Hosts cancelled party because guests were intimidated by wealth

[GirlieZ]

We look beyond money..it doesn't phase us. Whether it be a lack of or an abundance it really doesn't matter. Money doesn't make the person. We have friends who are rolling in cash..some who are middle of the road (like us) and some who are dirt poor...we all like them for one thing: they are good honest people who would help anyone with anything. Being down to earth and being able to kick up a mighty good time means quite a bit!

Zgirl

[NotsoNew]

Originally Posted by GirlieZ

We look beyond money..it doesn't phase us. Whether it be a lack of or an abundance it really doesn't matter. Money doesn't make the person. We have friends who are rolling in cash..some who are middle of the road (like us) and some who are dirt poor...we all like them for one thing: they are good honest people who would help anyone with anything. Being down to earth and being able to kick up a mighty good time means quite a bit!

Zgirl

Agree with Zgirl.

We are not rich, but are comfortable. If we like a couple, we don't care if they have money or if the don't. For our first meet if we like a couple on line, we are equally okay with having a great dinner in a 5 star restaurant or meeting someone for coffee or drinks. It is all about the people for us.

We wouldn't turn down a great night in a fabulous house, though!!

[Girlfit]

Originally Posted by Elusive BiFem

Oops! Mark me off the list! I kinda like Denny's. Or is it IHOP?

Seriously, tho'...you are making some broad generalizations, but by doing so, you may be excluding some really nice people. I'm rather dirt poor myself, though quite well educated. My financial status has to do with the type of work I have quite deliberately chosen to do. As a result, you are right...I don't go to 4-star restaurants (but I have been to the local 5 star and it was really nice!), I enjoy stage plays and things of that nature (not art appreciation - I don't appreciate art too much), but I also enjoy horse raises, football games (Go Cowboys), hockey...and occasionally sitting out by the pool and drinking a cold beer with friends. I personally know several members on this board whose residence may not place them in a postion to hob-nob with the high rollers but when assessing those things that truly value an individual, no one is their better. And I'm speaking in terms of intellect, class, social affability, and ability to make friends anywhere they may be.

While I can appreciate your opinion, I personally believe you may want to reassess what you are using to place value on people. There are many delightful and lower income individuals and many wealthy boors.

- EBF

Denny's. ugh. *shivers* IHOP ugh. But that's only because I don't like pancakes.

Don't take me wrong, perhaps I didn't make my point very clearly. I would never discriminate someone solely based on what type of house they lived in, what kind of car they drove or what kind of job they did. There are many many low income jobs that I admire and I would most probably have quite a bit in common with those people. If I had to choose between being a friend with a multi millionaire overly paid star athlete and a "working poor" school teacher, I would most definitely choose the school teacher. There it boils down to moral integrity, personality and shared interests. I would have more in common (as far as shared interests, personal beliefs, etc) with a teacher than a professional athlete. It is just that I have PERSONALLY found in GENERAL that I have more in common with people whos income most matches our own. People with more money have more money to spend on going to art galleries, going to the theatre/opera, enjoying fine dining, etc etc.

When it boils down to it, attractiveness and SHARED INTERESTS are the most important thing for me, not income. Its just that 9 times out of 10 for ME I have found that people who fit that profile happen to be people with more money. I certainly wouldn't exclude someone living in a trailor/ghetto if they were intelligent, good looking, took care of themselves and I could share a conversation with them without feeling like I was talking to a first grader. If I can't RELATE to someone on a more deeper personal level (beyond the physical), it is pointless for me to go any further with them.

I should also add, that I am POSITIVE that there are many many wealthy people who would probably look at US and go *eek* "you drive a TOYOTA?!" or turn their nose up at OUR house. And I CERTAINLY don't want to be put in the same league or compared to those "boorish" sorts.

[wrnakedru]

Back in the mid-80's, my ex and I lived in Houston and met a couple at our favorite club one Wednesday night. The gentleman was in a suit - not the usual weekend attire for a man, but not unusual during the work week. The wife and I were fast friends from the get-go, both of us being the more outgoing one of the couples. We exchanged phone numbers and spoke the next evening, arranging to meet for dinner prior to going to the club on Saturday night. The gentleman was once again attired in a suit but he seemed a more formal type than his wife so we still didn't think too much about it. When we left the restaurant to drive to the club, we gals jumped in the opposite vehicles from our hubbies. [Our Dodge pickup, their Cadillac] One on one, the fellow was a bit more conversational and I, of course, was full of questions. He was French, and traveled quite frequently between the states and Europe in his financial investment business. Okay, I was beginning to get the picture here. [We were in WAY over our heads!]

By the end of the evening they had invited us to go out on their "boat" the next day. The gentleman said it was theirs temporarily, as it was partial settlement in a business deal he'd had. He said he'd like to keep it, but was going to sell it in order to make the business deal pay off. [He had a broker handling it, he said, since he was gone so often on business.]

Enough light had dawned in my feeble brain to encourage me to kick my hubby under the table when he began to say something that I just knew was going to be "GREAT! We'll bring a cooler of beer and split the cost of the gas with you." I did manage to keep that from coming out of his mouth, although he tried several times to make the offer.

Needless to say, per my intuition, when we meet and followed them to the 'dock', it developed the 'boat' had a full time staff of 8.

Later on in the week, I met her for lunch. She invited me to their home and suggested she and I might enjoy an afternoon beginning with champagne and a bubble bath. They were leasing a home. Actually, the home belonged to Mark White - who was living in Austin for four years, since he was the governor.

They were a delightful couple and we enjoyed our friendship with them for quite some time. One evening after dinner in their home, the gentleman said he wanted to ask a favor of us. He was being very serious - but I wasn't worried. I figured he wasn't about to hit us up for a loan.

The "favor" was a request to include his wife in our social life from time to time as he was about to be 'away' for an extended period of time. Developed it was quite an extended period of time, as he was about to be incarcerated in Europe for some sort of international banking fraud thing.

Sort of leveled the playing field, ya know?

WR

[LadyCleo]

Originally Posted by newbies123

We are not rich, but are comfortable. If we like a couple, we don't care if they have money or if they don't. For our first meet if we like a couple on line, we are equally okay with having a great dinner in a 5 star restaurant or meeting someone for coffee or drinks. It is all about the people for us.

We wouldn't turn down a great night in a fabulous house, though!!

Dito
We have had an experience from the other end. We met a great couple that was considerably less well off than us but we couldn't care less about their money or lackthereof. Unfortunately, it was an issue for them and they dropped out of the lifestyle...at least with us. I miss them. I wish them the best.

LC

[GirlieZ]

Originally Posted by wrnakedru

The "favor" was a request to include his wife in our social life from time to time as he was about to be 'away' for an extended period of time. Developed it was quite an extended period of time, as he was about to be incarcerated in Europe for some sort of international banking fraud thing.

Sort of leveled the playing field, ya know?

WR

WOW! I guess that it did. What ended up happening to the couple?

Zgirl

[wrnakedru]

Originally Posted by GirlieZ

WOW! I guess that it did. What ended up happening to the couple? Zgirl

I arranged a special birthday surprise for my ex's 40th. After dinner at one of his favorite places, we went to a [vanilla] club in Clear Lake we both enjoyed. What he didn't know was I had [earlier in the day] rented a hotel room and all was in place there - including the champagne bucket and bedsheets covered with rose petals . But at the club the waiter brought 3 glasses to our table when he delivered the champagne - and pulled a third chair over as well. The D.J. wished the hubby a happy birthday and spun one of our favorite records. While we danced - the lady of this couple joined us on the dance floor.

When I had contacted her to arrange her participation, she told me she considered herself separated. Hubby was still "away", but living with the uncertainty of how long had worn thin for her. She was not interested in beginning divorce proceedings [yet, she said].

The next [and last] time I saw her was one night when I was out wandering about on my own. I was "club hopping" in the Clear Lake area and suddenly - there she was in front of me. I began to move toward her to give [and receive] a hug - and our eyes locked. Then hers dropped. She had dark circles under her eyes and she appeared to have lost about 25 pounds. Then I noticed the young [as in very young] man at her side. She turned toward him, and avoided even looking in my direction. I was stunned.

After ordering a drink, wandering around a bit, I went to visit the ladies room before moving on to another club. When I came out of the stall, she was leaning against the wall waiting for me. It was late spring, and quite warm - but she had on a leather appearing material long sleeved jumpsuit. She reached out and hugged me tightly, almost like a person who was drowning and trying to hold on for dear life.

Finally she pulled back a bit while still holding onto me - and avoiding my eyes haltingly told me that her life had changed. [DUH!] She said she and hubby were battling over their son and that the details of their separation and impending divorce had dragged out due over "financial disputes". She was living with her sister and that she felt like someone on a witness protection program. She knew hubby had P.I.'s watching her every move, hoping for information to assist his try for custody and the finances stuff. She was constantly having to sneak everywhere she wanted to go - she and sister would trade vehicles - and such. I asked her about her "friend" - and she said, well, a lady has needs you know. We hugged and cried some more.

She promised to call.

She never did.

[PLZUREZONE]

Well, we definitely do not have much money...And depending on the kind of year we have, we live from mid income to the "upper lower" bracket. I guess I can see why someone who may live very well would have a hard time finding much in commen with us. I am probably more comfortable with people who are much like us, just kinda "middle of the road folks". What I definitely do know is the "lifestyle" is full of people from every walk of life, and there is someone for everyone. That's one of the many things that make it so great. We have met some of the nicest people, from richest to poorest. When it comes down to it, we're all enjoying the same recreational thing, Swinging. But like anything else in life, you gotta do what feel's right for you. Nothin wrong with that.

[GirlieZ]

Originally Posted by wrnakedru

She promised to call.

She never did.

What a sad ending...I feel really bad for her. What a terrible experience for her I imagine!

And for you...what a horrible way to "lose" a friend!

Zgirl

[froggyjenn80]

omg a 25 room house I would be running inside to take a tour!!!! Rich or Poor we are all people. If people cant see past money, then really how shallow are they?

If the couple you are talking about never lead others to believe that they were that well off, then why worry? I mean they dont throw their money in your face or brag about what they have....so why care?

I am not trying to sound rude or anything...I just dont see the point. I would be happy that I was even invited to such an elaborate house to have fun at. Not everybody gets that chance everyday. Take it as a positive thing rather than looking at what they have and you dont. If they dont push the issue and act like any other regular couple, then why punish them for having the house in the first place?

Just my idea
Jenn

[froggyjenn80]

ok so I didnt read EVERY post thereafter the original.....sorry.

I am glad you chose to go to the next one, whenever that may be. And I am glad you have gotten to know these people as friends.

I wish both you and the cpl the best of luck in the lifestyle.
~Jenn

[JustTwoHumans]

How would of you felt if you didn't know and showed up to see a 13,000 square foot house?

Hmmm, how shall I put this?
Okay...

Do you have a problem with the integer 13,000? Do you only like prime numbers? Is this a numerology issue?

What the HELL does the size of their house have to do with sharing your bodies together for the joy of being human? Is there a saying, "Big house, big DICK"?

Lemme put it this way. Suppose you met an attractive, friendly couple at an off-premises and they invited you to their place. When you get to their parking lot -- oh my god -- it's an APARTMENT BUILDING!!

Would you get mad, turn the car around, and drive away because you "outclass" the nice couple? Would you ride home telling each other "Imagine the NERVE of those lowlifes, inviting superior citizens to a... to an APARTMENT BUILDING!!

"How'd they even get into the club, anyway? I thought you had to show your mortgage papers at the door! We're MUCH to good to be friends with trash who don't own a free-standing home"!

After me and the Mrs. talked about it, we decided that if we knew ahead of time that we might of declined the invite.

Why?

WHY???

That makes me either somewhat angry or reeeally sad, and I DON'T like being sad.

What the fuck does "outclass" mean? Are you afraid they'll ask you about your NASDAQ stock? Ignoring the fact that they won't, why can't you just say "You know, we don't own any NASDAQ stock. In fact, I hate to admit it, but I don't even know what NASDAQ stands for! But *you* seem to be pretty informed, so maybe I could ask you something I've always wondered about..."

Even if your question was extremely simple, like "when you sell stock, who buys it", that doesn't make it stupid. If they like you and know you're genuinely interested, they'll really enjoy explaining it to you!

Shit!

If they gave a damn about the size of your house, which they don't, they'd establish that before they asked you over. At VERY least, they would have said "Say, come over to our place and swing with us, we have a 13,000 square foot house!"

Can you imagine how those poor people (no pun intended) felt if they read your post? They'd wonder what the hell they did wrong.

They'd be hurt, and they'd ask each other why you don't want to visit them. They'd wonder why having money means you can't have any friends unless they're from the small group of other rich people.

You need to email them this thread and apologize to them. Say "we'd be thrilled to visit your lovely home any time! But first, since we've been such JACK ASSES, we'd be honored if you'd visit our lovely home first. It may not be real big, but it has more love per square foot than any other house around"!

It reminds me of everyone I meet telling me I'm "smart": "Say, you're SMART! Wow, you're SMART! Gee, you're SMART! Why don't you sit over here in the corner with this other smart guy and talk about smart stuff while the rest of us at the party have fun"!

Once I actually said "Look mother FUCKER, I already know I'm smart. It's like telling Arnold: 'Gee, you're STRONG'. He'd be happier if you told him he's a good director. If you want to make ME happy, introduce me to your sister".

Everyone thought it was so funny that now it's my standard response!

The point is, being held at arm's length distances you, whether you're held higher or lower. And I'm sure that goes for rich people too.

And this is important: It doesn't make it okay just because YOU'RE the one who you think is inferior. Two couples were alone that night no matter [U]which/U] one you thought was "better".

Look, I'm not trying to be The Naked Philosopher, but turning off a light because it's dim doesn't make the world any brighter. It took me 40 years of feeling REALLY SHITTY to come about the realization that we should do unto ourselves as we do unto others.

From my very first post:

When we're all in a room, naked and without context, none of us is richer or smarter or scarier or more important. We all just ARE, with nothing else there to consider: not status, protocol, social role, cultural norms, deference, hierarchy, conformity, traditions, artificial partitions, or enforced inhibitions. Nothing. All we have left is cooperation, because there aren’t any differences between us at all.

Except one:

Half of us are male, and half are female.

Now it's time to pay attention to THAT.

[SnSnLex]

Maybe you all should read all of the reply's before responding to something :rollseyes .

If you had, you might of saw what everyone else thought, including US. We ARE talking to the couple, we ARE going to attend their next party, we have NO problem with it.

Just because the word "might" appeared in the start of the thread doesn't mean you know what it means to us. Can you tell us? Is it 1%, 10%, 50% or any other number you think of a chance we wouldn't attend???

Good luck, hope you find what you are looking for, be cause you might need it.

[JustTwoHumans]

Just because the word "might" appeared in the start of the thread doesn't mean you know what it means to us. Can you tell us? Is it 1%, 10%, 50% or any other number you think of a chance we wouldn't attend???

42!

hope you find what you are looking for, be cause you might need it.

Well, we always still have each other!

[OhioCouple]

To quote a Jenism...

Wow. Just, wow.

JustTwoHumans, you have left me speechless. I sit here reading your posts in this thread and I just shake my head.

We have been a member of this board since 2001 and I don't think I've ever seen such vulgarity in a single posting. Ever.

Wow. Just, wow.

You are pretty new around here and we always welcome newcomers. I don't know what kind of message boards you are used to, but we are a community that doesn't feel the need to indulge in using profanity when speaking "TO or AT" another member(s). You may not have had much time to read throughout the board to get a feel for this community. Doing so would be a good idea. Also, if you haven't already, please take a moment to read Expected Behavior on The Swingers Board . You may also want to read all the Important topics in the Announcements forum. Julie has done an excellent job on providing information that aids all new comers to learn to navigate the board as well.

While we welcome you as a new member, I do hope that in the future you'll have a little more respect for all of those who are a part of it. Disagreements with a point are better taken when expressed in a thoughtful manner.

Mrs. O