play in each bedroom if I could.

Hope you get another opportunity. Keep in touch with these folks, and with us on the board! Please, please!

LM

[fun_pairTX]

CLASS IS AS CLASS DOES.......................

In my course of business I interact with people that come from a myriad of means and backgrounds. Don't be intimadated, we have met people with no money to speak of that are true ladies and gentlemen. We have also met people with scads of money that are absolute boors. It is the person and not the wallet that counts.
An interesting character is the "Old Money" type. I grew up in a small Massachusetts town that was founded in 1621, incorporated in 1628. There are families there that are decendants of the founders and have been existing on the interest drawn on the family money since the mid 1700's. 99% of these people have had real money for so long that they are in no way impressed with it, it means nothing to them. They have their pet charity projects and very few outside their circle know what they are, as they would be embarrassed if the news of their involvement ever reached even a local newspaper. Their business activity usually amounts to working behind the scenes in real estate development of some sort, usually commercial where a front company bears its own name and takes the credit for what is done. Their dress doesn't belie their demeanor as they usually wear clothes that they purchased from LL Bean ten or 20 years ago, that stuff never wears out or goes out of style. My dad knows a fellow back there that paid for a hospital wing and still sits around the locals coffee shop in boat shoes that are held together with duck tape. It takes all kinds. Don't ever be fooled by the wrapper people come in.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by LikeMinds321
I MOST DEFINITELY would accept an invite from someone who's got that many bedrooms...I'd play in each bedroom if I could.

All in the same visit? I bet you'd be really tired....

- EBF

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by fun_pairTX
CLASS IS AS CLASS DOES.......................

Don't ever be fooled by the wrapper people come in.

I understand what you mean, leftcoastcouple, and being a person of less than - what shall we say..just maintaining...I really like what Fun_Pair said. Those wrappers vary just as much as the person under them.

- EBF

[SnSnLex]

Great posts everyone

I forgot to add one detail in the post above.

They are relative newbies, they have been in the lifestyle for only about 7 months and this was to be their first house party. It has kinda put them off abit, but they do plan on trying again before summer is over and we WILL be attending We've got to know them quite a bit better since the original invite, and realized that they are really nice down to earth people who we like!

Thanks for pointing out class and money don't go together all the time, It was in the back of my head, just couldn't get it out.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem
All in the same visit? I bet you'd be really tired....

- EBF

I figure if I get about 10 minutes in each room I'll be ready for a break after a couple hours of play...then I'll go back to my favorite room and go at it again, nice and easy, no rush.

LM

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by LikeMinds321
I figure if I get about 10 minutes in each room I'll be ready for a break after a couple hours of play...then I'll go back to my favorite room and go at it again, nice and easy, no rush.

LM

Hmmmm....I'm thinking maybe I don't need to eat those dried cranberries and apricots and toasted almonds. Not if they give you THAT MUCH ENERGY!

- EBF

[biblonde]

IMHO...money means nothing! We have played with people who have no money to people who have way more than us. (we live pretty comfy..not rich but comfy) I wouldnt care if they had a shack or a huge house! If they are nice people, good personality, and click with us...then we would play. Ive meet rich that are stuck up and rich that are so down to earth you would never know they even had money. As for a huge house as being flashy..i dissagree. Maybe they are proud of their hard work and this was a dream for them....everyone has the right to dream. If they were being flashy about it then at first they would have bragged and bragged about what they got. It doesnt sound to me as if they did that...only when asked about sleeping arrangments. They seem to be down to earth from what i am reading. I wouldnt let what they have scare ya away!! could be fun! best of luck!! my 2 cents for the day!

[NewTemptations]

We would never ever judge anyone according to income level, house size etc. Its all about personality and attitude to us. I cant ever recall a time where we have asked anyone how much money they make, how big their house is etc.
Either we like someone well enuff to party with them, and would trust their judgement on the other people that they have chosen to invite to their party and we would accept the invite, or we would politely decline if something with their personality didnt click right with us.

As for the reason why so many declined their invite.. perhaps a few that had been invited happened to live a substantial distance away and did ask about sleeping arrangements. and even tho there was ample room, maybe the drive etc just didnt happen to fit into their personal schedules that weekend.

You have said in a post that this couple is fairly new to the lifestyle and this was their first attempt at hosting a house party. After being in the lifestyle for awhile and helping other friends plan house parties plus hosting our share of parties too we have found that it takes real effort to get the number of people you are aiming for at a party. Some people simply have other plans and politely tell you so, and quite a few people (unfortunately) rsvp to say they will be attending and then do the no show thing. We have found that once you figure out how many people that you want at your party, its always a good thing to invite TWICE AS MANY....then if you are lucky you will end up with the number you were looking for

Laura

[GFandME]

unfortunatel most (not all) people judge by what they see and NOT what they hear or know.

I make a good living, not huge but nice. I have a small house and no bills. I can afford what I want and one of the things is a nice car. I have heard all kinds of remarks from people who dont know me or ever heard a word outta my mouth....you'd be suprised how bad they can be.

You would never know it if I drove up in my 98 pickup truck though and saw me in my old jeans and tshirt......AND certainly NOT from my attitude.

Id NEVER drive it to meet a couple in fear of what they'd say or think before meeting us.

[Alura]

There's an old western song about a cowboy who accepts a challenge to ride a bronc that "has never been rode" named "The Brute." There's a $1,000 reward for any man who can ride him.

Not only does the cowboy ride him, he does it bareback while wearing a "continental suit" and smoking a freshly-rolled cigarette.

Here's the last verse:

The moral of this story: Never judge by what they wear.
Underneath them ragged clothes could be a millionaire,
Everybody listen, don't be fooled by this galoot,
A sure-enough bronc rider in a Continental Suit.

Back in my mid-twenties I was working as an insurance investigator for a company in Albuquerque. One day I had a case in a small town south of there and ended up stopping for lunch in a local diner.

I chanced to sit at the counter next to a cowboy who had obviously spent the morning in close proximity to a lot of horse and cow shit and done a lot of sweating. Turned out he'd been breaking a horse.

We talked "cowboying" and horses for awhile and he asked me some questions about myself, schooling, jobs I'd had, etc. Just before he paid for his hamburger he said, "I reckon I could use a young man like you if your lookin' to work."

I had no interest in punching cattle any more so I thanked him for the offer but, "I reckon I'll keep on with what I'm doin'." He got his change, left what I thought was a generous tip for a bronc buster, and walked out the door.

As I was paying my bill, the waitress asked, "Did I just hear you turn John down when he offered you a job?"

"Yes, Ma'am. I don't reckon I want to punch cattle or work horses any more."

"Punch Cattle? Do you know who he is?"

"Well, no ma'am. I guess he's a foreman on a ranch nearby."

"Well, you're almost right, Cowboy. He owns the biggest ranch in these parts. But he also owns the bank on the corner, the Chevrolet dealership across the street, and several other businesses including this cafe. He's not looking for a cowboy, he's looking for an assistant."

Mr. Alura

[JustAskJulie]

It seems odd to me that they were having a party and so many people were coming that they didn't already know well enough for them to know how well off they were. But that being the case that it sounds like most of the potential attendees didn't really know the host couple very well perhaps they felt it forward that the couple had them staying at their house? Rather than offering up other suggestions? Did they give the option of other places to stay and then also say "but hey we do have plenty of room here and everyone is welcome to stay here if they would like?"