Hosts cancelled party because guests were intimidated by wealth

[SluttyWife]

Originally posted by GFandME

You would never know it if I drove up in my 98 pickup truck though and saw me in my old jeans and tshirt......AND certainly NOT from my attitude.

Id NEVER drive it to meet a couple in fear of what they'd say or think before meeting us.

We'd drive the old circa-1990's pickup on purpose if we were you two.....as a gauge of sorts and as a measure of protection from "fake friends".....



We've partied and played with millionaires and multimillionaires
and can tell you that the truly upper class and the truly poor have *one* key thing in common...they don't have to prove a thing
to anyone, nor do they care to.

Mind you we have a few (truly wealthy, truly poor) in our family as well!

Keep 'em guessing.... that is a real measure of class.
And think of all the energy and money saved!


;-*

[Chemistry_0518]

This seems to be a case wherein everyone was judging the book by its cover. It could possibly be that the house was the result of an inheritance and they are in hock up to their eyeballs. The point is that they thought enough of you to invite YOU to share what was to be an enjoyable time with them. Accept that for the spirit in which it was offered. For all you know, when you arrive you would have found a house with the barest of furnishings and lots of mattresses on the floor.

I would suggest that you support these new friends and ensure that you would attend the next offering.

[LikeMinds321]

Chemistry, you have prompted me to speak out about something I've been thinking about posting whilst standing on a soapbox.

That is, my concern that there's a biased attitude against people who have money and show it in the choices they make through how they spend it.

I've seen mention of the "old rich" wearing tennis shoes with Duck tape, suggesting you never know who's wealthy by their choice of attire. I realize this. So what is the point? I'm not going to swing with someone just because they are wealthy.

When it comes to swinging, if by chance, I find chemistry with people who have an outstanding home, or hot tub, or pool, or boat, or whatever money affords them that I can't afford, I'm not going to pooh-pooh how they choose to spend it.

Chemistry, so glad you suggested looking at the people with the house full of bedrooms in a new light. I, too, have known people who inherit homes they can't fill with furniture because their income won't permit it.

There are perks to money. And I find those perks can be a big , sexy , turn-on for me when matched with good people I like and respect.

LM

[VegasLee]

Well, Ya all are more then welcome to stop by our trailer any time.

I can promise you that we won't out class anyone.

This is BYOB though and bring ice. the cooler don't hold much.

SEE LEE'S TRAILER HERE!

[good times]

Wow!!!

I now envy you VegasLee, while our trailer is almost as big as yours, you've got an almost new looking stoop couch, wow, you rich guys have all the cool stuff.

[Chicup]

Living in the Midwest there are a LOT of RICH people, who you would never know as wealthy looking at their house/car. Looking rich isn't something that most people get into here.

Secondly, most American's wouldn't know poor if it kicked them in the ass.

That being said, its just about personality. I know a man who is worth over 500 million, and he is a nice and down to earth man. He has his issues, but on a personal level, money isn't how he judges.

I know people up to their ears in debt so they can live in an exclusive and overpriced suburb (where if they moved 5 miles away they could get twice the house for the same price with less taxes) and really get off on it.

[GFandME]

Slutty Wife, I agree and will certainly do so

[SnSnLex]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie
It seems odd to me that they were having a party and so many people were coming that they didn't already know well enough for them to know how well off they were. But that being the case that it sounds like most of the potential attendees didn't really know the host couple very well perhaps they felt it forward that the couple had them staying at their house? Rather than offering up other suggestions? Did they give the option of other places to stay and then also say "but hey we do have plenty of room here and everyone is welcome to stay here if they would like?"

Julie, they offered a room to anyone who needed or wanted one for the night as well as letting people know that there were 5 hotels within 3 miles of their house. We wanted to ask them before replying so that the facts were stated and not our assumpitions.

I think everyone is right when they said it was probably other factors that also played into attending or not.

Thanks everyone, you have put our minds at ease shared some good outlooks.

[dave_susie2001]

To me, it isn’t about how rich or how poor someone is. It isn’t about the choices they make about what or how to spend their money. It isn’t about the hot tubs, boats, cars, or homes that someone has. What matters to us is attitude and personality yes, but also how much they are like us.

This is an example of what I’m talking about. We meet a great couple at an off premises party. We end up hooking up with them and have a great time back at our hotel room. We see each other a few more times at the same party (held every month) and sometimes we hook up, sometimes we don’t. Before one party, they call us and ask us to join them for dinner before we head to the club. Of course, we accept. Turns out they wanted to eat at the 1913 room of the Grand Hotel where the soup costs $20.

Well, not that we couldn’t afford it (although it would have put quite a damper on our dining out budget for the next several months!) we thought more along the lines of Applebees. The other couple was gracious enough to compromise and we ended up eating at a moderately priced place.

During the party, they mentioned to us that they were going to Boyne Mountain for a ski weekend and wanted to know if we wanted to come up with them. Again, not that we couldn’t afford it, but we saw where this was headed. Good times with good people and LOTS of money being spent by us that would be better spent somewhere else at the time.

These people are some of the finest that we’ve come across in the lifestyle. But our financial status didn’t allow us to enjoy the same things that they did on a regular basis. Their money didn’t stop us from seeing and partying with them, nor was it the lack of funds on our part. It was the fact that we just enjoyed different things. I think people just want to be around others that are basically the same as they are.

[lookin_forfun65]

Going to posh surroundings wouldn't intimidate me in the least. People may have money, but that doesn't mean they have class.

Here's our story.

We had been exchaning emails with an older gentleman who regularly hosted swingers parties on his house boat on an exclusive lake. He invited us to a New Year's Eve party. We went and after getting the okay from him, invited a single female friend of ours.

He asked us to bring some Boar's Head ham (he said for us to specifically bring that brand) and a few other things. We prepared our coolers and packed our bags - it was to be an overnight trip as this lake is 3 hours from our home.

We arrived on time, but the party was already going - we walked in to a room full of naked, half-naked people who were already obviously already comfortable with each other.

We settled in, started to chat a bit with everyone. It was quickly evident that "Sam" (name changed to protect the guilty), the host, was very drunk.

He quickly started asking questions about my female friend and myself, how often we played with each other, etc. We explained that we didn't have that sort of relationship, she came along for some fun - of her own making.

Sam moved closer and closer to me, and very quickly, I felt his hands down my shirt. I politely removed them, and told him that I was new to the lifestyle for one, and would prefer to reach my comfort zone before any playing.

I'll insert here that I am 39 years old, and Sam is 75. There was ZERO attraction for me. I was attempting to be polite since I was in his lavish house boat. I'm sure his boat cost 2 - 3 times what our house cost.

He kept drinking and getting more and more touchy. I kept leaning into my husband, and several times told him I wasn't interested.

Others at the party pulled me to the side and told me "He really is a nice guy, and he's usually not drunk, this is very unlike him".

I tried to make the best of it.

Next thing I know, he's berating me for not stripping off my clothes, and fucking him.

I stood up, looked at my husband, and my friend, told them "that's it, we're outta here." I looked at our host Sam, thanked him for inviting us to his home, but that we were leaving.

The other guests attempted to get us to stay, apologizing for the host's behavior. I told that that I didn't come 3 hours to be treated in the manner I was being treated in, that it was nice meeting all of them and hoped they had a wonderful evening.

We grabbed our coolers and left.

We bemoaned the fact that Sam had gotten our expensive Boar's Head ham, roast beef and some cheese we'd brought - but laughed it off, and chalked it up to a learning experience.

We ended up going to Trapeze, a swinger's club in Atlanta, and had some fun!

We got home at 5 am, unloaded the car, and went to dump the water out of the cooler and got a big laugh when we realized we never unpacked the cooler! The Boar's Head ham we had made sandwiches out of at the house boat must have been brought by someone else! We figured it was his favorite brand, so that is what he asked everyone to bring!

So, yes, we were in posh surroundings we can't afford at this point in our lives, but who had the class? We think it was us.

[pairbond]

I have to agree with Julie that the situation seems rather odd. Now that SnS has added a 2nd post saying that the people hosting this party were "relative newbies" with only about 7 months experience, I find it even MORE odd. How could a "newbie" couple with only 7 months experience know 20 couples well enough to invite them to their home for a private swing party? And why would anyone want to go to a 20-couple swing party at the home of a couple they hardly know?

Our introduction to private home swing parties came through the very first couple we ever played with. They had already been swinging for about 3 years. We had played with them about every 2-3 weeks for 8 months - or about a dozen times already - and they had become really close friends. We felt a great deal of confidence that the couples they would invite to their home would be people we could most likely trust similarly.

If we had not already known this couple extremely well we would NEVER have agreed to attend a private swing party of 16-18 couples in their home. I'm sure everyone is different, but for us, we need to know the host & hostess well enough to be able to trust their judgement in selecting couples to invite.

It sure seems to us that a "newbie" couple of only 7 months experience was flirting with trouble by inviting 20 couples to their home, especially since there was no way they could have become well acquainted with that many couples in just 7 months. We suspect that as their invited guests began to realize that they would be attending a party of "unscreened" couples, most of whom they may never have met previously, they began to feel increasingly uncomfortable. The fact that the house was so large and had so many bedrooms also made it less likely that there would be "safety in numbers" if an ugly or simply undesireable situation arose in a back bedroom somewhere.

Most people prefer to already know at least a handful of the couples who will be at the party, and to know the host & hostess well enough to trust their judgement. Going to a 20-couple party where you only know the host & hostess, and may not even know them very well, is asking for trouble, in our opinion.

Our suggestion is that you play privately with that couple for a few months before deciding to attend a party at their home. We have found that parties at the home of trusted friends are a great way to meet new people, but we always knew the host & hostess and at least 3 or 4 of the other couples quite well before the party.

We like to host a couple of parties a year at our home, and find that we are so much more comfortable when the guests are OUR invitees. They get invited because we know and trust them to behave appropriately and with expected decorum all evening.

Private house parties are great - IF you know the host & hostess well already and IF you trust their judgement on couples to invite and IF you already know at least 2 or 3 of the other couples who will attend.

[Girlfit]

"We'd have no problem playing with folks who were dirt poor, but we'd be quite wary about those on the other end of the spectrum."

I am on the other spectrum of that perspective, left coast couple. I am NOT saying that I would judge someone SOLELY because of income. If their personalities clicked and they were attractive, sure.

HOWEVER, and I am speaking based on demographics and slight generalizations here, it is the very nature of the beast that I DOUBT I would even be attracted to (physically or personality-wise) someone who was "dirt poor" or in a significantly lower income than me and my spouse. We aren't rolling in it, I would say we are upper middle class. Someone who is "dirt poor" is LIKELY (and I AM generalizing here) to be someone who is not very educated, not very cultured, doesn't have money to take care of themselves the way they should, etc etc. We just wouldn't have anything in common with people like that and its likely our personalities wouldn't jive either. We'd be wanting to talk about literature and art and they'd be wanting to talk about NASCAR. We'd be wanting to go to dinner at a 4 star restaurant and they'd want to go out to dinner at Denny's. We live in a modest suburban home appraised in the upper 100's and they live in a trailer. I'm taking this analogy to extremes here, but I think you get my point.

We'd actually feel more comfortable playing with someone well off. They'd likely to be more educated, we would have more to talk about with them, more things in common, etc. as opposed to someone poor.

Now unless you're talking about the "exception to the rules" like Joe Millionaire or those hot hunky, but economically struggling model-types...

[Chemistry_0518]

We don't live in a trailer but your typical middle-class home, and we HAVE played with someone who lives in a trailer! They were and continue to be fantastic people and we consider ourselves fortunate to call them friend. We think it best to base acceptance on the total package and thereby not limit ourselves to what would have caused us to miss a truly wonderful opportunity.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by Girlfit

it is the very nature of the beast that I DOUBT I would even be attracted to (physically or personality-wise) someone who was "dirt poor" or in a significantly lower income than me and my spouse. We aren't rolling in it, I would say we are upper middle class. Someone who is "dirt poor" is LIKELY (and I AM generalizing here) to be someone who is not very educated, not very cultured, doesn't have money to take care of themselves the way they should, etc etc. We just wouldn't have anything in common with people like that and its likely our personalities wouldn't jive either. We'd be wanting to talk about literature and art and they'd be wanting to talk about NASCAR. We'd be wanting to go to dinner at a 4 star restaurant and they'd want to go out to dinner at Denny's.

Oops! Mark me off the list! I kinda like Denny's. Or is it IHOP?

Seriously, tho'...you are making some broad generalizations, but by doing so, you may be excluding some really nice people. I'm rather dirt poor myself, though quite well educated. My financial status has to do with the type of work I have quite deliberately chosen to do. As a result, you are right...I don't go to 4-star restaurants (but I have been to the local 5 star and it was really nice!), I enjoy stage plays and things of that nature (not art appreciation - I don't appreciate art too much), but I also enjoy horse raises, football games (Go Cowboys), hockey...and occasionally sitting out by the pool and drinking a cold beer with friends. I personally know several members on this board whose residence may not place them in a postion to hob-nob with the high rollers but when assessing those things that truly value an individual, no one is their better. And I'm speaking in terms of intellect, class, social affability, and ability to make friends anywhere they may be.

While I can appreciate your opinion, I personally believe you may want to reassess what you are using to place value on people. There are many delightful and lower income individuals and many wealthy boors.

- EBF

[da2ofusgb]

Originally Posted by Elusive BiFem

Oops! Mark me off the list! I kinda like Denny's. Or is it IHOP?

Seriously, tho'...you are making some broad generalizations, but by doing so, you may be excluding some really nice people. I'm rather dirt poor myself, though quite well educated. My financial status has to do with the type of work I have quite deliberately chosen to do. As a result, you are right...I don't go to 4-star restaurants (but I have been to the local 5 star and it was really nice!), I enjoy stage plays and things of that nature (not art appreciation - I don't appreciate art too much), but I also enjoy horse raises, football games (Go Cowboys), hockey...and occasionally sitting out by the pool and drinking a cold beer with friends. I personally know several members on this board whose residence may not place them in a postion to hob-nob with the high rollers but when assessing those things that truly value an individual, no one is their better. And I'm speaking in terms of intellect, class, social affability, and ability to make friends anywhere they may be.

While I can appreciate your opinion, I personally believe you may want to reassess what you are using to place value on people. There are many delightful and lower income individuals and many wealthy boors.

- EBF

All we are going to add is great post and a high five to ya.................Let us leave the boors to themselves, we will take down to earth people any day of the week.............